Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage Guidance

Secret relationship, secret marriage

Assalam-u-alaikum wa rahmat-u-llaahi wa barakaat!

I am currently in Dubai. I am seeking religious guidance in the light of Quran and Sunnah for my best friends (Muslim), now they're married.

Both my friends are from Pakistan. N is working here from last 6 years, living alone without his family. On the other hand, S is here from last 22 years, she is living with her whole family. Three years back they met during a promotional event, talked a bit and became friends. In the very first year of their friendship, the relation got stronger and they realized that they fell in love with each other. N knew that his family will never accept her as his wife but he was, somehow, sure that he will convince them. He decided to marry her without asking permission from his parents. S was also in love with him, but her parents insisted that N should bring his parents or atleast an elder brother on their marriage. It was not possible for N because he didn't even inform them about her. Somehow, S managed to convince her family all alone for this marriage. They married happily and soon after a year Almighty blessed them with a beautiful, healthy baby boy.

During this whole period, S insisted that N should inform his parents about this marriage and the baby boy but he everytime either he ignored her suggestions or postponed, saying that Allah is great he will sort out this issue for me and he did nothing worthwhile by himself.

N has six brothers, no sister and is the youngest in the family. He's been supporting his family financially from last six years. And from last 3.5 years he couldn't visit his family either because of insufficient money or vacation. During his presence in Dubai, N's parents and his uncle collectively initiated a relation of N and his mothers-sisters-daughter. They informed him once or twice about this and he reluctantly told them not to do. That girl back in Pakistan is literally waiting for him from last three years, his whole wants N to marry their daughter. Now, S and N are married and they've a son. S is telling him not to marry again
or else divorce me. On other hand N is saying that if he didn't marry back in Pakistan, his parents will be offended and he might displease Allah Almighty also.

If he opts for second marriage as per his parents, life of S and newly born baby will be destroyed!!!!!

and if he opts to stay with S, he is afraid that he might offend his parents and most importantly Allah Almighty!!!!

Kindly provide us the true guidance in the light of Quran and Sunnah as soon as possible, their marriage is about to end 😞

May Allah Almighty bless you with divine knowledge and perseverance to spread word of truth all over the world.

Waiting worriedly but optimistically for your guidance in this regards. Thank you so very much for your time and patience.
Jazak allah khair

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3 Responses »

  1. Your friend's situation is not complicated at all, he's just MAKING it super complicated by lying about and concealing his life from his family.

    1) He needs to stop being so weak and timid that he lets everyone around him make decisions for him. Is he a man or a mouse? Sounds like he's a mouse...
    2) He needs to tell his family and the other girl that he's not interested in marriage - and he needs to accept that no one is going to be happy for him, because he lied and excluded everyone for years
    3) He needs to stop making massive decisions in his life and exclude his family from the whole process
    4) He needs to understand that his responsibilities are with his wife and child, primarily
    5) He needs to stop making Islam out to be a religion that obliges him to get into a forced marriage. Islamically, he has every right to say no to a girl, even if his parents will be angry or feel disappointed. That's THEIR issue, not his...

  2. He should clearly tell his parents about the situation now ..... he brought this up on himself for not telling his parents even after the child .... besides when they told him about it before he should have clearly said no .....
    now if he marries the other girl .... and she also did not have a clue about hos first marriage and child .... it would be deceitful ..... he needs to be a strong person and tell his parents everything .... and properly apologise to the girl who has been waiting for him for years

  3. Please tell your friend this. He will not offend Allah swt by refusing to marry someone of their choice. Parents don't have the right to impose a marriage on their children. So he will not be considered disobedient to his parents.

    What will offend Allah swt is the fact that he has chosen to hide his marriage and a child. The wife and child have the right to be acknowledged by this man. He is depriving them of this right. Tell him to worry about offending Allah swt in this regard.

    What exactly does he imagine will happen once his parents find out? They will accept it eventually. If they don't so be it.

    Would he really consider abandoning his wife and child to marry someone his parents choose for him because he is too scared to let them know about his existing wife and child?

    Does he fear his parents more than Allah? That's the question he needs to ask himself and therein lies the answer to his dilemma.

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