Lost my virginity, I´ve been driven to suicide
"And others have confessed their faults, they have mingled a good deed and an evil one; (perhaps) Allah will turn to them (mercifully); surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. Take alms out of their property, you would cleanse them and purify them thereby, and pray for them; surely your prayer is a relief to them; and Allah is Hearing, Knowing." Sura 9: 102 to 106
I am a young 17 years old muslim, I always used to pray everyday 5 times but for I stop praying because I thought my deeds were going unnoticed and Allah didn´t care about me(I know at that time I was stupid) and soon after that I stopped wearing the scarf which now I deeply regret.
I liked a boy like every girl does and I really liked this boy but he broke up with me and I was deeply heartbroken.
I had facebook and allowed my close friend to go on it and she added a guy from primary school, and soon after that we spoke and decided to meet up and for the wrong reasons. We got together and he wanted to have sex but I said no, he was that alright but we kept on doing stuff and before I knew it I lost my virginity, my head was screaming no. I never wanted to lose my viriginty at such a young age and it would have never occured to me to lose it deep down it was done against my will. After that, the same boy started to tell people from his school and two of my bestfreinds have cousins in that same school. My friends went off at me but somehow they came down the rumour and now that same kid does not speak to me and refuses to speak to me about the issue and when I confront him about the issue he says to me 'you wanted it, you wouldn´t have done if you didnt want it' and plus this boy is muslim so I was expecting a little restraint, clearly I was mistaken.
It´s coming to a year and I have been driven to suicide I´ve started to pray. My friend has told me that if Allah sees that you have truly regretted what you have done, he will forgive you but I feel that is not enough. I fear for my future and I fear for my children´s future, my bloodline, even my marriage will be in haram. Everything will BE HARAM.From then now I have cried myself to sleep crying, and crying begging Allah to forgive and showing me away to lessen this sin. but one night I thought of this, ''what if i just islamically marry this guy?'' I think this is the only way, and I don´t plan on telling my parents and I´m not sure to tell my future husband about it? so my question is"if i islamically marry a man who I had sex with without marriage, is this accepted in the eyes of Allah?" I have deeply deeply regret what I have done, and I have put my parents to shame. They are good parents who have taught me well but I don´t know what to do, it´s always on my mind, in the back of my mind. There is no escape.
Please reply, even though it´s stupid, but I would really like to know what to do. Please,...
salam.
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salam sister
Sister you are so young, and even with the sin you have committed you sound so innocent! Look at it this way-
you committed a sin- you got carried away, you gave into the shaytans whispering. BUT you got something from all this that not many young poeple are getting today- REGRET. You are ful of regret and that is a sign of Allahs mercy on you- don't let it go to a waste.
My advice to you sister is that, you cannot undo whats happened so move on from it. Forget about this boy, how could you want to marry him, after they way he has treated you- it is clear that he came for one thing, he got that and now he' gone- probly to ruin another young girls life. So forget about him and make something of yourself. Go to the masjid, meet sisters, good practicing sisters and learn your deen. educate and empower yourself, sit in the compnay of uelma listen to thier messges, I would recommend a every good Shaykh to you, his sermons will help you immensely, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, his sermons directed at young muslms are brillant. you need to take your mind of this sin.
Sister you cannot make your haram act halal by marrying this boy- this act will always be haram. you committed it once now repent sincerly and don't think too hard about the future- you will get whatever God has written fo you.
Insha-alalh when you of age then marry and good Muslim man, but you have no need to reveal your sin to him, please do not tell him or anyone else- God has concleaed your sin, you do not need to make it public.
you're too young to tihnk about marriage anyway, nothing in your future will be haram if you go about doing it the correct halal way- so for now strenghten yourslef spritually, equip yourslef with weapons to protect yourslef from shaytaans whsipers and do not fall into this trap again.
your regret is causing you mental anguish- God will forgive you, so please turn to him alone.
Don't worry sister everything will be ok if you entrust all your affairs to God.
I hope this helps.
Asalamolaikum my dear sister,
I hope you are doing well and I am very sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. I can understand your pain. You are only 17 years old and seem to be an innocent and naïve girl who well weak to her desires. Indeed, you committed a grave sin and it is something you must truly regret and vow never to return to.
Allah states in the holy Qur’an:
"And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way." (Sura Al-Israa # 17 ayah # 32)
So you must truly repent for your wrong doing and promise yourself and Allah swt that you will NEVER return to that path again, inshAllah.
The conditions for true repentance are as follows:
1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
(If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]
If these conditions are truly met, then one can expect one's sins to be forgiven. However, one has to be very careful about how sincere one is in fulfilling one's conditions. It is recommended to seek forgiveness a lot, and to repent every time the sin comes to one's mind.
Also, Allah swt states in the holy Qur’an:
"O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."
So my dear sister, although you did commit a grave sin, do not despair of Allah swt’s mercy as He will forgive you inshAllah if you are sincere with your repentance. He knows exactly how you are feeling and what are your intentions. He is Rahman, Raheem, Ghafoor, Ghaffar. I know right now you are feeling that it is the end of the world and you may feel so used and wasted, but you are not. You are a beautiful Muslimah who Allah swt saved from committing further sins.
This guy you were with was nothing but bad news. He was the source of your destruction, so thank Allah swt that he removed this thorn from your path. I know you will not be able to see the good in this situation right now, but a guy who uses you or pressures you for sex does NOT love you. He is only following his desires and he will use anyone who comes his way so he can achieve this goal. You were just a means that was satisfying his need.
If this guy had the least bit of dignity for himself and you, he wouldn’t go boast about his sin to other people. He seems like a very shameless guy who isn’t a suitable partner for you. He is not good for your duniya and akhirat and that is why Allah swt has taken him away from you. You must not loose hope my dear sister, there are so many people who are going through the same misery you are going through but having hope in Allah swt and patience is the key.
With time you will forget this person, inshAllah and you will not longer want him in your life. As you will mature, you will then see the good out of this situation. This guy will never keep you happy. He used you and never honoured your respect; do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a guy?
I am sure you are from a good family and your family did not teach all this to you. You just fell weak to your desires and were at the wrong place at the wrong time. But you are feeling regret and guilt and that shows you have emaan, how little it may be. You still fear Allah swt so there is hope for you my dear sister.
For your repentance to be fully accepted by Allah swt, part of the condition is to never turn back to that sin and this guy is that very sin. So you must not turn back to him. You do not need to marry this guy out of guilt or shame because in the long run you will only be suffering.
Technically, you can marry this guy if you AND him both sincerely repent (and never turn back to that sin) but then you cannot marry another man (i.e.: your future husband) as a Muslim women cannot marry 2 men at the same time. However, you do not want to heading down that path as it will lead to further destruction.
What I advise you is that you let this guy go, even though right now you may be feeling that you have dishonoured yourself and your family. You must think objectively and not with your heart. I am sure you know deep down that this guy is not suitable for you so the only reason you are wanting to marrying him is because you committed zina with him. This is definitely not a good enough reason sister.
Also, what guarantee do you have that he is going to marry you? Instead, what you must do is leave this guy and never contact him again. He doesn’t deserve you, you are much better than he is. Let him be and let Allah swt deal with him. He should no more be of your concern. You must now focus on yourself and how you can come out of this mess.
I am glad to hear that you have friends who are there to listen and support you so much keep yourself busy at all times. If you are not already doing, you must begin performing salat. Only Allah swt can understand your pain best so this is the best time to get closer to Him and please do not ever contemplate suicide. As tempting as it may be, it isn’t going to get you anywhere and will only make your family suffer. Also, bearing in mind that suicide is a huge sin in Islam so you do not want to commit any further sins intentionally.
At the end, you must give yourself time to grieve your loss. Some days will be good days while others will be tough ones. If you feel like writing to us when you are down, please do so, we are all here for you inshAllah. Trust me when I say this sister, I understand your pain and I know what pain you must be going through, but you must not loose hope. InshAllah with time you will heal and become a stronger person. Just stay away from this person and do not contact him or let him contact you. He is not worth you and he will only make you commit further sins and take you away from your deen.
I pray that Allah swt gives you strength at this difficult time in your life, ameen.
Stay strong sister.
Avatar, Asalaamualaykum,
One bad deed cannot be wiped out by another bad deed. I.e.: Zina cannot be wiped out by you marrying in secret. If you marry in secret, you will just add another major sin to your list. The Prophet(saw) said: 'Marriage without a Wali is invalid, invalid, invalid!' And if you want to commit suicide or try it, that will add a third major sin to your list - if you actually manage to commit suicide, you will not have the chance to repent. So is it really worth it?
Why would you want to so such drastic and wrong things like attempt suicide or have a secret marriage, when Allah has given you a much easier, better and recommended way to turn back to Him(swt). All you literally have to do is turn back to Him(swt), by accepting that you made a mistake/sinned, regret it, then ask Allah to forgive you sincerely. Thereafter strive to become a better Muslim. Vow never to return to that sin again. Avoid mixing with this non mahrams in the wrong manner and have faith in Allah. Falling into despair means you do not have faith in Allah. But you are a Muslimah - you are different, right? You are stronger.
Do you think Allah is lying when He(swt) says: "Do not despair of God's mercy; He will forgive you of all your sins". Qur'an (39:53)
Allah also says about Himself(swt):"And He wishes to forgive you" Qur'an (4:146).
Furthermore: "Those (are the true believers) who, when they commit an evil deed, or wrong their souls, remember Allah, and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who but Allah forgives sins? They do not insist upon the sins they have committed, and they know (that Allah is forgiving)." (Qur'an 3:135)
Abu Bakr Al siddiq (ra), narrated: "I heard Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) saying: "There isn't a man who, when he commits a sin, rises, makes ablution, and offers two rak'as of prayers, but Allah forgives his sins."
Its sounds simple and it really is. If you sincerely have asked Allah to forgive you, accept Allah's promise that He(swt) will turn back to you, cover you and forgive you. Thats it - finish, no more. No more crying.
***
Sister - zina is major, but not stronger than Allah's Mercy. These sins were committed even by the Muslims at the time of our Prophet(saw), they were given the same advice that I have quote for you from the Quran and Sunnah.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/poem-turning-back-to-allah/
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
can happen
sadly does happen cos imaan isn't strong enough mashallah and please all make dua despite the utmost pressures i have never ever given in to giving my body to anyone except my husband
please sister more sisters need to stick to this no matter what no matter how much he woos you or you love him if it isn't in the secuirty of islam and marriage like allah has blessed muslims with (alhamdolilah he is the greatest) then it isn't worth the risk it won't end well and like you now you're stuck in this situation who wil mrry you? make dua firstly god forgives u and guides you to someone but ah pls sisters dont ever give it to anyone that isnt your husband no matter what if he is worth it he'll wait for marriage 🙂 nikaah
Dear Avatar,
I cannot imagine a human who has not made mistakes no matter how big or small they might be. Allah is forgiving and merciful. Seek his mercy, guidance and forgiveness and keep your prayers and remember... no matter what...you are beautiful and loved.
Salaam Alaykum,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I pray that you find some peace insha'Allah. I agree with most of the advice that has been said here. You sinned, it's the past. You regret it, which is a good thing. It is a sign of Allah's mercy upon you. We all make mistakes. It is a part of life. We were put on this earth to sin. Think about it this way. If none of us sinned, what would be our purpose on this earth? We might as well be angels, who submit to Allah willingly. We were put here, in order to choose to believe in Allah and submit to His will based on our own choice. Allah created us so we can worship Him and pray to Him at all times. If we didn't commit sins, would any of us remember Allah? If we didn't commit sins, we wouldn't see a reason to think about anything! We wouldn't even worry about a thing. We might even commit sins without regretting them!
My point is, there is not one person in this world, who didn't commit sins, even the most religious person out there. Even Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) used to pray Istigfar 70 times daily and he was considered one of the purest human beings alive. It just shows you that sinning is in our nature. However, I think we shouldn't dwell too much on our sins. If you keep remembering it, it will eat you up inside. Not only that, if you keep believing Allah won't forgive you, then that is a sin in itself. Everyone on here used some wonderful ayats and hadith to prove that. You have to believe in the mercy of Allah and that He will forgive you.
I am not saying you can forget it in a day. The best you can do is keep praying. Start praying 5 times a day again. Make wudu. Never be without wudu, even before you go to sleep. Start reciting and reading the Qur'an. Insha'Alla in time you will meet someone who will accept you for who you are. Like others have said, you will not wipe out your sin by marrying this boy. It could only make matters worse. Good-hearted Muslims realize that people, even Muslims can make a mistake. We should not judge someone based on their past. If in the present they are trying their best to be good, faithful Muslims, we should encourage that. I hope you meet someone like in your future. Try to have sabr and insha'Allah in time everything will take care of itself. Masha'Allah you are still very young. Some girls do not even realize their mistakes until they are older, or hardly ever! The fact that you are aware of your sin and show deep regret at the age of 17, is a benefit to you. You can start practicing your faith earlier and in more depth. Some girls experience things like these at a young age and continue down the pathway, without ever realizing their mistakes. Allah is being merciful towards you. Do not take that for granted! Do not let your sin destroy you and any chance of having a spiritual connection with Allah. Shaytan is trying to make you think and doubt Allah's mercy. Mercy is mentioned so many times in the Qur'an. Before any Surah, the first words are: "In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, most MERCIFUL..." Allah is Merciful, no matter what kind of sins you commit, as long as you show deep regret and do something to correct your behaviour. Never lose hope in Allah, because He never loses hope in you! All the best sister!
Avatar...I was thinking about you today and how scared you are. Have you spoken to your mother...does she know of your situation? I have a daughter a year younger than you and I simply cannot fathom how scared and afraid you must be feeling right now. No matter how scared you are, your mother cannot help you if you don't go and talk to her. Don't delay things...please talk to her for your sake and hers and that of your family. You know it's not going to be a pretty conversation but the sooner the better for everyone concerned. I will be keeping you in my prayers.
Dear Sister,
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. If you need someone to talk too please feel free to message me. I am a Muslima (alhamdilallah) too. I believe I can help. I hope to hear from you soon inshallah.
Hi Avatar,
Pls pls do not ever contemplate suicide...Have faith in Allah - He is All-Forgiving. The best thing that you have gained from this experience is that of regret - use that feeling to better yourself as a Muslim and as a human being.
Feel free to get in touch if we can help in any way.
Duas for you InshAllah..
Suicide is a much bigger sin than the sex you had. I believe God forgives everyone who repents. People should forgive each other in just that same way. And forgive yourself, sister! It's this boy's fault as much as yours...if not more...since he made the first move. Is he all upset with himself and apologizing to you? Some people will absolve themselves of guilt for almost anything, while heaping others with guilt and shame. I would suggest moving on, making new and better friends, maybe changing schools, and being wiser next time. If you can't resist, don't go anywhere but out in public with a man (or boy). Don't tell your future husband. All he will need to know is how you will behave as his wife. Keep your self-confidence and self-respect very high. Stay strong!
I'm sorry but we all know right from wrong. I know i shouldnt have sex before marriage. therefore i cant just have sex knowing that god is all forgiving. SO this advice isnt all that great tbh you're kind of condoning it. if she wasn't as god concious before and did it but had no intention and will never repeat it again but didnt think at the time how wrong it was then yes inshallah shell be forgiven. only allah knows best not us. tc
Salaam Aneesa,
I don't think the advice here is necessarily condoning this sisters behavior. She made some very poor choices of which she is very aware. I cannot even begin to imagine being 17 years old and knowing how I messed up because of a moment of stupidity.The worst thing being, she probably has no one to talk to and chances are, she won't talk to her parents out of fear. But let us not forget, we are all human and as such we often tend to make mistakes or...bad choices as in her case.
May Allah guide this young girl forward and may she repent for her transgressions. Additionally, may Allah hold this young man accountable for his actions just as he will that of this young girl. He is not an innocent party to this and Allah knows full and well what transpired.
Salaam
Asalam alikum wa Rahmatullilah wa Barkathoo
First of all i am a guy
and sister i dont want to go hard on u, so forgive me if i say something.
Sister i will start from the main source of problem, why u wanted ALLAH TO NOTICED u? for what?
as mentioned by u sister u said (( I always used to pray everyday 5 times but for I stop praying because I thought my deeds were going unnoticed and Allah didn´t care about me(I know at that time I was stupid))
sister ALLAH subhan Wa TALA is very near to us, indeed the supreme creator of heavens and earth is, we a human y do we need to get noticed, when our duty is to serve ALLAH and praise the all mighty, it was the SHAITAN who made u thought all those stuff, that made u believe that ur prayer were going unanswered,
my question is towards all those who commented before me, and for those who will comment after me.........DO WE REALLY HAVE TO GET NOTICED BY ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA?
before anyone of u say YES or NO, this is what i have to say.......ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA HAS CREATED US, WE ARE BORN TO SERVE AND PRAISE ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA'S CREATION IN EVERY WAY WE CAN, AND ALLAH NOTICES U AT EVERY POINT, WHEN U DO THE TASBEEH, OR CALL THE SUPREME CREATORS NAME "ALLAH" ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALALA WATCHES U, ALLAH HAVE APPOINTED THOSE ANGELS TO PROTECT U, ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA GAVE U THE REASON TO SMILE TO BE HAPPY AND CERTAINLY HE GIVES US SADNESS TO HAMDULLILAH, FOR THAT. ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA GIVES US THE RIZK THE FOOD AND EVERY THING WE WANT IN LIFE.
NOW SOMEONE TELL ME how can anyone say THAT ALLAH IS NOT noticing us, or our dua are going unoticed,
i know that's sin what u did, but the biggest sin is THINKING ABOUT "SUICIDE" how can u think of taking ur life, it is that ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA created u and ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA will give u death,
ALL I WANA SAY IS.......IF U SIT AND FEEL ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA FROM UR HEART U WILL KNOW ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA IS THERE LOOKING AT U, AND WALLAH UR EYES WILL BE WITH TEARS..........Y COZ U WILL FEEL it ALLAH IS NEAR u,
REMEMBER MY SISTER ASK FOR FROGIVENESS FROM ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA, OUR ALLAH OUR ALLAH OUR ALLAH IS THE MOST FORGIVING THE MOST GRACIOUS, ASK FORGIVENESS AND GO BACK TO UR PRAYERS AND GO BACK TO UR OLD SELF GO NEAR TO ALLAH LIKE NEVER BEFORE .............RABIL ALAMIN IS THE THE FORGIVER..........ALLAH IS THE FORGIVER
seeek it seek it sister inshALLAH i will pray for u
And here are some beautiful ayat from our ALLAH SUBHAN WA TALA
O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah az-Zumar 39:53)
And seek Allahs forgiveness. Certainly, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
(Surat al-Muzzammil 73:20)
change ur life give ur self to ALLAH again this time remember, its ur duty to serve ALLAH and praise the ALL MIGHTy, and dont ever go get side track from SHAITANS thoughts again.
take care of urself sister INSHALLAH WILL MEET IN U JANNA with ALL PROPHET MUHAMMAD "SALLAHO ALIHA WA SALAM" UMMAH
My dear sister Asslam o alikum....ALLAH IS GHAFOOR UR RAHEEM..nothing is compared to in this entire universe than HIS mercy..this is all fitna ..fitna of dajjal and shaitan.In this century it has not only impaired our Iman but also it as occupied our nafs.May Allah give us the strenght to fight against it and may always guide us and protect us from evil.
LA ILAHA ILA INTA SUBHANA KA INI KUNTUM MIN UD ALMEEN
Salaamz,I knw many hu hav been tricked by shaytaan and are in deep regret for the past.dnt give up hope in our Allah.my friend went thru d same ting and she felt worthless nd like rotten bt shaytaan had whispred.u take care
Assalaam o Aalikum
Felling very sad after reading this. Human can not estimate limit of forgiveness of Allah Almighty.
Narrated Abu Dharr: The Prophet said, Gabriel came to me and gave me the glad tidings that anyone who died without worshiping anything besides Allah would enter Paradise. I asked (Gabriel), 'Even if he committed theft, and even if he committed illegal sexual intercourse?' He said, '(Yes), even if he committed theft and even if he committed illegal sexual intercourse." (Bukhari, Book 93, Hadith 579)
You are very pure in your words...... I m sure Allah Almighty had forgiven you at your first drop of tear. Insha Allah.....My prayers are always with you....