Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please help me to convince our parents for our marriage

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am 23yrs and I want to get married soon. I "A" love a person "B" from last 2 years and he also loves me a lot. The problem is that the person who I love was committed to some other Muslim girl "C" and they had long 6 years relation til 2009 though "B" was not happy because "C" was not understanding and had doubts on "B" and never gave him space.

"B" was very depressed with the relation but did not break the relation as it would be wrong if he would break a promise to whom he got committed and promised he would marry "C" and got depressed within himself. When I and "B" met I was very keen to know why is he depressed and tensed in life which I could see on his face, he shared all his problems with me and we started loving one another as we got attracted and understood one another.

He is a true Muslim who offers prayer everyday and even "C", when he opened our relation to his previous commitment she didn't understand and never accepted our relation and went out of his life smoothly because in their relation their parents were involved and they were to get married once "B" gets settled. Now the problem is I love "B" a lot and he also realized that he loves me and not "C" and it was just a soft heart feeling for her as a good human.

I spoke to my parents that I want to marry "B" they agreed but on condition that his parents should come and talk to my parents about our marriage but his parents never agreed to consider me as his life partner ever they hate me as they think I am the reason "C" and "B" had misunderstandings despite several explanation by "B".

However we planned to get married without "B" parents knowledge and he moved to Saudi Arabia to earn and get settled and talk to my father once again so that I can move to saudi on my father's visa and we get married over there. But, more problems arose and his office people playing politics and giving lot tensions and he is not able to talk to my father from last 6 months and I want to get married to him soon as I know we are committing a lot of sins by talking to one another as he is not my mahram. I am offering 5 time Salah and whatever applicable dua to get married soon. Still nothing working out and I am running out of patience. Please Advice me looking on this aspect-

1. Weather he should talk to my father and convince him to get both of us married without he getting well settled?

2. I shall leave the thought to become his wife and listen to my parents and agree to marry different person of their choice?

3. I offer my Tahajjud Namaz 10min before the Fajr Namaz is this accepted?

4.  At Asr I read "Sallallahu Alaiyhi Wasallam" 500 times and in Isha I read "Aghisni Aghisni Aghisni Ya Mugheeso" 500 times with 11times Durood-E-Shareef in start and end to get married to the person who I desire. Is this correct and I do supplicate after each dua going in Sajda that I should get married to "B".
Please do reply to my question as I am not able to get help from anyone and I cannot discuss this with my parents as they seriously oppose our relation if "B" doesn't get his parents to talk to my parents for getting us married.



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4 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I appreciate you trying to make your situation as clear as possible with the A-B-C, but even in trying to grasp what was going on I still have a lingering question: What are the current status of the guy (B) and the other girl he was supposed to marry (C)? If he is still intending to marry her, and that's still a plan between the two of them and their respective families, then indeed that's probably the course he should go with. Marrying you should only be an option if he has brought complete closure to that relationship and his family at the very least understand that, even if they don't agree with him doing so.

    In reading your post however, I can't say wouldn't entirely disagree with his parent's assessment that his involvement with you led to their breakup. On that note, I also don't disagree with girl C's decision not to accept your relationship with her fiance, because in truth there should have been no relationship between the pair of you to begin with. You started out with a "friendship", and then as time went on he confided in you and your mutual attraction grew to the point that he wanted to marry you instead of the girl he gave a previous commitment to. I'm not saying someone can't change their mind before a nikkah, but the way your whole relationship progressed was under haraam pretenses. What makes it worse is the fact that neither you nor he were willing to let it go when both his parents and his fiancee expressed disapproval.

    All that being said, he's going to have a nearly impossible time trying to win his parent's approval. It's ultimately going to be his decision whether or not he decides to submit to their wishes, or go against them and approach your parents for your hand. That is something completely out of your control, it's a decision he has to make for himself.

    If he does decide (or, better yet, he manages to win his parents over) to go ahead and pursue marriage with you, I think it will bode better for both of you if he speaks with your father. Typically your father will be your wali anyway, so I would not recommend leaving him or your mother out of the equation like he may decide to do with his own. So far you have been taking all the wrongs steps to get to the right place, so now it's time to start doing things in proper order. Let him come to your father as he should, and then schedule the nikkah (sooner than later would be better in your cases, I believe). It probably wouldn't hurt for both of you to make istikhara while all this is being sorted out, and in the meantime keep your contact with each other to a bare minimum.

    Finally, don't treat salat and dua like a magic spell. You can petition Allah as often as you like, but there's not a special recipe or formula for guaranteed results. I personally think that anything you recite during salat should be strictly for the pleasure of Allah and with the intention of gaining nearness to your Lord, and not for the purpose of trying to elicit the results you want in this dunya life. I have never heard of any reputable shaykh or scholar advising anyone to with recitiation prescriptions during obligatory salat so they can get something they want. Regarding tahajjud, as far as I know it can be prayed anytime until the time for fajr salat comes in. Personally speaking, I try to make sure any prayers I make are completed before at least 5 minutes before the end of that salat time, and started no earlier than 5 minutes after the salat time has come in.

    -Amy Editor

  2. I want marry a guy...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah]

  3. Salam
    I m 34 yrs single female
    I wanna marry a guy, but due to his previous bad experience of failed marriage, he dnt wanna marry again
    I can't express my feelings to him but he respects me a lot
    Plz help me n guide me..... I prayed a lot as I liked him with not only my heart but with soul also
    I did istakhara for him for guidance from Allah almighty, and I saw very positivity
    I m doing istakhara since a month
    It seems like his heart n mind is filled with fears n bitterness

  4. Assalam, if read the arabic spelling it is Aghsini. This is from the dua of Abu Muallaq sahabah Rasul SAW.

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