Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I made the biggest mistake of my life and scared Allah will not forgive me for it

Salaam- alaikum,

I am a 19 year old muslima..but 5 months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life. First i want to tell you what kind of person I am..or was. I am a decent girl, tough I did not grow up in a muslim country I was born and raised in Europe. I followed the muslim rules as much as I could, I learned praying by myself with no help from my parents. I do not blame them for it, they are my parents and I love them very much and after every namaaz I ask from Allah (S.W.T) not to punnish them for this.

I was about to get engaged with someone I really loved, our parents approved but than something terribly happened what made us go our seperate ways. He wasn't a honest person I found out lots of things which broke my heart and broke the person I was before. Because of all the things that happened I started to change. When I looked in the mirror I just couldnt recognise myself, I always burst in to tears wondering what happened to me and what made me do this awful thing. The awful thing was that I committed Zina. Something I always said to myself I WILL NEVER DO THIS, but still it happened.

Since it has happened I cry everyday wondering by myself what made me do something like this. I feel such a bad person while everyone in my surroundig calls me an angel. Every old or young person loves me, but I feel I am not worth that love because I have done this horrible thing. I really hate myself at the moment and I am dissapointed in myself. I feel really ashamed and i cry everytime after namaaz asking god to forgive me.

2 days ago I had a dream. In that dream I was flying with my dad and suddenly we saw the Angel Gabriël (Jibrail). I don't know how he looks like but in my dream his name just popped into my head and me and my dad were calling him Jibrail. In that same dream I recited surah al-fatiha 2 times and my mother picked me up from the ground, I was lying on the ground because i was feeling really depressed and scared in my dream. I have these same emotions in real life to.

My question is will god forgive me, and what does that dream mean? I believe god send that dream to me but i just can't interpretate it. I am also very scared to get married now because I am afraid my future husband will know I am not a virgin anymore. But believe me if you know me in real person you would never believe that I could commit zina..i couldn't believe myself to i still dont believe it. Please help me because I am dying from the inside.



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25 Responses »

  1. My Dear Sister Paria, Walaykumsalaam,

    I know you are going through a difficult time, but I want to remind you of something that I think will help you very much. It is a story from the Quran and one that reflects every single human being's life on earth as it tells us about the conflict between Haqq and Baatil (Truth and Falsehood), Good and Evil; and Man and Satan and the cycle of Sin and Repentance. This battle that we all experience throughout our lives was firstly experienced by our mother and father Adam and Hawa(as).

    When Adam and Hawa(as) had gone near and hence eaten from the forbidden tree, they realised they had done what Allah had forbidden them from doing! They fell for Iblees's sweetly covered deception. They had disobeyed Allah and now they felt immense shame and remorse and remembered again what they had forgotten. Allah punished them both by taking them out of Paradise and placing them on earth now to be tested, He(swt) said to them "...Did I not forbid you that tree and tell you: Verily, Shaitan (Satan) is an open enemy unto you?"..." (Surah Al Araf, Ayah 22)

    Adam and Hawa(as) cried in remorse and guilt at having disobeyed Allah, but Allah is Most Merciful so He(swt) taught them how to turn back to Him(swt). Surah Al Baqarah, Ayah 37: "Then Adam received from his Lord Words. And his Lord pardoned him (accepted his repentance). Verily, He is the One Who Forgives, the Most Merciful". And they cried: "...Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers." (Surah Al Araf, Ayah 23) And Allah(swt) forgave them both and they regained peace in their hearts.

    Allah(swt) says in Surah Zumar, Ayah 53: "Oh my servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the Mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful." So although shaytan may have promised to mislead mankind, Allah(swt) also promised to forgive us if we sincerely repent. And Allah's Power is far Greater - He(swt) gave us a way out.

    The point is Paria, Adam and Hawa(as) were not bad people, but still they both sinned, they felt great remorse once they'd realised and then turned back to Allah - unlike iblees who was arrogant and proud and Allah accepted their repentance. You are not a bad person either, just your actions were bad. Now you too can do the same as Adam and Hawa(as) and turn back to Allah - unlike iblees.

    This cycle of sinning and repenting is a life long one and we should always try to keep rising after every fall, and learning from each experience so we become closer to Allah and be less prone to falling for iblees's deception.


    A Muslim must learn to strike a balance between hope and fear of Allah. Enough Hope of Allah's Mercy, to know that Allah will accept his repentance so he can continue living without despairing. And enough Fear of Allah's Wrath, to prevent him from returning to that sin and becoming arrogant. So my dear Sister, you asked: 'Will Allah forgive me?' He(swt) has already promised you that He(swt) will forgive you if you sincerely repent and regret and it seems you already have done so. Please see the following links below, they will tell you the conditions for repentance:


    Regarding your dreams, I cannot interpret them, but to me (as a layperson) your dream seems to be a beautiful and encouraging one, you recited Surah Al Fatiha and your mother lifted you from the ground - SubhaanAllah. Our mothers love us so much, and Allah loves us even more. To me, your dream just reaffirms that your peace and serenity lies in turning towards Allah(swt). One of the verses of Surah Fatiha translates as: 'Guide us to the straight path, The way of those on whom you have bestowed your grace, not the way of those who have earned your anger, nor of those who have lost their way and are astray". So make this dua and let Allah guide you. Open your heart to the knowledge that Allah(swt) is there for you and wants you, I and all of us to do well and He(swt) loves to forgive. If he didn't, he would not have taught us how to repent and turn back to Him(swt).

    With regards to marriage, give yourself time to heal and find peace with yourself. Allah has protected your honour till now and inshaAllah it will remain covered. It is a sin to reveal your own sins, so have faith that Allah will give you something good from now on. You just need to have trust in Him(swt) and let go of your past.

    So nothing is not lost - Allah is still with you otherwise you would not have written here seeking help. Use this as an oppotunity to become near to Allah and remember Allah loves those who repent.

    SisterZ Editor

  2. your answer is in the Qur'aan.

    "say to my slaves who have transgressed against their souls, do not dispair of the mercy of Allaah, verily/certainly/indeed Allaah forgives sins all together, verily/certainly/indeed he is the oft forviging most mercifull"

    the sabab of nuzuul of this aayah were actually to a group of sahaabah who apostated, then dispaired from the mercy of Allaah, and Allaah sent this aayah to give them hope.

    and you have done something smaller than that.

    Oh muslim parents, pleeeeaaaaasse teach your children the religion as understood by the Salaf of the Ummah

  3. got my answer Alhamdulillah 🙂

    Praise be to Allaah.

    The one who has committed zina (fornication or adultery) has to repent, because zina is one of the major sins which are forbidden in Islam and for which a stern warning is issued to the one who does them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

    The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace”

    [al-Furqaan 25:68-69]

    The punishment must be carried out in this world on the one who has committed zina (fornication or adultery), as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment”

    [al-Noor 24:2]

    It was narrated in a hadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Receive (teaching) from me, receive (teaching) from me. Allaah has ordained a way for those (women). When an unmarried male commits adultery with an unmarried female, (they should receive) one hundred lashes and banishment for one year. And in the case of a married male committing adultery with a married female, they shall receive one hundred lashes and be stoned to death.”

    (Narrated by Muslim, al-Hudood, 3199).

    Allaah has forbidden the believers to marry a person who commits zina, whether man or woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

    [al-Noor 24:3]

    If the one who has committed zina repents to Allaah, truly and sincerely, then Allaah will forgive him or her, and overlook the sin. Allaah says, after mentioning the warning to those who commit zina:

    “Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”

    [al-Furqaan 25:70-71 – interpretation of the meaning]

    If the person repents sincerely, then it becomes permissible for him or her to get married, after they give up this sin.

    Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem was asked about the ruling on getting married to a woman who has committed zina. He said: “it is not permissible to marry the woman who has committed adultery until she repents… if a man wants to marry her, he has to be sure that she is not pregnant, by waiting until she has a period before he does the marriage contract with her. If she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to marry her until she has given birth.”

    See al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/584
    Islam Q&A
    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

  4. Alhamdullilah, Allah is All Forgiving and Merciful.

    In regards to the sister saying she is afraid of future amrriage prospects, im wondering would it be something vital that she mentions it to a future prospect spouse of her past or no longer being a virgin.
    In the first anwer it mentioned how 'it is a sin ti reveal one's sin' so im wondering what would one do in this situation then. Is it not considered untruthful if one does not disclose such information?

    May Allah SWT help guide us along the straight path and Forgive us of our sins.Ameen

    • It is not required to disclose the sins of one's past, and in fact one should not do so. For a woman to tell a man that she committed zinaa in the past is a big mistake. It will create terrible jealousy. That is not to say that one should lie. A person can simply say, "I have made some mistakes in the past, however, I made my tawbah, and it is between me and Allah. That's all I wish to say about that." And leave it at that. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into saying more. If the other person accepts that, fine, if not then ma-sha-Allah, they can choose someone else.

      Wael Editor

  5. Thank you very much for all of your reply's. I must say that my believe has grown stronger. I still cry every night because of the horrible thing i have done. I know ALLAH (SWT) will forgive me because he is the most merciful..but its hard for me to forgive myself. I think all my wounds need time to heal. I just want to be the happy person i used to be. I really am not a bad person..i just did bad things.

    Again I want to thank everyone for their reply. Im sorry for the late reply but i couldnt find my story back! I was searching on google about the mercy of Allah and i found my story!


    • Hey
      I can relate Myself with your story..M also of your age only.I also did sumthng which is called as zina.. It was such a big mistake of my life and I will never be able to forgive myself for this sin. But I always ask ALLAH 2 forgive me.
      I use to be a very shy , sweet , simple, trustworthy girl. Who don't talk with boys on her own. Who fear talking to them..
      Getting in any relation was never my intension.
      Facebook spoiled me.. A boy with whom I fell in love without even Looking at him. We use to chat only.. It was addiction only I guess.. He wanted 2 get into a relationship but I use to ignore and say No I don't have future with YOU, we can;t b 2gether. M frm Muslim family. I cannot break my parent's trust n everything positive. After 1 n a half year I committed with him. That was my biggest mistake.. I was sooo addicted 2 him . I use to think that I will die if I will leave him n all that's why never even tried 2 keep myself aways from him. I did Zina for him for which I am very much ashamed. It was physical relationship not any physical intercoarse but I came to know that It is a also called as zina.I become daring for him. I become what I wasn't before. I was in Love. I use to cry that time but wasn't able to control myself also. I cry day and night remembring those illegal things which made my heart cry. I ask forgivenness in every NAMAAZ. I am very much hurt When I came to know that he cheated on me. there are many girls whom he treat girls like this only. I use to cry for committing zina and still I cry for that wrong deed only. I am not able to forgive myself. I also feel ashamed when I look myself in the mirror.
      I also started hating myself like you only. I feel like going back to that time only n repair everything.
      Everything in impossible now.. I just only can ask for forgiveness.
      I feel myself a bad girl now and cheap 🙁 b4 getting into this relationship I use to feel myself a priceless girl. But everything changed now.

  6. i too commited a zinah with prostitute..basically i was in love with one girl from 5 years and then what happened her parents fixed her engagement to her relative..i was deoressed and fit to back up with revenge..i went to call girl but she insisted me to insert in..i lost my religion code that time as i was jealous my girl friend will be married to another i made silly by going to prostitute and this way i nailed my own foot( i broke religious code) i dont understand what to do now..i want to ask for forgiveness and back to my religion..what should i do...every time i wake in sleep thinking about i am no more muslim..i dont want to break from my religion..what so ever what wouls be approach to ask forgiveness? please reply..

    • Repent and Pray to ALLAH for he is the most merciful

      ALLAH BLESS YOU brother ,

    • Salamo alayka brother

      Allah subhana wa taala loves those who repend,,,open your heart to Allah for he is the only one That has the power to forgive u and remove your grief inchaalah

      May Allah bless u and guide u inchaalah to the straight path

  7. i am waiting for reply....what should i do to ask for forgiveness...i wanna/ready to face lashes, but i cant live with no religious faith.. I WANT TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS...To ALLAH...I FEEL MOST ASHAMED..I NOW REALIZE WHY ZINAH IS CURSE>>I FEEL AWAY FROM MY RELIGION..FROM NABI(SAW) AND FROM ALLAH..I WAS TOTALLY INSANE THAT TIME WHEN I COMMITTED ZINAH....I WANT TO DIE AS MUSLIM AND LIVE AS MUSLIM..HELP ME..REPLY ME PLEASE...

  8. Dear Aadi,

    Do as what my dear brothers and sisters gave me as advice and repent. Don't ever commit the sin again and make ur heart pure again.

    • Paria,

      Asalamo Alaikum,

      I read your story and i Am 100% sure that Allah (swt) will forgive you. And your dream was also very good.

      I just want to say you that if you didn't find anyone you trust on, then i am here and can asure you that i want to marry you and i know your past but we can live together happily.

      Because i know one thing that if Allah ( swt ) can forgive our big sins then why we cant forgive or ignore small things or the sins which we don't want to do but happened...

      So if you haven't marry yet then please let me know. I will be there for you. Because i can understand your feelings.

      And i want to tell this website's owner that please help me in this.

      Thanks and Regards

      Fee Aman Allah


  9. Dear brother and sisters,

    Allah has many names (99+). But when Allah revealed quran, see what name he chose to start every chapter. 'Bismillah hi Ar-Rahman , Ar-Rahim So in my little understanding, Allah's mercy is more powerful than Allah's wrath. Subhanallah.

    Sins were committed by the Sahaba ( companions) as well. Imagine, Allah's prophet was present between them and still sins were done by the companions. Because we are human beings, not angels! and that is why we are Ashraful makhlukat. Allah didn't say Angels are best creation even though they do not commit any sins. Its because angels do not have that urge to commit sins.

    Allah loves when some one repents. The repenter then becomes completely sinless! So please do not get scared. If you repent sincerely Allah will definitely forgive. He always tries to find excuses to forgive his salves 🙂

    Pray for me.

  10. Salaam Dear Brothers and sisters,

    I am (Deleted by Editor)

    • Dear 'Lost',

      I apologise for deleting your question, but you must log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      However briefly I will say this: You are lost because you know you are fully aware of the sin you are committing. The only way to find yourself again is to break away from the sin. When you start convince yourself that living in sin is better for your family unit, than to break away - you are decieving no-one but yourself. If you fear the consequences of Allah(swt)'s Wrath and your father's rejection - this is your good nafs crying out to you. Don't ignore it.

      SisterZ Editor

  11. Writing here with the hope that allah will lend me to decied which is the best for me, as iam really confused iam a 20 years girl who is in love for the past 3 years nearly. i felt iam soo much blessed alhamdhulilah to have him(my man) in my life, he taught me many islamic things,he was their with me in all my troubles and supporting me encouraging me etc(even though we were only in vedio calls)....first i knew him as my far relative,he said about our love to his family even his sister spoke to me but she said she dnt lykz me it seems den some prblm came and again he said about me to his mother then she spoke with me on last ramzan , evething was in a smooth way but in middle his sister started some problems and when he came here ( our country) for vacation she arranged a engagement with another girl he refused at first and futher he did dat engagement which made me to broke fully into atoms,i lost myself fully but even after engagement he called me said that he is not okey with that engagement that he wants to marry only me though i was in anger on him regarding his engagement my love on him has erased all the angerness,and he said me dat he will cancel the engagement i too belived and days passed away we were spkng in phone as we do always but always use to ask him when will he say to his family when will he say to his family then i said still you cancel plz dnt distub me forever and finally after my complusion he said that girl(with whom he got engaged) regarding ourself still that he dint speak with that girl even 8 months passed way,then that girl is not agreeing now and his family is also not agreeing for our marriage now he said me that let us get married without our families,i said him i neecd both the families,these things continues always nowadays i feel like he is faking me because his calls are always bc... he is lyng too me sooo much i really dont knew what to do but he says me that he does not lie to me but after im showing a proof to him he agrees im getting broken day by dayim really confused i really dont have words to say what i feel.what should i do now to take a decision with the blessings of allah the real thing is even if i have evidence that he is lyng my heart is not accpting im dying day by day please any one say me a well wishers are saying that he is faking me and i have a better life but what i feel is how could we move on with some else even after living wid a human for nearly 3 years(though only in phone) will allah forgive. and really i cant forget him please help me some 1 else for seeking allahz grace.

  12. Walekom salam paria if sins commit from every human but if they repent Allah is the great forgiver.
    And second you should marry because Allah is the best plainer and En sha Allah will never reveal your sin even to your husband if you pray for it and believe on Allah that's what I believe. And I'll suggest to marry as Allah said in the Quran " and whoever trust Allah it's enough for them" trust on are still the most good girl ma sha Allah. JazakaAllah

  13. You are in my prayers I know it's a cruel and judgmental world may Allah swt protect your honor forgive you and not be shamed and have a husband who ubconditionaly loves youand you have no fear

  14. Asslamoalekum
    I'm an 18 year old boy.I never wanted to commit zina but today i did it. I'm really very sorry and want to repent.AND, being a SYED and doing this sin is making me go mad. Please help me dear muslim friends. I want to repent. Please help me.

  15. Assalamu alaikum. I have not committed zinah. I am still virgin. But i have kissed and also done other stuff with someone who is no more in my life. I regret for my hasty decisions and i feel vey embarrassed. Will Allah forgive me for my mistake ? And how do i know he has forgiven me?


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