Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Would a man marry a single mother?

I am 24 have a 15 month old boy and I am a Muslim revert.. Alhamdullilah!!

I left my previous fiancé because he used to physically and mentally abuse me and I feared for my son's life. Now that I've moved on Alhamdullilah I want to get married to a nice funny man who loves Islam and to complete half my deen Inshallah.

I've befriend a guy who loves Islam dearly, he's my bestfriend and I love him but he doesn't know. Now will it be hard for me to marry after having a child to another man whom I was engaged to??

Will any Muslim man and family except my child and I????

Please help... I I would really like to hear some good advice...Inshallah. Salams 🙂


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16 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum

    Welcome to the ummah. It's always nice to see another new revert, Alhamdulillah.

    I think you'll find good people accepting of your situation, Insha'allah. The only way to know is to ask this man you are interested in marrying. I would expect most men who you could approach will either have been divorced or widowed, and may have a child or several children. That's not to say that single man will not marry you, but you'll have a higher rate of success with people who have already been through marriage.

    After determining whether this man is interested in you for marriage, if the answer is negative, I imagine it will bring you some pain and hurt. It's important to not let it get you down, though. Instead move away from continuing a relationship with him, because if anything, having male friends will prevent you from being seen as a good potential wife and of course, it's Islamically proper to not form men/women relationships. So please don't be afraid of losing this guy, because you never know what you can gain instead.

    Research polygamy if you think that may suit you, as well. There are men looking for a second wife, but that's a very delicate situation. You will definitely need to talk to the first wife and I urge you to please insist on that. Some men go about it wrongly, and you do not need that trouble. Being a second wife, a third wife or a fourth wife, though less rare, is surely a huge role to comprehend. It's not obligatory on you of course, but just keep yourself informed and aware of it.

    It should be a discussion to have with any Muslim man that you wish to marry anyways, whether he be single, divorced, widowed or married. Many women do not want this, so it's healthy to know the boundaries in your potential relationship before any marriage.

    Establish yourself in the community through daycare volunteering, since you have a nice little baby at this age for it too, if your local Islamic center provides it. Attend Muslim women's groups for mothers, bake sales and things like that. Your child will be at the age where he/she will need that environment, too.

    The benefit of this is forming a strong bond with other women who will keep you on the Right Path. Subhan'allah, Muslims can be the best of friends. And of course, the older women will get to know you and will keep an ear to the ground for you regarding a husband.

    I'll keep you in my duas. I pray that Allah (swt) guides you, makes your transition easy and gives you the best of husbands. May Allah (swt) always be the first love in your life.

  2. InshAllah you will find a man who will love you and your kids. a nice Allah fearing man will look past what has happened and focus on who you have become. I have seen it happen before, will Allahs guidance and patients you will find a person who will accpet both you and your child.

  3. Salaam my Sister,

    Of course they will. Men have much less of an issue about this that we are led to believe.

    Relax, be yourself and don't worry too much about it. When the right man comes along - he will not have an issue with it.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

  4. AA;

    No reason why you can not get married again. Do not rush and do not think there is no one out there for you. I am worried though that you befriended a man and I would suggest you stop that. Devil will find many ways to try to get you to do something wrong and you are in a time of need now which will make it easier on him.

    May ALLAH guide you, grant you patience and shower you with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

    AA

  5. Assalam Alaikum,

    Yes sis I believe a man deserves you even if you are a single mom don't lose hope and always pray to Allah (SWTS) i used to also be scared and sad thinking this. I have one daughter from a boyfriend i didn't want to marry him yet because divorce in my country is very illegal and non-existent. Then he had lots of girls and he didn't expect me to leave him, i had another bf after him who was willing to support my child but he kept on demanding things from me and beating me up i stayed with him still cause i got scared no one will accept me. Until my friend married in Pakistan and through him he would find me a match, i still got scared that i might end up being second wife cause im not comfortable with that but i met a very good Muslim man single who accepted me and my daughter and i took away the fear to get married and now I'm married and Mashalla our relation get stronger everyday don't lose hope.

    • Sanchai Afzal: I have one daughter from a boyfriend i didn't want to marry him yet because divorce in my country is very illegal and non-existent. Then he had lots of girls and he didn't expect me to leave him, i had another bf after him who was willing to support my child but he kept on demanding things from me and beating me up i stayed with him still cause i got scared no one will accept me.

      What country is that where divorce is illegal but illegal sex seems to be rampant? What is that Sharia punishment for illegal sex in this country?

    • im curious how did the family of ur pakistani husband accepts u? did u get through complications?and with other relatives did they judge u or some dislikes u?

  6. Salam sister:) i would! Its a LOT of hasanat ..

  7. Allah is great he has planned everything for us. So just pary to Allah to give you strength and wait for a right time inshallah he will answer your prayers.

  8. Hi i would like to share my feelings,help me guys what I have to do?i got married one single mum about one year ago,now we both happy but problem is 4 years baby boy,who I loved him so much,if he goes somewhere I miss him ,he is this much noughty I never realise in my life any kids are like him,I even can't seatting,eating,praying,can't do nothing's for him ,he kicking ,pushing,want to go my back all the time,I have to take care him a-z,everyone say he is annoyed same as like 5 kids ,I have to suffer all the things,most important things is I care him like more than my child ,but problem is when he goes his biological father for one day after 3-4 months ,when he comes home he is like dosent know me as he was before ,he is like miss his biological father most ,it is like I'm 1 on 10 by 4 month,and his biological father is 10 on 10 by one day,when I feel the I feel so upset ,I feel like blood is blood,before our marriage I thought if anyone love the child and look after the chip will be like a own son,but now I feel like whatever I'm doing for him I can't get this satisfaction .what can I do now ?

  9. All single mothers holding sole custody of their children rather Muslim or not should remain single until their children are of age. Any single mother that is Muslim should not remarry if she has a daughter and wants to raise that daughter, as it is clear that she must give up that child to her family or the father. In fact, the proper way is for all of her children to be given up. This has been ruled on by the ulema countless times. Any other course of action or words are from jahiliyyah of converts or defiance of rasolullah (saw). Upon a divorce or widowhood, a woman should return to her father's house, this is clear from the sunnah. Any woman coming to the west from an Islamic country should imediately return home. Any who are born in the west must return to their family's home. Their is no dispute in this, and if she states that she cannot then we see that a lack of faith exists in her family which points to the bad decisions in the first place. It is Allah's testing of her that places this burden upon her.

    Sisters who make the comment of obtaining a new husband to help with the children of her previous husband have very weak deen. It is clear that children belong to their fathers and his kin. A mother can not transfer this burden onto another man and his kin, that is clear from the the Quran and sunnah. Any other words or deeds lead to the hell-fire. It is as if she is stealing from his kin and his offspring when she states that she wants one man to spend of his family's rewards on the corruption of another man and her family, and it is a form of fraud and debauchery, turning the man into a despised spend-thrift. It is truly nothing but the selling of something known to be defective.

    Only those children whose fathers have died are eligible to be brought into another man's home, as orphans to be fostered. Those with live fathers belong as a blessing and burden to their fathers. That is the end of it, Muslim sisters and their family's need to follow their deen, as this is leading us to serious issues in the Muslim community of the west. Many are seeking to emulate the rejectors fo faith, stating what they do when we see the outcome of their mentality. Your burdens Allah has placed on you for a reason.

    Even further, a wife should not bring burdens upon her new husband, as she is a burden herself having the right to be cared for, she can not bring another man's burden into a real relationship. She herself would never allow her son to marry a woman who has such burdens, so it is clear that any that posits such point is a hated hypocrite.

    Any argument against clear evidence shows that sedition to that which was revealed and ill-intent upon the community is sought.

    • Thankyou I will just go about my daily business alhamdulilah

    • As salaam alaikum brother, actually from suñnah of our nabi children of a muslimah can be raised by secondary husband and giving custody of children to ex husband is sound however for father who decline this responsibility the child can and does remain in mother care as one ummah all children have rights in my case I married young and the abuse started from day one after under 4 months of marriage my husband throw me our I lost my virginity my belongings and no financial support during my then just under 4 months pregnanacy I got pregnant wedding night he tried disown in it but my parents helped me after my head was smashed in glass mirror on that last night in his home I later give birth via c-section and was on drip for 5 days fighting for my life so the answers are not clear my daughter is severely disabled and in nappies non verbal and asd her father and his family have disown her and I as the mother have sole rights to custody as per islam so far I have to fight for basis support and my head injury has cause me untold problems from 20 years old to now 39 am sole parent and it sadden me to hear that no other family would take us both on I still get anxiety and panic attacks so does my daughter who is now 17 just recently I have been offered marriage we need it but not from this brother as I am unable to work as previous muslim brothers try to dishonour or attack single or divorced muslimah and the married women spread rumours and do not offer salaam as muslims can be treated badly due to practicing deen I have the added burden of hate crimes to my child since she was 2 and it got so bad if a decent brother was with me at the police station but your comments about responsibility reminds that 1 wish for your brother what you wish for yourself
      2 when 1 believer suffers it like a limb from it body the ummah.
      InshaAllah I will marry as I have suffered being hurt and hungry with in uk and so has my child mashaAllah for the words of our prophet your children are my children- lessons learnt I pray aameen.Salaam alaikum wa rahmahtulaahi wa barakahtuhu my brother in islam and may Allah guide us aameen.

    • "Even further, a wife should not bring burdens upon her new husband, as she is a burden herself having the right to be cared for, she can not bring another man's burden into a real relationship."

      Is a wife burden??? Sorry dear sister/brother, you need to study about marriage and spouses in the light of Islam.

    • This is extremely harsh and you make some unusual comments linking "deen" or faith to whether a woman has sole custody of her child. If a man abuses his wife and children, and the couple divorce and the mother keeps the children in order to protect them, is she suddenly "jahilliya" or will "lead to the hellfire"??? And what if she does not have a father who is alive - then to whom does the divorced woman run to for protection? Are you saying that a 40-year old divorced woman with young children, has to rely on her 80-year old elderly father who can no longer support her?

      Families come in all different shapes, sizes, ages, and forms. A kindly stepfather will attract the barakah of Allah SWT if he helps support a single mother with young children. Similarly, a stepmother will also attract the barakah of Allah SWT if she is loving and kind toward her husband's children from a previous marriage.

      Your comments have no basis in the realities of the real world.

    • I have two children and their father disappeared, ran away from his responsibilities. Tell me how this is supposed to be handeled??? You sound cruel and may you receive bad karma.

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