Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have a lot to offer, but my parents are not getting me married.

depressed girl woman

 

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am a 24 year old female who is NOT bad looking. I am educated and have a job. I have always been exceptionally good at my studies, Alhamdullilah, and thus went for my undergraduate degree at one of the best universities in my country. Until the end of my degree I had a really good self image.

During my last year at undergrad school, I didn't really want a job. I was always interested in my education, but was never very career oriented. I always thought that after my undergrad, I will get married within a year or so as is the norm within my family. But since there were no marriage prospects when I was graduating, I took on a job. However, it's been 2 years since I graduated, and I don't know what my parents are thinking. They are not making any conscious efforts to get proposals for me. In the past two years, only four proposals have come; and that without any communication or efforts from their part. Then those people drifted away.

There is no communication between me, my mother and my sister. Through my only sister I have tried communicating that I want to get married, but she has been saying for the past two years that "it's not important to tell you about everything, and we are trying". Now everyone in my family is assuming that I will do my Masters, and I really don't want to.

Because of all of this I have lost all my self esteem, feel so small, insignificant and unwanted; and have started suffering from depression...but I cannot tell my family about my depression. I pray namaz e hajaat a lot. I just don't know how to communicate this to my parents that I want to get married. There are a lot of really close unmarried females in my family, and they are really unhappy and I am terrified. I am really tired of being misunderstood, and I don't want to disrespect my parents. I just dont know how to go about it. Any suggestions?

Best,

-mvz123

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72 Responses »

  1. .. started suffering from depression...... I want to get married. There are a lot of really close unmarried females in my family, and they are really unhappy and I am terrified

    Is your family, introverted type? Do you attend social functions of family and friends? Is your family open to looking for a match thru online matrimony. I hope you find some one.

    Many people are married and unhappy and wish they were single. Don't expect too much from your marriage. Don't let depression become way of life for you.

  2. Praise be to Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala)

    Read very very carefully,

    Dear Sister in Islam,
    Alhumdulillah! Alhumdulillah! Alhumdulillah! I am very much happy that Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Showed me your post. It is like I was waiting to answer for your post.

    You are at the ideal situation. Trust on Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) you are! Why? Because that is the point of your Test. By Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). I may sound weird. But Trust on Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). That is the Test.

    I mean just look at your current situation, You are masha'Allaah all good in matters like beauty (of course I haven't seen you but I assume), education, communication, etc. But after reading your post it seems that your parents need you more. Yes, actually they are not telling you but the truth is they need you. They are lonely just like you.

    I can understand that your sexual desires are growing day by day. Now, this might look tough to you that "Oh! Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) How can I control myself from this sexual feelings and I am feeling so lonely and I don't want to fall in illegal activities and Oh Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) I want to do it legal way so that I May Have(Allaah) Your Love More! And things like that..." Correct! masha'Allaah! This is your thinking pattern nowadays (Wallaho Aalam).

    Don't worry now do the following and you are all good to go,
    1. You pray 5 times a day. masha'Allaah carry on.
    2. You do fasting. carry on.
    3. You seldom recite the Qur'an with translation. Okay but not good enough. Increase the frequency for
    attaining knowledge.
    4. You are feeling extreme loneliness at the current moment. What's the solution? Simple, Connect With Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). How? Make dua (prayers). Okay you do pray. As you told as. But What is missing? Faith or Belief? Belief is missing. Dear sister, when you pray have strong Belief on Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). Once you have that Belief on Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). Then only then you will see insha'Allaah your prayers will be answered by Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala).
    5. If your prayers are not answered immediately then you must wait. Now, you will say, "how long?" And I will say, "As long as you can."
    6. You will say, "What do you mean, I can't wait anymore." And I will say,"sister that is the point. Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Will Give you More reward as long as you wait."
    And
    7. Sister do you not believe in Jannah. Sister do you not believe in life after death.
    8. I'll give you my example. I myself is unmarried. And sister trust on Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) that the day I started Connecting myself With Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) my days have changed. I don't feel lonely at all. Alhumdulillah! And I am 34y. See, I am waiting for the Bigger Reward for Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). And insha'Allaah I want to get it. Then I have to work hard on my Nafs.

    I can see you next in the list of beloved people by Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). Amen! Insha'Allaah Amen!

    And yes! You will feel no one cares for you and all that negative feelings. Those are coming from the devil and nafs(ego). Beware! Sister. Once you master your Nafs. You will insha'Allaah master any possible situation in the world insha'Allaah!

    Above All Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Cares For you. That is Why He sent me to answer your post alhumdulillah!

    Best of the Best! And Best regards,

    Allaah Knows the Best!

    • Salam brother,

      So your answer to all of lives problems are just to keep praying and do nothing? I'm sorry but that's all good,we should pray to Allah in happiness and grief all the time but Allah has also sent us to earth to live, eat, earn a livelihood, marry and have kids. If someone wants something halal in life there is nothing wrong in it. We need to take the action to acquire it. If you are hungry what do you do? Just pray and wait for the plate of food to fall from the sky? No you buy food from the grocery store and cook it and it.

      Our phrophet SAW said that people should get married as soon as they can. If she wants to make it happen, she needs to pray AND actively start searching for a spouce. So if someone wants to get married ( which is halal and half of their deen) why are you telling them to stay single just because not all marriages are blissful. That's life, it doesn't mean you stay single all your life. When a women goes into her late 20's its very difficult for her to find a spouce. Most muslim men want young beautiful women. So it will be much harder for her.

      • Sister, Did I said to her that stop searching for a husband? Of course not, I did not. Read my reply above again.

        It is how you have perceived my reply. I just highlighted one side not the other. The side that she is weak.

        And of course I myself is searching for a good wife. That is why I wrote that I am waiting ......"

        And of course I know things will not fall from the sky. Are you underestimating me.

        Allaah Knows the Best!

        • Salam,

          I am not underestimating anyone. I think people need to actively seek out whatever they need in life AND pray for it too at the same time. Allah gave us mouths to speak, ears to listen, brain to use and make a decision. So we need to use them wisely not just sit at home and pray for Allah to just give it to us. We need to work hard for it to. If you want something go out and get it! Then Allah will help you.

          Also I don't think the sisters and brothers who say that can't get married because they can't find someone is absurd. There are plenty of single men and women out there. The problem is we are all looking for Mr perfect and Miss prefect. Who do not exist in this world! We will only find the spouse of our hearts content in Jannah! This world is temporary and its got flaws, noone is perfect. You are looking too much into marriage that you are wasting unnecessary time when you should try to be happy with the minimum. We should dress modestly, eat modestly, marry a modest spouce. We should not be greedy in this world. Why not compromise on issues when looking for a spouce? E.g maybe less education or average looking instead of looking for such a beautiful looking women or men? And they don't have to be mega rich or so highly educated. Money and good looks are here today and gone tomorrow. Nobody has control over their looks. So why is Beauty so emphasized? Why must an ugly person be rejected for their looks its not their fault Allah created them ugly! The world is full of beatiful and ugly people so should the ugly or poor people be deprived of marriage and love and companianship?

          Why not compromise and accept someone average looking? Look for inner beauty? Which is a person's true beauty, inner beauty will never fade away, will never age. The beauty in a person's love, compassion and kindness for their spouce is the lasting pleasure.

      • Hehe 🙂
        I agree ..Simply praying and doing nothing will not solve the issue...

        Asak Sister ,

        At 24 world looks colorful and you probably thinks marriage might solve all of your issues .There are lot of people who are unhappy after marriage .Lot of people have screwed up their life as they have not spent too enough time to search for a right partner or just got married to some one selected by their parents .

        My suggestion for you is to be active .There is nothing wrong if you spend some time from your side to search a right man without your parents knowledge ..But be careful as there is possibility of you falling in to wrong path bcos like Magnet "Opposite attract each other" ...
        Some of guys might act very liberal , careful ,loving just to have fun with you .. Actual marriage is very complex ....
        At this age you will be having all romantic feelings ,sweet dreams and so and so but remember in real marriage it is difficult to get all these .......Marriage needs lot of patience .
        If you are very beautiful then probability of you getting married soon is HIGH ...I suggest you to look for good looking ,religious but most importantly well settled BOY ...Because Money is very important factor in marriage ...
        Good luck for your search ..Allah knows the best .

        Allah hafiz

    • Assalam 3aleykoum,

      I have a question for you brother. Your response answered alot of my questions and fears. But here is one that was not answered and if you can then praise be to Allah SWT.

      So what if the above 8 answers my question but I am stuck on number 7. I believe in Jannah Al7amdulillah but what if I want the blessings of marriage in this duniya? I cant fathom the hereafter because it is beyond my imagination (even though I believe in it). But waiting untill Jannah is too long plus the test of our iman are tested in this duniya.

      What if I dont want to wait until Jannah? (Hypothetically speaking that is)

      Sister Zahriya

      • Wa'alaikumusalam warehmatullahe wabarakatuhu!

        Your query for no.7 has already been answered in no.4 alhumdulillah!

        Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Says,

        “Know you not that Allaah knows all that is in the heaven and on the earth? Verily, it is (all) in the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz). Verily, that is easy for Allaah”
        [al-Hajj 22:70]

        And you said what if you don't want to wait long enough. I did not say to stop searching for a husband. Let's say you searched for a husband and even you do a lot of hard work to search for a husband and even then you did not find one then what? Ever you thought that?

        I myself searching for a bride and could not find any. So, should I blame Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). No, of course not. In that case I am actually still searching and praying hard. So, that my Ego (Nafs) will not betray me. insha'Allaah amen!

        That's what I mean sister.

        Allaah Knows the Best!

      • And yes! It is not easy to control your Nafs! (Ego) unless Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Wills!

        Allaah Knows the Best!

  3. Sister there is a lot more to life than getting married. You're time will come when it is written for you to be married, have some faith in allah swt. In the mean time try to improve and work on other aspects of your self e.g deen, character etc and just enjoy your life. Learn to be content and do not rely or depend your happiness on a person because happiness should come from one self and being content on your own.

  4. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    According to what you have written, I think it is strange that your parents are not actively searching for someone for your marriage. Rather than depending on your sister, I think you should talk to your mother on your own.

    I know that in some cities, the local Masjid has set up a way for local people to submit their information in order to get married. After that, they help families connect to begin the process of marriage. Of course your parents will have to be involved, but before that you could investigate if this is a possibility and it could be that a community member could come to talk to your father in this regard.

    I don't think it is unusual for you to want to marry, particularly at this age. I would suggest that you should go ahead and get your masters (Even if you were expecting to marry in a little while) because such an opportunity may present itself to be rather beneficial to you.

    Find happiness in yourself--know that no person can be that happiness. It is natural for us to want companionship, but remember that life is about loss as well - so make a habit to appreciate what you have and find contentment in Allah, for it is He that is constant like nothing else in our lives.

    May Allah find a good pious Muslim man, inn shaa Allah, Ameen.

  5. Salam sister,

    Since your parents are not playing their role in searching for a spouce. I would suggest you actively start searching. Ask relatives and friends that you wish to marry. People usually send out a document with their details to interested parties. You can give some to your relatives to exchange with others who are looking for brides. If you find someone compatible ask them to speak to your father. Then you can take it further. I understand how you feel as for a women age is a big issue. It will take a couple of years to find someone then you will be more older. So start searching now but at the same time complete your masters. Education is very important.

    Make a list of what qualities you are looking in a man, looks, personality, education etc etc. keep them in mind when you ask someone to look out for a groom. But also keep in mind as others said do not depend on a man to give you all the happiness. Be independent and stand on your own feet. Make yourself knowledgeable, educated for yourself. Enjoy the beauty Allah gave you for yourself not to impress men. You are not an object to be desired. You are a human being to be respected and loved by whoever marries you. So don't make decisions hastily, look into the person properly and make wise choices.

    Keep praying and searching. Insha Allah you will find a loving handsome husband.

  6. My parents were exactly the same way with me. They weren't like that with my brothers. You have two choices. One is to be passive like Masood suggested, and keep praying. The other is to find someone yourself. The latter is tricky, especially if you have no experience in dealing with the opposite sex, as most religious girls. It really involves going out if your comfort zone, and if you are shy like me, it won't work.

    So I did my masters, and never got married, and that's that. I did try to "look myself" but I was pretty old by then (age 36) and had to go behind my parents back, and it really backfired.

    So there's no real solution. I think it is possible to get married if someone just shows up in your life. Miracles do happen, but not often. If marriage is something you really want, then you have to go after it yourself -- but find a way to preserve your islamic values while doing so. It's not easy.

  7. It's seems there is something weird going on between your parents and you, maybe you do not have a strong relationship but speak to them directly. Be clear and direct, you are old enough.

    Make it clear that you are interested and start actively looking for yourself. Depending on where you are and what your customs are...just do it in a halal way and find someone if your parents don't for you.

    Also as people have mentioned before, marriage is not a happy lovely fairy tale, and you won't be jumping with joy as you meet and live with your husband. If you are depressed now, you will be more depressed married.

    It's a state of mind sister, marriage is hard and requires a lot of work.

    Make yourself happy, and know that Allah has a plan for everyone. You may not meet your partner now, but sometime in the future. For now, keep positive, do something for yourself that fulfills you...whether work, volunteering, etc...and don't do a masters because it's expected...because they won't be doing your homework or attending lectures for you. You do your masters fir you and if you like the field in the first place.

    Take care sister, and always stay positive and don't forget the Allah is the best of planners and things will happen when he says...but also initiative from you is required.

    • Sister, is not that your parents don't want to find you somebody to get married too! Is because Allah hasn't made it happen yet and he doesn't want you to get married right now!!! Insallah when the right time comes Allah will make it happen and find you the right husband is all in Allah hands not your parents !!! Insallah

      • Parents should be actively searching for her and if not, one has to wonder as to why not. Sometimes parents don't look for a prospective husband for their daughter because of the financial aspect accompanied with marrying daughters (in some cultures) or there could be a personal benefit to them in NOT marrying their daughter. It is odd that this happens, but it DOES happen. For some parents it doesn't even register with them that their daughters are ready for marriage or have such desires. And some parents would be flabbergasted to come to know that their daughter WANTS to get married. Such people do exist, and it is naive to think otherwise.

        Of course we depend on Allah, but that doesn't mean we don't put our efforts forth. You may recall the following:

        Anas ibn Malik reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or should I untie her and trust in Allah?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Tie her and trust in Allah.”

        Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2517

      • I agree up to a point sister.
        There are parents that think is shameful talking about marriage or having desires at early 20's .
        There are parents that don't care how their son/daughter go through this age.They answer or 'Keep patience..you are too young....' or ' Complete your studies...get a job and then we'll see what to do'.
        Nobody cares of you if you are struggling or not with ur desires.
        Nobody cares of you if you are getting weak mentally and physically.And that is not good for your future marriage life...Health is important...Why does people give advice like ' keep patience' and STOP?

        I know it's a test....But I think,that is not FAIR.

        I am going through this test also.And I found it unbearable.I know Allah says us that we can bear what befalls on us.But I am exhausted.
        i m 24. But day after day I am getting weaker.I often cry to Allah why does He gets me in a similar test as I am facing loneliness from ever.I am only child as well.With no friends.And I say to Him that I am getting weaker,with lots of pain.And I can't bear a similar test.Life is not only hard work,duties and pain/struggle/tears.Life is also joy.

        Our parents have expectation from us...Allah has expectation from us...But where are our supports to achieve that goals?I am in favour of self control but why do people put extra burden delaying marriage or understimating a person' desires? They say ' Go and take the highest mark in exam,'or ' graduate yourself,get a job and save our honour among family friends and relatives' but there are parents that don't ask ' how are u? why do u look like ill or deprssed? or 'Are u happy?'

        I know is all a test...is not fair putting too many pressures without any support on a human being.

        I can tell u that if u look to marriage from my sight...Maybe I'll never get married.It's very sad to say but people think only on wealth..but marriage is something that ' one day will come' if Allah wills. One day? And marriage should be one of the main priorities of parents for their children and not the last one.

        It's very sad...

        • Musa

          I think you are right in what you are saying, as it pertains to girls.

          I find the attitude is much more prevalent amongst immigrant parents. As long as immigration is the main way Islamic communities grow in the west, then this attitude will continue.

          Wanting to be married and have children is very normal. After all these years I have had the courage to say to my mother that it was not right that she and my dad controlled me to the extent that marriage/motherhood was to be determined according to their will, wishes and expectations -- with the threat that nice muslim girls obey their parents and do not go out looking for a husband, as everything is "Allah's will". Now that I am in my 40s she agrees with me, but cannot change. I know many girls who grew up in immigrant households, who were subject to the same attitude, and they remain single and childless. They also have brothers in their households who were allowed to go out, meet girls, and marry whoever they wanted -- muslim or non-muslim.

    • It's seems there is something weird going on between your parents and you, maybe you do not have a strong relationship but speak to them directly. Be clear and direct, you are old enough.

      I think this is part of the problem, as she said "I am really tired of being misunderstood, and I don't want to disrespect my parents." This seems like there is no good communication (about such topics) between her and her parents.

      She is not clear to her parents and she wants them to just understand everything. Even though, it's the duty of her parents to know that she is a woman and is expected to be married to a man through them, especially at her age. However, she also needs to be reminding them by being clear and open. This won't mean that she is being disrespectful to them.

  8. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    Because of all of this I have lost all my self esteem, feel so small, insignificant and unwanted; and have started suffering from depression...but I cannot tell my family about my depression....REPLY IS THAT
    YOU DONT HAVE TO BECOME A SCAPE GOAT-

    THE SHARIAH IS PRIORITY AND NOT PARENTS AND THEIR WHIMS AND FANCIES-
    EDUCATION CAN BE DONE ISLAM ALLOWS BUT NOT AT THE COST OF DEFYING THE SHARIAH AND GRILS DESIRE AND THE RULE OF ISLAM-WHICH YR PARENTS LACK DUE TO IGNORANCE AND LESS KNOWLEDGE OF ISLAM OR IF THEY ALREADY HAVE BOTH THEN DING THIS MISCHIEF WITH YR LIFE IS THEY ARE DEFYING SHARIAH.
    It is reported that Al-Ahnaf b. Qays – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
    “Restraint is praiseworthy except in three things.” People asked, “And what are they o Abû Bahr?” He replied, “Make haste to do the righteous deed, hurry to conduct the funeral of your deceased, and marry the girl in your charge to a suitable man [as soon as you find him.]
    1] WHEN U HEAR THE AZAN DONT DELAY TO REACH MASJID.....
    2]WHEN SOMEONE DIES DONT DELAY THE FUNERAL.....

    NOTE HERE THE AGE OF PUBERTY NOT 25 AND 27 YEARS ETC-NOT GRADUATION AND MASTERS ETC
    3] WHEN THE GIRL COMES TO AGE OF PUBERTY DONT DELAY HER MARRIAGE...

    SOLUTION-
    YOU HAVE TO TALK TO THEM SERIOUSLY IF THEY DONT BUDGE AND AGREE TO YOUR PROGRAMME MEANING IMMIDIATE MARRIAGE THEN YOU CAN TRY NEXT ELDERS[MALE IS COMPULSORY TO BE A WALI] AFTER THEM IF THEY ALSO ACT FUNNY THEN YOU CAN TAKE WALI THE IMAM OR THE RULER OF THE STATE YOU LIVE AND GET MARRIED-
    IF THEY DONT PURSUE THE STEPS TO LOOK FOR PROPOSALS YOU CAN DIRECTLY ADVERTISE IN THE MATRIMONIAL AND SEARCH FOR A GOOD BOY ALL CHECKING ABOUT HIM AND OTHER THINGS CAN BE DONE THROUGH SOME FRIENDS AND RELATIVES IT IS NOT WRONG-

    THIS IS THE STAND OF ISLAM ABOUT YR PARENTS-
    A person who does not believe in the Sunnah forfeits the right of guardianship...

    AND IF YOU ALSO HAVE COMPASSION FOR THEM AND SAY I DONT WANT TO HURT MY PARENTS THEN YOU ALSO STAND IN THE SAME LINE[DEFYING PEOPLE IN THE SUNNAH]AND SUFFER MORE....

    AND ALREADY YOUR TIME IS VERY LATE FOR MARRIAGE FURTHER DELAY WILL CAUSE DETERIORATION-BECAUSE THE GIRLS YOUTH STARTS IN 14 AND ENDS AT 30 AFTER THAT WRINKLES START WHICH IS THE SIGN OF OLD AGE CATCHING UP -SOMETIMES CHILD BEARING ALSO GETS EFFECTED PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND-
    MAKE THEM ALSO UNDERSTAND-

    “Blessed is He for whom sovereignty is in His hand.” [Sūrah al-Mulk: 1] And thus He is the “True King” who has “sovereignty of the heavens and the Earth”.AND HE HAS GIVEN A CERTAIN AGE FOR MARRIAGE NOT FOR THE PARENTS TO INTERFERE IN HIS DOMINION.....PLS REMIND THEM THIS ....
    REGARDS

    FOR THAT ONLY PARENTS MUST OBEY ALLAH AND DONT PL WITH ISLAM AND ITS RULES-
    PLS GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO

    • Salaams,

      I don't think that cutoff age for wrinkles at 30 is something to go by. I've known people to get wrinkles before then, and some people not to get them until much later. I've actually seen some women in their 60's who have barely any wrinkles and still look younger than 30.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • ASSALAMALAIKUM
        THANKS FOR POINTING OUT-
        DEAR AMY I TOLD THE ABOVE POINT FROM THE ANGLE OR EYE OR A GROOM WHO WANTS TO MARRY AND TODAY ALL ARE LOOKING FOR TEENS ONLY AND NOT- IN TWENTIES AND THE YOUTH IS YOUTH LOOKS LIKE ALSO IS NOT TO BE REJECTED BUT WHY WILL A PERSON OF 28 YEARS MARRY A GIRL OF 27 WHEN HE CAN GET SOMEONE OF 19 AND TWENTY-
        MY POINT WAS RAISED TO ENCOURAGE HER TO COME INTO ACTION WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY OK-BECAUSE SHE USED THE WORD DEPRESSION I WAS WORRIED-
        REGARDS

        • Assalaamualaikam

          While it may be the case that in some areas, people are looking for people in their teens, that isn't a universal truth. Where I am, for example, many brothers and sisters are waiting until their mid-to-late-twenties before getting married, and are looking for spouses of a similar age. Marriage is about more than just a pretty face and a subservient spouse - it is a union of two people who commit to sharing a life together. That depends on far more, and many people prefer to have a partner who has had similar life experiences, who knows who they are and where they want to be, and who can offer an equal match in important things.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

          • ASSALAMALAIKUM
            WITH HIGH RESPECT AND ESTEEM YR POINTS ARE V GOOD MY POINTS ARE ONLY TO ENCOURAGE HER AND SEE THAT SHE SETTLED DOWN SOON IN LIFE-
            THIS HER PARENTS ARE THINKING IS A JOKE -
            "If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil." [At-Tirmidhi and others and it is hassan]

  9. AS WR WB Im a revert and believe me when i say, "get active looking". I see so many people who wait for superman and suffer in silence. when you are in such an un-natual situation and help seems to be out of your hands i definitely would say reach your hands high and make alot of dua. If staying in this state is making you unwell then speak to some organisations or community based people. There are some great organisations (marriage bureaus attract all kinds of people so i wouldn't necessarily advise those) but learning based institutions where you can meet more people and expand your social circle is probably a more organic way of finding someone who's potentially in a healthier state spiritually then you also have a knowledge based environment who can also potentially help you assess the brother also. organisations like al-kawther and al-maghrib and ebrahim college (theres a really nice looking salah 2 day course in london in april) will help you meet like minded sisters who can give you support and confidence in your search in this life and ultimately over the wall. salaam

  10. Sister may Allah make this all easy for you, Just concentrate firstly on being a good muslim. Reach a point in your life where you are worship ing Allah. When you work towards pleasing Allah you will find this inner peace and happines. So thats first secondly constantly make dua to Allah to send you a good husband and to grant you ease in all your affairs.Tell your self that at this point in my life am going to work on pleasing Allah and make that your goal. In sh Allah be certain that soon Allah will give you a husband that you will be pleased with. When evee you feel pain or sadness make dua or dhikr and that will in sh Allah help you deal with this.

  11. “O Son of Adam!

    I desire something
    and you desire something
    but only what I desire occurs.

    If you submit yourself to my desire i.e. obey Him,
    I will be sufficient for you in your desire.

    If you do not submit yourself to me (by disobeying Him),
    I will tire you in
    what you desire
    and (at the end of the day) only what I wish happens and occurs.”

    Assalam u Alaikum dear sister! First of all i am sorry to hear about your matter....may ALLAH grant ur parents the Ability to understand your problem ....i totally agree with my brother masood ...if u truly believe n have faith in ALLAH then u knw for sure that everything happens with HIS permission ...ur desire is not wrong nor u r asking for too much ...but may b a little azmaish is required .......sister!u need to turn to ALLAH with full faith n ask him n beg him ...surely he is Qadir at everything ...why will not HE bless u with his mercy ....surely he loves HIS man ...my Prophet(P.b.u.h) said that i like 3 things about children 1of which is that they r stubborn n they make u give what they want .....so ask ALLAH with full dedication and purity..because we as muslims believe that marriages happen only with HIS will ....marriage is not something u can achieve or u can conquer....it is a blessing ...n i pray may ALLAH grant u with this happiness soon ...ameen
    Sister ! That is good that u offer nafl e hajat ...i also suggest read dua e istakhar everyday and with that one of the two things will happen for sure ....either u will find ur answer soon or u will have enough strength to cope up with your problem n u will definitely not feel depressed..
    JazakiLLAH..

    • “O Son of Adam!

      I desire something
      and you desire something
      but only what I desire occurs.

      If you submit yourself to my desire i.e. obey Him,
      I will be sufficient for you in your desire.

      If you do not submit yourself to me (by disobeying Him),
      I will tire you in
      what you desire
      and (at the end of the day) only what I wish happens and occurs.”

      Please don't quote any thing without any valid reference.

      Allaah Knows the Best!

  12. I found the comment about being wrinkled after age 30 quite disturbing.

    Muslim girls have this backward cultural standard that women in non-muslim cultures no longer have to worry about!

    Girls over 30 are not wrinkled. I am over 40 and I am not wrinkled.

    In Islam, a girls' marriageability or value as a spouse and mother are not determined by her wrinkles or facial glow. There are no prohibitions in Islam for marriage of a women over age 30, 40 or even 50. Ali Yousseff, I think you have to be careful because so many women who were born to immigrant muslim parents have had to challenge this backwards notion that once we reach age 30 we are somehow damaged goods. Yet somehow this backwards notion gets perpetuated by individuals such as yourself.

    I know you did not mean to disrespect the entire female readership but please think carefully before you give advice that is based on antiquated and insulting cultural standards.

  13. ASSLAMALAIKUM -
    backwards notion that once we reach age 30 we are somehow damaged goods...DEAR MADAMS AND LADIES-SORRY I AM ON YR SIDE SO I ADVISED-
    I DIDNT SAY THIS I JUST TOLD THAT THE USUAL THINKING OF MAN BECAUSE ALL ARE LOOKING FOR GIRL BELOW 20 I MENTIONED TO PROVE MY POINT -
    WHY THIS WRINKLE SUBJECT-IS BECOME A ISSUE WHY NOT YOU AGREE TO THE STANDARD ALLAH MADE[THAT IS EARLY MARRIAGE]
    IT IS A FACT THAT YOUTH STARTS FROM PUBERTY AND MIDWAY[30 YEARS]IS A TURNING POINT WHEN A GIRL LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN AND NOT ONLY WRINKLES EVERYTHING STARTS REVERSING AND THIS IS NOT HIDDEN -COMPARE A GIRL OF 15 AND WOMAN OF 30 AND SEE FOR YR SELF-
    AND DUE TO DESIRE OF CAREER ALL OVER THE WORD THE GIRLS ARE DELAYING.
    THE NON- MUSLIMS DO IT BECAUSE THEY HAVE THEIR FOCUS WRONG DUE TO COPYING WESTERN CONCEPTS AND IN INDIA THERE US AN ESTABLISHED FACT THAT UNLESS A GIRL IS WELL SETTLED IN SOME JOB TILL PROPOSAL COMES HER WAY-
    BUT FOR MUSLIMS IT IS SHARIAH-
    AND SHARIAH SAYS DONT DELAY THE 3 THINGS-MENTIONED IN MY REPLY-
    HOPE ALL WILL BE SATISFIED THAT THE DELAY IS HARMFUL FOR THE GIRL BUT BOYS SLIGHT DELAY IS OK FOR THE SAKE OF CAREER-
    BUT FOR GIRLS MARRIAGE SOONER THE BETTER-
    REGARDS

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Quite a lot of men would probably prefer a wife who looks like a woman rather than a young girl. I'd also argue that 30 is neither midway nor a turning point in appearance- I know plenty of women in their 30s who look much younger, and women in their 20s who look older, and there isn't a magic switch that flips when we get to 30 that makes us "old". Besides which, if a man was only interested in my physical appearance and whether or not I look young enough for him, I certainly wouldn't be interested in him, and I think that's probably the opinion of a lot of women - we are individuals and worth far more than that.

      In your post you mention that an issue is girls having a career, but that for boys a delay is acceptable for the sake of careers. What about girls who want a career? There's nothing wrong with a woman establishing herself and having her own education and career; Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) was a successful businesswoman and was older than The Prophet (peace be upon him) at the time of their marriage.

      One of the other things to bear in mind is that in many parts of the world there are laws that set an age of consent for marriage and sexual contact - for example, in the UK a person must be 16 and in some parts of the US a person must be 18. So, if people arrange marriages between individuals younger than these ages, they would be committing an offence under the laws of that country.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

      • Assalam 3aleykoum W.r W.b

        Very true Midnightmoon.

        I am 32 and petite. At times, no one believes me when they ask me of my age. This one time, I got stopped by a cop 2 years ago at age 29 and he asked for my "valid" driving license. He asked me of my age and even when I gave him my id and told him the truth, he laughingly stated that he thought I was 15. I also have a 10 yr old niece who is much taller than me and is so tall like her dad--she is still growing mind you. My mom is 71 yrs old, petite and no wrinkles except a few around her neck. It just depends on one's genes.

        Its really an ouch when a man defines a woman based on her age or assumes her age based on her looks.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother ALI YOUSUFF,

      "ALL ARE LOOKING FOR GIRL BELOW 20"

      That generalization is not true. For other men, beyond the deen and good character, they look for maturity in a woman (20 is like 10 to some men). They can play with their wives entirely as kids, but she needs to be mature enough to cope with him in other aspect of life too (such as thinking and planning) - therefore someone too younger might not fit in there. So this means that men around the world are different in their preferences.

    • "Allah's standard" is that a woman can get married at any age. On this point, the West got it right. I know many nonmuslim women in their late 30s, early 40s, who got married and have families of their own. I know many older women who have been divorced and found spouses later in life. Muslim women don't get that chance.

      Unfortunately, you may be right that Muslim men are obsessed with young girls. But is that the Islamic way? I'm not sure too many 15 year old girls would want to marry 35 year old men...not only is that a bit disturbing, but you are destining these young girls to be young widows, as it is inevitable they will outlive their old wrinkly husbands by decades. How does that make sense??

      Food for thought, Ali Yousseff.

      • I agree!

        Most muslim men really need to change their perception of women. Women are not objects that have a sell by date which is determined by their age and beauty. You love one another for their character and personality which never ages or loses its appeal!

        • Dear Precious star ,

          In west they might start getting married in Late 30's or 40's but they start having SEX at very young age .
          Please read below report

          On average, young people have sex for the first time at about age 17, [2] but they do not marry until their mid-20s.[3] T

          http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

          So SEX is easy in west so marriage can wait so whats big deal here .

          Allah hafiz

  14. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    OK DEAR ALL
    midnightmoon
    SisterZahriya
    Issah
    Precious Star...
    THANKS FOR ALL YOUR ESTEEMED REPLIES I UNDERSTAND NOW ALL THE VARIETY OF THE WORLDS MEN-FROM YR REPLIES-
    I JUST SAW AROUND ME MANY GIRLS NOT MARRIED AFTER 25 YEARS IN MY CITY BANGALORE THERE ARE 2/3 IN EACH FAMILIES FAMOUS ALSO THEY CALL UNMARRIED GIRLS FAMILY WHEN THEY REFER SOME MATTER-
    SORRY IF HAVE HURT YOU ARE DISTURBED YOU ALL-IN THE PROCESS I LEARNT SOME GOOD POINTS-
    REGARDS

    • Assalaamualaikam

      One of the good things about sites such as this is that we can all learn from each other - Alhamdulillah.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  15. Problem with marrying older women is less sexual satisfaction .Most of the Men like to have sex frequently even if they reach age of 45-50 or more .But for women sexual desires keep decreasing with age ..It will be a difficult job to convince her for SEX ...Marrying younger wife is always better if you have strong sex desires .

    There is nothing wrong to marry older woman provided you are person of strong character and have lot of patience else better go for young and beautiful wife .

    • Not true, Cool. Women's sexual drive actually increases as they age. Women in their 40's and 50's are known to have a very strong sexual urge.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamoalikum Wael ,

        Please refer to below link from menopause.org

        "In general, sex drive decreases gradually with age in both men and women, but women are two to three times more likely to be affected by a decline in sex drive as they age. Reduced sex drive becomes much more common in women starting in their late 40s and 50s. The effect of age also differs by individual: some women experience a big decrease in sexual desire beginning in their midlife years, others notice no change, and a few report increased interest in sex at midlif"

        http://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-midlife/decreased-desire

        There are lot of reports which says women are more likely to have less sexual desires with ageand it known too .

        Allah hafiz

        • You can always find reports to support the cause - so if you keep googling, I am sure you can find a report that supports the opposite argument in this case.

          As a woman, I find it very discouraging when some males think they know how females feel.

        • Cool,

          What are you going to do when your wife reaches menopause?

          Are you going to divorce her?

          • No ..I will not be doing it .

            This was just my opinion please ignore it if you don't agree with it ..

            When there was case of my sister's marriage I supported her and all of her decisions and didn't allow parents or other elders to force their choice .

            I interact with lot of US people for my work since very long time and like them for their skills and professionalism ..

            They are much more advanced but their society has some other issues and you can't compare these two different cultures and life style .

        • Assalam alaikum Br. Cool,

          With all due respect, it is you that is comparing cultures in case you didn't read your own comments.

          Have you ever thought the reward for those who live in an environment where premarital relationships are very easy and they avoid them? Have you ever thought of the punishment for those who live in an environment where premarital relationships are very difficult to engage in, and yet they go ahead with them?

          And even if what you said is true about Western countries (though I disagree that Eastern countries are in a better situation necesssarily), how is someone else's good deeds or bad deeds going to save us from the hellfire and help us enter Jannah?

          Brother, there is no place on this earth that will save you from all the tests of this world. There are people accepting Islam who have had no ethnic link with any Eastern Country - and wouldn't even legally have the ability to move to a Muslim country - and YET they choose Islam. I suppose that is the beauty of Islam - it is not dependent on your surroundings, otherwise people whose lives are so void of it, would never accept it. And now, in the day of age of youtube/internet - you can find garbage to fill your soul or some peace to fill your heart all depending what you search for. We, as humans, are programmed to find peace and contentment only in Allah - so when we are in filth, we are never at peace and yearn for something- that is the beauty of our complete and perfect religion and it is not enclosed by lines on any map.

    • Br. Cool,

      You wrote:

      There is nothing wrong to marry older woman provided you are person of strong character and have lot of patience else better go for young and beautiful wife .

      So impatient men with bad character should marry young beautiful women? (The contrapositive version of your statement) I don't think these kinds of generalizations should be approached.

      Besides, I think women know better about their urges and desires - your statement is very very far from the truth.

      It also implies that an older woman require greater patience than a younger woman -- and one could argue the very opposite of this easily.

      So there isn't really anything wrong with an older woman - it is more that there is something wrong with how some men think about women.

      • "it is more that there is something wrong with how some men think about women."

        This is fair and well written with much carefulness, mashaAllah. It is better than saying "Muslim men", and then involving some innocent brothers, ignorantly.

      • Asak Saba ,

        I don't meant that impatient men should marry young girls .
        There are lot of older women who have married young men but ratio is less compare to opposite case .If age gap is more again there are complications .

        Also lot of things depends on the current society .West is open society where it is easy to get married and also get divorced so no big deal if some young men marries older women ..

        The actress Sharon stone had boyfriend 27 years junior to her ,Demi more married a guy 15 year her junior .But there is no big deal here as it is quite easy for them to get separated after having fun for some time compare to normal Muslim societies .

        In normal Muslim society you are expected to have a life term commitment when you get married to some one so these kind of experiments will backfire no you .

        But if some body is very sure that he can lead a good life with older woman and give the best possible commitment then who can stop them and nothing wrong with it ..But if you are a type of person who are not so sure and might crib later and hurt her by telling her about age better don't go at the beginning stage itself ...that what i meant 🙂

        Allah hafiz

        • Divorce rates in muslim societies are the SAME as in western societies. And it is much easier to divorce in a muslim society than non-muslim society.

          I have heard statistics that the rate of divorce amongst muslims in North America is starting to exceed the rate of divorce amongst non-muslims in North America.

          So Cool, your belief that in non-muslim societies women can easily get divorced and marriage isn't taken seriously, compared to muslim societies where marriage "lasts forever" -- is very off course.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Cool,

      "...else better go for young and beautiful wife."

      Lol - Is physical beauty only in young girls?

      "But for women sexual desires keep decreasing with age ..It will be a difficult job to convince her for SEX"

      You seem like a little boy - lol. Anyway, I agree with Brother Wael.

  16. Sister,

    How about simply sitting down with your parents? Tell them you would like to talk to them. Just open up. Get everything out in the open. They have no way of knowing you don't want to complete your masters degree so, tell them. Communication is the key here. They cannot know what is in your heart if you do not open up to them. Just do it..

    Salam

  17. i was the one who posted this query. Jazak Allah Khair for all of your kind responses. meant alot to read your responses and felt understood. Its just that i am afraid that i am being really selfish. Like is it natural for me to feel this way or am i being a bad person here? i tried talking to my mother and she didnt say anything. like i kept the conversation going and asked what are you waiting for and again she didnt say anything. when i asked about the status of proposals that came, she said i dont know. so i didnt get any response from her.
    So now i feel all doors are closing up on me. i will have to do my masters (fund it on my own, and its really expensive so i am freaking out). i am shutting out everyone, i feel. i keep crying in namaz and feel so helpless and selfish ans tired. i just wish and pray that Allah SWT makes things easier for me. So all of you, please remember me in your prayers, i really need them.
    Jazak Allah again.
    PS: your responses and concern put up a smile on my face. Thanks 🙂

    • Dear Sister,

      You are not selfish at all. I hope that praying to Allah brings you some internal peace, inn shaa Allah.

      I do hope that aside from only praying, that you continue to do what you can to get married. It would help to know why your mother does not know the status of your proposals and why isn't she taking interest in this? I know that she is not telling you much, but what do you think may be the reason?

      Is there any way that you can find out about potential proposals in your community and how singles in your community get married? Don't give up.

      I pray that Allah ease your difficulties, Inn Shaa Allah, Ameen.

    • Why are you saying that you are feeling all doors are closing.

      1. No Stop thinking like that.
      2. You are not reciting the Qur'an with translation. That part is missing that is why the devil cursed is taking on you and seems winning.
      3. Are you following Sunnah of the last Prophet and the last Messenger Muhammad sal lal laho elahe wasallam.
      4. Regarding the Masters and the finances look out for scholarship programs in your country.
      5. You are doing a job masha'Allaah. Let me clear you first. If you want to go for Masters be prepared that it involves the thesis. And most of the Master programs are full of theoretical subjects. You can either do specialization in your specific field by doing specific short courses if applicable or go for the Masters if you can. After that you can be a professional trainer in your subject area. And will insha'Allaah earn more. Amen
      6. Belief is the key to success. Believe hard in Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and insha'Allaah you will know what I am speaking about. When you recite the second Surah of the Qur'an. In the beginning the first three. I'll quote one for you,

      "Who believe in the unseen, establish prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them, " [2:3]

      7. Give charity to the needy and you will know.

      Oh Allaah Grant her what she wishes for. Surely, You know better and we know nothing. Amen! Ya Rabb!

      Allaah Knows the Best!

    • Dear Mvz123,
      My mother has had the same reaction whenever I spoke/speak to her about this. I think they just find it very difficult to talk about marriage, especially if they don't want us to get married. It took me years to figure this out, and I convinced myself that if I did not have parents to help me get married then all I needed to do was pray, make dua, give to charity etc. But this life is all about cause and effect. If you are not "out there" trying to find someone, that spouse is not going to fall magically from the sky. Only you can figure out how to do that Islamically; it is a very difficult subject! It was too late by the time I realized all this, and I still don't have the answer as to what is the "Islamic method" when your parents don't help you, but you are young enough to start your search now.

      Maybe you will meet someone at school. Maybe there is a reason why you are destined to do your Master's.

    • Regarding your marriage issue, fatawaas are in your favor, see below,

      Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen also said:

      Would that we could reach a level where a woman can dare, if her father refuses to let her marry one who is suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, to go to the qaadi and he could say, “Arrange her marriage or I will do it, or a guardian other than you will do it.” Because this is the girl’s right, if her father refuses to arrange her marriage (it is her right to complain to the qaadi). This is her right according to sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level, but shyness keeps most girls from doing that.

      ______________________________________________________

      The one who has most right to arrange a woman’s marriage is her father, then his father, (and grandfathers) no matter how far the line of ascent extends; then her son and grandson, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then her brothers through her father and her mother; then her brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then her paternal uncles; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler.

      Al-Mughni, 9/355

      Allaah Knows the Best!

      • This may be correct, but it is very impractical. Most girls will be very reluctant to alienate their parents.

        • Sister that is Islam! That is correct!

          Allaah Knows the Best!

          • I agree it is correct, it is just impractical. Most muslim girls do not defy their parents. Most daughters don't want to hurt their parents, no matter how unreasonable their parents are. Very few parents are going to jump for joy if their daughter disregards the parents and approaches other people to act as their wali -- not matter what the fatwas say. I doubt very much if my father would have been happy if I had asked unrelated men (be it an imam or family friend) to introduce me to someone for marriage purposes and then act as my "wali" at that marriage.

            Many children of immigrants do not have the extended family that you speak of -- grandfathers, uncles, etc. -- because the extended family is back in the "country of origin".

          • Salam Precious Star

            I agree with you as most of sisters will find it difficult in this case as parents won't be supportive but after certain stage i think they need to take this aggressively .Parents might make it a big issue initially but finally they will calm down after certain period if the person to whom their daughter is marrying is a Muslim .

            Allah hafiz

  18. I am thinking about talking to my father. Doing istikhara these days about whether i should talk to him or not. Because going for masters (considering its really expensive and taxing) without communicating my expectations and knowing their expectations would be tough. So any ideas on how i should talk to him. Its just that i am shutting off everyone and i know i am hurting my parents and i dont want to do that. So is it a good idea to clearly talk to him. What if he says i dont need to worry about finances and just do my Masters? ANy ideas on how to go about the talk will be much appreciated. Or should i talk to my mom only as moms are the ones handling such stuff usually?

  19. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    LISTEN DEAR DONT TAKE HUMAN REFERENCE TO DO THIS-
    TAKE THE SHARIAH AS THE BASE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YR MOM AND BE READY FOR FACING FATHER AFTER THAT
    THEY ARE NOT SPECIAL NEITHER OTHER PARENTS OF THE WORLD WHEN IT IS A MATTER OF SHARIAH-
    KEEP THIS IN MIND SHARIAH IS ABOVE ALL AND U HAVE TO USE IT IN YR LIFE FOR PEOPLE WHO OPPOSE IT BECAUSE IN ONE WAY YOU R HELPING THEM TO SAVE FROM A GREAT SIN-
    SEE THE SERIOUSNESS OF YR FATHERS STATUS- IN THIS-
    A person who does not believe in the Sunnah forfeits the right of guardianship-
    YOUR CASE IS ALSO SOME THING ON THESE LINES-
    It is important to note that the questioner may want to marry the woman, then if he discusses some issues with her guardian and they have an argument, he might accuse him of not believing in referring to the Qur’aan and Sunnah.
    This would be overstepping the mark and a major sin, because it is accusing a Muslim of something that would put him beyond the pale of Islam.
    But if the wife’s guardian really does not believe in the Sunnah, like that group which calls itself al-Qur’aaniyyeen, then he should argue with him, explain the truth to him, dispel his confusion and establish proof against him.
    Then if he persists he is a kaafir, and it is not permissible for him to be the guardian of a Muslim woman for marriage even if she is his daughter. He forfeits the right of guardianship, which then passes to the closest Muslim relative of the woman. And Allah knows best.
    Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid...
    SO FEARING IS NOT THE POINT HERE FOR YOU THEY SHOULD FEAR ALLAH AND SEE THAT THEY DO WHAT ALLAH HAS TOLD NOT WHAT THE WHIMS AND FANCIES COME TO THEIR MIND WITH MASTERS AND THINGS OF THE WORLDLY MATTERS AS IF THEY ARE YR CREATOR NOT CARETAKER-AND THEY WILL PLAN YR LIFE AND NOT ALLAH -

    HOPE YOU LOVE YR PARENTS /THEN SAVE THEM FROM PERFORMING A GREAT SIN IN THEIR SOCIETY HANG UPS AND THE FORMALITIES OF THE PSEUDO SURROUNDINGS-
    REGARDS

  20. Marriage is a work itself sis. At our parents house we are well taken care of and if we don't marry the right person then its becomes hard to breathe in this world. My 3 month marriage is ending soon. my mother did not want me to get married. She would always tell me to study and have faith in ALlah. But I rushed them, I too was eager to get married, but now I realized finding the right person and having patient and faith in Allah is most important. I say study, build your career, and then think of marriage. If you end up marrying the a person or marrying into family that treats you "bad" then you will realize its better to wait for the right person. I might sound like I'm against marriage (but i'm not) however my experience of dealing with my husband and his family really changed my life. So i say pray to Allah, study, have a career .

  21. As'salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu dear sis,

    First of all, may Allah Aza Wa Jal give you patience but know my dear sis! That if you put Allah and the sunnah of His Messenger SAW and the service to His deen first then know Allah will take care of your worldly affairs. They'll happen in a breeze and you'll wonder later on that how did I get through?

    Here's what I would tell you:
    - look for a husband and may Allah bless you with a husband and a family that loves Allah and His Messenger SAW above everything and everyone. And all my sisters and a wife to the brothers who puts Allah and His Messenger SAW before everything and everyone.

    - know that in your search of finding Prince Charming : ) you are one day closer to him, one hour closer than the preceding one!! So Ibshir!! (Glad tidings) but know that may be Allah Aza Wa Jal wants you to be closer to Him first may be HE SWt wants your heart to be with Allah SWt before a Prince Charming or before the hectic schedule of marriage, may be HE SWT is protecting you from a harm

    - know that dua can change destiny!! But you

    - know that asking for forgiveness for yor sins opens the doors to many good things

    - know that may be Allah Aza Wa Jal is making you mentally mature for marriage, its not all about butterflies in the stomach when you look at Prince Charming. : )

    - know that it could be you neglecting Allahs commands and through dua He SWT may show you your mistakes. Here's what I think you should ask Allah that O Allah show me my mistake and sins that are coming in b/w me and a righteous spouse

    - know that may be Allah Aza Wa Jal is opening your heart to be more patient and to be more tolerant of people who think, behave, and work differently than you so its easier for you

    - may be Allah Aza Wa Jal is making your heart empty so that there's nothing except Allahs love in your heart. And

    - or may be Your Prince Charming is not ready to accept someone like you : ) so may be He's going through his struggle towards Allah Aza Wa Jal and one day when you guys meet it'll be like the sun and the moon coming together to produce shny stars during the night and to produce fertile soil and pretty flowers during the day (ie: your babies) : ) may Allah Aza Wal make you happy by blessing your patience and blessing your time with His remembrance till you get married.

    This was not just directed to the sister who asked a question! But to everyone who may read this post/comment
    May Allah Aza Wa Jal bless all of us with righteous spouses who love Him the Most and love each other for His sake alone for His face alone. May Allah Aza Wa Jal bless us spouses and children who are the coolness of our eyes that each day when they see each other it's like the very first they met, its like they've forgotten the stress of tohe day and theyre in the comfort and peaceful zone of their home. may our spouses and children become Da'eeyan illa'Allah and who are mujahideen fee Sabililah and who raise the banner of la ilaha ila'Allah muhammad ur Rasululah all this fee ta'aatillah and fee Sabililah... Allahumma Aameen, Allahumma Ameen, Allahumma Aameen.

    Last but not least this is for my brothers who are thinking of divorcing their spouse, and to
    All my brothers and sisters who are newly married and are having issues, please hold on to the rope of Allah Aza Wa Jal the Quran and Sunnah and make dua for your spouse that O Allah help me to see the best in my spouse not his/her imperfections and mistakes. And O Allah grant me a heart as wide as Al Firdaws Al Ahla that I'm merciful a nd kind and respectful of him/her as long as I'm alive.

    Know that there's nothing wrong with your spouse but maybe its due to your sins that you feel angry and agitated, restless, and sad!!
    This is what I experienced when I proposed to a brother through my parents consent of course!! and I asked the brother whom i proposed to, through my brother (all the advices were from. Reading different materials and different issues regarding marriage.. Marriage is all about communication and compromise and most imrtanly patience.

  22. Its the same case as mine. My parents are deliberately rejecting each and every possible prospects... Have got acceptances from 28 proposals so far, since last 3 years..They have actively declined every one (including doctors, engineers and mba's) on count of height, age, family, not having a government job, etc. Even declined some government job holders as they may have possibility of having a pro-corruption mindset. Its their psyche and there is nothing I can do about it. I am completed 28 now, all of my school n college friends have got married, with some having little kids. Everytime I question they tell me that they are looking for someone 'JUST PERFECT' at par with their expectations, on 'EVERY COUNT'. I am a dental graduate, good looking, attractive girl but have lost all my self esteem and confidence these years. Have started feeling lonely, incompatible and worthless. There is no solution to this, I feel like committing suicide. What to do, please help.....

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