Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage and sex life problems

islamic guide

Hello, I've been married with this guy who is 17 and 1/2 years older than me. He is the only person I've had sex with and before we got married I was a virgin, but I used to talk to a lot of guys although we weren't doing anything intimate. He is the only one I've been intimate with, but he said my female part is not tight and that I'm loose. Although I bled a little bit on my first time with him, he keeps saying that I'm loose and that I have been with someone else before him because I was supposed to be tight. We've been married since March 2013.

Sex is very difficult and painful for me because he has hard time ejaculating with me and he said its because I am loose and that if I was tight and warm, he could ejaculate at most in 15 minutes. I am so depressed and very angry. I've been keeping my virginity for 20 years and when I got married the man keep saying I am loose and he has couple of ladies outside who he has sex with.

I don't really care about him having sex with others outside, but my main issue is the fact that he tells me I am loose and someone he is seeing is hotter than me and stuff. I really want to divorce him because it's making me crazy and I feel very angry when I see him and I hate sex. I don't even get turn on by romantic movies or anything sexual. I feel very stiff in my brain.

I don't know what to do because I have no family here and I am not working either. If I divorce him where I'm I going to go to and how I'm I going to survive and stuff. I am so confused I! I need advice. My friends told me to finish my school, then run away because I'm in my first year nursing school, but my parents keep telling me to be patient and send me a lot of sex stuff, so that I can make him satisfied but it's not working.

P.S : He watches porn a lot and masturbates a lot.


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9 Responses »

  1. Salam sister,
    I will pray for you sister. Besides the fact that he supports you, he sounds terrible. He degrades you, cheats on you, cares nothing for your feelings. All womens bodies are made differently, and he has no right to judge you. Please be careful sister and keep going to school and try to get a side job at the grocery store or SOMETHING. It sounds like he is using you just to have someone to cook and clean up after him or satisfy his family wanting him married. Please get a job and establish your own independence and security, even while you are still with him.

    May Allah guide us all!

  2. SISTER ,sorry to hear your problems ..If your husband is having sexual relationship out side then it is unacceptable and you need to be strong here to stop it .also there is possibility of sexually transmitted diseases bcos of him careful .

  3. I agree with Shereen. He sounds terrible. And he's doing a lot of haram things, including watching porn and masturbating, the gateway to haram. I really hope you use protection, you don't want to catch an STD.

    The fact that you are in nursing school is great. I am also in nursings school and from personal experience think you will be able to handle going to school and working at the same time, especially if you do not have children. Please do not get pregnant by this man, I would not advise it. I would recommend securing a job and a place to live before leaving. But definitely get that ball rolling.

    As far as not having family, do you go to the local mosque? Make friends there, good Muslimas. Sometimes pious Muslims are better than our families, and we feel so comfortable with them that we do not want to leave their company. They will be your family.

    May Allah have mercy upon you and make it easy for you,

  4. OP: Sex is very difficult and painful for me because he has hard time ejaculating with me and he said its because I am loose and that if I was tight and warm, he could ejaculate at most in 15 minutes

    How long do you expect him to keep going without ejaculatiing? If hope you are not comparing your husbands sex life with porn movie stars.

    Has you husband married before?

    You both need to see a sex therapist.

  5. OP: Sex is very difficult and painful for me because he has hard time ejaculating with me

    What exactly you mean by this? Do you mean you don't experience orgasm at the same time?

  6. Assalam Aleykoum Sister,

    I am not a sex expert seeing that I got married recently too, but what I think is going on is that the masturbation part is the problem. If he is used to masturbating, the pressure applied by his hands cannot compare to the pressure produced by your virginal walls. So he may think you are lose only because he is used to the tightness of his hands. Don't feel bad Sister, this is surely not your fault. Your chastity is a gift that he was supposed to dwell in not criticize. And Allah SWT is your witness, so don't fret about what your husband thinks of you. Stay strong and true Sister. Aim to please Allah SWT and you will do well. We are all tested in some way or another, and this is your test from Allah SWT. Pass with flying colors by seeking help from Allah SWT through patience and prayers.

    Did you try approaching him to tell him that the way he talks or addresses you is hurtful and should refrain? If it gets too much you would need to be straight up with him. Worse comes to worse, see if you can sought a professional Muslim Marriage Counselor.

    InshAllah I pray that Allah eases this for you. Ameen


  7. If he's says stuff like tht y explain speak and say like u have kept pure. He seems to knw alot about this but tel him he should trust u...stay have patience but discuss these things....

  8. You guys should go to marriage concelling and also to a sex counseller. Then if it's a medical thing u can do exercises to make ur lady parts tighter.

  9. othman, I deleted your first comment because it was too explicit and the language was inappropriate. I'll keep you on mod status going forward.

    Wael Editor

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