Love brought me to Islam. What should I do next to marry her?
Assalam O Alaikum,
A little less than 7 years ago, I began to develop attraction for a girl about 7 months older than me. At that time, I thought nothing of it, as I had many, to use the common word, "crushes". I even thought the wrong way about them (nauzubillah), sometimes, which I regret now. Over time, it began to grow stronger. Stronger than any attraction I had felt. Somehow, it made me realize that only Allah (SWT) could help me. In the start of Ramadan, 5 years ago, I began five-time regular prayer, and kept all my fasts. The hope propelled me. And in the same Ramadan, I realized that I love God way more than I love her, and the proof was that I had never felt anything akin to worship for her.
The day before Valentine's Day, 2004, I chanced, on much pestering by a friend, to tell the friend about my feelings for her. It turned out that the friend was incapable of keeping a secret, and it soon spread through the school like wildfire, for I never visibly shown any interest for anyone before. She got to know, naturally. She turned me down. She's been avoiding me in every possible way ever since, and since we both graduated from that school, I have no way to contact her.
A few months later, I performed Istikhara, which came out positive, both through a dream, and through increase and further purification of my feelings. I've done an Istikhara three times since (I did it two more times after that with intervals of about one year), each time positive. It has influenced me to such an extent that I don't even lie, not in the slightest. I don't show any hypocrisy. I am the same in private as I am in public. If I hide stuff, I tell people I'm hiding it, but I never lie about it.
Whenever I have attempted to forget about her, my worship has simultaneously weakened. Whenever I have turned slightly rebellious, nauzubillah, I find that my feelings for her weaken too. And this applies to my actions too, and the help I try to give the community. From this I infer only one thing: That whatever my feelings are for her now, they are a gift from Allah.
What should I do next? I sometimes cry to Allah, for I cannot bear this lengthy separation, but I also fear doing anything haraam. I want to marry her, respectfully, and not necessarily now. I have wanted that before my Istikhara, and it was what strengthened most afterwards. Before that, I just want to know, at least once, that she's doing it of her own will. I intend to gradually influence her to give up any sins that she does, and live an Islamic life.
I hope Allah helps me, and I would appreciate any advice in this situation. I'm 19 yo, currently.
hameerabbasi.
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Time is the only healer.
Time will heal this, don't do the haraam, give it one shot, ask her father directly, if she and her family say no to you through her father, then it's time for you to move and accept.
It may be difficult, but once you get a definate answer it will be easier. Could be weeks, months or even years, but time will heal you and who knows, you may meet an ideal partner who makes the other one pale in comparison.
Hameerabbasi, Walaykumsalaam,
I am a little confused as to what has been attracting you to this girl, as throughout your post you have only spoken about your feelings for her. It would have been helpful to know what traits and characteristics this girl has that draw you towards her. Without recognition of this important information, it seems to me that you are infatuated.
You said: "I just want to know, at least once, that she's doing it of her own will. I intend to gradually influence her to give up any sins that she does, and live an Islamic life". What sins do you know of that she is committing? Because if she is involved in any major sins that you have not mentioned here and you are brushing them under the carpet, this further makes me doubt your capability to select a suitable spouse. So this is unclear as you have not explained what you mean. We cannot make others leave sin, you can advise but you cannot make someone change.
She has rejected you once 7 years ago and since then it does not seem that she has shown any interest in you. Anyhow, to put your mind at ease, why have you not just simply expressed your interest to her? Not in the manner that happened when you were much younger, but in a mature Muslim manner. Ask her if she will meet you in a public place or send her a message through a reliable person and ask if she will consider speaking to you with a view to marriage.
If she rejects you, then it is time to move on. If she agrees to meet you, then do so in the proper manner, in public and chaperoned. If there is some interest, involve the families and do not prolong the matter. Seven years is a long time to be living in a world of dreams brother - and sorry if that offends you but it seems that you have been living in just that. Proceed with this matter, do something positive about it so that you can pursue it or move on to pastures new.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamu alaikum, brother
allah has shown u the right path, i am so impressed with u, even i am in love with a non muslim boy, but he refuses to convert to islam, i dua to allah daily but didnt get any positive results so far.
i will pray for u brother, in allah's grace u will get ur girl.
do dua for me brother, dua that the boy i am in love with should convert to islam and be my halal husband.
may allah bless u
assalamu alaikum