Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage problem

grieving-man

Assalmoalaikum,I have recently married a muslim woman. It was a marriage of choice but after a week or so of the marriage i have started facing serious difficulties. I am unable to show love and behave normally.am having serious communication problems as well. am disliking everything. I dont have a history of mental disorder. Am working as a physician. what is the advice for a person whose new marriage is in jeopardy in the light of Quran and Sunnah. I ll be grateful for any help, I would like to mention that i have done wazaif including surah naas and surah fall, also took help by spiritual healer who told me that am facing a magic spell. waiting for reply...

salman bin badshah

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7 Responses »

  1. Wlsm, your marraige is brand new. You have never shared a life with someone before . You and your wife will still need to get to know each other. Have sabr , its going to take some time as it probably feels strange for her too. You have the rest of your lives to iron out differences and learn to share. Take care...

  2. Assalamalaikum,

    Going by your description, your problems seem absolutely normal for a newly married guy; however, if you want to make it clear whether there is sihr involved in your marriage, let's see the two types of manifestations of sihr that could happen in marriage.

    1. Sihr of Separation
    This is very common form of black magic which aims to separate or make discord between two spouses, or stir up hatred between two friends or two partners.
    Allah says: (…and they follow what the Shayaateen (devils) recited over Sulaymaan’s Kingdom. Sulaymaan disbelieved not but the Shayaateen disbelieved, teaching the people sorcery, and that which was sent down upon Babylon’s two angels, Haroot and Maroot; they taught not any man, without they said, ‘We are but a temptation; do not disbelieve.’ From them they learned how they might divide a man and his wife, yet they did not hurt any man thereby, save by the leave of Allah (swt), and they learnt what hurt them and did not profit them, knowing well that whosoever buys it shall have no share in the world to come; evil then was that they sold themselves for; if they had but known.) (al-Baqarah/02: v 102)

    Jabir (RadiyAllahu ‘anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallaahu ‘Alayhi wa Sallam) said: “Iblis would lay his throne on water and would send his brigade of demons. The lowest among them in rank is the one who is most notorious in stirring up fitna. One of the demons would, after a mission, come and say to Iblis, ‘I have done so and so.’ Iblis would reply, ‘You have not done anything.’ Another one would come and say: ‘I have not left such and such person until I separated him from his wife.’ Iblis would come closer to his demon and say, ‘How good you are.'” – (Muslim in An-Nawawi : 17/157)

    Symptoms of Sihr of Separation:
    1. A sudden change in attitude from love to hate.
    2. Exaggerating the causes of disputes between two people, even though they may be trivial.
    3. Changing the mental image that a woman may have of her husband, or changing the mental image that a man may have of his wife; so that the man would see his wife in an ugly way, even though she were beautiful. In reality, it is the demon who is entrusted with the task of performing this type of Sihr is the one who would appear to the husband in her person, but in an ugly way. By the same token, the woman would see her husband in a horrible way.
    4. The person affected by Sihr hates anything the other party does.
    5.The person affected by Sihr hates the place in which the other party stays. For instance, a husband may be in good mood when he is outdoors, but when he returns home, he feels quiete depressed.
    According to Al-Hafidh Ibn Kathir, the cause of separation between two spouses through this Sihr is that each of them appears to the other as an ugly or ill-mannered person. – (Tafsir ibn Kathir: 1/144)

    2. Sihr Al-Mahabbah / At-Tiwala (Love)
    Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu ‘Alayhi wa Sallam) said: “Ar-ruqa, at-tama’im and at-tiwala are acts of shirk (polytheism).” – (Ahmad) (1/381)

    According to Ibn Al-Athir, At-Tiwala is a type of Sihr which makes a man love his wife. The reason why this type of Sihr is classed by the Prophet (saw) as an act of polytheism is because those who have it done for them believe that it has an effect and does the opposite of what Allah (swt) has prescribed. – (An-Nihaya: 1/200)

    I would like to emphasise that the ruqyah (treatment) referred to in the above hadith is the one which seeks the assistance of Jinn and devils and consists of acts classed as polytheistic. However, the ruqyah which is based on the Qur’an and lawful supplications of Allah is lawful, according to scholars. It is reported in Sahih Muslim that the Prophet (Sallallaahu ‘Alayhi wa Sallam) was quoted as saying: “There is no harm in using ruqyah as a means of treatment provided it does not consist of anything polytheistic.”

    Feel free to ask any further questions.

    Peace be on you.

  3. As Salam Alaikum,

    Good answer brother Yusuf..

    Brother Salman, your marriage is brand new. Do not think so much about that this is the way it should happen. Be normal as you have been in your whole life. I was married too and got divorce in 3 months because I was thinking so much that she does not love me etc. We did not talk much either in 3 months, she hated me most time and I always ignored her.

    I am not sure if husband and wife can get divorce by shir/black magic. I always thought everything happens with the WILL of Allah (swt).

    I wish I could have done all this before I got divorce. Please do this and Insha Allah (swt) your marriage will be saved.

    Pray 5 times a day,
    Every morning after taking shower
    Surah Al Fatihah, Surah Al-Ikhlas, Surah Al-Falaq, Surah An-Nas and Ayatul Kursi

    Recite Ayatul Kursi as much as can, also Astaghfirullah when ever you get negative thoughts.

    May Allah (Swt) bless your marriage. Remember mostly everything is in head, spend time outdoor with her.

    Allah hafiz

    • Walakumassalaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathu!.

      Alhamdullilah - All praise is due to Allah. Thank you sooo much, Brother Mohamad.n : ).

      • You welcome brother Yusuf, once again spend time outside with her, go to amusement park, do want you enjoy and talk normal as a friend, not as a husband. Have faith in Allah (swt), HE will make all your affair easy.

        Whatever happens, Do not raise your voice around her.

        If you need help please let us know, where are here to save your marriage.

        Allah hafiz

    • Thank you soo much, I can soo much relate this to what I am experiencing. Will try the same as recommended in sha allah. May Allah swt help us all and forgive us if we are going wrong somewhere. Ameen

  4. Assalamo walikum brother
    As of your description, it sound like you seem to be having hard time coping on new marriage. There are a lot new things you will face and lot of stuff you have to change, not just you but both of you. Marriage is a bueatiful journey but it requires a lot of afford and time needed. keep on doing zikir daily. Every thing in life requires adjustment to new things. Marriage is not only on physical relationship but also mental relationship is needed. Take time and go out with your wife like a date. See her like as she is your best friend.Get to know her as she get to know you. If you both have difference in mind then learn to be each other's shoes. Try to balance your work life with your marriage life. Don't put more focus at work and not marriage life, keep balance. Whenever you have anxiety about being around her, just take deep breathe and smile at her that way she feels ease seeing you. The more comfortable she feels the better you will feel.

    Hope this helps
    Take care!

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