Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage at 16 in UK

islam nikah

I am 16 years old and a male living in the UK. I have a deep urge for marriage but it is very hard to carry this out in our society. I know there is fasting but this is something I really want to do. One reason is companionship  along with wanting to avoid falling into sin.

It might be said that I am too young and I need to provide for my wife, but can arrangements not be made until a certain point where I am able to provide. What is the Islamic way I should be taking in this situation?

NYISLAM123

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23 Responses »

  1. AssalamuAlaikum,

    Ehhh...

    16??

    You sure? I don't think it'll be that easy for parents with a good background to give away their daughter to a very young guy. But MashaAllah I admire the fact that you're taking such a big step to avoid sinning. Did you talk to your parents yet? Idk man, if I were you, I'd wait for a few years.

    I think you just gave your GCSE's, didn't you? How about this, you complete your A levels and by the time you're 18, you can start to genuinely think about this even more. Because society or not, your own parents are highly unlikely to give their 16-year-old son in marriage. I completely understand the fear of falling in Zina, masturbation, etc. and most people say the solution is marriage. In my eyes, you have one option regarding marriage:-

    * Get married secretly amongst your house, like only your parents and siblings should know about it without getting any society involved

    Plus look here kid, you say it's only about arrangement and provision. I believe that can be carried out with your father's wealth until you get a job. Forget financially, will you be able to provide her with the mental support she requires? She's going to be young as well, probably younger than you, you will have to compromise hella lot before she starts crying, grabs her barbie and walks out of the house.

    Just kidding.

    Let me get personal. I am 17 and I'm doing my A levels now. I've recently seen a lot of fitnas that I might get involved in, or get influenced by. Seems like the second one is working nowadays Astaghfirullah but I have been having thoughts of getting married as well. But the thing is, a marriage partner is a big deal. When I say big, I mean BIG. You have to spend the entire life with your spouse. Plus I'm not willing to get married to some stranger my mom arranges from back in my home country. I am certainly. Not. Going. To.
    So I kind of had the thought of getting to know a guy while I'm studying(some guy my parents know about) , see if we're compatible before tying the tie and then talking to my parents about it. And then getting married when I'm 20 because not now, since I still watch Dora The Explorer. And that's embarrassing.

    Butttt what I suggest is, finish your A-levels (because I fear marriage now will hinder your education), turn 18 (because you're too young to be making rash decisions) then think again. Then write back in here in 2 years In Sha Allah 🙂

    Oh and perform Istikhara a well please. Before anything. May Allah guide and allow us to take the path that is right for us.

    Take care brother.

    -VainTheGirl

    • You watch dora the explorer think its embarassing, during my alevels like around 9 years ago, i was so dumb someone could sell me mud, telling me it was cookies. And i'd eat it while telling myself its aint so bad. Tastes like kebabs. Just kidding

      • Hahaha, I can relate to that. My mischevious younger brother once tricked me into eating an Oreo "vanilla" biscuit with white Colgate toothpaste filling instead of "vanilla cream". That tasted super horrible!! I always double check before eating ANYTHING that he gets me now lol. But I desperately need to come out of my watching Dora and playing with barbies obsession. I guess we all have our doses of embarrassment. Part of growing up hehe.

  2. If you live in the UK, you have to respect the law there that says you can't get married at 16. And yes, you're not only too young to get married, but you're clearly also way too immature to get married. Let me tell you why:

    1) You are only thinking about yourself. It's all about YOUR urges. All about YOU wanting companionship. About YOU wanting the benefits of marriage (all while acknowledging that you can't fulfill your husbandly duties towards your wife (providing for her), which is 200% her RIGHT over you). When you are as selfish and egotistical as you are, you're not fit to be anyone's husband. Think about marriage when you are capable of looking beyond your own selfish wants and needs...when you are capable of giving your wife her rights as much as you are eager for her to lay down and spread her legs for you.

    2) You are 16 and clearly thinking with the "brain" between your legs. It's not a smart idea to make a choice of spouse with your "brain" - because 5 years down the line, when you have hopefully matured and grown wiser, you are highly likely to regret your choice of wife. The choice you made when you were just 16 and lewd.

    3) "Making arrangements"? Why on Earth would any sane father give his precious daughter away to a horny 16 year old with no life achievements and no stability in his life? What kind of father would give his daughter away in marriage to a spotty teenage boy that just wants to enjoy the fun of the marital bed, but not the responsibilities of putting a roof over the marital bed? Again, just goes to show how self centered, immature and unrealistic you are...

    I'm sorry for being harsh, but your selfishness and self-entitlement is just unbelievable and, quite frankly, infuriating. If I was 16 and a guy proposed the sort of arrangements you have in mind to me, I'd have punched him in the face. Like 12 times.

    • Wow Lindita, I clearly didn't look at it this way. The way you're describing that he only wants to get married to fulfil his sexual needs. My naive mind only revolved around the fact that he's really lonely and requires a friend cum wife. If it's really all about sex then no way should he get married now to destroy a girl's life? Fast, lock yourself in your house but don't get married if it's only and all about sex. You're putting a girls life at stake.

      You make a lot of sense actually.

      *virtual hats off to you*

      • Lool Vanity, I always see you underneath Linditta's comments. Perhaps you agree that her advice are kind of extreme. Her advice comes from this anger and not from her heart.

        • Assalamu Alaikum brother Ahmed,

          First of all, it's VainTheGirl and not "vanity". Lmao, that name cracked me up though. If I was an inanimate object, I'd defo opt for being a vanity dresser.

          Secondly, if you read my comment properly, you would've understood that I'm not opposed to Lindita's comment, instead I'm appreciating the light in which she views this situation.

          Thirdly, I know a lot of y'all say Lindita's comments are harsh, come from a dark place and blah blah. But let me put this out here, yes Lindita's comments might not be all sugar coated and yes the way she delivers her advice isn't all peaches and cream. But at the end of the day, it's not how you write or how you phrase your sentences, it's what point you're conveying to that person in order to help them or advise them. And not everyone is the same. Look at your five fingers. They're not the same. People have different ways of delivering their advice. Sugar coating everything doesn't make the same advice any better.

          Lindita is actually like my aunt. My aunt used to be really close to me and I grew up being frank with her. I loved my aunt a lot even though all her advice were very stern and usually, what you would call-harsh. I remember her slapping me hard on my cheek and scolding me really bad for staying out late with my friends on a weekday. And guess what? After that night, I don't remember staying out late even until today!! And showing compassion and sugar coating everything isn't always the right thing. Compassion without action is merely an observation. Plus her advice blatantly points out the mistake of the OP so that they can think about it and correct them. And yes, since her tone of delivery is quite straightforward, it leaves people thinking about it for a minute, hence it leaves an impact. Just like how you're remarking on her tone of the comment.

          Sorry if I said too much in here, I'm young and have a lot to learn but I felt like I had to say this part since strangely, I admire Lindita a lot. She knows what to point out. And I believe she is/would be a great teacher for her kids and people around her.

      • Her advice comes from a dark place

        • Hello, Doktor Ahmed. I'm glad you're using your imaginary psychology degree to wrongly analyse what place in life I'm in. Let me, likewise, use my imaginary psychology degree to make wrong assumptions about you, too. I'm so sorry you were molested as a child and now project your own darkness onto other people. I sincerely feel bad for your childhood traumas...but I can genuinely say I'm not coming from a dark place. Thanks for your concern, though :D.

          Why do people always make these posts about me? The day I write in and ask for help for my problems, you all have a right to say your peace, okay? But until then, let's just keep focus on the poor souls that have actually requested tips and advice...

      • VainTheGirl,
        The very first thing he mentions in his post is that he has urges and wants them fulfilled...and then, for the rest of his post, he keeps talking about wanting to find a way to have sex, but without having to take on the responsibility of having a wife. Essentially, he wants a prostitute for free. And I have to ask again, what kind of father would allow his daughter to fill out the role of a free prostitute for a horny 16 year old boy? I know my father would never...

        I'm also happy to hear that someone on here is able to focus on what I write instead of how I write things. I come from a culture where it's normal to be very blunt and point out people's stupidity, lol. So it's just part of who I am to be that way...I don't have any ill intentions, nor do I have bad opinions of anyone. All I have to go by is what people write about their problems and life situations, and I do what I can to give them tips and advice from a different perspective. Most of you seem to be Asians, so I often feel like people give the same type of advice, based on their norms in their Asian culture...being a European (I'm Albanian and Russian), I feel like my different perspective on things may help someone.

        • Lindita,

          Some of these scenarios might work for this boy

          1)
          A wealthier dad who is in similar situation where his teenage little daughter has similar high sexual urges and want to have sex regularly might agree for such marriage . So nothing is impossible .

          2) A older and settled woman who probably don't need financial help but crazy for young teenage boys might agree for this marriage to have good sex with young boy .

          3)There are wealthier older women who don't need money but want young men to fulfill their desires .

          So nothing is impossible l .

          • 1) I have never ever seen examples of this in my entire life, living in Europe. Fathers that marry their girls off at underage are usually to be found in countries like Yemen and India. And they mostly do it out of desperation, nothing else.

            Also, why should a father be financially responsible for his married daughter? It'sa husband's obligation to provide for his wife, end of.

            2) This would be illegal. Not only can't a 16 year old get married in the UK, so marrying one would in itself be invalid - but the older woman could also get into serious legal trouble for interacting sexually with an underage boy. We're talking about pedophilia here...I don't know where in the world you are from, where pedophilia is acceptable.

            3) Are you sick? You are NOT a man at 16! What planet are you on?!

          • Lindita ,

            I missed to add that my point was for after 3-4 years where legally he will be able to marry butt career wise he still Will be not settled .Butt in UK/USA still 16 age is allowed but with both parents consent which is must.

            Please read for legal age in UK/USA

            The legal minimum age to enter into a marriage in England and Wales is sixteen years, although this requires consent of parents and guardians if a participant is under eighteen.[

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_England_and_Waleshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_England_and_Wales

            Also read below for USA

            The general age of marriage in the United States is 18, with the exception of Nebraska (19) and Mississippi (21). However, every state allows exceptions to their age of marriage, such as parental consent, judicial consent, pregnancy, or a combination of these. When all exceptions are taken into account, 23 U.S. states[4] have no minimum age requirement.[5][6] Twenty-seven of the jurisdictions have a minimum age in these cases, which varies between 13 and 17, the youngest being 13 (New Hampshire, females only)The general age of marriage in the United States is 18, with the exception of Nebraska (19) and Mississippi (21). However, every state allows exceptions to their age of marriage, such as parental consent, judicial consent, pregnancy, or a combination of these. When all exceptions are taken into account, 23 U.S. states[4] have no minimum age requirement.[5][6] Twenty-seven of the jurisdictions have a minimum age in these cases, which varies between 13 and 17, the youngest being 13 (New Hampshire, females only)

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage_in_the_United_Stateshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage_in_the_United_States

          • Lindita ,

            I hope you are aware that below type of cases are possible .
            These are not encouraged but these are possible .
            I see you getting outraged when i said woman older than him might marry him as it seems you are Eastern mindset woman who expects always husband to be olderrr than wife but its possible as below.

            The current french president Macoon ,who is maried to a woman who is 27 year older than him an she was his high school teacher .

            The pesident Macron , now 39, met Trogneux, now 64, when he was in high school in the northern French city of Amiens.
            By the time he was 17, he said he would marry herMacron, now 39, met Trogneux, now 64, when he was in high school in the northern French city of Amiens. By the time he was 17, he said he would marry her who was 44
            lhttps://edition.cnn.com/2017/04/24/europe/france-candidate-macron-married-his-teacher/index.html

      • VainTheGirl

        Nothing is impossible .

        1)
        A wealthier dad who is in similar situation where his teenage little daughter has similar high sexual urges and want to have sex regularly might agree for such marriage . So nothing is impossible .

        2) A older and settled woman who probably don't need financial help but crazy for young teenage boys might agree for this marriage to have good sex with young boy .

        3)There are wealthier older women who don't need money but want young men to fulfill their desires .

        So nothing is impossible l .

        • All those options sound sick and completely messed up in the head. But oh well, it's all up to the boy, whatever floats his boat. I'm definitely not a fan of either of the options mentioned.

          • VainTheGirl

            I agree .These are not the best options but rare corner cases and rare possibility.

            Also please read below one of the exceptional casse

            The current french president Macoon ,who is maried to a woman who is 27 year older than him an she was his high school teacher .

            The pesident Macron , now 39, met Trogneux, now 64, when he was in high school in the northern French city of Amiens.
            By the time he was 17, he said he would marry herMacron, now 39, met Trogneux, now 64, when he was in high school in the northern French city of Amiens. By the time he was 17, he said he would marry her who was 44.

            https://edition.cnn.com/2017/04/24/europe/france-candidate-macron-married-his-teacher/index.html

    • I get it your trying to comment but you also sound like a bully and internet troll lol calm down weirdo

      • Being called a weirdo by an imbecile holds very little value, if I'm honest. Also, I don't care what I sound like. Now, stay on topic...or did you just create a user to reply to me instead of the people that are asking for advice? I would say I feel honoured, but I literally don't put any value to you, so...I don't give a toss :D.

  3. Dear NYislam123

    You have come here for help & guidance. The fact you don't want to sin is in itself a reward.
    Marriage is not an option for you now.

    Concentrate in your education and look forward to a good future InshaAllah. Wait & save yourself for someone special there is some one waiting for you too InshaAllah.

    in the west it's easy to fall into sin, lots of girls would happily get involved into haram relationship, but when it comes to marriage it's "big responsibility" boys & girls get into haram relationship secretly without involving parents therefore parents has no idea what their son/daughter doing behind there back.May Allah protect our children from the wisher if Shaitan.
    Postpone your marriage/relationship idea on hold till you are an adult enough to be able to ask some adult girl to marry. At present you are growing up & going through hormonal changes. So please increase in your prayers and fasting this will make you stronger. Take up sports and focus on your education and be ready to take a responsibility of marriage & wife in future.
    Our religion teaches not to follow our desire. Pray that Allah gives you streangth to fight your desire.Do Astagfar repeatedly.

    May Allah give you wisdoms.

    ZS

  4. If your parents willing to support you then sure, get married. My nephew got married last year. His parent provides for them. So I suggest you to do the same. Its highly possible to earn and learn at the same time.

  5. Dude
    If ur dad is supportive. It can happen

    Start to observe married guys, ask questions , try to be mentally and emotionally mature like them. Fast forward the maturing process be responsible at an early age if u wanna marry early

    Study women. They might behave irrationally thrown tantrums, nag, bicker, complain are u emotionally mature to deal with them? Or will u start to fight back like a kid. Are u willing to sacrifice. What if u become a dad early. Do u have patience? Can u study while at the same time while u in marriage
    Work on ur skillset. Focus on education, work hard.

    And if all this sounds very daunting, spend time with your guy friends , dont be free focus on a sport master it.. girls are not angels, and not perfect just as we are imperfect. Therefore dont think companionship with a girl will give u all the hapiness of the world. The world aint made for fun. Goodluck

  6. Assalaamualaykum NYIslam123,

    I hope this post finds you well brother.

    Brother, unfortunately for you (and fortunately because Allah's decree is always best), marriage at the age of 16 without parental consent is illegal in the UK. You will have to wait regardless. See this as a parameter that Allah is giving you to give you more time to mature and be the kind of man that a woman would be blessed to marry. It's not all bad brother, trust me. And Trust Allah 🙂

    Best,

    Nor

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