Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage Complications



I am a married girl from Bangladesh. But this is my second marriage. I am facing some drastic problem in my married life at this moment regarding both my first and second husband.

My first marriage was love marriage, it was against my parents will. That's why I can not last it longer. There were so many issues regarding this. It was 2010. I used to talk to my first husband over phone then. At that moment we were not getting married. At a time my parents realized that I am talking with that boy. One of the big problem was the boy was our neighbour. Their original hometown is not here. But he is living with some of his relatives till now. Another problem was our social status doesn't match. Both my parents is banker. On the other hand his parents are living in a village and live by agriculture though his other relatives were much better than them. Realizing that my parents warned me for 3 or more times. But we are in love truly. I cannot forgot him. That's why I was continued to talk with him over phone. At this moment for some family issues my parents shifted our residence from here to another district temporarily. Then I could not communicate with him too much. It was then once a week. Then my final exam was knocking at the door. At one night I was feeling severe headache that's why I was not concentrating on my study. My father noticed it and started to rebuke me. At one point he started to asking me if I was gatting married with that boy or not. I replied negative which was true. It was ramadan.

My parents started to torture me physically from 10 pm to 4 am, I mean till sehri. He had broken one of my fingers with a wrench. Blah, blah blah, so many filthy torture that I can not explain. I was become dumb and thought I will never talk to anybody else. After sehri I had decided to go to my tuition with all my books and never come back home. Honestly in the name of Allah my intention was that. At first I went to my tuitions. Then I went for an x-ray of my hand. It took a lot of time. It was then dusk. The boy had called me and out of emotion I had told him I was in the hospital. Moreover he had realized because last night my brother called him.over phone at 2 AM in order to know whether we got married or not. Then he decided to come to the hospital and did that. We had finished our Iftar together. Then he forced me to expose all that thing happened to me last night. It was too late then. About 9 PM. Then I felt worried where will I go now! Then he and some of his relatives proposed me to marry him and went to their home. I was puzzled and go with him that night.

Next morning we went to their village together and completed court marriage at first. Then he took me to their home and his parents called a Kazi and completed our marriage according to islam. I was there for 3 months. My husband went back to his relatives house. As I was a student and my final exam was knocking I also should back to there.

After 3 more months my parents called me at home and with the permission of my husband I went there and started living with them. They did not behave well with me. Even they did not give me any financial support. I had 2 tuitions and with the help of my husband I bore all my expenses. As he was not properly educated he did a small job. On which salary he could not bore his expenses even. At that moment after about 2 years he decided to go abroad and went to Sudan.

On that time my parents forced me their best. Begore his going abroad they told me about daily to divorce him but I made them realize. We accepted our guilt and wanted that if they pardon us. But alas they were too much absorb in metarialistic world that in his absence they started to Kufor upon me.

After 2 years later I had decided to divorce him in order to make my parents happy. My husband did not do anythig after going abroad. He stayed there over 6/7 months. Hearing that he immediately come back and tried to contact with me. But I avoided him thinking that I will not hurt my parents any more. But I missed him a lot. I was waiting for him. I have told him to come after 2 years with all his abilities to stand before my parents. But he did nothing. He only tried to contact with me over phone.

After 2 years later my parents started to blackmailing me saying that if I will not marry they will die and all. Though I have signed in the divorce letter my first husband did not do any sign. He declared all the time that I am his wife.

One day my present husband and his family came to see me and they proposed to my father as a wife of her son. My father started crying and told me not to oppose. That night he called a Kazi and got us married. At first everything was fine. After 3 days of my marriage I came to know that my present husband is suffering from some sexual problems. He has to depends upon medicines. I was broken totally. After 2 days later he confessed to me that he decided to marry me in order to make his mother and brither happy. He loves another girl. And often he talks with the girl in front of me. Even he called me by her name. It hurts me. At first I did not tell anything to my parents. Then he started to tell me that I should divorce him. He told it almost daily. At a time he started to blaming me to my parents that's why we decide to divorce, not him.

After all that things my parents started rebuke me and forced me to expose all to them. I did so. Then they realized his original character. Then he caught red hand that he is suffering severe diabetic. almost 27 after taking meal. I have recorded some of his phone conversation with that girl and give it to my parents. Then he started neglect my parents and make them hurt by avoiding them. On the other hand his mother started claim dowry from my parents and me. I told it to my parents. My parents told them that all they have is only we two brothers and sisters. All is ours. But they claiming furnitures and cashes and all. Moreover they have told my parents several lie. All are exposed now. At last my parents trying to settled the issue with some furnitures but all in vain. They started torturing me severely.

I truly wanted to manage the relationship after all his fault. Even I conceived. But It did not last as his blood sugar is so high. Even at the time of my pregnancy he told me to give my child to him and divorce him to set him free. Now it is 10 month of our marriage but last month he along with his mother and brother told my parents that they want divorce. Now they are not in contact with my parents. At that moment I lose all my hope for a happy life. and marriage is a curse like to me.

Now I myself do not want to carry the relationship any more. At this moment I want to get rid of it. What caan I do? But my parents want that we never do anything, whatever will be done should be by them. But I don't want to hang it any more. The problem is not finished here.

Hearing all this issues my first husband started to contact with me in the hope that I will go back to his life. For that he even ready to leave his family. Now he is telling me to convince my parents to divorce my present husband immediately and marry him again.

What should I do I cant understand.,But it is true that I tried my best to make my parents happy, for that reason I have betrayed with my first husband. But I cannot make them happy nor I could be. All my fate. At this moment I am badly miss my first husband. He loves me a lot I know that. Even I am getting weak day by day to him. What should I do I cannot understand. My parents is too stuborn. They never accept hin twice I know. There are several reason. This time it is their fault that they arrange a marriage over night. They fells guilt I know but they are too much igoistic. Out of their social status they can not accept my happiness. What should do? I am badly in a mental trauma. I cannot tolerate all this any more. please I need some suggestions.


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3 Responses »

  1. After reading your whole story, where you seem to be going in circles with your husbands and parents, I think you should STOP!
    STOP this running around and take charge of your life. Stay at your parents' place and stop contact with both. Focus on your health. What about your degree? Did you finish your studies? Are you still expecting, if you are, stop any divorce proceedings till you deliver.
    Your first husband does not stand anywhere financially and he seems to be doing nothing about it. Wants you back. Why?
    Your second husband loves somebody else and is a diabetic with I suppose poor sugar control. Ready to bring up his own child without you, the mother.
    Your parents are status conscious, both working however cannot give you some form of a dowry. Do not want you to file for divorce despite your husband not wanting to keep you.
    Sister, what do you think you are doing with your life??? TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE!
    I do not know what to say to you, just put down the characters of your life in my words so that maybe this perspective will help you understand. Only you can decide for yourself. But, do not hurry. Give yourself time.

    • I don't know if the first husband "isn't doing anything" she said he supported her financially when her parents stopped.

      Allah swt is The RealProvider. He didn't d his best to give his wife what she needed.

      But I agree. Going back and forth is not healthy. Living with ur parents isn't either.they broke your hand.

  2. I think you must first ask your first husband to be able to do some work so that he able to look after family .. Before giving any suggestion two Ques 1. Do you still loves your ex husband and hes able to get on work again improve his financial condistions ? 2.Or you want to carry on with your current husband ? Look if you are expecting then you must decide soon later it will be problem to decide regarding your married life ?If you not interested with your Current husband so leave him only when your first husband able to support financially

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