Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Love before marriage

i love you

I am a 15 year old Muslim Sunni girl. I'm in love with a boy who is 18. We both love each other a lot. But both of us are in different colleges and never met except for in the school when we studied together. We never did anything haram. Apart from that we once held each others hands in school but nothing more and after that I also seeked for Allah's forgiveness and promised never to do anything wrong with him. He also assured me that he will never touch or embrace me before our nikah. My mother and his family knows about me. I also promised my mother not to take any immature or non Islamic step apart from that she has no issues. He also told me to take hijab and told me to do purdah. He also tells me to offer prayers and he himself is also very religious. But still sometimes we exchange love messages. Is that right before marriage? And is this right to love someone before marriage? And is this right to share these type of messages with each other? Because both of us cannot live without each other. And we are willing to marry each other and so is our families. Also I undergo through imaginative thoughts in which I think of both of us after marriage and him touching me. Is this right to have such sinful thoughts? If not then how can I control them? Need help.


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5 Responses »

  1. If your family knows about this and have no objection to your marriage then its not a problem. Of course you do not have to indulge in anything haraam. About the thoughts , well in your case looks like he is going to be your future husband but still i thinking about may be indecent. Yeah , i said may.

    • Assalam o Alaikum Brother!
      But I want to let u know that my father doesn't knows about this but my mother this also right? If not then what should I do?

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    If the two of you wish to be married, and both families are supportive of this (including your wali - your nearest male relative and guardian), then you could all start planning a nikah for when you are legally able to be married. Depending on the country you live in, there may be an age restriction on when individuals can marry.

    Until the nikah has taken place, it is really important to ensure you are observing appropriate limits with each other - don't spend time alone with each other, don't engage in private communication (if you wish to speak to each other, make sure it's in the presence of your family).

    With regards having thoughts about the boy you like, it might help to remember that we can't always help the thoughts that we have, but we can control what we do with them. So, make sure that you aren't doing anything inappropriate as a result of these thoughts, and think of alternative things to do that might help keep your mind away from thoughts that distress or worry you (eg. prayer, charity work, studying, doing a hobby).

    A word of caution, though - you're still very young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don't feel you need to rush into anything, and make sure that your wali investigates this boy to ensure that his intentions are genuine. You may also want to pray istikhara before making any final decisions.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Assalam o Alaikum!
      But I want to let u know that my father doesn't knows about this but my mother this also right? If not then what should I do?

  3. Apart from the above suggestion given that you may like to consider, my suggestion to you is to focus on your education. Education and education and education is the most important for a woman regardless of their religion, it is a weapon and a shield for them to be able to stand up on their own and face whatever challenge comes to her life. Through education (islamic and secular) , inshallah, you will become a stronger woman to tackle whatever is ahead of you by the will of Allah. It will open up your mind and many doors.

    Life has lots of turns in different stages, now you may think you are "madly" in love with him while when you get older and understand yourself and your environment more, your expectation or criterion of picking a spouse will varies tremendously. Having a well education does not mean to collect degrees after degrees, it is having the ability to analyze and be able to solve issues around yourself and others.

    Not denying your needs to be loved or to love, there are much more things that you can learn and explore in your age. Try to redirect your focus on others topics, education, islamic studies, volunteer work, world issues, new skills, sports, etc etc.

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