Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage proposal from an older man


I am 31 female. I am well educated, but unluckily unemployed. I am beautiful but unluckily have not married yet. I am popular as columnist, but no job in this field unluckily. I used “unlucky” word, because I ever tried my best to solve my every issue but ever remained failed. We live in a village, where latest opportunities are not available.

My 2 years younger sister (narcissist, I think) ever hated me at parents’ home, as she is lucky in every way. She openly prayed badly for me and said me jealous in response of my anger. People ever compare me with her and prove me “unlucky”.

Many men/guys contact me online, as a write. I don’t response young guys as mostly they prefer for dirty chat. And my concerned is ever regarding marriage, by living in halal way.

My issue is that someone wants to marry me. He is elder than me by 32-35 years. He is a retired bureaucrat and well-educated too. I respected him as a senior educationist. He shared his depression thoughts and also told about his separated wife and sons. He has been behaving very nicely since we started our conversation.

He told his sister about me in the start of our conversation and she also calls me. Both brothers and sister are very honest and behave me as a child/young.

Now his sister wants me to get married him. She wants to talk my parents/mother. As they have known that I am an ignored daughter at home. I performed Istikhara for a few days but I’m still confused and I said him to offer this prayer.

Next day of my sister’s marriage (next week), his sister will talk to my mother. I have made his mind that what he will do in case of my parents’ rejection (because of 35 years age difference). He says that he will go back to USA, where his brother and sister live.

I am tense, should I tell it to my mother as she can take me wrongly? Will it be appropriate to get marry such a nice but aged person? Why I am very unlucky, I never committed a big sin anytime? Please, help me to find solution.


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15 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,

    I think it's not appropriate to marry him. He is at 60's and too old for you. Do not spoil your life. Still you have time you are still 31.

    This is my personal opinion.
    Brother Shaan

  2. Don't marry him for the sake of "marriage" only.It's huge commitment.I wouldn't advisee you because of this age cap.He's already retired and have taken his life, enjoyed his time and probably laughed out load a lot! Why do you want to spoil your future? Satisfying your biological needs is also VERY IMPORTANT in marriage.Do you envisage that he will satisfy you in 10 years times? 15 or 20 years? Very unlikely.And guess if you get children by him? Are you ready take on the role of a father and single handedly support them? I know no one guarantees the length of our life and we may all die before him, but these are the things you need to bear in mind.

    In short, be patient.Try other channels to marry. Don't target writers or people of the same level of education, there are loads of younger but mature brothers out there.That's my advice.Make du'a for me if this helps and leads to a better and more blissful future, Insha Allah

  3. I suggest you to find a young guy EVEN WHO IS AROUND 40-Bad at all. ALSO---you may find a trust married man to be a second wife. FOR MY OPINION-this is much better than that OLD MEN.
    Let him go to usa where his brother and sister live.

    May ALLAH gives you what you deserve.

  4. Dear sister
    This old man in his sixties will have hit the jackpot, if you decide to marry him.
    The sad thing is if he was to die five to ten years down the line, you will be left alone, but this time a widow.
    I'm sure there are plenty of younger men in their late thirties or early forties which have had a bad relationship before and are now out of it, looking for marriage. In time you will find.
    Let the old man go back to USA he should look near his own age range group.
    Best of luck for your future and think positive insha Allah one day soon you will find someone near to your age ...

    • The old man if he is too rich and can leave property n lot of money for you then it looks little OK . But overall due to such age gap it will not work .he will not be able to satisfy you sexually .

  5. If he is a good man, kind, and you feel compatible with him, then look to his health. If his health is poor, then do not marry him. However, if his health is good and he is physically active, then marry him.

    Those who say he will not be able to satisfy you sexually are mistaken. Men in good health can remain sexually active into old age. He might live another 20 or 25 years. Allah knows best.

    Here's one caveat, however: do you want children of your own? This man already has children and may not want more at his age. Have you discussed it with him?

    Wael Editor

    • Sister,

      The question of children is important. Do you want children of your own?

      If you have a son, when he is 10 years and wants a dad like all his friends who can play ball with him, go camping or play - your husband will be well into his seventies. He will not be able to do those things. When you are still a young woman in your early fifites, your husband will be over 80. Yes there are men in their 80's who can be sexually active, but more men in their 80's are either dead or in a geriatric's ward.

      Do you want to be a woman who is still young, but your husband's keeper? Do you want your children to help changing their father's diapers? I'm sorry to be so explicit, but I want to give clear and honest advice. I hope you can see, I write in kindness.

      May Allah grant you happiness and peace of mind in your decision.

  6. The purpose of marriage is to have children, and have someone who will take care of you and be your companion. Do you have experience living with someone in their 60s? I do. After age 65, anything can happen. In a few years he may need a knee or hip replacement. At age 70, it is you who will be taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, and, if he gets sick, you will be driving him to his medical appointments. He may start to take naps in his early to mid-70s. Of course, he might be very athletic and be in great physical shape, but in general, only a very small percentage of the senior population are actually active seniors. The vast majority consume medications, and are the largest consumers of medical and paramedical (physiotherapy, occupational therapy, etc) services.

    While there is nothing wrong with taking care of your spouse, usually this does not happen until you are in your 60s and 70s yourself, and you have children/grandchildren to help. You are a young woman. You will also have to take care of your own parents.

    I'm just speaking from experience -- not due to marriage, but due to having elderly parents who began having aches and pains when they were in their 60s and things deteriorated quite fast when they reached their 70s. They look fine and have their moments when they are independent, but when they're sick/in pain/disabled, its like taking care of babies. Except that babies are cute and cuddly. When your husband dies in 15, 20 years, you will be tired, a young widow, and in exactly the same situation that you are in now -- single and childless.

  7. As Salam O Alaikum

    Sister a big NO for this man.

    Reasons : -

    1 - Even you know, huge age gap

    2 - You arent too Old to have the feeling of being unlucky atleast for the sake of marriage

    3 - Why is his sister insisting so much ? Think and Decide

    4 - When you will be 40 he will be 70. If in case you have a child of age 8 yrs by then this man would look like his Grandfather and not Father. ( I am saying looks here that doesnt means am giving preference for looks, but said that being Practical )

    5 - Even your parents will never agree

    6 - Life is beautiful and not so harsh as you are seeing it. Be patient you will get a suitable groom Insha ALLAH

    7 - Even if the man is rich still dont marry him for his richness. Why was he divorced ? Sorry if am being personal but i dont need the reply to that but you definately need.

    8 - If he is interested in marrying you now when he is 60, why hasnt he remarried again after his divorce ( If the divorce had taken place long back ) else this point becomes void

    Rest.. ALLAH alone is the care taker..

    I wish you all the very best in your future endeavours and may ALLAH bless you with immense happiness and Joys of the World. Ameen. Sum Ameen

    Wa Salam

  8. Why do you feel your unlucky ? The way I see it is that you have beauty and education but just haven't found the right job or man, but it doesn't seem like your struggling because of that, it's just a box than hasn't been ticked yet and it's makin you feel unlucky. But it will InshaAllah happen. Don't be so hard on yourself, be positive. Lots and lots of people are in your situation.

    About your sister, just ignore her, she's probably insecure hence why the bad prayers towards you, probably even jealous. A 'lucky' person that has everything going good for them usually wouldn't wish bad on anyone else, they'd be too happy enjoying their life. She's clearly not in a very happy place so feels she needs to bring you down with her.

    With regards to the man who has proposed. With all due respect my person opinion would be that the age gap is way too big. Ultimately it's your person preference, and if it's something you think you would be happy with the go ahead but keep in mind that your both going to be at very different points in your life. Whilst your at your peak in your thirties he's retiring! Have you asked him why he wants to marry now? What are his expectations from you? Usually a young newly wed would want a lot of romance, intimacy etc he might not be able to give this to you. Also, like someone already said, by 60 onwards your body really does start to decline and slow down, he may become impotent, and have a much higher chance of other illnesses. You might end up spending most of your marriage taking care of him.

    If you decide to have children, not only will he look like their grandad but also might not be well enough to do the usual fatherly things like taking them out, football etc etc.

    If I were in your shoes I would decline the proposal and persist with finding someone younger.

  9. Job is not the purpose of life and the purpose of education is not job its the concept of the west.
    age gap should be between 4 to 8 years not more than this, for mental and emotional compatibility . the big example is infront of you reham khan and imran khan divorce

  10. OP: Many men/guys contact me online, as a write. I don’t response young guys as mostly they prefer for dirty chat. And my concerned is ever regarding marriage, by living in halal way. My issue is that someone wants to marry me. He is elder than me by 32-35 years. He is a retired bureaucrat and well-educated too. I respected him as a senior educationist. He shared his depression thoughts and also told about his.......... separated wife and sons. case of my parents’ rejection (because of 35 years age difference). He says that he will go back to USA, where his brother and sister live.

    I guess he is still married to his first wife. If he is a US citizen he can't have 2 wives legally. He can't sponsor you as his wife. Did you meet this guy online?

  11. Sister the devil always wants to spoil a good crop!!!You should never be jealous sad angry......or use the word unlucky..As my advice to you is be patient .Allah always has something better for his slaves because he knows better so cheer up. Just think for this short time in this world youll will live in janah for ever ....ever...And for the old guy he just to old for you unless he is a pious scholor okay but this guy just thinking only young bait sooo dont get tramped in or commit.

  12. Sister add to your resume and move to another country were you can serve humanity make a living and meet sisters that will help you.

  13. Dear Sister,


    I would suggest you do not use the word unlucky since you are a Muslim and there is no concept of luck in Islam.

    There is only destiny which is decided by Allah. You are in this position because Allah wants to test your Iman and test how strong you will be in your faith and in your trust towards Allah.

    So keep praying and keep making dua and remain steadfast on your deen. Inshallah one day you will become happy and content with your life, if not in this world then surely in the hereafter.

    May Allah grant you a young handsome and pious husband.

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