Islamic marriage advice and family advice


Hi guys.

Actually I want someone to help me understand whether the person we will marry is chosen by Allah or is it a part of our free will. As they say somethings are predestined such as birth death place of birth your family etc. So if the name of parents/family is fixed this means that all marriages happen out of Allah's choice.

Please help me understand this.

Actually I got a proposal 2 years ago I was very young 19 only and had my my exams got panicked and simply refused without further investigation or consideration. Now that I look back i realise that I made immature mistake and now I really regret it. I fear what if I have driven away someone who was good for me or destined for me? I just want to know that whoever Allah has chosen for me will reach me?


We will start looking for proposals soon. Please pray that I find the right and pious person who will be the best life partner. What should I do about the regret?



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4 Responses »

  1. Masha Allah. You decided not to get married at age 19. You may not have been ready to be married However, the person you marry is the person you are suppose to be married to. This happened to me and my husband and we were older. We met, liked one another, but did not get married for different reasons. Then a relative introduced me to another man, I married him and within two years divorced him because he was very difficult to live with it (putting it very mildly). After my divorce, I had a beautiful baby and decided I never wanted to get married again, that I would take care of my wonderful child and return to school and be happy with my life. Three months later I met my friend at the school I was attending and three months after that we were married. Although I had totally forgotten about my friend, and never intended to get married again, the Qadr of Allah, was that we were supposed to be married. We have been married almost 40 years. We are so very, very different. I am a City Girl. He was more of a Country Boy. Our family lives are so very different also. I like very plain things. He likes vibrant colors and fancy things. He likes Jazz. I like R&B and classical music. He does not talk about things that bother him. I am outspoken. But we both love Allah.

    • You have not answered her technical question here .

      If you had not taken divorce to first husband and now you would have been telling it was destiny to remain in that marriage . You had free will and took action to take divorce .

      If you had not taken interest in second man and then your marriage probably would not have taken place ..
      Because you took interest and took some steps for second marriage so it happened .

      Its complex concept between destiny and actions which will make your destiny .

  2. Your refusal was also because Allah willed it.

  3. Salam ConfusedGirl,

    It's both Allah and what you will. Think of Allah as the one who is giving you an exam. Allah may choose to give you 10 different kind of guys, from among them you will then choose a husband. You may wish for a perfect guy but that guy may never come in this life and thus may not be a choice for you. On the other hand, Allah may provide you with many really good mates but you may refuse them all and remain single. That wouldn't be that Allah willed you to remain single but that you chose and refused all marriages. So it is both.

    Here's another way to look at it, let's say you're playing chess and your opponent knows your next 10 moves. It is just known to your opponent what you will move and he/she accordingly has decided on his/her next move. This knowledge doesn't detract from your free will as you may still make any move, but the knowledge does make your moves part of your opponents plan.

    Similarly, Allah knows what you will need and which husband will be a good test or will help you grow. As such you will have possible choices to make. You may get a great husband that turns bad but not bad enough to divorce. At that time Allah may reveal an even better man that would show interest in you to see how you act. Or it may be that this person you miss will return to you but will return as someone less pious. And you may have to choose between the pleasure of the life of this world or to let him go for the sake of the afterlife.

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