Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage with another race

Islam strictly prohibits Racism on any basis

Salam aleykum dear sisters and brothers,

 

I registered because of reading so many stories like I am now.

At first I am sorry for my English, cause I am living in Germany.

I am 25 and I want to marry but this topic causes so much problems between me and my mum.

The man, who wanted to come to my parents is from turkey, he is a practicing muslim, he is fasting and prays 5 times the day. He also is educated, these are normally all the requirements my parents have according to a man.

The man wanted to come with his parents and my mother didn't allow, she said she don't want them.

After I asked her why, she told me, that he is Turkish and he will never belong to us and if I will marry him, she will outcast me.

I am sorry for saying this about my mom, but she is a racist, she is a truly believer but she also thinks that only arabs are practicing the islam the right way...

 

I really don't know what to do, I really want this man, I am praying every day and every night to Allah and made istikhara...

But how can I soften the heart of my mom. I am so sad and I cried so much, but my mum don't even felt sorry.

Please tell me what to do?

sna

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3 Responses »

  1. Sister.
    Just try a simple path if your mother is not agreed to meet with his parents or his family whatever.
    You tell your mom one day when she will be in a good time on her on. you just do your good behavior with her and keep praying to ALLAH. then when she will realize one day then you ask her that mother first of all We all belong to ALLAH right? the first rights to us is ALLAH's then our Prophet (Saw) then parents. So i won't break your heart you have rights on me but, i might won't be happy wherever you will send me with any guy. the man i want he is a muslim too let him try once meet with him and his parents if you will see something in bad with them i promise i will reject it you won't have to.
    and then sister its your responsibility to tell your that turkish man but before you do that make sure he or his family is good to you and will also to your family and relatives first.

  2. Assalaamualaykum sna,

    You write : "she is a truly believer but she also thinks that only arabs are practicing the islam the right way..".

    You are right to think the way you do...only Allah knows who is practicing Islam the "right way," and it has nothing to do with race or nationality, but good deeds and attitude alone.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. The advice above on how to approach your mom is good...remind her about your happiness and the fact that you also are looking for a suitable, good man, and your desires in this sense are not different from hers...and that you see this guy as a good candidate for marriage to that effect.

    May Allah bless you with a spouse.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  3. Assalaam alaikum I am from pakistan and my name is faisal.

    The problem is that there was a girl in my relation whom I use to like very much but couldn't tell hher because she was 2 years older than me.

    Slowly slowly we became friends on facebook and started chatting . After chatting with eachother for 2 months she proposed me.

    It was likw the best day of my life.

    Then exchanged numbers and started talking all day and night. We both started loving each other alot.

    It all started in june 2010. We rarely use to meet because she was from different city and was able to meet once or twice a year.

    We have kissed each othee a lot of times but never had anythingmore than that.

    In 2014 i started feeling that she has started talkinhg to another guy in the same city who is also our common cousin. I use to feel because of the comments amd all on fb.

    When I use to ask her. She use to swear on Allah that there is nothing like that.

    Since march 2014 she was two timing with both of us.

    In 2015 july she started sayimg that my parents are watching for my marriage And  your parents wont aggree for my because i am two yrs older than you and i was also jobless than time as I was 23  . After talking about all this at my home my parents said she is not the right girl fpr you but i will not say no.  Just pray isthikhara and ask Allah if she is right or not.  I prayed isthikhara for like one month but there was no option coming in my mind as i use to think that my parents are not happy woth this girl and that was very great of thwm to say that if you want to marry than just pray isthikhara.

    In isthikhara there was npthing good coming out.

    Suddenly one day in october 2015 she called me and said that you have done very late and she is going to get engaged to the other cousin.

    I was shattered that time because my feelimg of what i use to think about her and that guy being in a relationship and ditching me was right.

    It was the feeling that nothing has left in my life and i was in a very bad situation.

    But there was a feeling that i prayed isthikara so i will come out from this and will live a happy life in sha Allah.  I thought that she has been engaged now so she will live happily woth her fiance and i will forget her with time.  But what was unexpected that she after 6 or 7 months started callimg me again and askimg to meet me alone.

    Its august 2017 and till yet i have talked to her like for 10 to 11 times.

    Her marriage with him is in December 2017 .

    I knpw that she is serious for him and just playing with my feelings for time to time.  But whenever she calls me in a month . She disturb my whole lifw again.  And says if i can maarry her she will leave that guy.

    I cant stop taking to her whenever she calls Because i loved her for 8 years amd she was the first loveof my life.

    I just wamt to know any dua any wasifa to forget her and be happy in my life.

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