Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage or studies, which comes first? I fear for my deen but don’t want to displease parents.

Stressed college student

Frustrated college student.

salanmu alaykum,

Brothers/sisters, I am a brother from Australia, and I just wanted your advice what to do in my situation.

Well basically, I am a student of University. I got to know a sister and am planning to marry her, but my parents wants to delay it to next year or even 2015. I want to work myself and take a gap from university, but this would displease my parents. What shall I do?

I fear for myself to commit zina and haraam stuff, and I am one more step to commit again (not with this girl of course), but just the fitnah around me. I fear Allaah and want to protect myself, but at the same time I don't want to displease my parents.

Shall I just take a gap year and work for myself to get married asap even though it would displease/anger my parents and have them thinking I dropped out from university?


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12 Responses »

  1. AsalaamOalikum brother. Prophet Muhammad ( saw ) told youth: "if you have the means to get married, then get married or keep fast"

    so either fast or get married. The very 1st right is the right of Allah then His Messenger and then parents so if parents get in the way of halal, then politely disobey them.

    For more information please private message me

  2. Salam brother. If you really are sure that you want to marry her. Then ask for her hand in marriage but just explain to her father and your parents that you would just like to have a nikah now to save yourself from sin. Then you can have a halal relationship with her and do whatever you like. You don't need to move in together untill your financially ready or when you have finnished your studies. You can also have an arrangement to pay the mahr later.

    You can also have the big wedding party with all the frills when you guys are ready after a few years!

    I think most brothers n sisters should get nikah done like this and move in later instead of engaging in haram boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, false promises of marriage and unwanted pregnancies! Also people start having desires after puberty and so many people cant control themselves and turn to sin. Its not just about living in western societies, even in muslim countries teenagers commit sins behind close doors and don't lower their gaze even when women in the streets are covered up! So its human nature and it makes sense to have the nikah early alongside studying and embarking on a career.

    Good luck. Hope it all works out for you.

  3. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    Parents come first in Islam, so do fasting to curb desire. Displeasing parents brings displeasure of Allah aza wa jal, as per hadith. You don't want this on your record.

  4. AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,

    I agree that, you should combine the marriage and the studying together. Marry the Sister now (if she agrees to it after knowing your current situation), so that both of you are lawful to each other throughout your studies, and then when you are financially secured after sometime you could both start living together.

    The Mahr and the party (Waleemah) could be deferred (This will NOT affect both of you consummating the marriage).

    Explain to your parents how important it is for you to get married NOW, and how it will save you from a very BIG sin. In fact getting married in your situation (at this moment) in particular, is considered a Wajib (an immediate obligatory upon you) according to Islamic laws. Therefore if it gets to where you need to choose between working for marriage purpose and studying, working will be the first priority. So if your parents still don't understand your situation, go ahead and marry the Sister and save yourself from falling into a sin, since (as a man) you do not need your parent's approval in your marriage. If you fear your parent's anger and then you end up falling into a sin, then know that the anger of Allah is more severe.

    May The Almighty Allah ease things for you Brother!!!

  5. Get MARRIED.

    (My opininion).

    Sister In Islam

  6. Salams brother....
    Ithink you should get married,these days fitna is very strong and the only way to get rid of these is to get married..
    Am finishng high school this year and my parents are forcing me in marriage idnt dnt knw what to do...ihad strong dreams and ambitions bt ithnk they will be shattered am only 18 and idnt thnk if ican handle marriage....
    Realy divastated

  7. Salaam sister Nasra. Islamically you're not young so please get married but again Islamically your parents can't force you but can only advice you like I'm as a Muslim brother advising you. Get married study too if you are studying but get married as in Islam free mixing is not allowed even between cousins as prophet Mohammad ( SAW ) ordered his companions/sahaba ( ra ) the best people to have parda

    so get married so that you don't fall into sin. Shaytaan doesn't tell people to commit sin but he plays games and goes in circles as he has billions of years of experience!

    hence he messed up many Muslims into making mockery of Islam by wearing tight-fit, see-through and half sleeves clothes with scarfs. it is a mockery of Islam. so get married to save yourself from sin is my advice. JazakAllah khair

    • Salam,

      Marriage is not only to fullfill your desires. Marriage has many responsibilities in it. The women especially has to be prepared for motherhood and be a good role model for kids. Its a big step from single life. If the sister doesn't feel she is ready then she should not be forced into it. Many force marriages end with the divorce as the women doesn't know how to be a good wife because of resentment, she cannot emotionally accept the husband.

      If the sister can control her desires and not be tempted into zina then its good. She can continue her education and marry when she is ready. Sister please talk to your parents and relatives and explain that you want to finnish your education or maybe you can just have nikah and ask the husband to agree in writing that you can persue your education and career. Education is very important for men and women as these days many muslim men are corrupt and divorce their wives for little reasons so then how is the wife supppossed to provide for herself and kids?? And not many muslim men these days want to marry a divorced or widowed women. They all want young virgin wives. So it is imperative for women to have an education and secure their future.

      The brother on the other hand should marry as he fears that he might fall into sin! He can continue studting alongside as he doesn't have to cook or clean for the wife.

  8. I agree with advises of Sister Sumaira.

    Healthy and wise advice.

  9. Jazakumullaah khairan all for your advices
    But shall just go ahead and work for my marriage and then start my studies again after?

    • yes, marriage does not stop anyone from studies or job. Discuss with your parents and your wife and decide the best way out.

      If possible, find a part time job to earn money and working experience simultaneously with your studies.

      May Allah (swt) make things easy for you. Aameen

      your sister.

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