Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Secret marriage between Muslim man and Hindu woman, what should I do?

secrets, hidden past,

Hi my name is Devi, I'm a divorcee and i met a Muslim guy online 5 years a go and we have fall in love with eachother. We wanted to get married to each other but I was in India and he is from Bangladesh working in UAE. We use to talk everyday and he told me that he will come to meet me and then marry me. He went on his holiday to Bangladesh where he got married to some other girl. I came to know that after 8 months of his marriage from his brother. I was surprise to hear that as we didn't have any contact once he left UAE for his holidays.

Any how I tried and got his number from a common friend and talked with him. He told me that he was not able to show his face to me as he ditched me. He told a big story stating that as he is a muslim and has to see his family and cuture he didnt marry me and got married to a muslim girl who was his family friend as she loved him alot. She did cut her nerves for him. I didnt wanted to trust him for that but still I loved him so I started talking to him again as a friend and I dont know when again we started loving each other.

After having this 5years relation finally he is ready to marry me but without telling to his family and wife as he has kid also. He doesnt want me to change my religion, he does not want me to change anything but has only one demand that I have to stay with him wherever he stays but in a different house. He will bring his first family in the same city but I need to adjust most of it i.e. whenever he can give me time I need to adjust that and if we have our kids then I need to make them understand our religion.

I'm scared of this decision as he is saying that if anyone comes to know of our relation and if he has to make a decision to choose any one of us then he will choose his first wife and kid, not me and my kids.  He is saying that no one will ever know of our relation so I should not be worried about this but I'm much worried for my future as I'm hindu and if I'm leaving my family for him then he should always support me in any condition.

Please suggest me wht should I do in this as he wants to legally marry me but even dont want to support me in difficult situation.

-Sapna


Tagged as: , , , , , ,

24 Responses »

  1. Hi Sapna.
    Sorry to hear about this messy situation you are in.
    To be blunt do not marry this guy and sell yourself short. You would be sacrificing everything and gaining nothing in return. You say you love him, but love alone is not enough to make a relationship or a marriage work. It fades with time. Take a look around this site, and you will see many examples of people in 'secret or urfi marriages who are desperately unhappy.

    You are worth so much more than this, and deserve a man who will not only love you, but be proud to be with you, be faithful, support you and puts you first. Someone who can be a proper husband to you and a proper father to any kids you have in future. Someone who will openly be your life partner. It is also unfair that he expects you to teach kids islam when he hasn't taught you. Also it is not permissible islamically to be married secretly or for a muslim to marry a hindu.

    This is wrong on so many levels! Also how would you feel if you found out your husband was secretly married. That would break you so think of his wife as well. Basically this secret marriage will only lead to tears and heartbreak. Most likely yours and his wife's and child's. All for 'love'. When the love changes, which it always does - the true loneliness in such a marriage is seen by the person. Also ask yourself what sort of husband would he be? He is cheating on his wife with you - if not physically then he is emotionally. He is willing to betray her. If he can do this to her, he can do this to you.

    Leave him now. It will hurt - but after a time, the heartbreak will fade and you will move on. In doing this you will save yourself from a sham marriage, and the long-term isolation and heartbreak.
    Look into Islam for peace and ask (Allah) God alone to help you through this. It is a beautiful religion and I pray that it brings you peace, comfort and success.

    So you have to choices. Leave him, get through the heartbreak, move on save yourself and find a husband worthy of you.
    Or marry him secretly and live a life away from your family, moving around, sharing a husband who does not give you your rights or supports you, and a husband who will leave you if others find out.

    The choice is yours.
    I am sorry if I have been harsh in my post - if you need any further advice or support, we are hear for you and you are welcome to comment on here.

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
    x

  2. Sapna,

    From one woman to another, irregardless of our beliefs...have respect for yourself here. Are you willing to be some hidden secret? Surely you must think better of yourself! There are millions of men out there that would like to find a good woman to marry...why are you willing to accept someone who tells you straight out that you have to be a secret? Do yourself a favor, find a guy that will put you first in his life...a guy who will give you all of his heart, not just a piece of it. You deserve so much more and if no one has told you that, I will. Dump this loser and find yourself a man who will put you first, love you and want to have a family with you. Why you will accept what this man is offering you is beyond me.

    Remember this..."If your relationship has to be a secret, why be in it?"

    गर्म का संबंध 🙂

    • That's rigth,,I like your comment,,I,m a guy but I respect woman a lot,,WHY..?BECAUSE I HAVE MOTHER,SISTERS,GRANDMA,DAUGTHERS,,WOMAN IS LIFE WHITOUT THEM THIS WORLD WILL NOT EXIST,,GOOD WOMAN SPECIALLY,,SHOULD BE LOVED AND RESPECTED,,NO MATTER WHAT,,,,,!!! Ciao

      • Geo, I have put you on moderated status because you use a lot of bad language in your comments and you are generally rude in the way you reply.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Hi Sapna!
    I am totally agree with Sara and Najah's point of view that you Shouldn't be marry to that boy. No doubt you love him too much but as u mentioned you already got divorced, this time you deserve happiness in life not tear ,you deserve love ,happiness not the life he is offering you . I am sorry to say that but He already knows His family will not let him to get marry with a non-muslim girl So why he start love Drama with you and now his demand are totally Crap. Believe me you will get more pain after marry to him, he will not give you love, social status and time of pain and need he will go to his 1st wife... He is not the end of the the world Plz send him in hell, move forward in your life find a good boy who love you from bottom of his heart and give you all happiness, respect that you deserve.

  4. Sapna

    I also ego what all sisters have written DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY.
    He is waste of space, cheat and a lair, he didn't even tell you to your face he got married and you still want to marry this waste of space. He wasn't even honest with you, sister i strongly suggest you cut ties with this LOSER and find your own that will love you and give you the respect you deserve. WHY you even want to lower yourself desperately is the question you need to look at then you know the answer simply walk away and forget this man he is not worth another second of your time.

    I hope this has help and you wake up before making another huge mistake

  5. Sapna .... please think long and hard. This is not rght for anyone- and most wrong for you. You leave yor parents, you have your boyfriend/ husband at his convenience, your kds are not yours as you cant be yourself with them, you have not future in this relationship,

    Better to have a broken relationship than broken marraige.

    Please imagine your life ten years don the line in different scenarios - if you arry this person and if you marry someone else and then choose.

    There is no surity that you will find happiness by moving on - but there is all surity that you will NOT find happpiness/ peace in this relationship. You deserve better life than being a hidden second woman!!! Dont let emotions get better of you.

  6. if his wife and family is agree then only you can marry him, Islam and even any other religion does not allow any one to marry secretly, it is haram ...

  7. Don't marry him .he will leave u and go a way from u a gain after using u for sure because if he loves u really he won't marry another girl.Marriage is not the life.its just part of life don't sacrifice ur life to that person who is not worth for that.
    marry a person who gives u first importance in his life.

  8. I am not talking a bout sapna issuse.
    why can't a hindu women marry a muslism guy.when we fall in love we don't what's their caste.By seeing the caste and loving a person is not at all a love.we don't know when we fall in love and with whom .
    why can't these musilms understand that ???

    if you guys have time just watch the blog *******************
    (Blog details deleted by Editor)

    • Nisha,

      Islam is not a caste, it is a religion and a way of life. It is infact Hinduism that believes in and promotes the discriminatory caste system - whereby someone of a so called lower caste cannot even touch a so called higher caste person.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. how can they divide people into religions. .All are human and that to all hindu's r not from lower caste.
    y can't a muslim guy marry a hindu women.....now in this life one may muslim in next coming life there is no guaranty they belong to the same caste .then y they a gainst inter caste marriage all are human .

  10. A.aleikum w w!
    Nisha I undrstnd dat this issue worried u,bt undrsntad one thing,muslim person can't married wid someone non muslim,is the same in many religion,in hinduism to is the same thng! In this case,I thnk she shouldn't marry him,not bcs she's hindu,no,bt bcs he nt deserv her,he put her in second plan,I tnk she can convrt bt he don't won't,he's not doing well!
    So sister nisha,hindu can married wid muslim,bt in the right ways!

  11. Sister sapna,

    I know it's old post, and I am sure you did make some good decision in your life by now and you are doing well. Still I would like to tell you and all the sisters who fall in love with
    "Bangladeshi" boy it's just wasted of time.

    Most of the man specially not from the capital city get job in those kind of middle east country and be in relation with girls and on other hand they get married in their home country and left their wives with in laws. Not all but most of them are like this. 

    The man you talking about same story. I hope you didn't marry this man. If no then thanks to Allah that he saved you before your life destroyed. If yes then I will suggest you to leave this man and get married to your religion man, you will be safe. 

    I don't understand how can this man say that you don't need to convert to Islam? This sentence shows that he don't have any knowledge about Islam. And most worst thing he said that if he needs to make choice then he will chose first wife? Uff I feel like saying awful to this man but I won't because Allah is watching and he will get what he has done. 

    I don't blame this man completely be aide Bangladesh is just a name as muislim but they are not very serious like other muislim country. But I hope Allah will give Bangladesh chance to open their eyes in right time.

    I was born in Canada  but my parents from Bangladesh that's why I know the reality and also feel shame sometimes. Still I pray to Allah to guid my country!

    • You've got some wrong facts with you. Firstly, thats absurd to say that falling in love with a Bangladeshi is a 'waste of time'. I may presumme that you may have had some bad relationships with bangalis in Canada or is it ? If no, then no bangalis would ever say that, or it maybe that you've got wrong info. Or possibly, you must be talking more specifically about the men of dhaka. Because I've also heard that they are danger.
      Secondly, most of the bangalis from dhaka who reside in middleeast are but laborers, janitors etc but if they're from sylhet, cox etc they have good jobs, businesses etc . I was born and brought up in mid-east and so I have more knowledge. Similarly most of the bangalis in uk and elsewhere are 90% from Sylheti and are wealthy which just shows that dhaka has some serious flaws in their way of life, it maybe because of the influence of the corrupted government.

  12. Typo "because" not "be aide"

  13. Dont wory Sapna!!

    Aapko koi Achha ladka mil jayegaa!!

    marry a person who gives u first importance in his life.....

  14. I m a muslim. I love a girl she is Hindu. I want to marry her. I have not discused it with my parents because i think they wont agree to it. As my elder sister loved a boy from our religion but they didnt agreed because he wasnt setteld an dont have a prober house to live and because of this there use to be to much of stress and complication in our house. Mom and Dad wont eat food etc. Fearing to this i havnt discussed with them. An the girl is ready to do anything for me and she is ready to convert to islam. And there is a one more problem that, they dont like that girl. Pls tell me what should i do. Is it ok if i live my parents and run away with that girl because she is ready to convert in islam. If i do so will allha be angry with me. Pls help me i dont have much time.

    • First, a Muslim absolutely cannot marry a Hindu. If she converts to Islam then yes, you can marry her, but is she doing so sincerely? Are you sure that she will practice Islam and help you to raise an Islamic family? If she converts to Islam, then go to your parents and tell them you wish to marry her. Technically you do not need their permission. But do the honorable thing and inform them. Do not run away like a coward and abandon your parents. If you want to make a difficult choice, then have the courage to stand by your decision and face the consequences.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamu alaykum. Jazak allha. I will let them know about it and will try to convince them. But still if they dont agree then can i take the step as i have mentioned earlier above. Pls help me. I dont want allha to get angree with me and her.

  15. Assalamu alaykum. Jazak allha. I will let them know about it and will try to convince them. But still if they dont agree then can i take the step as i have mentioned earlier above. Pls help me. I dont want allha to get angree with me and her.

  16. Hello

    My response is to the Hindu girl who is considering marrying the muslim boy who has already got a wife.

    My husband of 20 years secretly married another woman. I am muslim. I discovered after he died suddenly.

    What I want to say to you ( leaving my heartache aside and the devastation it brought to my family) that before he died he told me he had had a relationship with another woman. He missed out the fact that he had secretly married her and had a child.

    He described her as ' a release and as crazy' (after he realised he was in big trouble now that we suspected). From his texts to her it was visible that he had not been a good companion to her, using his energy to enjoy her for entertainment alone but after marriage , using and abusing her.

    More than the infidelity, what hurts me and disappoints me more is the fact that he was prepared to hurt us so much but he didn't treat her right either. She was used like a side piece , a mistress. Unfortunately, she is too proud and in love to see this.

    My husband never gave us the slightest indication he was unhappy. We lived in luxury whereas she begged for pennies. He probably told her all kinds of stories to get her to open her bedroom door on tap but the truth is , we were very happy. He was with her because she allowed him to have his cake and eat it. He didn't need to divorce me because he didn't want to and there was no need. She was giving him everything he wanted. She listened to his woes and gave him sex.

    You are better than this my dear sister. I am muslim but you are still my sister. You are better than this. He wants to use and abuse you. Keeping you a secret is not showing you love. It shows how little he values women. Imagine if you have a daughter and she became someones secret second wife.

    I know you are probably a good human being. He is not. He has corrupt ideas and he is manipulating you. He is exploiting the fact that you are alone and emotionally dependent on him.

    You my sister have not been put on this earth to be abused and disrespected. In islam , paradise is found at a mothers feet. This is your status. Not under her feet but at her feet.

    There is a man out there that will give you the respect you whole heartedly deserve. Allah will not forget you. He has already destined whom you will marry. He does not wish you to marry someone who will harm you in the long run.

    This is not love it is selfishness. If you start deceptively it will end deceptively.

    Your sister.

Leave a Response