Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have been taken advantage off over and over again; now I have lost trust. Are their any honest men left out there?

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Assalam O Alaikum,

I really do not know where to begin . I was married to my husband back in 2002 who is a Muslim I was Christian. We married for 5 years and had a baby who died at birth. At that time my husband beg me to get abortion and offer me 5 thousand dollars to have it aborted but I flatly refused since I was protecting my baby and wanted this child since it is a blessing from Allah. After he died my husband at the time divorced me, he verbally divorced me on the day I buried my son. We had filed divorce in Court 6 months later. I heard from a friend that he only married me for citizenship which upsets me since I thought at the time when he married me that he truly loved me as a person not because I was an American. Did find out that the Immigration did stripped him from his citizenship when they found out he divorced me . As months went by I met a man who was so understanding of the abuse I went through of my ex-husband and how I lost my son which was emotional for me since I wanted to be a mother.

This man that I met was also Muslim and he made a promise to me to be better husband and give me what I deserve in life so he propose to me and wanted me to be his wife. I went to Egypt to meet his family first to see if they approve which they all approved and got married had full wedding reception. Then of my choice I converted to Islam became Muslimah. I was told by my second husband that I not to learn Islam from no one but him since there are people teaching of sunni incorrectly and not to go on Islamic website to learn it. I agree to wait till he teaches me. At the time , I did not know he was not working and I was working to support myself and my husband as well his family. My second husband was spending money as if we were millionaires and ended broke every month at the end. I had to go back to USA since my father was sick he was dying of cancer and I had to care for him to help my mother. During that time my husband got a job in Kuwait and was to send me a ticket to come to Kuwait to be with him but that never happened. I questioned this many times to my husband and found out he verbally divorce me three weeks after our third anniversary but did not tell me of the divorce until 4 months later.

His excuse was that he was infertile , than story change again that he wanted to be free, then I hear that we live opposite country. I told him he promise to bring me to kuwait and to send me a ticket but he gave me another excuse. He has taken total 24 thousand dollars from me; left me broke and never once gave me his working money to care for me as what his husband duty is to care for his wife needs. He flatly refused to give me the money back as he promised me knowing what he has done to me by going flat broke of his actions. We been married for three years not once he has taught me Islam. I have asked friends whom I know who are sunni to teach me but that never happened either since they were too busy with their family. I live in a rural area and far from the Masjid since I do not own a car. There is no bus line here either. I wanted to learn proper Islam of sunni. I wanted to learn duas; the saalat prayer everything . Since, I was never taught by no one even when I asked; was told wait later. Now, I have been divorce by my second husband for one year . I met a man who is Egyptian and muslim we met on Badoo not intentionally but by accident. I was browsing to find someone to teach me Sunni Islam.

We talked about life , interests, and values and dreams . We got to know one another for two months now. He has asked me to be his wife but same time I was hestiated not sure if I be taken advantage of as my last two ex's has done so to get citizenship and money. He agreed to do a pre-nup agreement contract of marriage and willing to ask my mother for my hand in marriage. But, notice last two weeks he has been acting strange; not his usual self he totally stop communicating to me without explanation. I am deeply hurt again and I honestly think there is more then what he was telling me. Is there true honest Muslim men out there who sees me as a human being? All I asked is to have family of my own and husband who loves and respect me for who I am. Is there such a thing? I have been burned way too many times and trying to believe in Allah has something far more beautiful for me but I am getting discouraged. Also, same for faith in Islam since no one was there when I asked for help to learn the faith. I have desired to learn and wanted to learn the truth. I wanted to trust that there are honest people and men who respects women.

Honestly, I do not know who to turn to since I am lost of words. I want to be happy again to overcome the hurt and pain I have been thru in my life. I wanted to know why these men did this to me ? Honestly, I am very attactive woman and look years younger than I really am. I have so much kindness , love , and trust in me. Could this be why?


America Muslimah.

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14 Responses »

  1. Hi!
    First, i am sorry for what you are going through. I would like to say that it happens, i am only 22 and I also experienced dishonesty of muslim man. Actually I think it doesnt metter what religion they practice, dishonesty can meet you from everyone, regardless of religion. Do not be pre-empted to the people, please.
    You said:
    " I wanted to trust that there are honest people and men who respects women."- I am sure they exist!
    I dont know why this happens to you, maybe it is kind of trial. I wish You will meet someone valuable and worth your honesty and beautiful personality.
    Good luck ! Take care.

  2. Salam sister

    I’m so sorry for your pain and suffering. Its seems your very innocent and naive and men see this in you straight away and hence take advantage.

    Sister my sincere advice to you would be to give yourself a break. Don’t rush from one relationship to another. Hold back on this and work on yourself and your religion. Work on cultivating a relationship with Allah first and foremost. Please don’t give up sister. There is something beautiful out there waiting for you. All you need to do is look for it. By this I mean make a sincere effort to learn about Islam. No matter how difficult you might find it sister strive to learn, find true teachers of Islam and learn from them. I know you said it’s difficult for you to travel but please sister make an effort. There are also sincere websites that teach the true Islam. I recommend this one You can personally email any number of the Shaykh and query anything you like.
    I also request to you sister to listen to lectures by good Shakyhs. This all can be done whilst your at home and have access to the internet. Here are a few samples.

    This will help you to gain knowledge sister and Insha’Allah instil in much needed peace.

    Your purpose now should be this. Try to forget about your past sister. And know that Allah understands all language, pray to him in any language you want, He hears you, He listens. Open your heart to the light of God, my sister and you will see how your life changes.

    Also sister when it does come to looking for a spouse it seems you seem to follow a similar pattern each time. Have you considered marrying someone of a similar background, an American, maybe even a convert. This may help quell some of the doubts you have about Muslim men.

    I pray that Allah makes it easy for you.

  3. Salaam american muslimah. . . Sorry about what you are through.. Your attraction, trust and love is not what got you per say into ur problems,, i think you have fallen into the wrong hands... Ideally and islamically, your husband should be the one to soppurt and take care of you financially whatsoever and not the other way round... Going by what you said, you ex'es were example of muslims who do not follow the teachings of islam, otherwise you would'nt have been humiliated do way you are... And sister you have islamically done the right thing by not aborting the baby, ur husband know this, he was not just prepared to make a family with you.. I think people are taking the advantage of ur vulnerability and its time you learn from this. But dont give up or generalize, there are men out there that will give you the love you deserve, respect you and take care of you... I suggest you look into this . You might find a good match for you... My sister, the life of this world is a short and a quick passing enjoyment.. It is now in this world that you have the chance of struggling for jannah (garden of paradise) in hereafter. Allah has done a great favour on you by making you convert to islam, this is of course your first step to success in this world and most importantly the next world..because Allah said '''AND WHOEVER SEEKS A RELIGION OTHER THAN ISLAM, IT WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTED OF HIM, AND IN THE HEREAFTER HE WILL BE ONE OF THE LOSERS (ie dwellers of hell fire). Koran3:85.. Now the next step you must take is doing rightous good deeds and obligation which you creator (ALLAH) has ordained for you that would lead you to paradise... There are many ways of gaining the knowlegde if you are really serious, get a copy of the koran (especially the one translated by abdullah yusuf ali, or by muhammad muhsin khan and muhammad taqi-ud din al hilali printed by king fahad complex madina) and islamic book like books on sallah, fasting, obligations of muslims, on tawhid etc., you can go to a nearby mosque and meet the imaan once a while, make friends with people that really know and follow islam and ask questions, search for islamic website on net and get the answers you seeks.. I trust one of d editors of these site would provide you with enough links on how to perfom salah and other obligations you must do as a muslimah.., you might choose to be communicating with one of them privately at anytime since it takes time for your questions to be posted here for answers. Dont take chances sister, May Allah help u.

  4. Dear Editors
    May I ask why my reply to sister American Muslimah has been deleted. I'm sure I did not say anything inappropriate in it.


  5. American muslim really sorry for what u have gone

    Well I have to add something that u have been betrayed/used by 3 men which in turn are muslim(just by name ) , so plz islam doesn't teaches this and islam has nothing to do with these men behavior its just what they are not islam

    Secondly , if u want to learn islam the best way is to do so is by quran and hadith
    So the best way is that u can download quran n hadith in an mp3 format with translation(english) which u can hear and learn and understand islam

    Regarding , how to pray u can watch videos on utube/download it from islamic site .
    Ur 2nd husband which say that u should not learn islam via islamic although a bit right but u can verify the content by a scholar , if u can (well u told u live far ) , but if u can spare some time in a week/month u can verify content of such site via islamic scholar then

    Thirdly , well I don't know why these men betrayed/used u , u already know the answer that why/what these men did to u .
    But as I can say that it is the past ,
    no matter how hard u try u cannot change it

    But the thing u can change is ur present so be bloody cautious before letting ur self fall/liked by someone else

  6. Dear America Muslima sister,

    What happened to you is not good- esply since you are a revert and welcoming of muslim born was unplansant for you but please sister do not get disheartened. Bad happens but we have to learn from it and make things or our lifes better!

    From your post I gathered that you are yearning for:

    - Knowledge and practises of Islam and
    - a loving and caring husband who is turstable and honest.

    If what I gathered is correct, then I say to you, please sister do not get involved yourself with any man/ husband as yet again! you said you look very young for your age (mashaAllah- that is very good- thank Allah (swt) for that) and people finds you very attractive and honest that they take advantage of your honest/trust easily and that's coz there are guys out there (muslim as well as non muslims) who would target such souls as you and would take advantage of their such weakness as well as loneliness. Therefore, don't let anyone take benefit of your loneliness! Stand up for yourself. Don't wait and look for a husband.- Give it a rest! even if a man propose you, you just have to reject it!

    What you should focus on is Islam. Learn about Islam. If you are struggling to find correct sources then please put some effort, commute to the masjid, even if it takes up to 2hrs to get there you just have to do the leg work! Become friends with muslim as well as practising sisters. Back in univeristy I had one really good practising muslim sister as one of my really good friends. MashaAllah she and other muslim practising sisters were very friendly ppl. Muslim practising sisters, will inshaAllah more than willingly help you out with your eagerness to learn about Islam as well as you will become friends with trusted ppl.

    InshaAllah, once you feel a bit secure about your practises in Islam then inshaAllah, you could do your search for a good muslim brother. You could give your name at your local masjid that you are seeking for a good husband and inshaAllah they may find a good match for you.

    Also do not get married with any guy until you are sure and done your full research about the guy- his background, his friends, his family, his habit, his education, his job, his social activities but most importantly is he God Fearing!

    Please sister, all this time you been strong, so please do not give up on Allah! He is all- Hearing and All-seeing. Those "husbands" who took tricked you won't get away with it. If not in this life, inshAllah you will see your justice in the hearafter. Please be patience and continue your journey towards seeking for Allah's message only.

    May Allah (swt) makes everything easy for you.


  7. hi sister how are u have seen your mes: and would like to help u as a sister and to teach u about islam.
    please get in touch with me on my email address so we can talk more on islam and other things look forward to hear from u

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