Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage and abandoning a poor girl

Asalaam-u-alaikum

I hope to get some feedback here, there is a sister I know who needs some help and she asked me about this and I do not have the knowledge to provide accurate answer as it is complex.

So 3 yrs back, the sister got into a nikah with a Qatar guy double her age, she was 22 and he was 49. Her parents convinced  her to marry him as they belong to poor family. He was already married in Qatar with 3 kids. So he nikah the sister, spend around 3 weeks with her and then left for Qatar. The marriage was not registered in court and the nikah happened locally in the house in presence of a local Imam. The husband came back after 3 months and spend a few weeks with the sister, obviously for physical relation and then went back. He then used to send her monthly money and the sister insisted to be with him so after few months he sent her a domestic helper visa (not a spouse visa). The sister refused to go on domestic helper visa as she realised she was being used, this resulted in verbal conflict and he stopped contacting her. Later the sister ask for divorce which he declined. It's been 2 yrs now that they did not had any contact. The sister has no support from him and he has not come back in the last 2 years. She has been left stranded, and he won't give her divorce as it's not registered anywhere.

How is the women right protected here, she was married for she was poor and looked as a desire to make halal love in vacations, now she is left, won't get a divorce as there are no papers. What are the options for the sister, she is just 24 and she wants to remarry but can't as she is still under nikah but has been abandoned. Please put some light on this, will be of great help to the sister.

I really feel bad that we have some men misusing the pure relationship like nikah for their personal gains.

Alhamdulilah and Jaza-Allah

 

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3 Responses »

  1. Your friend must file " khollah" and must move on. She should not Waite for him anymore.

  2. May Allah Ta'ala forgive all of our sins and make it easier for us all.

    Please file for khulla with the local imam of the mosque asap and thank Allah you didn't get pregnant then your parents would get stuck with you and the baby.

    Sadly this is the type of thing that happens when people try to sell themselves to a man. Yes he did nikah with the YOUNG GIRL but he was ALREADY married with 3 kids. Did anyone try to find out if his first wife was aware and HAPPY with him remarrying or did no one give any care or thought to what would happen to the first wife and kids if they found out about the second marriage too late and couldn't handle the situation emotionally????? Some women have a mental and emotional breakdown if the husband remarrys without asking her. Most of us are not strong enough and may Allah SWT protect us from ever having to deal with a situation like that if we do not agree to it. Ameen. And May Allah Ta'ala forgive us and reward those sisters who are strong enough for it. Ameen.

    Please forgive me if I'm goibg to be honest here: YOU WERE SELFISH FOR MONEY AND GOING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY TO ENJOY AND HOLIDAY AT ANOTHER WOMAN AND HER CHILDREN'S EXPENSE. The man was twice your age you know that, he was rich and had children and a wife most likely much older than you who was ageing and obviously was losing her youth for which he was not enjoying her as much anymore! So why else did he look to remarry did he explain to you? Obviously it was for his extra physical enjoyment not NEED. His need were his first wife and children. Perhaps he may have taken you abroad and turned you into his housemaid or thrown his wife out when she got upset and jealous of a younger woman- either way both of you would have most likely suffered. Allah SWT saved you from all of that. Be thankful to Allah each day for saving you from a life of misery.

    I'm deeply sorry for what happened to you and feel for you but we always need to see the full story. You can't lose sight of the fact that he cheated on his first wife and children so what hope did you have? I'm only saying this so that rich or poor our youndmg sisters need to know that YOU WILL ALSO AGE ONE DAY SO DON'T TAKE AWAY AN OLDER WOMAN'S HUSBAND USUALLY BECAUSE HE IS THE CHEATER THAT CHEATED ON HER BECAUSE SHE LOST THAT YOUTHFUL BODY AFTER GIVING BIRTH TO HIS CHILDREN WHICH ONE DAY YOU WILL TOO. YES HE DOES HAVE A RIGHT IN ISLAM TO REMARRY BUT HOW MANY MEN ARE ACTUALLY TRULY RIGHTEOUS AND CAN TREAT THEIR WIVES FAIRLY LIKE PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW? He was the most perfect human being.

    Isn't it better to find a poorer man but one who is honest and will treat you like a real muslim man should treat his wife and care for her emotional, physical and spiritual needs? You can sacrifice money but not your emotions. Thank Allah that you are still young and single and you do not have any children that he dumped on you. Find a decent man after getting khalla and marry him fpr the correct reasons then aid and support him like a true wife and in sha Allah a real man will appreciate you.

    May Allah Ta'ala forgive and bless us all. Ameen. Please forgive me if i have been harsh with my words. I only wish to share my thoughts so that anyone planning to marry in a similar situation to yours will think twice before they get hurt and others get hurt too.

  3. Please extend my concerns for the sister you wrote about. She should make a statement in writing detailing the date of her marriage, the financial abandonment, with all dates included and that now she wishes for divorce. She should submit that statement to the courts in her jurisdiction as well as the husband via text and mail if she has a mailing address. Three months later state she is not pregnant, that she submitted her request for divorce on the original date and that after waiting the required three months her divorce is complete. She should not rely on this man to initiate or complete the requirements for divorce as he is not an honorable man. She should consider any explanations or advices to be patient, kind or tolerant as this man has behaved like a criminal. The fact that he wanted his wife to come to his country as a servant is a strong indication that he has no good or safe intentions. If she knows his workplace, the woman should contact his employer and ask for financial support for the time she has been married to him, as some kind of settlement. She is entitled to that; if she was married for three years she is entitled to three years of maintenance (rent, meals, clothing).

    Most women in this country (the US) who have been treated like the lady you referred to -- even if they are poor -- would have the man's face on every site on the internet that they could with the hopes that someone from his town, work or family would know that he has more than one wife and treats her poorly. Many women will even urge the bad husband to return to her for a visit only to have all her male relatives be waiting for him to resolve any conflicts. [Use your imagination.]

    Most men behave badly towards women, rich or poor, like this because they think they will get away with their bad behavior. They often think nothing will be done about their immoral illegal actions. However, if more and more women start filing charges for divorce, maintenance and keeping records of their marriage and details of the husband's bad behavior and then filing with employers, family members, schools of the men, many of these low lifes will think twice.

    There is nothing wrong with a man marrying a woman if she is poor and wanting to be in a position to help her out of poverty or living a miserable life. Many women in that position would understand the benefits of such a marriage. But no woman should be used or mistreated because of her status.

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