Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love her so much that I let her go.

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Salam Alaikum brothers and sisters.

You know ALLAH (swt) knows whats best for us in every aspect of our lives.  Sometimes we may not understand and not be able to comprehend certain things, but if we truly have imaan and know that ALLAH (swt) takes care of us we'll be fine.

There was this girl I knew growing up.    We grew up together and became close friends. Now this is obviously a time in which boys and girls didn't  interact as much. The whole coodies phenomenon was rampant lol.   We would spend countless hours together talking and sharing each other's   hopes and dreams for the future.

As time passed I started to notice her a little more so than usual. These unexplainable feelings started taking over. I was always so eager to see her again and when I did I felt nervous and had butterflies in  my stomach. Every time I saw her it felt like I was seeing her for the first time again. Then it happened. I fell in love with her and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  She'd be the first thought in my head waking up and the last thought going to bed.  I would always fear that one day I was going to lose her forever.  Then I started having dreams about her.  Dreams about losing her and fearing it would come true.

She had this particular way of blinking that always stuck with me. I hadn't seen her in years and finally found her on facebook and decided to get everything off my chest. The response I got crumbled my world. She didn't feel the same and basically brushed me off. I realized then that I HAD to let her go.   And the love I felt for her was genuine but just wasn't mutual. It broke my heart but I'll always always remember her.

She's the first girl I fell in love with. A special girl who changed my world. She was the girl next door. You can never forget your first love. I know I never will. She recently got engaged and I sometimes when you really love someone you have to learn to let them go. I hope and pray to ALLAH (swt) that this man loves her and takes care of her the way I know I would have =).

Falling in love can really be a beautiful thing if you just know how to cope with it. I'll always remember her and she'll have a special place in my heart forever.

Thank you all for reading.

Comments would be appreciated. =)

Nawid


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10 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Alaikum,

    I know what you are going through brother. I am going through the same issue now. I am deeply, insanely, ultimately in love with a muslim brother. I love everything about him; his openmindness, respectfulness, modesty, and religious nature. He also helped me through many problems that i have gone through and he was always there for me when i needed him. We have so many great memories together and the happiness i found with him, i don't think i will ever find again. He is my first ultimate love and last. I don't think i could ever be with anyone else in the world, no matter what, even if they share these characteristics, its just not the man i loved. There's so many problems and differences that would break us apart, and mostt importantly the fact that its not a mutual love it's just love from one side and that he sees me as his little young sister. My love for him is extreme. At least brother you were able to let go, despite knowing his true feelings towards me, i still haven't been able to let go. I still talk to him, and i am not going to say at least once a week or so, i will be honest and say i talk to him like a couple of times a day for hours. I honestly feel so weak and I don't know what to do, I feel like my life stops right here. I haven't been able to concentrate in anything and i am not doing as good in my studies anymore, my life is just centered around him.
    He knows my true feelings towards him, but he's been trying to convince me that i just love him as a brother and it's only because he helped and so on. You also want to know something, but please don't laugh. I know this is ridiculous, but he's been also trying to help move on with my life and stop talking to him, because its harmful for me and because he wants my benefit, but i just can't seem to let goo.
    I know you probably think i'm a crackhead, but i just completely love him, and i would do anything for him. I know one way or another i will have to stop talking to him, not only because its one sided love but most importantly because it is Haram for a male and female to talk to each other and because i have been talking to him behind my parents back, which is really baad. May allah Please forgive me!
    Insha'allah i will stop talking to him, but please make duaa for me and give me suggestions on how to stay away. Please i need all your duaas, this is completely devastating for me, i feel my life stops here. I am not even considering marriage anymore, i figure its best to live alone for the rest of my life than to live with any other man and have my heart with another one.
    Please i am in need of all your duaas and advices. Thank you and Assalamu Alaikum.

  2. Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh...

    Bro wat had hapen to u had hapen to me too...not completely same...approximately.

    Bro only one thing i wana share wiz ya is zat u should not even try to remember her...its Haraam Bro...

    Forget abt her...u thought she'll be the girl but Allah Ta'ala knows best...bro for sure she would have not be a good wife for u...

    Do u think Allah Ta'ala dont knw wats in ur Heart...did Allah Azza Wajal wana u be hurt...nah...becoz she is not good for ya Bro...be cool...life is unpredictable...Bro life is awesome...i do face difficulties...even ze girl i love left me...but i like it...its too good u know...some people said zat im crazy...maybe...hehe...but really why i like it becoz its from Allah Ta'ala

    Oki...Take Care...bye

    Ma'salaam

  3. As you have realized, brother, we cannot make anyone else like us, love us, or desire us. I'm glad you realized this and did not pursue the matter further.

    One day you will meet someone who will be right for you Insha'Allah, and will return your love happily and willingly. You will have a good and healthy marriage with her Insha'Allah. Save your love for that person. I know she will appreciate it.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. I totally agree with what everyone's written here and brother Raja sends the message out beautifully. I also pray you too find inner peace and love for ALLAH. Things are written for the best which don’t make sense to us has humans and that you must never forget but also overcome in getting closer to ALLAH to give you the happiness you deserve too and inshallah in time you realise this will make you appreciate love. Wish you all the best amen w/salaams.

  5. As salamu alaykum, Nawid,

    Thank you very much for sharing, I believe you had the intuition of what Raja said and that is the main motive of sharing with us, Alhamdulillah, infatuation is a blind love, it is good to learn and to look for real love, insha´Allah.

    You talk about a "dream", an "illusion", you were in love with an appearance, with the exterior, the faÇade, ... real love grows as a seed sown in real soil, you have to be able to get out of this fantasy and build up real love for her and for everyone, this way you will let the space free in your Heart for your future spouse, insha´Allah.

    Infatuation stops us from giving ourselves free and completely, Raja has explained it perfectly, Masha´Allah.

    What is left for me to say is to encourage you to grow up in Real Unconditional Love and I see you are a religious man, then build up your bond to Allah as strong as you can, study your religion and get stronger in your deen, this way your eyes will be wide open to appreciate what is real beyond the appearance, to see the Hearts through of the veils of this world and remember that when you have your own family, you will become the Iman of them, insha´Allah.

    Even when your last phrase seems so generous, it shows your inner feelings towards her, you will have to heal this infatuation, because the rejection has hurt you and the way you talk seems that you have flashes about how could be your life together. Please, these are whispers, any time you have this kind of thoughts,"Audhu Billahi Minash Shaytanii Rajeem" she has made her own choices and none of us has the right to be interfering with our thoughts in her life, exept to increase her energy level and this means that when we have good wishes towards her, this stops here, this way you will heal faster, insha´Allah, because you won´t feed any connection towards her beyond the healthy ones, insha´Allah.

    It touches my Heart to see your pain and the best of the Healers will be your Unconditional and Real Love towards Allah(swt). Keep improving yourself for Him(swt) and getting ready for her, the one you are called to love till the end of your life, the mother of your children, ...but this love will come always in second place, our First Place it is always our Love towards Allah(swt) and He(swt) will guide us to our spouse, the one that will help us to grow up in this world to achieve Jannah, insha´Allah.

    Focus in your Love toward Allah(swt) (duas, salat, recitation Quran, Names and Attributes of Allah(swt),...) and when you least expect your wounds would be healed with Unconditional Love, insha´Allah.

    Thanks her and Allah(swt) for her Presence in your Life from your Heart, forgive her for not loving you as you love her, ask Allah(swt) for forgiveness just in case you have acted wrong in any way(we never know) and ask Him(swt) to help you to let her go, insha´Allah.

    She has appeared in your Life to accelerate your proccess of building up a stronger bond to Allah(swt), and to get to know what real Love is in first hand, then Alhamdulillah. Thanks to her we are talking now, you have inspired us this thoughts and you have helped us with your soft Heart to share it between all of us, then Alhamdulillah, the ways of Allah(swt) are infinite, Allahu Akbhar.

    Thanks to Sister Z, to Raja, to her, her fiancée, to you, to everyone that reads and share with us (thoughts, words, ..) and mainly and beyond the known and the unknown to Allah(swt) because He is the All-Knower, Subhana Allah, it is a blessing to see that all of us are so deeply connected, Alhamdulillah.

    I hope from all my Heart that you find your way to heal your wound through Unconditional Love, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe, dear brothers & sisters.

    I just wanted to add for you my dear brother.
    A thought to think about.

    You once you marry, InshAllah. will have your own soul mate.
    What if your Soul mate who you married, through Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah his will.
    Has someone in her heart, exactly like you. her first love, someone she loved so much
    and desires deeply ! But has made the choice to let go, but does say to keep him, in her heart forever.

    Can you tell me how there can be 2 love spots in 1 heart ?
    Each love is unique.

    Love for Allah
    Love for the Prophet Mohammed Sallu Alayhi Wassalam, peace be upon him.
    Love for your mother
    Love for your father
    Love for your brothers & sisters
    Love for etc.

    All these loves, so to speak have their own ''frequency''
    So is the love for your wife.

    What you are saying is truly beautiful and I do not know if any of this copes with you in any way.
    But I just thought, It would be handy, to post. I sincerely apologize, If I accidentally hurt anyones feelings.

    Save the ''true love'' for the wife yet to be, so you can give her the love she has a right on. (vice versa)

    Be careful, with keeping ''love'' in your heart, some people lose the reality and live in fiction, for example: A man loved his first love so deeply, that even though he was married happily to a beautiful, splendid, bright lady. He was never able to give her the love she desired and had the ''right'' on
    So to speak, their marriage ''failed'' they were together but unhappy, because he loved a fiction, more then a reality.

    Sometimes we try to look so far ahead, that we forget to look whats right in front of us.
    And Appreciate that.

    For men: They always claim they want a good looking, nice, smart, talented, unique lady, and when they get one, she becomes normal, sufficient, wrong-doer, same as everyone else. We forget to appreciate the things we always used to appreciate.

    For Women: Some Women always claim they want a good guy, but when they meet one he's ''just a friend'' Then they fall for the player & get their heart broken. Then have the nerve to say ''all guys are the same''.

    I am just giving you a heads up, but you should know best for yourself.

    This is also a tip for anyone else who reads it.

    May Allah's blessings be with you, all my brothers & sisters,

    Alhamdulilah, InshAllah,

    Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe.

    • Walaykum as salam Raja,

      Deep thoughts, nice to listen to you. Thank you very much for sharing.

      Barak Allah Feekum

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com

      • Haha, Alhamdulilah Dear Sister Maria

        Please Don't flatter me so much in your comments :P!

        I love reading your comments as well, your thoughts and feedback is always so respectful, always something in there that can help the person and just the way its supposed to be, SoebhaanAllah, MashAllah, Alhamdulilah !

        I am glad we are helping people like this, Maybe a small step for us, but trust me I know its a big step for humanity!

        Allah-Huakbar.

  7. Dear Nawid,

    You wrote here just to express your simple love for a girl. It was honest, calming and lovely to read. I am sure everyone reading it can relate to both those feelings: the beautiful one and the crushing one too. I am sorry your love was not reciprocated and I admire the way you have dealt with it.

    I just got this from Wiki and I found it poignant, as sometimes this is very much the case: "Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections."

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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