Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is it wrong to pray to marry a specific person?

internet chat, internet love,

Assalamualaikum all,

I met a man online about one year ago. We live in two different countries. As we started talking with an intention to get married, he informed his mom about this and later we met along with his and my family. he said his family liked me and my family liked him too. his mom called up and said, they were very happy with the matter and they wanted to get things materialized ASAP.

So, she sent her brother in our house as a part of ritual. but after that visit, she called up few days later and told that she thought that i was older than her son, based on the passing year of my school certificate, which was completely baseless, as i started my school very early when i was only 04. she didnt verify it, she didnt ask any of our family in this regard. she rejected me saying/guessing that i was older than him!

ever since we started talking, we knew that we were same age, although we dont know exactly our date of birth. may be hes few months older than i, or i am few months older than he is... i dont know since we dont know each others DOB.

He said, he tried to make his mom understand this. he also said that, he knows that his mom will not neglect his choice (about me) but they may not be pleased about that whole matter which may not bring barakah in our relation. i said, parents could be wrong. it is children's duty to make them understand that they are wrong.

when we liked each other so much, everything went so well, it was very unexpected and shocking for me. i dont want anybody hurt his parents. nor do i want any relation where parents dont agree. but is it unlawful to keep trying and make them understand and make them give permission? what islam says about this?

So far, we didnt do anything unlawful while talking, but Allah knows the best. we met only once with our respective families. i liked him mainly because he is a practicing muslim and i found him kind of honest. its been about 2 weeks since we stopped talking. he said he'd let me know what happened about the matter as he was supposed to talk to his parents again in this regard.

i started praying mashallah regularly, i prayed istikhara for 1 week and never felt anything against him/relation with him.. i still wanted him. i am praying salatul hajaat since one week, doing ya lateefu amal, and some other amals regularly, asking Allah for His mercy in this matter.

is it unlawful if i ask Allah to fix all the matter so than we can get married? I mean after all, he is a non-merham... is it bad in Islam to ask Allah's help to get married to someone i like very dearly??

Any advice/suggestion would be highly appreciated. I am very patient, i have put my faith in Allah and left the whole matter in His hand. kindly advice whatelse i could do.. since i didnt feel anything bad after the istikhara was done, should i contact him again? i saw him several times but i didnt talk to him as i thought i'd talk ONLY after things get fixed by Allah or after i get a clear sign from Him...awating for your suggestions.

May Allah reward and bless you all. Thank you.



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6 Responses »

  1. AsSalamualaikum

    Sister, it is not wrong to marry a specific person insha Allah. But your approach was something disliked. The Ulama advice us to abstain from online relationships for various reasons including the danger of Fitan.
    Now that you say he is a practicing Muslim, if he wishes to obey his parents (if they choose another practicing girl for him) then you have no choice but to have patience. In such case, if you love Allah Subhanah, then you can probably choose another practicing Muslim, who you would like, in order to avoid complications in relationships.
    Avoid developing relationship of 'love' unless you get married, which is a tool of Shaitaan to drive the believers away from the Jannah.

    May Allah keep you patient and give you the best match possible
    Muhammad Waseem

  2. I have to disagree with you Muhammad Waseem. There are many Muslim matrimonial websites where Muslims can meet for the purpose of marriage. Scholars have said there is nothing wrong with them as long as people do not discuss anything improper. The sister began speaking to the gentleman for the purpose of marriage, then right away got her family involved.

    Sister napa, As-salamu alaykum. This prejudice or superstition about the bride being older than the groom is unfortunate. This question was also addressed previously here:

    What is an acceptable age difference between bride and grooms?

    I understand that you are basically the same age as the man, but even if you were older it should not matter. There is nothing in Islam that says the groom must be older. in fact, there is absolutely no restriction in Shariah Law regarding the difference of age between the groom and the bride, regardless of whether the groom happens to be older than the bride, or the bride happens to be older than the groom.

    SubhanAllah, what would people say now about the marriage of our Prophet Muhammad (sws) to the noble Khadija (ra)? She was 15 years older!

    My suggestion is that you send his family a copy of your birth certificate so they can see that you are not older than him. You might also mention that there is nothing wrong in Islam with the bride being older than the groom. But if you are in fact a little older, telling them that it doesn't matter may not work. Such cultural superstitions are deeply ingrained and people are unlikely to give them up even in the face of Islamic counsel.

    If that doesn't work, then accept that this is not the right man for you, and move on. I'm not going to say it's wrong to ask Allah to let you marry a specific person - it's not wrong - but it's not the best approach. Allah will respond to your dua' by giving you something good, but it may not be what you want. It's better to ask Allah to bring you a good, righteous husband with whom you will live in happiness and love, whoever that may be.

    Wael Editor

    • I agree 101%!

      SisterZ Editor

    • Thanks brother. I am not aware of this, but it seems right. And perhaps what I meant is relationships through other sources such as Messengers or Facebook or others، which mostly lead to wrong thoughts.

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        There's one matrimonial website that oversees the messages by an online wali when the females choose to use one, in case they might not have one readily available. Several others have 'report' buttons for lewd behavior, but that falls on the users utilizing the feature.

        However, on the subject of age: I had no idea people were asking for documents (school certificates) these days?

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