Would I (a Muslim) need the approval of my Christian parents to marry to a Muslim?
Salam:)
My parents do not know that I converted to Islam but they suspect it because of the way I eat and dress, etc. They only think I prefer Islam over Christianity and that I haven't converted, but they have made it clear to me that I should marry a Christian man in case I should come back to Christianity. (They will hope and pray all they want but I will never go to Christianity).
Needless to say I will marry a Muslim man (Inshallah it will be soon because I cannot live under the authority of Christian parents). I know that if I wanted to marry the parents must give permission but I don't think that applies to Muslim children with Christian parents. And if it does then I fear my parents will not accept because they would want me to marry a Christian.
I am an American Latina so in this culture you do not technically need the parents permission to get married. But I am Muslim before I am a part of any culture so I feel I should abide by ONLY Islamic rules.
I obviously do not know the rules to a situation like mine. Also I should also say I read a brother's post and he said older women do not need their parents permission to be married because they are old enough to make good judgment. I am only 17 so that rule does not apply to me.
Please help me understand this for the future so I can find peace about this.
--Aliyeee
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Dear sister Aliyee, As-salamu alaykum,
I really admire that you have converted at such a young age and you are so firm in your faith, ma-sha-Allah. What a gift from Allah.
Your parents are still your parents, and as such they deserve your respect and consideration. Tell your parents about your conversion to Islam. Who knows, maybe they will surprise you by being accepting, and then you won't need to be in such a hurry to marry in order to get out of the house. You can take your time, go to college, and in time meet someone good without being hurried, Insha'Allah.
When you are ready to get married, you should still ask your parents' permission out of respect. If they refuse a potential husband just because he is Muslim, then you do not have to obey them.
With that said, a non-Muslim father cannot be your wali, as pointed out in this fatwa by IslamOnline.net and Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid.
Allah says: "Your Protector (or Lord and Master) can be only Allah; and His Messenger and those who believe…" (Al-Ma’idah: 55). Almighty Allah also says: "And those who disbelieve are protectors one of another…" (Al-Anfal: 73)
So you would still have to get a Muslim to act as your wali (typically the Imam of the masjid).
If your parents reject a man not because he's Muslim, but because of valid character flaws - for example he is secretive about his life, he has a temper, he's broke, he has no education, or whatever - then you should listen to them. They love you and they want what's best for you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you Brother Wael, that was the best compliment I could have received 🙂
Maybe you are right that I should tell my parents about my conversion. But I don't think they'll take it well. I should have written this in my post, but I didn't want to make it so long. Once my mother looked through my things and found a lot of Muslim articles and Surahs etc. It didn't turn out so well, my mom and step-father looked at it as a problem and they said I was straying away from God. I know the truth... So i am okay... i really want to tell them I converted but I am afraid that they will make me weak about this and maybe I will be so angry at them for this that I won't have a good relationship with them.
I said this in a comment to a sister on this site, but my step-father (he is a pastor) is very prejudiced against Islam. He says things about how the women are oppressed and how the men are sexist and unfair and he insinuates that Islam is about terrorism. My mother told my father that I was looking into Islam and when my father saw me wearing a scarf (just on my neck) and he snatched it off and said "you are not Muslim". I don't think they will accept my conversion... Imagine how Muslim parents would feel if their daughter told them that she wanted to convert to Christianity. My parents think that Christianity is the truth... so they will be devastated to know that I chose otherwise.
I want to leave this house because I know that if I tell them that i converted to Islam, they would force me to go to church and they would try to make me practice Christianity. They put Jesus on the same plane as God; I don't think living in a Christian home is a good place for a new Muslim.
I am only hurried to be married because I don't want to disobey my parents by leaving their home without being married... and also I know that a Muslim girl shouldn't leave the home unless she is married. But I don't want to hide my conversion for such a long period of time.
I am afraid to tell them. And thank you for answering my question 🙂 When the time comes I will ask them out of respect. And if I feel more confident in my knowledge of Islam before I am married, I will tell them of my conversion... because certainly there will be a religious debate when I tell them.
The kind of misconceptions that your step-father has are common. Do you have any female Muslim friends? Maybe you can bring one of your friends by the house every now and then so your parents can get to know an actual Muslim, and see that Muslims are good people like anyone else.
You mentioned that you are Latina. I don't know what city you are in, but many cities have growing numbers of Latino converts. I only mention that because they can be a good support network for you. Many of them have gone through just what you are going through now, and can offer you advice.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I only have online Muslim friends :/ I live in a very small rural community so it's primarily white... not much diversity.
But there are some Muslim societies and masjids in farther cities
I appreciate your advice Wael... I'm sure this would make my parents softer to Islam 😀 This would also be a good step to convert them to Islam
May peace be unto you aliyee,, you are such a brave girl, and i admire your conversion to islam.. Well i appreciate the good advice given by brother wael... But aliyee, i would advice you to be carefull and do things in steps... Since you said your parents a staunch christians, i think you shouldnt inform them about your conversion now (specially now that you are just new into the faith). At least for now, in order not to jeopardize your faith in Allah and in islam.. You should take your time before telling them. ,, for now, you could be brightening your mother about islam and clearing the misconceptions she had about islam... I also admire your choice of getting married so that you could lead a muslim way of life with your husband,, its such a wonderful choice when the right man comes.. May Allah bless you sister... And pls, This thread is basicly for you sister, if you have ANY QUESTION(S) on islam (or you are seeking advice on issues about you life), feel free to post in through this thread so that we could gladly respond to you without waste of time..
Thank you Brother Mohd for your advice. I will certainly begin to enlighten my mother on the truth and I hope she accepts it.
I also want to thank you for the link you sent me a few days ago on a different post, it was about Good and Bad Islam. When I read it, it helped me in more ways than one. Thank you for being so kind Brother, May Allah bless you as well..
Dat is good of u cos many know d truth but refuse to say it
Just be cool down and always pray to God
alsalam 3alikum
i am really sad for u , i am kinda like you because my family are christian and me and my brother and my sis we are muslims we lived in arab country and when we were small they didn't tell us we are christian they told us that we arre muslim so we grew up as a muslim kids n when we grow up my parents are forcing us to be a christian . and i swear i believe in allah and love islam n i feel better in islam and i don't believe in christianity at all . i always pray and fast in ramadan and i fear from no one but allah and now we might go out from arab county and i am so afraid what they will do to us :'( i don't want to be a christian i lived as a muslim n i want to die as a muslim
You said you believe in Allah and islam,.. Then brother dont allow anybody to lead you astray from the straight path (ie islam)... Dont allow anybody to come inbetween you and your creator.... At least you should be kind and dutyfull to your parents because islam demands that from you... But you should never, i mean you should NEVER EVER obey them if the ask you to leave islam and convert to christianity.... They would not stand for you on judgement day, you alone would bear your burden... You are going to doom your self into eternal torment in hell fire if you practice a religion other than islam and you allow yourself to die as a non muslim... This is the harsh and blunt truth... You wouldnt obey your parent if they wanna drag you to destruction...
thanks brother, i understand and i will NEVER EVER be non-muslim
yes i believe in islam and everyday my faith be stronger and now tell me if you were in my place what would u do ..?? i mean if u went to another country and your parents are forcing you to be non-muslim and surly you don't want that so can u help me please 🙁
If i were in your shoes, first, i would seat them down and talk to them with all solemnity and seriousness (but without showing them lack of respect)... During this talk, I would tell them that i love islam with all my life, and i would never ever leave islam and convert to christianity. I would tell them that i respect there views of them choosing christianity for them selves,, but just like i wont come inbetween them and there religion, they should also not hinder me from practising my religion..... Tell them LAKUM DIINA KUM WALI YADDEEN (to you is your religion and to me is mine religion- koran109-6).... Also tell them LA IKIRA A FIDDEEN (there is no compulsion in religion- koran2-256) ..... Then after this conversation, i would make it clear to them that i would never give them listening ear, if they ever say anything against islam or if they ask me to leave islam and convert to christianity. I would even tell them-- that may threaten the love, respect and the beautiful relationship that is existing between me and them .. But of course am telling you what I (as a mature and independent man) WOULD DO....
I would need to know something about you in order to give you a proper and more fitting advice..
*what age are you and your siblings (younger brother and sister)?
*are you still dependent on your parents or are you and independent fellow?
*do your siblings love islam as you do? And do they wish to still remain as muslims at all cost?
*which arab country did you leaved in?
*were your parents practicing islam before converting to christianity? Or are they just non practicing, and then suddenly they told you they are christians? Please reply me asap
Ok but ,Can you give me your e-mail please ...?
It would be better 🙂
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Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
InshAllah and sorry about that