Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage communication

Gdansk Poland

The sunrise casts a pink glow over the center of Gdansk, Poland, including Saint Mary's Cathedral. July 22, 1996 Gdansk, Poland

Question:

Salam alaikum,

I do not know if this is something wrong, but any time I say something to my husband he gets angry, for example he asked me if his trousers are dirty( to judge if they are dirty) I said I do not know, I did not think that my answer was rude?

Then I am from Poland we are express our emotions so he said one time when I was changing clothes for my small 9 months daughter clothes he said she is naked and I answered, so what?

Have I been rude? Is there any book in Islam that talk about good marriage communication?

Salam alaikum,

Noor Al-Houdha

Sister Z's Answer:

Asalaamualaikum Noor - you have share very little detail with us, but I will try inshaAllah...

- Is your and your husband's first language the same? If it is not, this could be a reason why what you are saying innocently is being misinterpreted.

- Are you from different cultures? This could also be a reason for misinterpretation of certain behaviours as different cultures may do or say things a little differently.

The above two reasons do not mean that you cannot have a successful marriage. You just need to TALK : ), learn about each others differences and cultures and respect one another.

- Do you have problems in any other areas of your marital life? If yes, maybe this could be why your husband becomes angry at other innocent things?

Sister Z
IslamicAnswers.com Editor


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11 Responses »

  1. salaam alkium siis i dont knw wat 2 say excipt from a wife can change her huband noo matter how bad he iz

    pry 2 god that he beacomes they why he was b4 n seat with him n talk 2 eachother n sort things out n inshlah alah will help u

  2. salaam,

    i think the problem is the way you respond. i.e when I was changing cloths for my small 9 months daughter clothes he said she is naked and I answered, so what? instead of saying so what im sure you could have said something better.

    and about the dirty trousers, instead of saying you dont know, you could have said no the trousers look okay etc cos when i wear my cloths theres been time when i ask my wife on how i look, and in most case she would tell me to iron the shirt, or change my jeans or even fix my tie etc its only natural to get pointers when asked.

    i think you should think before you say anything.

    ma salama

    • Brother the husband needs to refrain from anger and follow the way of the Prophet pbuh - we must treat our women like the queens they are and show our daughters the same.

      The sister has said nothing that can explain the husbands anger - you have given a very one sided view when in actual fact you should look at the situation on a whole.

      Ma salaama

      • Women are also supposed to treat their husbands like kings and are told to obey them . They are also told not to raise their voice against their husbands .

        • Asalaamu alaikum warnatullahi wa barakatu.

          Brother I did note note a return of salaams from you - I hope this was unintentional as we should greet a salaams with the equivelent or greater greeting.

          I think the fundamental fact is in a marriage there should be a mutual respect for each other. Husband treats wife like a queen and wife treats husband like a king. Following the laws of Islam as best they can to maintain a healthy family home and marriage would you not agree?

          This sister asked for help and guidance not negativity or judgement and we should help in a gentle and understanding way - I'm not sure if the sisters Muslim herself but if not we have a massive responsiblity as muslims to use the correct Islamic etiquette towards her. Not true?
          Ma salaama

  3. Asalaamualaikum Noor - you have share very little detail with us, but I will try inshaAllah...

    - Is your and your husband's first language the same? If it is not, this could be a reason why what you are saying innocently is being misinterpreted.

    - Are you from different cultures? This could also be a reason for misinterpretation of certain behaviours as different cultures may do or say things a little differently.

    The above two reasons do not mean that you cannot have a successful marriage. You just need to TALK : ), learn about each others differences and cultures and respect one another.

    - Do you have problems in any other areas of your marital life? If yes, maybe this could be why your husband becomes angry at other innocent things??

  4. yeah u answer way to rudely,wer is ur respect for ur husband? that example,she is 9 and u dress her infront of him dont u think? wer is ur haya ur modesty ur respect? even i wudn wana b seen naked by my dad at the age of 9 nor wud my dad wana c me.yup if u got good communication ur life will be clean

    • Brother - please read the sisters comments properley.
      The sister said she dresses her "9 month" old baby girl in front of her father NOT her 9 year old girl and there is no haram in that.

      Also the sister is Polish - her culture is different and english is not her first language therefore sometimes it may appear she is being rude when in actual fact she is not.

      Your answer in unhelpful and hostile all because you did not read the question properly - remember give x amount of excuses for our family in faith before we chastise them

      Allah knows best

      Ma salaama

  5. o sorry i meant nine months old

    • Thank you for correcting yourself.

      Brother there is nothing wrong with changing a 9 month old baby in front if her father - in fact the husband should be helping do this also where possible.

      Ma salaama

  6. Sis I hope you are well.

    Please visit this website http://www.mysistashouse.com where you will recieve support and advice from learned muslims.

    I hope you and your daughter are well and safe.

    Ma salaama

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