Does he love me or is it only games and lust?
Islam does not condone dating.
Okay i met this guy here in uae. We came from different side of the world nationality, culture, religion. we've been friends for a couple of year (more than 1 year) who would have fall if your always together i mean the feelings of getting inlove. He is the first man i go out here, same to him i'm the first girl he went out with.
he is from village in palestine and he explain to me about his culture and tradition that they have to follow, i know his just been so honest to tell me about this things for me to be aware.
His family doesn't know about this and he never tried to mention, only that he said its not possible for us to be together because of their culture and what hurts me more is that i tried to convince him 'why not try' if nobody does then? (no harm in trying). Just for me to know the answer. then he answered this 'because i know that nobody will accept' and he persuade that am still his best friend because generally no relationship in islam i mean bf/gf things...
so he told me nothing will changed, what we had before will be the same. And promised me that he will not get married after me. This is all what he told me after the confessions - i feel like am rejected or what am totally confused because he wanted me to stay...
Also, we already kissed and hugged, for me this kind of things matter. But i don't know exactly to him, its like lust over love? Does he really loved me? or He is just afraid from his family? or this kind of things is just for enjoyment? to think that what we have now has nothing for the future.
we had a lot of major differences Religion, Nationality, Culture ... we always hang out its almost 1 year we are going out coffee, movies, etc.. just recently i admit to him that i liked him but he refused to admit and he explained to me his culture from there village its not possible to marry other nationality, i asked him if somebody tried already he said NO because nobody will accept them ...
but what he told me is "nothing change". after that confrontation we still hang out and the feeling became strong the relationship became more close unlike before. my question is - Is it really hard for muslim (arab guys) from villages to marry other nationality ? from there family and tradition? how is it possible .... that's the only question that bothers me , that hurts me a lot when he told me about it, i feel like am totally rejected, i know he is so honest to tell me that.
but if that so that nothing to expect in the future then why he still wants me to stay, i mean its really hard... i can't avoid him his the only close person and i trust here in UAE.
Please any help and advice.
- endlesslove
(Editor's note: sister, I have merged both your posts into one)
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If you can't get married than you need to end it.
What you've described isn't allowed in Islam.
Have respect for yourself and leave him..don't let him use you.
It sounds very much like he may be using you.
Leave him.
Thats just my opinion.
From what I know about Palestinians is that they (families) like to choose spouses for their children from their own country, camp if possible. His family will find it hard to accept you, if at all. However, if I were you, I'd stop the hugs, kisses, meetings etc... Because it won't do you nor him any good. Also I think the reason why he's telling you about his culture and background is because there isn't anyone out there to listen, but you. The UAE is a big mix of many cultures and people's. it can be lonely there at times, too, if you don't have family and friends there.
Lastly you didn't state your culture, background or religion. Maybe I can give you better advice if I knew more details. But you really need to stop meeting with him because you're not his wife. People often times find themselves in trouble when they begin relationships that are not permissible. Don't let your heart do the thinking. Use logic and put things in perspective without letting emotions get in your way of making good decisions.
He is not for you. Islamicaly, if he were truly interested in you, then he would've came to your father and ask your hand in marriage.
Regards
Lisa
Hi lisa,
Im a non muslim, i honestly think of leaving uae to end up this stuff's but when i mentioned him this plan, he refused and told me that we had our promise, swear his the first man i loved like this i almost told my mom and my sister about him but what they knew we are just friends where in fact 'yeah its true' there's no between us. He always tell me am special.
Hello Endlesslove,
Well from what I have read from the above it sounds like your heart is hooked on this guy. If you all have serious intentions to marry then I suggest that you inform your family and he must inform his family (immediately). However, you stated you're not Muslim. If you are a Christian or Jew, then a muslim man can marry you because Christians and Jews are considered People of the Book in Islam. This means that God has given Jesus (Essa) the Gospel (in its original form) and Moses (Mousa) the Torah (in its original form)-peace upon them both. However, if you are not a Christian nor a Jewish women then a Muslim man is prohibited from marrying such a woman until she becomes a believer.
Secondly you stated:" swear his the first man i loved like this" Does he truly feel this way about you? He really needs to go and ask for your hand in marriage (depends on your faith though) and move on. He can't keep this relationship on hold. It would only cause further damages (emotionally) and leave you in a state of uncertainty.
Third, you really need to speak to your mother (you didn't mention if you had a father) about your situation. It is not right for you to sort out your feelings about your situation by yourself. You need to address these concerns with a male family too. Men have a logical perspective about these situations because of their experiences in life with work, interacting with other men, etc...
Lastly, I don't know if you all are students, working, how old y'all are, etc... Are y'all in the UAE because of your parents working there? I am only asking because your story kind of seems that there is a bit of lust/infatuation involved. I have this image of the two of you being students, young people who seem "in love." I am just trying to piece your bits and pieces of the story together in my head.
Please, as I stated previously, stop the physical contact, if you haven't done so. All the hugs and kisses in the world (before marriage) means nothing in a true Islamic marriage.
Let me know more information as I am familiar with the Palestinian and Arab culture....very, very familiar. I am of Arab descent am married to one. I am also familiar with life in UAE. So, I can offer you more solutions to your problems if you'd like.
Regards,
Lisa
p.s. I didn't get the chance to read further comments. So excuse me if my questions seem redundant
Lisa,
We both are working together,and both first time to work outside country. i totally agree with you am hooked up to this guy, call me stubborn and stupid i admit, i seek for advice but seems am too hard headed or maybe i just can't accept the truth. from where are you sister? are you married with palestinian guy? pardon me for my question. and thank u much for being there to listen.
Endlesslove
Salam endless love,
I hope all is well. In terms of you being hard headed, I suggest that you truly open your eyes to your situation. Ask yourself what are you gaining from this relationship? Are you going to keep on waiting for him? Why? Is he worth it? You need to put yourself first, your family first, your education first and your future first. The UAE has good employment opportunities for people with good education. The country has a future for foreigners. So if I were you, I'd focus on your education and getting a good job. Don't miss this door of opportunity in Dubai, Abu dhubi or whichever city you are living in.
This guy seems like he has NO plans for you. His Palestinian family will never accept you. this is part of the Palestinian culture. It can't be changed. It is what it is.
Being emotionally attached to him is not doing you any good. Emotions are just temporary feelings. So please direct your energy into something more productive.
The Japanese culture is unique in many ways. Many Japanese are goal driven , highly competitive people. Most Japanese don't marry out of their race. You know your culture and people better than me, of course. You will find somebody that deserves you and will marry you for who you are. Please move on with your life and do not get yourself involved with him. Take advantage of what the future holds for you. This is advice I'd give to anyone in your situation. You are more important to yourself and to your family than he is to and to your family.
This is my last piece of advice to you. Decide what will be best for yourself and your future without him.
Wishing you the best in your life.
Regards,
Lisa
Sister he is not the one who should approve of your decisions for you to make them. He made the decision not to marry you and you didn't like that right? Then why do you care so much about his opinion about you leaving the country? What promise did you have with him? Did he promise to marry you? If he doesn't want to marry you then what is is that he wants from you? Are you just something he wants to hang on to until he gets married? This is something you should not let him do to you. He tells you that you are special just like I was told I was special, it is a lie. If you are really special to him he would convince his parents to marry you. He would at least try. If it does not work out then you know he tried but this man doesn't even want to do that for you.
Do not talk to him, he is filling you up with false hope. It is not fair to you and you will move on if you decide to let him go, inshallah. By still talking to him you are preventing someone else to marry you, someone who will choose you from the beginning and fight for you. It will be the hardest thing for you to block him trust me I have been through this but when you start to recover and a year or two later you will go on this site and you will read this post you will start to wonder why you loved him so much because you will look at this situation logically instead of emotionally.
You think he loves you, you think he cares about you by saying you are special but don't get me wrong you are special, you are a diamond, something priceless and prized but don't believe in him when he says it because he is saying it for the wrong reasons, listen to me and all those who love you because when they say you are special they are saying it with real truth and from their hearts. Don't let the sweet words of a man cloud your judgement because any man can say these things to you and you will fall in love with them if you are not careful. If this man was a totally different person with a different culture and religion you will fall in love with that man too because of these sweet words.
You are very fortunate because you guys are just friends now. Allah has saved you from actually getting into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I mean you guys have been kissing and hugging which is wrong and real friends are not supposed to do that and but he hasn't considered you his girlfriend so in your mind you know he is not fully yours and there is an invisible barrier between you two. Imagine if he calls you his girlfriend and you believe him and fall deeper in love with him and do things that you should never do with him only to have him leave you for a woman from his country. Allah has saved you from that and now you have to make up your mind on what to do, if you will continue to fall deeper into desperation and risk getting into the hypothetical situation I just talked about or cut this friendship off while it still stays as a "friendship" and it will be much better for you to move on from this hopeless situation.
More than likely he will not change his decision and in the end it will be you who will be hurt deeply because his strict cultural views will prevent him from loving you completely and a part of him will always want a Palestinian woman that he will be happy with and that their family will accept. If you even end up having him in the end you will keep thinking in your mind if he is happy with you, if you are enough for him, if he will ever leave you for a woman from his country and many other thoughts that you don't really need to think about and don't really need to deal with. You are young and this is your first love I am guessing by you saying that you never felt this way for any other man, many people are not with their first love including me, I got over my first love and the man I am getting over is actually my second love. I am sure you will love again in the future. You may love many times before you meet someone who you will marry but at least you will know to stay away from men like these from this experience. Don't give up hope and be strong and stick to your decisions just as he does.
-Starclusters
u r muslima what is u r nationality
Ali,
I'm non muslim, from japan.
Peace by Upon You sister. Please have enough self respect to not see this man anymore. You are not a mistress and there is no such thing as a secret relationship in Islam. It is the Sunnah of the Prophet PBUH to announce a marriage publically.
You are not a mistress. You are a woman to be respected. Leave this man. That is the sincere advice of all Muslims and more importantly Islam.
Sister,
If he is your only friend in the UAE...it's time you look for other friends. Stop hanging out with this guy. He made it clear he does not want to marry you but will hug and kiss you...what is that? Stop hanging out before things go farther than you want.
Salam
Asalamualaikum Sister,
I am letting you know that once he decides he won't marry you because of cultural/relgious, etc. differences it means that he does not want to marry you. Chances are that he made this choice for himself and there is a possibility that he will not change his decision. Speaking from personal experiences sometimes some people like to stick with their own people. There is comfort in that so it is hard for them to see themselves with anyone else but their own people. The fact that he doesn't want to even try to convince his family to let him marry you makes it pretty alarming that he still wants you around. If he can't marry you then what does he want from you? Friendship? Even though he knows you like him and want to marry him? Only Allah knows his intentions but you need to be careful.
I am giving advice to you as someone who has been through this situation and I want to let you know that he will not change his mind and it will be best for you to cut off all ties from him. Maybe he will change his mind, only Allah knows, but I doubt it will be now. It may take him years, if he is even willing to change, and I suggest you do not waste any more of your time waiting. To make my point simple: Stop being his friend. He is feeding on your weakness and in the end it will be you who will be hurt because he will possibly end up marrying a Palestinian girl sooner or later. It is better for you to give this up now or watch him slip away to another woman while you are in agonizing pain of loss.
Don't get me wrong, I do not know him so I will never judge him or say he is bad but sometimes when a person makes an honest choice for themselves they never let it go and they stick to it. You just need to accept it. Put your feelings aside and think about this logically for a few moments, having different cultures may be difficult to get used to but what is even more difficult is having different religions because as a Muslim he has to raise your children as Muslim, will you be okay with that? Also, as a Muslim man he can not marry you if you are hindu, buddhist, atheist, agnostic, etc. Are you part of that? Marriage is not based on love only, marriage is based on love, commitment, compatibility and many other things. Are you ready for it?
If you are not Muslim I invite you to learn more about Islam so you have a better understanding of how Islam is so many of your questions can be answered just by reading the Quran. Make some good female friends, that is what I did also when I was recovering so you do not feel so alone. Make yourself busy doing things that are productive and what you love. If you can not learn to be happy without a man how can you be happy with a man? Most importantly pray to God for guidance and let Him heal you. If I can help prevent one person from going through what I went through for Allah's sake I will be happy. Listen to what I am saying because if I could go back to the past the one thing I would change would be to leave him while I was still in the position you are in. Don't give up hope! May Allah guide you and all the non Muslims and may He bless all of us with those who will love us the way He has created us. Ameen.
-Starclusters
Starclusters,
Salam sister thank you so much for the advice, it was good to know that people from different world came to this site and noticed every questions. Do you think my decision of leaving this country will help me move on from him, i won't be hypocrite its hard to forget people whos been a part of our life. He is so special we've been a lot of circumstances and good memries. Am i just being so stubborn or stupid that still am keeping a hope that sooner he will change and he will fight for me?
Endlesslove
Oh yes it is very very very hard to forget someone who has special memories with us and even now sometimes I think about these good memories but it is not impossible. In time when you heal it will fade away and when you meet someone new that you want to marry, it will be replaced by the good memories of the new person.
You are not being stupid or stubborn to keep having hope that he will change because it is normal to want that. When people love someone they don't want to give up hope that their loved ones will change. Sometimes they do change and other times they don't but the situation you are in where a person has been born and raised in that culture it is very unlikely for him to give up his cultural views just so he can marry you. It's just how it is sometimes and you said you are from Japan right? It is not even close to his country and the culture is so different that even if you marry him you will be faced with a major culture shock.
If you want to move out of your country it is totally up to you but before you do that just cut off all contact with him and try to get over him that way because you don't want to only leave just because of him. If you are happy where you are now then you should just stop talking to him and just focus on your life like your studies, work, friends, family etc. If you feel like the only way you can get over him is getting out of the country then by all means do it. I hope the best for you and people all around the world is going the same thing you are including me so don't feel like you are alone.
-Starclusters
@Starclusters:
Salam sister, don't get me wrong if i asked uhm- from where are you?
sorry for the late response, i came to read your msg over and over again
not just two times but its more. While reading your post tears coming
from my eyes, sorry if i'm too much in drama, honestly am just being carried
by my emotion, i really never expect that someone will response me and alhamdulila to
think that my post was published for advice's. I have a japanese blood my ethnicity is mixed just for the safe reason i won't publish my complete info's.
Dear endless love,u keep saying that you are a non Muslim when you have been asked your religion ,I'm assuming that you do not want to answer this question because you are either atheist or buddahist,or Taoist,which Im sure your friend has told you he cannot marry,it is non negotiable and even if you are christian or Jewish it would be very difficult to marry this man ,like you said you come from different sides of the world.if you are not Muslim and have no intentions of learning about Islam ,it just seems so pointless to be with him,Islam is a way of life it's not just like popping in and out of a chuch(once a year on Easter or something like that) and he comes from a strong culture,where would you fit in his family,I just don't see it working out well .I really think you have grown attached to him because you are all alone over there.I think if you were back in Japan,you mite not have even noticed him.why do you want to be in a foreign country all alone ,don't you miss your family and friends in Japan ,it's not good for a woman to be all alone in a foreign country.you sound like your ready for marriage,this man is not well suited for you,I believe.I think your prince charming is in Japan somewhere. Take care,endless love,may Allah grant you peace
Senna,
sorry sister, yes I'm a christian, with regards to why i'm in a foreign country its because i wanted to work and develop my skills trying to learn something which will help me enhance my confidence as well, if you asked me why not in japan or somewhere. it leads me here.
Thanks
@Endlesslove
First of all, Islam does not allow a girl friend-boy friend relationship.
Islam teaches us to respect women. We are not allowed to touch or even communicate( until necessary) with a women who is non mahram to us (who is for example not our mother, sister, wife, .. )
The Messenger of Allaah Muhammed (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486.
_____________________________
&
As you have been here
I would like to tell you about Islam
We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.
why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.
Allah says
“And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
{Quran 51:56}
_________________
Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
HE is not like us.
There is no one like HIM.
Allah says,
Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
"Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
He neither begets nor is born,
"And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."
(Quran 112: 1-4)
__________________________
what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?
Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?
Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.
I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.
Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
-> quran(dot)come
- > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com
replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
@Brother Abdullah
Salam brother, It was a perfect message from you. i think of this matter and prayed a lot, thank you for broaden up my mind, i knew about this things even before i'm just so stubborn to think on the other way, but alhamdulila it really feels good that someone out there was trying to help coping me up for this kind of stuff's that really is impossible.
Inshallah sooner or later ill come to learn more about islam and ready to embrace.
@Endlesslove
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu (May peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you).
If you have any questions regarding Islam please feel free to ask.
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Dear endless love,my heart is with you and i really understand and feel your pain,it is extremely difficult rt now but the pain will slowly fade away and your heart will grow from this experience.I have been thinking about you a lot and praying that Allah will take away all your pain,my advice to was given to you out of experience,see I am in a mixed marriage diff culture ,race etc. And there are so many hurdles to over come,that unless your boyfriend is willing to move mountians to be with you ,I'm afraid that it just won't work out,he has already told you that he can't/ won't even try,you seriously don't want to be with a man that is telling you this plain and simple.he has been seeing you for a year if he was going to marry you he would have done it already,men know what the want and they will be very clear about. my husband met and that same day he told me that he would marry me. And we did marry less than 2months after that,he said that he cannot live without me,but he had to go through so much pain and turmoil, and stand up to his very large family that was extremely against it,and because of that I did not allow them at my nikah,they had to meet me for the first time as his wife,but from the moment that they met me they loved me and accepted me ,even so it is not easy the culture is very strong and I feel that the more I study Islam the more i have learned things that are part of there culture but not part of Islam ,makes things complicated.your boyfriend knows very well that it is forbidden to have a boyfriend girlfriend relationship,it doesn't matter how he defines it,you guys hang out ,kiss hug etc,all these things are forbidden.I honestly feel that there is someone out there you will be much more happy with ,someone who would fight for you if need be,be the kind of woman that a man needs ,not the kind of woman that needs a man!
Senna,
Thank you sister for taking your time to be with me and for your prayers, i really owe you guys who don't stop giving me piece of advice..this is what i really need someone to talk to and someone who would get attention on me, your true about the quotation be a man needs, that was one of my fave verse before i get to know him, actually i keep on reminding that on myself. THANK YOU SO MUCH sis.
I just think that everything happens for a reason, and maybe Allah give me this as life test
and i know he has more plans for me. Thank you senna.
Endless love,
Salam. Just out of curiosity are there any mosques where you live which can help you learn about Islam? What is the Islamic culture like there in the UAE? Are there study groups for people who are interested in islam? I'll be stopping by to dubai over the summer and was interested in what life is like over there.
Thank you
lisa,
Walaikumsalam, sister UAE is a very open country mixed with different cultures, nationality etcc... yes ofcourse there are lots of mosque here, but i don't know anyone from there, i meet a muslim filipina girl before in the airport and she keeps on inviting me to there sessions but i'm staying too far like 200 km from her place and our schedule conflicts.
Salam'alaykum sis Lisa,
Dubai is one of the most corrupted state in the middle-east. It is known as 'Bangkok of middle-east' for its prostitution and 'new york of middle-east' for its skyscrappers. It is the worst state to visit. If you plan to visit Dubai for something related to Islam like learning about Islam or experiancing life in a muslim nation etc then the worst and wrong place to visit is Dubai. Yes Dubai 'was' a fine muslim state but it has transformed to also locally known as 'the sin city of mid-east'. But other states in UAE maybe good (not sure, havn't been there) like Abu Dhabi (heard from a friend that its still conservative), Sharjah, Ra's Al Khaimah etc. I would advise visiting Kuwait or Saudi which holds Islam to a high level compared to Dubai unless if you're on business trip which is impossible to cancel.
Last year, my dad, mum, elder bro and I (21 yrs old) went to Dubai for vacation as my dad had some business stuff, so we booked in a hotel, 2 days later, I went to roam around the hotel, not untill 10 mins of walking, a european women wearing a mini skirt and sleeves top approached me and said "500 dirhams for 2 hrs, do anything you wish anywhere " astaghfirullah. Unfortunately I couldn't control myself and barraged many arabic and english bad words at her loudly, invoked Allah's curse on her and walked off masha'Allah alhamdulillah. Told my parents about this and we complained to the officals about her behaviour and only to find out that its normal in hotels. The hotel wanted to compensate us by letting us stay for the rest of our trip of 2 weeks, but we checked out instanly without paying. In the other hotel we went courtyard dubai, we saw a women, chinese most probably, receving various men in her room. Those men were arabs. Just when we thought we came to a better hotel. May Allah curse these filthy people. On the streets its worst, I've been to England and its almost like England with regards to being an 'open country' where corruption and filth are widespread with night clubs, pubs, filthy unIslamic women, alcohol etc. I don't think its any different than USA. Absolutely unIslamic society. Its a place for tourists. I really can't imagine that in a muslim country just on the border of Saudi and where Islam played an important role. A hadith comes to mind when our prophet said: " Woe to the arabs from the great evil that has approached them " (Bukhari)
This is my experiance, I was born and brought up in Kuwait, in a strict and religious family and society and so we are not used to 'open society with corruption' and so it angers us like hell when we see it. It'll be a different story for those who were born and brought up in USA or Europe or etc, they might consider dubai similar to their country but only difference is 50-55 degrees celcius temperature during summer.
oh but i just read in the news paper some days back that a couple (an indian male and a philipeno female) were caught kissing on the beach so they were sentenced to jail for a year. i thought that was good, in europe things r so bad on the streets that i had to physically shut my daughter's eyes on some occassions. Paris and amsterdam r the worst. i knew dubai is a bangkok of uae but i assumed all the horrible stuff hapnd either in private or in the pub like places.im stunned. astagfirullah ur experience was a shocking one.
we were planning a vacation to dubai, but now im contemplating.
mashallah u r very strong for a 21yr old.
I can relate to Ali bin abdullah.
Couple of years back,I went to Dubai for personal reasons.There was a special floor in my hotel which was dedicated for a special cause. Out of curiosity,I went to that floor and read a sign stating "People below 22 years of age are not allowed" . I could hear weird noises and music playing in the back ground. When the guard saw me standing there reading the sign.He ordered me to leave and warned me not to come back here again.
That was when I was 16 years old. Now I realise why that guard ordered me to leave immediately.
Be watchful my fellow muslims bros and sis
Wa alaykoum as Salam
La howla wala qawata illa billah! I am almost in tears after reading your post about dubai. My husband will have a job transfer there soon. So we will live there this summer along with our children! Ya Allah! I knew it was opened, but not to that degree! I worry so much about my kids because they've always been to an Islamic school since they were 3 years old. Now my kids range in age from 14 years to 7 years and are memorizers of al Quran al Kareem, speak & write arabic, and mashallah have a strong foundation of what's halal and haram. I'm so content and thankful to Allah that my kids perform salat fel masjid and fast all of shahr ramadhan al Kareem. Now I'm afraid that all of that they have learned in the Islamic schools (USA) will be corrupted by the prostitues wa haram in dubai?! And I know your story is true because one of my dear friends used to live and work in Abu Dhabi as a doctor and said there were Chinese prostitutes in the malls with abayas and nothing underneath the abaya except for lingerie. Oh no, I thought because of Dubais tough laws on public affection, no alcohol except in pubs, and foreigners had to be decently dressed, then we'd be ok. I was looking forward to going to the masjid, having my kids exposed more to Islam (but not exposed to walking prostitutes and filth that comes along with it) and speaking more arabic, that these things would be more beneficial to them. Allah musta'an.
However is the prostitution problem in all the hotels? How bad is it? What other corrupt things go on there? I am fearful for my kids and their deen. Islam is THE most valuable thing in our lives and I don't want to mess that up if we need to go there. Please advise me. I have prayed salatul istikhara and have asked Allah to give us what is best for me and my family, ameen. Just as you've stated, we are a conservative practicing family walhamdulillah, and want to stay away from al fasad(corruption).
Jazaka allahu khairun wa Allahi yahmik wa yahmi kulli Nass el muslimeen, ameen
Sister Endless love,
Do you know one thing that is common to all living beings on this planet. It is love, humans are no exception to love.
But unfortunately we fall in love with things that can easily break our heart and scar us for life, it is like putting an extremely fragile and expensive glass on a cob web, the cob web will never be able to with hold the weight of the glass.
Sister this ability to love and yearn for love is our natural disposition called "Fitrah" in Islam which means our soul yearns for love, but not from creation,but from it's creator, think about it you know, this is not going to work out, you must have realized by now that this guy is using you, you get nothing but depression out of this relationship and has made you even start thinking about leaving the country, which you came in the first place to get international exposure, develop your skills which you considered very important before you met this guy and ironically you are ready to leave all that for something which you did not even have planned for ? Sounds complicated. Actually the thing is sister you are addicted to this guy, he is like a bad habit which you turn back to get some peace, happiness etc from him, but all you get from this relationship is non stop unhappiness. The simple thing is sister GOD is the destination and all the things in this world are tools that we should use to reach him, when we turn GOD into a tool and try to make the tool our Goal that is where all the problems start with, because the soul will never be happy with the tool, it yearns to go back to it's master, it's ultimate goal, there is a void in the heart that can never be filled with except with the love, worship and obedience to God, once you start to realize all this, this would empower you to become a stronger and independent person, because no longer is your life and heart in the hands place on the podium made out of a cobweb, but it is in the hands of the creator where it should be and where it will be safe and content.
Allah says about this in the Qur'an
And [mention] when your Lord took from the children of Adam - from their loins - their descendants and made them testify of themselves, [saying to them], "Am I not your Lord?" They said, "Yes, we have testified." [This] - lest you should say on the day of Resurrection, "Indeed, we were of this unaware."
Quran [7:172]
Muslims are the most targeted, oppressed, demonized etc ... people on this planet, but how many Muslims have you seen committing Suicide , because we have a solid coping strategy, we have hope even when the whole world is full of darkness, we run back to our lord with tears in our eyes and hope in our heart knowing FULL WELL that everything that happens to the Muslim is GOOD and he/she will be compensated by GOD for every thing they went through.
Allah says in the Qur'an
Quran [13:28]
Sister women in Islam are considered and guarded as pearls, unfortunately Most Muslim men don't seem to acknowledge this fact and also they think that respect should be only given to Muslim women, but Islam is a way of life for all of mankind , a women regardless of being a Muslim or Non-Muslim has the right to be NOT STARED AT, NOT OBJECTIFIED FOR HER SEXUALITY or USED AS AN OBJECT TO SATISFY THE DESIRES OF ANY MAN EXCEPT HER HUSBAND, It is bounding upon a Muslim man to lower his gaze when he sees another women whom he is allowed to marry( non-mahram).
Allah says in the Qur'an
Qur'an 2:187
Sister listen to yourself you are letting this guy kiss you, hug you, sister without you even knowing you are depriving your soul of the modesty, shame and honor it deserves and soon once it dies that is when you will see all kinds of immorality coming out from people, sister you are deserve better, you are one day going to be a mother of your children and do you want to scar your children for life by giving yourself up for a man who is DEFINITELY not going to marry you.
Sister you are a better than this, leave this guy and step out this relationship that is mentally draining you, Trust me you can never attain true happiness in anything, even if you were to marry this guy, and his family accepts you, you would still not be able to live HAPPILY EVER AFTER , because your GOAL was never this guy, nor marrying him, YOUR REAL GOAL was to be happy, peaceful and lead a GOOD life, and you thought this guy could do that, before that you thought a successful career could do that, this is the same case with everyone in the world who run from one PHONE to another, from one car to another etc ... but still are not happy or are able to be content, they are all running after a mirage called "happiness" while all they have to do is realize that the real thing cannot be seen, but felt, and when you feel it you know that IT IS NOTHING LIKE YOU EVER experienced it.
Take a wise decision, this is your life, you are a strong, wonderful person, and I am truly amazed with you Arabic vocabulary lol ... I pray to Allah that he guides you, the commentors here and me towards him and make us attain the real happiness and understand the real purpose of life.
Sister I would recommend you listen to these talks, trust me it works, the best therapy to any one who is in a confused, depressed or "What-should-I-do" state
I think Allah has opened the doors of guidance for you through this experience, and your journey for discovery began the day you left your country to come half way across the world to help your career, then had a shift in and took a detour and have ended up here with so many wonderful people ready to help you and understand the teal purpose of life, love and everything else.
Mashallah, very well said! The videos are very very beneficial as I am familiar with sister Yasmin Mogahed's talks and they also helped me by Allah's will to get over my previous heart break by making me realize the concept of false attachment to the worldly things that we think will bring us happiness.
May Allah bless you because you have given other people, by Allah's will, information that can help them get over this false attachment in their lives and allow their hearts to get attached to Allah because that is the only way the love we feel for those whether they are people or things, will become a healthy love instead of an obsessive love that will bring us nothing but pain because we unintentionally worship it and sometimes we don't even know that the things we love are also the things that we end up worshiping (may Allah protect us all from this).
“There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in my vase will wither tomorrow. It means that my youth will neglect me. But it also means that the sadness I feel today will change tomorrow. My pain will die. My laughter won’t last forever but neither will my tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.”
― Yasmin Mogahed
May Allah give you all peace and tranquility, bring you closer to Him and fill your lives with true happiness in this life and the next.
Sister,
Salam, it was perfect thought's from you, with reference to your post, i totally agree with you that Allah leads me here to think that middle east is out of my plans before and never i i see myself in this country. But see this are the answers maybe because he want's to open my eyes he wants me to learn about islam and to test. and as you mentioned i came here for my goals - you were right- inshallah i'll not leave, i'll stay and he is not part of plans. Thank you so much ....
Brother Helplessslave,
Mansha'Allah very well said....thank you for sharing this vidoes, they're very helpful to anyone that's very confused and so on......May Allah reward you for this..i enjoyed it...salaam
Assalamualaikum Wahramtullahi Wabarakaatuhu Nima, Endlesslove & Pepper,
Alhamdulillah that you have benifited from my words, but Wallahi all good is from My Lord, the ever loving and the Oft forgiving and all the short comings are from me.
I just reminded and you guys got reminded because you fear and are conscious of Allah Azzawajal, I take no credit for what you felt, but please make dua for me to have a pure heart and have the best character.
Brother Helplessslave,
MashaAllah, Allah has given you a gift of how to talk to a person without putting them down & making the good decision seem much easier than it may appear to us--May Allah reward you endlessly in this world and the next, Ameen.