Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married and have feelings for my first love

Disappearing love, vanishing love

Salam,

In high school I was madly in love with a muslim boy. So when I finished high school my parents shipped me to Saudi (my home country). I liked a cousin there and got married to him . I have one child. I am now back in the UK.

My feelings for my first love are still there and I really want to get married to him . But I don't want to upset my family or my husband.

please help
Thanks

- zara64

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5 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Sister your situation is pretty clear-cut. You are already married to someone else, and having feelings for a boy you used to know is not a valid enough reason to leave your husband and break up your family. You must work on letting the memories of that boy go. You will not be able to marry him, so you should stop entertaining such ideas. You have a child and a future and that is where your focus must be. Everytime you start to think about this other boy you must stop yourself and put your focus back where it needs to be.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. hi,sister after reading ur situation im really surprised.i think dat was ur childhood love n u should forget that.bcoz v have a diffrent feeling in dat age.n may be ur dat love also be change now.u have a husband n a child a perfect family.dont destroy urself n ur family plz otherwise nothing will left in ur hands one day.

  3. Zara64,

    Peace be to you, I think you have to start focusing on your current life than the past. He is your first love but not your last. You need to stop thinking about him and focus on your husband and your child. Whenever you start to think about him you should go to your husband and spend some time with him instead or go to your child and remind yourself of the responsibilities you have. Always remember that feelings will always fade no matter how intense they are now, it may feel like it never will but trust me it will fade in time when you accept the life you have now. You said you liked your cousin whom you got married to, then it shouldn't be too hard to enjoy your married life with him. You are blessed because there are people out there who do not get married at all because they believe they will never get over their first love, but their lives are miserable.

    Do not think about him, even if you notice that you have no feelings for him anymore. The more you remind yourself of him the more you hold on to the past, which is not there anymore. Hold onto something concrete, like the present. The past is something that is done and over with, no need to dwell in it. Do not break up with your husband and ruin your child's life. Be grateful to Allah for what you have because many others have it worse. I hope this advice helps.

    -strawberryfields

  4. Salam, forget your first love. By the sounds of things you are happily married and have a child. Focus on your current family, spend time with your husband and look for ways to strengthen your love and bond with him. I pray Allah swt removes thoughts of any others and focusses your heart only on your husband, so that your love for him may grow, ameen.

  5. well the love that u really miss is now gone just ry to forget your first love because now you are married and u have a good husband but why do u want trouble yor life with your own hands maybe if you go back to the boy u lve he may ignore u just make istikhara ALLAH will show the right way

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