Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage Issues in Pregnancy

Pregnant teen

AoA,

I got married around an year ago.It was a complete arrange marriage and all the relatives forced my family for the wedding as my mother in law wasn't well. Everything proposal and wedding was arranged in one month. It seemed normal in the beginning but just after 5 days my husband stopped talking to me. I complained and asked why he wasn't talking to me and he didnt reply and asked a relative to pick me up and the other day i got to know he doesn't like me well.

after some time i conceived and thought that may be the news would bring some happiness to my new life but it didn't work, he used to come back late at night and sleep with his mother.

After  5 months of complete silence during which my brothers and some relatives made him understand his duties he started greeting me and i thought maybe things are getting better but after 2 months he came upto me and said that he doesn't like even a single habit of mine and there's no soft corner for me in his heart and said that i misbehave (which i swear i never did in my books at least because i was afraid of him i knew that if i spoke a word he would leave me and whenever i told my family that he doesn't talk to me and there's no relationship between us they always said you are wrong).

He asked me to consult my family and take the final decision within a few days or a week as after 2 months the baby is gonna arrive. I got really upset and my blood pressure increased. As my brothers used to take me to the doctor they called me for the doctor visit and when i got there the doctor said me and baby are in danger at that time the doctors panel and my family asked me what was wrong. After that my brother asked my husband why was he doing so he misbehaved a lot on which my brother took me home.

My inlaws never permitted me to go to the parlour, tailor or market.

Its been three months now but he didn't contact .All the relatives have been trying to convince them that what they are doing is wrong. All I want is my rights as a wife( nafqah, permission to go to market tailor parlour and as he cannot afford i want him to let me work and accept me for who I am) but he isnt willing on any of this. He doesn't give me any kind of money or anything my mother gets clothes for me. I want divorce now.

All I am worried about is my baby. How can I take the full custody and guardianship of my baby?

Hooriya

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu alaikum sister, very sad to hear your story. As a brother, i can tell you that it isn't worth wasting your time and effort on somebody who clearly doesn't care and love you. If it is better to divorce and move on, then let it be. Regarding your child, you will need to take full responsibility unless the father wants some input. Don't waste your life chasing after these kind of people because sometimes its not worth it at all. Let Allah be the one who gives justice. May Allah make it easy for you and give you happiness in this life and the hereafter. Ameen

  2. Assalaamualaikum, ya sister.

    After divorce, the husband is responsible for the education and maintenance of the children. The children live with the mother till the age of Hizanat which is seven years for son and age of puberty for daughters.
    After the age of Hizanat, the children have the right to live with the father or the mother, and their opinion will be considered by the court but will not be taken as conclusive and decisive factor.

    Although divorce being allowed in Islam is a sign of the lenience and practical nature of the Islamic legal system, keeping the unity of the family is considered a priority for the sake of the children. For this reason, divorce is always a last choice, after exhausting all possible means of reconciliation.

    For example, Allah addresses men asking them to try hard to keep the marriage, even if they dislike their wives: And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. Quran Surah Nisa 4 :19

    Also the following ayath is addressed to women asking them the same thing:

    And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.Quran Surah Nisa 4 :128

    Again, the following ayath is addressed to the family or the society for the same purpose of rescuing this bond, which God did not make easy to break:
    And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things]. Quran Surah Nisa 4 :35

    But, if after exhausting all methods of reconciliation, the hatred between the husband and wife is still greater than tolerance, then divorce becomes inevitable. Here comes the genius of the Islamic law, which holds practical, rather than unrealistic approaches, towards real situations. The ultimate aims of marriage, as well as any other aspect of human life, are to achieve happiness and virtue. So, when people are denied their right to end an unhappy marriage, these two aims are seriously violated. This is, as the couple will live in suffering, which may lead them to marital infidelity. Thus divorce in this case – if weighed up to the disaster of family disintegration - will be less disastrous.

    There are 4 main methods of separation in Islam:

    • Granting of Divorce by the Husband – Talaq

    • Separation by way of consent between the parties – Khula

    • Dissolution of Marriage – Faskh-e-Nikah

    • When the power of Talaq is transferred to the Wife – Tafweedh-e-Talaq

    Allaah encourages the husband and wife to appoint arbitrators as the first step to aid in reconciliation in the process of divorce. If the reconciliation step fails, both the man and woman are guaranteed the right to divorce as established in the Quran, but the difference lies in the procedure for each one. When a divorce is initiated by the man, it is known as Talaaq.

    The pronouncement by the husband may be verbal or written, but once made, there is to be a waiting period of three months ('Iddah) during which there can be no sexual relations, even though the two are living under the same roof.

    The waiting period helps to prevent hasty terminations due to anger and allows both parties time to reconsider as well as to see if the wife is pregnant. If the wife is pregnant, the waiting period is lengthened until she delivers. At any point during this time, the husband and wife are free to resume their conjugal relationship, thereby ending the divorce process. During this waiting period, the husband remains financially responsible for the support of his wife.

    The divorce initiated by the wife is known as Khul or Khula'(if the husband is not at fault) and requires that the wife return her dowry to end the marriage because she is the 'contract-breaker'. In the instance of Talaaq, where the husband is the 'contract-breaker', he must pay the dowry in full in cases where all or part of it was deferred, or allow the wife to keep all of it if she has already been given it in full.

    In the case that the husband is at fault and the woman is interested in divorce, she can petition a judge for divorce, with cause. She would be required to offer proof that her husband had not fulfilled his marital responsibilities. If the woman had specified certain conditions that are Islamically accepted in her marriage contract, which were not met by the husband, she could obtain a conditional divorce.

    Feel free to ask more questions.

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