Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Love him but he is not religious

THOR_LOVE_YEBqQGA

Hello,

I am a muslim girl who is in love with a "muslim" man but the only problem is he is not exactly muslim.

He was born and raised in a western country, his family unfortunately didnt bother to teach him much about Islam and the culture. Unlike my family, we are super close and we were always religious.

The reason i loved him and gave him a chance is because he has such good manners, always there to help me when i need help in anything and very considirate. He just has no knowledge about islam yet he comes from a muslim family.

i talked to him about it and made it clear that if he didnt try to improve his learning about islam atleast the basics ( praying, fasting..etc) then i will not agree to marry him.

he said he will try to learn and change but somehow i have this annoying feeling that won't go away that he might not be the one. I am generally not a very optimistic person. And i have had some bad guys try to approach me before. So i am afraid if i leave i wont ever find someone that treats me this good again. And maybe he will learn. I have talked to him about this last week.

should i set a time frame to see if learned anything or what should i do?

please i need help, my heart feels very heavy and i am sad. I have prayed istekhata but i am not sure i feel anything diffrent.

thank you

H.A

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9 Responses »

  1. Give him a year.
    Hang around him.
    In that year if you don't see anything particularly negative
    Marry him
    If not
    Then don't

    Or just imagine him marrying your sister
    Can you imagine your sis being happy with someone like him.
    If you can then fine
    But if not you have your answer.
    Good luck Charlie
    Salamalekum

    • Assalamalaikum,

      "Give him a year and hang around him"

      - Sounds like a beautiful advise from Shaytan.

      It would be better if you actually gave some advise from what Allah and his messenger (SAW) said about this issue.

      Peace.

      • Hey jo, if you are going to quote me, quote me to my face and not in passing.

        We are here to help her, not be douches online

        If you can't give advice
        Stay out of the forum.

        Giving him a year gives her time to check out his character.

        No she is not going to do intercourse before marriage. That goes w/out saying.

        But this time period will tell her what he is.

        She may even turn him down before the year is over.

        Y'dig?

  2. Ultimately don't end up commiting zina out of your mad love for him while sticking around him. Only dat advice can I give you

  3. Have patience. If he really understands that you want him to be be a religious guy and live happily the way islam teaches then surely he will start learning it & you can see the difference in him. Dont worry.

  4. Relaxxxx sister

  5. OP: we were always religious.......The reason i loved him and gave him a chance is because he has such good manners, always there to help me when i need help in anything and very considerate. He just has no knowledge about Islam yet he comes from a Muslim family.....i talked to him about it and made it clear that if he didn't try to improve his learning about Islam at least the basics ( praying, fasting..etc) then i will not agree to marry him...... And i have had some bad guys try to approach me before. So i am afraid if i leave i wont ever find someone that treats me this good again.

    If you are very religious why are you meeting all those bad guys and good guys? This guy may be bad too. He may not be interested in marrying you, just waiting for his chance to get closer. Ask him if he would like to come and meet your family. If he starts making excuses that will give you some idea what he is up to.

    • @SVS your advice make sense! a good Muslimah won't go out hanging with a guy, let alone the one who doesn't care about his religion! And Allah has warned us "Do not come near zina ( Adultery)" & giving him a chance & hanging out with him is close to zina. If he can't give time to his religion, I don't think he will give you time, take care of you after marriage. I will advise you sister to give him a moving islamic lecture, books, tapes etc. And if you try everything you can in a lawful way to change him & if he didn't change! I will advise you to move on and supplicate to Allah to give you a better substitute! May Allah (s.w.a) have mercy on him and give him guidance. And Allah (s.w.a) knows best!

  6. *unfortunately didnt bother to teach him much about Islam and the culture. Unlike my family, we are super close and we were always religious. how can you claim this? Allah says in Quran you are not a firmed Muslim until you are tested severely. So how can you claim to be super religious.
    why are you talking with a non mahram being so religious?
    you are forcing him. i am sorry to say if forced sex is a rape. forced marriages are illegal as well. you are threatening him so that he may start offering prayers for showing off. is religion for you a display item?

    he will practise religion on his own and may Allah guide him you can pray for him. we are no one to judge someone and compare us just because we offer prayers. we are not doing ehsaan on Allah.

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