I hate him but I love him too, I don’t know what to?
Just married in 2011, delivered twins four months old they are, I did engineering In computer science - I was keen to be in job my parents said we will marry u a guy whom u can send for job, wen I was getting married my first condition to d Guy family is to send me for job but came to know they too searching a working all .. my dad, relatives asked my husband before marriage to send me for job ... he accepted and I chatted with him before marriage after engagement we talked via phone n I asked him, he said I too prefer working women I was so happy, as my dream to be in job,
We got married my sec condition of marriage also he needs to be namazi, yes he was, we got married .. sudden I got pregnant with twins and thy are now five months ... I want to go for job I asked him again while I was pregnant he blamed me that I was characterless girl, wen I went for a shopping as I was seeing guys but Allah dharrr I dint saw I was just seeing the things for my new home, I cried like hell infront of him he used to blame wen I go for check up during pregnancy in hotel all time he blames as I was seeing guys, he loves me alot and too possessive towards me I came to know, from d two weeks of marriage his behaviour changed wen I blackmail him he ll fear I may leave him so he asks sorrys n again he repeat same stories we rare go outside as monthly once .. he never takes me to honeymoon lots happened during 7th month of pregnancy he told he neverever sends me for job wen I said just dono how am going to go For job after my babies born sudden off he raised his voice and said he never send me for job at anycost I said u can't cheat me as marriage condition it was his family never shows love towards me ... am from rich family, my husband is from middle class I cried lot Due to lots of struggle but for my both duniya akhirat life i married him as he engg send me for work later marriage m he is deendar jammathi Guy
I cried wen he denied sending me for job, but I don't want to stress that days as I was pregnant as I was crying like hell that ll make my babies growth bad, So I kept mum now babies 6month started I asked yesterday to send me for job he angered n beated me n he throw his leg towards me again in night I asked he said to leave me forever I never ever sends u for job be in home.. while my babies are 3rd month he blames me as character less girl I angered n said I ll leave u , he cried n said he can't be without me for a single day m he ll not blame me hereafter ... life was going quite smooth sudden be beaten me lot with his legs I angered not talking to him from two days ..
AND ONEMORE THING he never gives me zakath in my hand , he never gives money, he never left to shop for my babies I am a girl from rich family hardly not understanding him he is giving his money to brothers sisters n sis husband as all r married but they ll get money from my husband. he never saves but he doesn't give me to he loves to be wth his family as he dono how to live , I love him + hate him I cant Digest as he not ssending me for job ...
After 3months of marriage to he was more intrestes then me for job he teach me language n how to prepare for interview, but sudden dono were gone that type of husband as he totally against sendin me for job, he doesn't even like to take me out once a week for hotel ya shopping totally frustared thinking of Sucide sometimes but its haram I can't do in Islam
Plzzz tell how to convey him to send me for job I dono I think he still doubts me, I said n warn him many Tim while pregnant if u doubt I never ever come with u out even to take babies for hospital if u be like this he ll lose me... tell how to convey him I want to go for job at anycost with my husband permission but his evil behaviour aaaaaahhhh hurting meeeeeee ..
Plzzx help me plzzzz as he moving out of his promise as he did to do marriage with mere.
Badlyhurted.
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Assalamoalaykum sister,
I hae some doubts with u. I hope when u wrote u went to check up in hotel u meant hospital. 2ndly I want to know if you wear hijaab or cover your self.
I think it is more important thing u should answer here.
I went through your story and I feel this is story of most of the woman these days. We study a lot in a hope we will earn something and help family but we end up without earning. Moreover, after few years pass men think we are useless and they are more important as they earn.
I think you need to take little steps like
You can make him trust in you. You can do this by wearing proper clothes or hijab. Then whenever he blames you that you were looking at some one u can say they r my brothers in Islam but it doesnt mean I have bad sight over them.
You can assure him that you will try to manage both the things home and job and wont compromise one of them. Moreover, when ever you are with him infront of family or relatives try to praise him indirectly. Like When u r talking with ur sister in law say that MashaAllah ur brother understands me and takes care of me and I pray u also find such husband. Or saying that he is such a genuine and deeni person I pray that I will die in his nikaah before him. It will indirectly convey him a msg that hw is lovable, desirable and so special.
Talk to him directly that why you want to do a job. That you have spent a lot of money and had this dream that u will do a job not for money but to proof everyone you are some thing and worth. Then give him assurance that even if u earn money u wont b proudy or rude to him. You have to do it indirectly. You can start some home based job like online or part time job and gradually can think of more, after a year when ur children are grown up.Mean while be patient and revise what u have learnt, so that u dont end up with lose of knowledge u gained.
Show him your work. What u think of your work and how it is helpful to ur society and ur family. Like if u r civil engineer tell him that may b in future if someone from our family needs advise i will give them but only if i m continued to work.As otherwise I will forget everything.
You can search for a job where there are more females or only females or may be old males. That will help him trust you. After all this hastle u can bring ur paternal side family into a picture where if he is not convinced they can convince him.
I hope it will work for you but I am not some kind of any authority here. So wait for some expert advise as well.
Tc
pray for me as well in your prayers.
As Salamualaikum sister,
Did you try to find out the cause for his behavior? Did he mention why he doubts you or accuses you?
Suspicion is bad, it leads to sin. One should avoid it.
Is it possible that someone is filling his ears with wrong thoughts about you? This can have a very bad effect. What made him not keep his promise? You need to find the reason out. Why does he not want you to work?
It is ideal that a Muslim woman takes care of her home and leaves the earning of money to her husband. But if it is necessary for whatever reason including shortage of finances, she is allowed to work in healthy conditions. What I mean by healthy is where she won't face the fitnah of non Mahram men. And generally, if there is no necessity, she is not advised to work. The responsibility lies on the man of the house.
From your post, I can understand that work is your passion. But when your husband does not want you to work for some reason, you should try to find the reason. Maybe someone told him that women should not work??
He broke his promise. Please find out why. Then you can decide whether to support him or take any other step.
But keeping all this aside, he has no right to hit you like this. So, I think you should take help from your parents in this issue.
May Allah Bless you and your kids
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
In your post, your main issue is being able to work. However, I think you're missing the bigger picture. The main issue in your life is NOT whether or not you can work with your husband's permission. The main issue, the most important thing, is the fact that you have an abusive husband. He has transgressed his bounds by beating you, and the longer you stay in the home with him the more you endanger yourself and your twins.
I suggest to you that you get out of his home immediately and go back to your parents. Tell them what he's doing to you. Even though wearing hijab and all that is important, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR. Even if you weren't wearing hijab, this behavior is unacceptable.
You said in the title of your post that you love him while hating him, but honestly I don't see anywhere in your post where you spoke lovingly about him. Nor do I see anything loveable about him. It sounds like you are wanting to hope things can work out, but sister when men are like this they rarely change and things usually only get worse as time goes on. That's why you need to go back home right away, and enlist the protection of your family against this man.
Chances are, once you get settled back with them and start rebuilding your life, the opportunity to work as you like will become more of a possibility. As long as you stay with your husband, I can pretty much guarantee he will make sure you never have an independent life of your own.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaama Aleykum Warahmatulaahi wabarkaatuhu.
My sister in Islam i understand your point and pain, but can you stop for one second and think about your beautiful children. My sister in Islam Iam a woman like you, A wife, A daughter, Former worker, but above all iam a muslimah. My sister in islam i used to work before i got married and i was able to continue working after marriage, but time passed by and i got pregnant. I got very sick and i stopped working months went by and i gave birth to my son alhamdulilaah. My sister in islam my point is you have a more important job being a mother and raising righteous muslim children is the most important work you can ever do. I will advise you as a sister who loves you for the sake of Allah to please consider your options take time to enjoy motherhood you can work the rest of your life but your kids go through childhood once in life. Please think about it if financialy your husband can take care of you enjoy your motherhood.
I forgot to say i stay home with my child so i can raise him the best of my ability bringing him up as a righteous muslim child. I understood we all have responsibility and doing our responsibility is the most imporatnt taks of all. Ihope nothing but the best for you my sister in Islam.
I agree with
ukhtifilaah
post.. The reson why because your a mother now enjoy raising your twins the right Islamic way sister. Im young I work so hard when I wasn't married dealing with people rude Attiude at work and so on. One day I pray to Allah give me a husband that won't sent me to work that will let me stay home raise my children instead of mother inlaw to raise them. Alhamdullah Allah gave me a husband that doesn't force me to go to work and I have a 1 year old son I'm raising him now and I'm soo thankful to Allah. So my point is be a stay home mom nothing is like a mother raising her kids sweetie.
And for him to beat you up that is a no no till him if you ever beat you again you will leave him and take his kids with you.
Muslimgirl, I agree with you. You have a great thought, which is in line with the Sharee'ah Alhamdulillah. Further, no husband has ANY right to force his wife to work. Only if she wills to support when need arises is when she should opt to work if she pleases. But she isn't obliged to work.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor