Islamic marriage advice and family advice

love marriage to a poor but good brother


empty wallet, poor

No money.


My cousin loves me. He's a good islamic guy and I too love him, but my parents are not accepting because he is not rich. What to do?


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12 Responses »

  1. Assalamoalikum Sister Sheema,

    If you belong to rich class and are born and brought up in rich family then it will be very difficult to continue life with person who is not so well off or financially very bad .

    I know best person is the one who is good Islamically but most of the brothers/sisters here are average muslims .
    Initially it might look good How good a person is (If he is really good too) but with time it will lead to frustration if he is struggling to provide good life to you or your kids in future ..

    Its better if you try to find pious and good person from financially good background else you might create problems for this poor guy in future .

    Allah hafiz

  2. Sister,

    One does not need to be rich to have a successful marriage. However, a job and a steady income of sorts is definitely important. Maybe your parents are concerned that he cannot support you financially. Has your cousin come to your home to ask for your hand in marriage rather than just tossing the idea about? If not, I would encourage him to do so.


  3. Assalamwalaikum,

    Let me start by sharing a beautiful story from the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

    There is a hadith that mentions of a girl proposing herself to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) while he was seated on a camel, but our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did not respond. At this moment, a very poor man asked Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) if he could marry the girl (should Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) not be interested). Then, our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) asked what he had to offer as mahr (dowry) to the girl. The man goes back to his house in search for something valuable that he could provide, but only returned empty handed with nothing to offer as mahr. Then, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) asked him of how much Qur'an he knew, to which the poor man responded by saying he knew such-and-such verses and his knowledge of Qur'an was accepted as mahr for the girl. As the girl had no objection to this arrangement... the girl and the poor man were wed.

    The point I am trying to make here is that, in Islam, the idea is that men are the ones who need to spend on their womenfolk. It is also true that Allah is "The Provider" for everyone.

    Here, you will need to clarify how you define "rich"?
    For example, a person could be earning $1,000 which is just sufficient to provide for himself and his family. But for someone who earns $10,000... the $1,000 might be considered as being poor. Personally, I would say Alhamdulillah to even $1,000 if the man/woman is of a pious nature. However, if your earning is $0... then there is some concern.

    If your cousin is literally penniless, that is, he is not earning at all, absolutely $0, then your parents argument and concern might just be valid from a practical standpoint but not Islamic as I understand from the above story, you need not have any money to get married if the wali (guardian) accepts that. Strangely, Islam is a very practical religion. How would your cousin provide for your needs when he would not be in a position to provide for himself?

    However, if your cousin is earning just about enough income, there is another hadith that mentions of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) saying "if there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and great mischief."

    Then, there is also the hadith that mentions of the four characteristics one considers in a prospective spouse. One - Beauty, Two - Wealth/Status, Three - Piety and Four - Family Background. Pick number 3! Lest your hands be rubbed with dust.

    I suggest, that you first, understand the financial position of your cousin. Will he able to meet your needs? Will his financial condition improve? What are the chances? Is there any person in his family or relatives or within your family or relatives who would support you and him financially? What are the options you have to improve your cousin's finances?

    Next, understand the concerns your parents have with the relationship between you and your cousin. Are you sure it is simply about the money? Are there any other untold reasons? For argument sake, would your parents agree to the relationship if your cousin is able to improve his financial condition?

  4. assalamu alaikum sister

    who cares what your parents think...they are not marrying him

    if he is a good brother and practicing muslim that is what matters.Your parents will not live your life.
    Let me tell you money comes and GOES.... in the west you can be rich one day and poor the next and vice versa...i grew up in a wealthy family but my husband grew up in a lebanese village with 16 other siblings and his parents were dirt poor. Guess what? when i married him he bought a farm and now we are going well.

    alot of people have parents who want to control or try to control every aspect of their lives and guess what? ALLAH swt is the best of controllers and ultimately can take that wealth or give it.

    if you want to marry him and it is YOUR decision. If your wali is not accepting bcos of money..i would see another means to marry him..Our prophet SAW married Khadijah RAS and she was doing business and he worked for HER!


  5. asalamu alaikum,

    just remind your mother money comes and money goes. you might be rich now, but it can change and vice-versa. seen well off business go bankrupt. you don't know what the future holds. remind her also marriage is not based only on wealth. you want someone who will take good care of you. usually mothers want a good man for their daughter, who care for them, wont mistreat etc rather than being rich.

    also just being rich doesn't mean happiness no does it mean you wont encounter issues. some rich people are so stingy/greedy. well it can work both ways.

    ma salama..

  6. The most heart breaking story I have ever read in my life. Many good comment have been given to you sister.

    You are choosing the right decision. It must be hard as a girl to convince your parents, but he is your cousin talk to your uncle mans let him know about you two maybe he can be of help insha Allah. May Allah make it easy for you.

    & 'Brother Cool'. What are you talking about? ........Our prophet Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam was not rich when he proposed to the most richest women at his time (Khadijah) ra. At least if the guy has some to provide for her. That Is sufficient. That is my opinion and Allah knows best.

    Wa Salam

  7. 1. Why are you asking this question here?

    2. If you really loved him you would explain to your parents and they would agree if he is a good man.

    3. If you are asking this question here it means that the doubt is your mind and it is not the refusal of your parents that is the issue.

    4. First you must be ready to face this truth. Then only a solution will be understood by you.

    5. The reason this doubt is in you is because you are full of fear. You lack faith in the protection of the Almighty and have faith in the protection of maya, Money.

    6. Remember money comes and goes - Gaddaffi after such a long and powerful rule died like a dog - all the money did not save him or his family

    7. True protection is not in wealth but in prayer. Same is true for peace. Money cannot buy you protection or happiness. Fact.

  8. Marry him its your decision money comes and goes your not going to take it to your grave. Too many people are going for financial gains instead of going for a person who actually knows the meaning of a marriage or a man who will treat a lady well vice visa. Someone who has it all doesn't necessarily means that decision is always the right one. The choice is yours not your PARENTS and the main thing is YOU need to be happy ISLAM gives everyone this choice and choice to choose your own partner.

  9. Dua toAllah Aza Wa Jal sister! Dua changes everything even dead and cracked hearts! Wallahil AZEEM!

  10. If a wealthy girl married to poor boy. Then due to her his life will also change.
    We must appreciate both.

  11. im a girl from a wealthy family who has been raised in canada, i fell in love with my cousin who is poor we got engaged almost 7 months, now its difficult for me to manage things because he cannot support me financially. sometimes i get so frustrated and start to fight with him. My mother always liked a rich son in law so she doesn't like my fiancé much and it hurts me sometimes, my fiancé is a very nice and humble guy, he's very well behaved and his family is very nice he loves me a lot. I just pray for Allah to help us.

  12. assalamu alaikum to all

    Somehow I stumbled upon these posts just trying to find see one answers in my own predicament. I grew up poor and lost my mom and stepdad at an early age so I ha to fend for myself. My mum worked as a maid and put me through school an my real dad's brother was there for me even though they were poor as well. When he got ill he made me promise to watch over my aunt an cousins. I Sent my aunt to college, my cousin's to school and allhumdillah I managed to see my youngest cuz married off last month to a good home. Unfortunately I never did getarried or find anyone do I have lived alone for the past 20 years or so, and next month I turn 40.

    The moment I find someone who took my heart away, she ended up being from a prominent family. For 3 months I did my best to show her how much I care etc, I even asked for her to let me speak to her father, but to no avail. She always tool whatever o gave her and even though I get by month to month I sometimes starved myself to a single meal per day just to somehow for or get little things to show I care and even told her so.

    Everything seemed fine until after her birthday I being an artist and freelance designer, I drew her a portrait with a poem from my heart. I even told her that I let years pass by repaying the kindness others have showed to me and am not a rich man, however what I have given you is all I can afford and I had stayed up late nights and made Dua so you will know how much I care about and love you. She was overwhelmed so I waited for the next day for her response.

    I sat there at work the next day and when everyone left the office she spoke.
    She was eating these grapes that looked very pricey and said to me, what must I say? You see these grapes, they are sub standard and not to my level. They are just like you, maybe you should have them since your tummy keeps making noises, these grapes are just like you so at least now you won't be hungry.
    I sat there even after she and the rest of the office left for the day just staring at the grapes, frozen and stunned and how this dhuniya has made people evolve into believing the material and superficial is all that's important.

    I still see her everyday, and I come back to my home, even though my home is empty and my heart is shattered I make Shukri that I have come this far and am able to adapt and take on even menial jobs to get by. I remember my mum and I going begging when I was a child and all the remarks and words we used to hear, but to this day even though the tears still burn me, I still have my pride.

    May Allah aza wajal accept our duas, and may the hearts of those who have been shattered like mine be healed as well. Empires rise and fall, everything burns or is dust in time, but in the akiraat our izath will keep us standing tall with our heads held high.

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