Fallen in love with a married woman and need help to avoid zina
Salaam,
I am going through some strange phase of my life. I am single,27 and fallen in love with a married woman of 47. Initially it was a respectfull relation as I never looked at her with negative feelings but I dont know with the passage of time the feelings become more stronger and then there was time that we become too close. In fact too close and we had ended up having sexual relations. I never wanted in that way but the emotions just took me away and its growing day by day. I really have strong love for her but at the same time I feel regret at what has happened. She is also in deep love with me. Now I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt her and at the same time I want to reverse this as I feel bad for what is happening. Its just happening like it was meant to. I always kept my self away from sin but i don't know i just got too close to her blindly.
I need help. She is very nice very kind and also sometime she feels the same way but our emotions overcome it. Now I want the best possible way to finish the sexual relation with her and bring the relation to the safe level. Pleaase help me. I don't want to carry on sin. I feel bad and want to get out of it without hurting her as I have very strong and loving feeling for her at the same time.
- tehmeen14
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Assalamualaikum wr wb bro.
Have you realized the intensity of this grave act??!!! according to shariah a married man or woman has to be stoned to death for committing zina!! that's how grave it is...not like it is a less of a sin for you!
Ok what has happened has now become past. What you now gotta do is to MOVE AWAY from this lady. Even if it means to move to another state or country. I am damn serious about this. It's better for you to struggle to move away from her rather than enter the hot furnace for the adulterers in the akhira!
Cut off all contacts with her. I can't believe how shaitan has tricked you both.
May Allah protect us all!!
Repent sincerely to Allah.
He is Most Merciful but know that He is Severe in Punishment too.
So seek forgiveness sincerely keeping in mind about His Mercy and at the same time do all that you require inorder to stop contacting this lady whether mail, phone,etc keeping in mind the Severe Punishment Allah, All Powerful can inflict you with.
May Allah help you and please again I tell you my brother, dont contact her EVER!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ3LHTY8JS0
And one more thing, you said you don't want to hurt her. Excuse me.
guess how hurt her husband is going to feel for this disgusting behaviour?!!.
So please don't bother. If you really do care about yours and her akhira just move away!
Assalamualaikum wr wb Dear Editors..
May Allah S.w.t. bless you all immensely!! i don't know how you people are able to keep your sanity after reading some unbelievably sad and suffocating stories!! 🙁
Really may Allah S.w.t. bless and help the team and accept your efforts and remove any grief in this world and akhira!!
Ameen to your prayer!
Assalaamu alaikum brother tehmeen.
Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in. I am sorry, I am going to be blunt : You know what my answer is going to be.
Adultery is a MAJOR sin - have you ever thought, what if Allah swt ordains for you to die on this sin? We are raised up on Yawmul Qiyamah doing what we engaged in just before death. I urge you to save yourself dear brother, No one is worth risking going to Jahannam no matter how much you love them.
I want to quote a hadith and some commentary from a website:
1622. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Allah has written the very portion of Zina which a man will indulge in. There will be no escape from it. The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous songs or talk), the Zina of the tongue is (the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where he intends to commit Zina), the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
This is the wording in Muslim; Al-Bukhari wording is a bit short.
Commentary: Seeing, listening, walking, etc., are means of committing the sin of fornication and adultery, but they have been termed so metaphorically so that every Muslim saves himself from them. If he does not try to save himself from them, his desires will find support from the private parts of his body; that is, he will incline to immoral acts. If he keeps himself away from the means of fornication and adultery, his private parts will crush his desires, that is to say he will be saved from immoral acts. This is the reason it is said that one should avoid glances, smiles, salutation, conversation, promises and then meetings which occur by stages on one's way to fornication and adultery.
You need to stop all contact with this woman. Even speaking to her is a sin which constitutes a form of zina, and its destroying her relationship with her husband. I know it will be hard as you love her and don't want to hurt her but if you really love her you must leave her and never contact her again. No good can come out of this: only tears, pain and torment and even more in the next life. By being in contact with her, you also risk harm to yourself and to her. Let her be with her life. Allow her to live as a good Muslimah if you really love her.
The longer you delay leaving, the harder it will be. One day you and her will have to part ways. So the sooner you leave the better.
Dear brother, again I urge you to leave her - it may be best if you send her an email from another account to end the relationship. Apologise in the message nicely and explain how this is a sin and it must stop and you must both do tawbah. Then delete her number/email address and change your number/email address.
Don't despair about your sin, yes it was big but no sin is greater than Allahs mercy so ask Allah for forgiveness sincerely. If you don't pray, start praying your salat. It will be hard, but you WILL move on in time InshaAllah. Allah will also reward you if you give up this relationship to achieve His pleasure.
I pray that Allah swt guides you towards the correct decision, forgives you and gives you happiness in this life and the next!
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salamu alaykum, tehmeen,
Thank you very much for opening your Heart.
I am sorry for all this situation you are involved in, she is twenty years older than you, you can be her son, she is married, .... I know you have feelings for her, but she has traspassed too many barriers to have sex with a young man, she have had her life, she cannot give you a family, both of you are in an extremely exposed situation, Astagfiroulah, you are sinning and you have been inocent till now, don´t let this sexual desire ruin your life a single second more, please.........., this is something to get out as fast as you can, not looking back, she is not for you, she is a married woman, doesn´t matter what she says, she should repent, do tawbah, come back to the straight path, she has the choice to do it or not, you have enough with your own baggage.
You know why you lost your boundaries with her, why you got so close to her blindly, because you saw her as a married lady to be respected, you trusted her, you never expected her to be so close, that is why you regret it, you were in a vulnerable position, you know from the begining it is wrong. I am not condemnig or judging you or her, I try to expose facts. You have develop a physical bond with her based on a secret and prohibited desire, you deserve more than that, you are a young man, marry a woman to have a family, have children, care of them, insha ´Allah.
Please, don´t feel pity for her, that feeling will drawn you to her. She has damaged herself and damaged you, and you have done the same and both of you have damaged a man, her husband, aren´t these enough reasons to get out of this situation now, not later, now, insha´Allah.
You won´t ever have again a safe relationship with her, you need to stop any kind of contact with her, and please learn this lesson not to fall again with any other woman, you are old enough to marry and have your own family, insha´Allah.
On the top of the page you have a link called Tawbah and other one called Dua, please have a look, learn about it and practice it, insha´Allah.
Repent from Heart and stop the sin, do your salat on time, pray, talk to Allah(swt), pray for her to find the Straight Path and for yourself, insha´Allah. All of this will increase your Iman, insha´Allah.
Please, have the strength to come back to the Straight Path for both of you, insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) guide our steps to the Straight Path. Ameen.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Beautiful response MashaAllah sister Maria!
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
brother
i too will be blunt becasue i feel that is what is required in this situation. I don't think its love, its lust more than anything else- lust and desire bought you two so close that you stepped over boundaries.
I think you are the innocent party in this liasion. The older woman took your trust in her and twisted it into something hideous.
Now you only have one option and this is to walk away- there is no future in this. Maybe if she was not married and had a life you could have got married (although i do think it would have been difficult to maintain such a marriage due to the generation gap!).
Please walk away and do not look back, you cannot take this 'relation to a safe level' theres no such a thing when it comes to relations between non-mahrems.
Don't make yourself believe that it is love, love has boundaries, sane people love for years and never consummate that love even with a gaze! you know why? becasue love brings with it respect, i don't see any respect in your liasion with the woman.
please repent sincerely and don't look back, close this chapter.
good luck.
Brother, I will keep it short.
We can't help anyone unless they help themselves. The only way to get out of this situation is cutting off the relationship with that woman right away. No ifs and buts. No thinking if that will hurt her. Complete STOP.
Feeling bad for her, feeling emotional for her, thinking if she will get hurt--these are all the tricks of Shaitan to keep you engaged in sinning. If you abruptly cut off our relationship, completely sever all sorts of ties (email, phone) with her, and even stop seeing her, will that please Allah? Yes. The pleasure of Allah should be enough for us, and should be the full stop.
My suggestion of taking drastic measure may seem odd to you, but remember brother: Small step is the way to the big step. You may think that you can only remain friend with this lady, but with this friendship mentality you will only fool your own self. If your hide and seek game with your own self continues, you can remain certain that you won't succeed in getting out of this haram relationship. Remember, shaitan makes appear to you that you need to depend on lesser sins like talking or being friend with the lady to keep yourself away from the bigger sin like having sex, but in reality, this lesser sins are only the stepping stone to commit the bigger sin, as each lesser sin feeds your nafs, and takes the life out of the ruh, and ultimately, the nafs overwhelms your conscience, defeats the ruh.
Tell her straight away that you have come to realize that whatever have happened was of grave consequence from your religious point of view, and you now fear Allah, and thus can't continue anymore. Case closed.
Seriously brother..STOP this sin, I'm a sixteen year old girl and have absolutely no idea how i ended up on this website but reading your story has given me chills to the core of my body and certainly not in a good way. I STRONGLY suggest you repent and also realise the extent of the situation your in as this women your associating yourself with has a family and im guessing children aswell? imagine the anguish and betrayal the family is going to feel if this relationship comes to light. Really just go awayy..far away from her and most importantly FORGET HER..im going to be very direct and blunt here i literally felt disgusted whilst reading this story i mean is it that hard to control your desires! im only 16 and i have not experienced the so called "love" except for petty fangirl crushes on celebrities so i don't know how your feeling but for the sake of yourself and this women get away from her...=)
Salam
salam
bro.....i also face the somewhat similar problem........but after marridge came back to right track... so very simple but hard advice for you ,,,JUST MARRY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and START OFFERING 5 TIMES PRAYER SINCERELY.
INSHAALLAH ALLAH IS MOST FORGIVING
Salam borther,
Can u help me with the dua in Arabic written in English to save my self from zina, in this world Allaha subhana watala has made so many beautiful women's this I get temped , plz help me to save my self from zina
May Allaha bless u
Brother,
Zina is something that punishment has been prescribed for in the Quran.
~ So remind yourself of this severe punishment that lies ahead for the one who does commit this major sin.
~ Pray your Salaah and ask Allah for Sabr/patience.
~ If you able to get married, then seek a good wife - not just to satisfy your physical desires though but because she is someone you think will be good for you in this life and the next.
~ If you cannot get married yet, then do as Rasul(sws) recommended and 'Fast'.
~ If you have not read an English translation of the Quran - now is a good time to start. Read it and you will shiver with fright every time you hear of punishments for zina and you will feel a renewed sense of peace every time you read about the rewards of Sabr/Patience.
~ And finally - lower your gaze, because the first glance can be the one that sends that piercing signal through the brain and to the heart faster that lightning! Avoid mixing with women unless absolutely necessary - and doing the dawah is not an exuse! If you know you feel weak around women, the better dawah you can do is by avoiding to be around them.
Seek refuge with Allah from shaytan as it is shaytan who wishes to lure you towards zina, say: 'I seek refuge with Allah(swt), from satan the accursed', in arabic: 'Aou'dhubillaahi Minnashaytaan-Nirrajeem'.
If you have any further questions, please log in a submit them as a separate question.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
That's a great question. Here are some good dua's that can be recited at any time:
1. Allaahumma inniy a'oodhu bika min munkaraatil akhlaaqi wal a'amaal wal ahwaal wal adwaa
(Oh Allah! I seek your protection from evil character, bad actions, destructive desires and illnesses.) Hisnul Haseen
2. Allaahumma aati nafsiy taqwaahaa wa zakkihaa anta khayra man zakkaahaa anta waliyyuhaa wa mawlaahaa
(Oh Allah! Fill my soul with Taqwa and purify it for the best of purifiers is none save yourself. You are my guardian and protector.) Mishkaat pg.216; Qadeemi
3. Allaahumma tahhir qalbi min an-nifaaq wa amaali min al-riyaa wa lisaan min al-kidhb wa ayniy mi al-khiyaana. Fa innaka ta'lamu khaainat al-a'ayuni wa maa tukhfi al-sudoor
(O Allah! Cleanse my heart of hypocrisy and my actions from ostenstation, purify my tongue from lies and my eyes from deception. Verily you know well the deceptive eye and that which the hearts conceal.) Ibid pg.220
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks for your reply,
Is there any dua to protect our self from the fitna of women
Wael
Jazak Allaha that's all I can say , I am in umrah surely il pray for u
MaashaAllah thats lovely, you are so fortunate to be in Makkah as we speak.
Brother make the most of the blessed place you in during this blessed month inshaAllah and please remember us all in your duas!
May Allah accept your Umrah, aameen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
This is called lust and not love ...She is 20 year older than you and of your mother's age .How can you have sex with her ...Its time you should come out of this mess ..