Male friend hugged me on an outing – Scared that my family should not know
Assalamwalaikum Brother and sisters.
I am a girl 16 year old. My problem is I went on a outing -a friend outing with my best guy friend. The thing is I usually go to tuition after maghrib, in evening he came from there we went to some place. I bunked my 2 or 3 tuition classes for outing, no one knows about it except my other close best guy friend, my cousin sis and 2 close friends in school on whom I believe blindly.
On outing we used to have normal discussion, we never touched each other nor we saw each other in eyes for longer time. At 2nd outing it was at kinda cold place we were on bike but distance was maintained I was like I need warm hug. Suddenly he stopped and gave me hug, it wasn't even a hug just maybe put his arm around my neck and brought it close.
I was shock so was he. On the ride till home was silent. That night he asked me sorry 1000 times, asked forgivness from Allah as well.
He said I am sorry I don't know what happened it shouldn't have happened.
I asked forgiveness from Allah.
The problem now is just 2 days back was our last meet (we met 4 times). We even decided we will never do it again. We are best friends we don't have any bad relationship. Next time if we wanna go our elder should know about it at least my mom (my parents stay in different country for job, I moved with grandparents last year for study purpose). Before and after our meet I always used to pray to Allah that our intention were clean. I can't share anything with anybody here coz all of them are narrow minded and they think totally different. I can't tell my mom in call, waiting to meet her in person and tell. I always read Astagfar and ask Allah to please put cover on it.
Yesterday my granny got to know that I didn't go on tuition on Friday, it was Christmas eve none of students went to tuition tough we had and I wasn't aware that none of students went coz it was my last outing. I lied to my granny that I was roaming around area went to bakery and pharmacy. It was suggested by my other guy friend tough he was like I didn't like you bunking tuition and going but now just to get over problem helping in this way. Allhumdulilah he also follow deen.
Problem arising here is my aunt is treating me badly, not talking to me, taunting a lot. She says for me my parents are money machine I don't care for them. I swear care for my parents a lot at least I feel that. Why I went on secret outing was here family lacks in understanding me. I am mostly taunted I am stressed out when I stay in home coz their thoughts are very critical - I am open minded so is my mom.
All our outing were sight seeing so we didn't even speak much and allhumdulilah I was in my hijab. I am asking astagfar reading Darood to hide it. Now I recently read hug comes in Zina. I am so scared. I am asking forgiveness from Allah in sha Allah SWT might forgive me as his blessing showers upon us.
I don't want my family to know, they will never understand me coz I only know despite sitting on bike we had distance we didn't touch each other just dunno that sudden feeling rised that we hugged or 1 side hug. Please help me before we used to meet I used to offer salah asked allah to be with us to guide us but now I am scared.
I can't concentrate in anything. From next month my exams will start. Both of us never had any bad intention, it's just that family who never understand me - gradually their taunt will lead me to great depression.
Was it a betrayal on trust? What dua should I read? I will never ever repeat it, please suggest dua I want it to stay hidden and taunt are getting overwhelmed.
I can look at myself in mirror in eyes coz I believe I didn't do anything wrong. I want dua I want mercy of Allah please help me to read dua and ask forgiveness from Allah as I really am guilty.
Rums014
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Boys and girls cannot be just friends. They cannot ever, and if you think differently then it is the shaitan whispering to you. And you should seek refuge in Allah. Allah swt made males attracted to females and females attracted to males so that they can marry and create future generations and to prevent immorality.
Seriously, I tell my students all the time. Girls always think the they can just be friends with boys but boys know better. Even if he's asked forgiveness from you, he has still crossed the boundary of friendship and obviously is not your friend anymore. And you are also responsible by mentioning hugging. You said you wanted a warm hug, and you said that you two were alone so who else was going to give you that hug? Our Nabi said that when a male and a female are together alone (non mahrams/non-immediate family members) then surely shaitain is the 3rd party.
You see this small thing has caused you to commit other sins like lying, and I would suggest you go on YouTube and type in "can boys and girls be just friends?". Muslims and nonmuslims generally say the same thing, which is no they cannot be just friends. Not ever. Maybe you will believe me if many other people who are from all over sat the same thing. It's natural instinct, my dear. There will always be one or the other that is attracted.
Hugging is not Zina, but it is one step toward Zina and Allah swt said don't even go close toward Zina.
I would suggest staying away from the boy, and ask Allah to guard you from the influence of the shaitan. If you had to skip tuition and lie to your family about this, obviously it was very wrong.
I'm sure your aunt doesn't mean harm, she may just want you to think about showing more appreciation to your parents.
Salam sis...you sound like a good Muslim mashallah with a strong faith. If you don't mind me asking...why do you spend time with a guy so much? You can wear hijab and keep everything to a minimum but it's not always enough. Hence why it's advised not to be friends with the opposite sex. All it takes is your hands brushing against each other's by mistake or a simple hug for feelings to begin. Trust me. It's not long before things escalate and your in a relationship & you don't even recognise yourself & your sins are out of control. My advice is to avoid it all as much as you can. It's not worth it.
I'm from a place where males and females have normal friendship and usually customary for hug and or small peck on cheek for hello and goodbye and no one sees it as anything more than a greeting, the same as a hearty handshake between male friends. Also remember that as a teenager you have hormones raging all over the place making u feel and do things that are sometimes seen as crazy and illogical. But this is normal part of adolescence. What your real sin is lying to your family. You should just be honest cos u don't seem very good at lying. Or keeping secrets as u told like 5 ppl about ur secret meeting. Best friends after 4 meeting. Who Ru really fooling?
That may be what you set as your standards but islamically Muslims have their own standards they have to set, which is no touching people of the opposite gender (unless of course its a family member like your father, uncle, grandfather, etc.)
And to "kiss on the cheek" like you said is absolutely haram.
But I agree with you when you say that it is not right to lie.
Dear there is no "friendship " between a boy and a girl never EVER. It's not possible, so save yourself a lot of trouble and stop hanging with boys and having males as friends. Islamically you shouldn't be talking to the oposite sex for no reason anyway. Any guy who you could technicaly get married to is your non maharam and you are not supposed to hang with them. If you truly mean you regret what you have done, do tauba, ask for forgivness and stop the communication with boys. It's so simple just don't have a guy as a friend. I grow up in the west too but never had a guy friend, I actually think is weired .
First, you need to relax. Hugs, of all things, are not the gateway to hell. You are very very young, and it was completely passive on your part. It is very obvious that you are freaking out about it so I think you're covered on the repentance front. The only dua you need to make is the dua for forgiveness. And Allah is merciful and oft-forgiving.
I would tell you that bunking is a terrible thing but it would be hypocrital - I bunked when I was your age. I regret it now that I realize it was irresponsible behaviour and wastage of my parents' hard-earned money, but it was just normal teenage behaviour. However, it seems like you are mature beyond your years and regret this.
As for your guy friend, just make clear-cut boundaries for your personal space and communicate them to him. If he still breaks them and makes you uncomfortable, then he is no friend.
Deception does not sit well with our nature as human beings, and comes from Shaytan. If you hide things from your family, it is bound to make you even more uncomfortable about them. Since you are already so stressed about this situation, just let it go, but in the future, the best way to avoid this is by trying not to put yourself in a position where you have to deceive them again. For the sake of your own sanity.
If your aunt or any member of your family is being rude or hurtful in any way, you must call them out on it in a respectful way, and if you think you can't, tell your parents, your mom, whoever listens. If you think they don't understand you, try to communicate how you feel and at least give them a chance to understand. I know these things seem impossible when you're a teenager, but if you can find at least one person in your family who you can talk to somwhat openly, it'll cut down your stress a lot.
Don't worry so much. Stay in school, study hard and stay out of the trouble, and you'll be over this stuff in no time.
Assalamwalaikum
Thanks alot for the advice I wanna say that what happened just happened non of us thought and yeah sheyatin is always I asked tauba alot 2 Allah so did he and crossing the boundary limit in sha Allah never it will happen again... as I mentioned I never saw him in eyes while speaking the reason for outing was I was stressed out with my background I have alot of problem which keep me stressed up and maybe that time when he said about outing I just said yeah coz I wanted to get rid later I realised what I did was wrong and bunking I will never do it just I always pray that allah should forgive me my heart is restless always I seek forgiveness
So does he allhumdulilah he is getting more good at deen may Allah SWT bless him and bless I am just scared that no one should get to know
Sister please. She's 16. She is much too young to be thinking about nikah. Shouldn't she get an education and develop greater maturity before deciding to enter into a life-long relationship with someone? The choice of a life partner is, after all, one of the most important decisions a person makes in their life. That isn't something you just get up and do.
Omg she’s asking for advise and you’re basically yelling and lecturing her. ‘Zina’ is not a word you can carelessly spout out and put together with every act involving a nonmehram. Please be more considerate , we all have flaws and I’m sure you do too.