Getting married before getting divorce. Please do not judge me
Assalamwalaikum,
My name is latifa and I am from the uk. I am going to post out about my situation but I don´t want anyone to judge me. All your comments and thoughts will be very much welcomed. Hope to hear from anyone soon.
It all happened in 2007, I married a guy who my family chose for me from bangladesh. We got on very well, but he had to go to bangladesh as his visa was about to expire. I applied for him and that but the visa got refused. Every 3 months, I would go and visit him. He started to become too controlling, he told me that he doesn´t want to lose me so he used to hit me and bet me up thinking that I would believe him that he loves me. I asked him howcome you are beating me up, he said because he loves me too much, he can´t see me being with another man. When he used to become very angry he used to say talak to me so many time, that¨s when I started getting scared.
When I came back to the uk, I didn´t speak to him much over the phone like I did before all this happened, he told me that I had changed. He used to scare me saying he will ring my parents and tell them that he has divorced me, he used to text me the islamic divorce 3 times...over and over again..that´s when my mind went off him...I realised that maybe he was using me because fair enough if he loved me that much, why is he divorcing me everyday?
So I just went down my path and I met this guy who I fell in love with, he was very eager to marry me and so was I but I didn´t tell him anything about my marriage. In his eyes we got married, but deep down I knew that I am still married to my previous husband, (BUT I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT MAYBE ME AND PREVIOUS HUSBAND ARE DIVORCED BECAUSE HE DIVORCED ME ALL THE TIME WITH HIS MOUTH BY SAYING IT)....after a couple of weeks by getting married to the new guy, I slowly told him that I was married before and that he divorced me etc.obviously new guy was heartbroken....a couple of weeks ago I have received my divorce certificate form the islamic shariah....so what will I have to do now?t he guy I´m with now, will I have to get married to him properly after 3 months? and I know that I have done wrong but I have misunderstood everything and for me not to get hurt, I have just ignored everything so quikly by finding someone new...please don´t judge me, just help me with advice.
jazakallah
latifa
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Dear Latifa, Walaykumsalaam,
I am sorry for what you have been through. I can see that you did not intend to fall into this mess. Your husband was not very kind to you, you became weak in eman and began looking for love elsewhere. You then made some extremely bad choices.
First things first, you must absolutely refrain from having further relations with the second guy. This is because you do not know what your marital status with the first man is and so it is highly likely that your relationship with the second man is unlawful. You are in enough mess and do not need to have further sin on your head. So stop here and try to sort things out now.
Secondly, it is necessary for you to go and see a qualified Imam. Do not worry or think that they will judge you; I have had personal dealings with the qualified Imams there and they are very understanding and give counselling aswell. If you live near to London, book an appointment with the Shariah council in Leyton or at the Baker Street Mosque. You need to tell them everything that has happened with the first man whom you married in Bangladesh and about the second man whom you met in the UK. They will try to figure out whether you are still in nikah with this man or not and will help you go forward. We here cannot tell you whether you are divorced or not.
At the same time sister, make immense tawbah as although your husband's bad treatment of you influenced the mess you fell into with the man in the UK, you are still responsible for your own wrong doings.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa alaykum assalam
Let me just give you a cut and paste from the abridged Tafsir Ibn Kathir, in regards to quran 2:229.
Since allah says that islam is like a natural state, it seems to me that if your first husband declared divorce, and then asked for you back, and then said it again, and wanted you back, and then said it a third time some other day... it seems like he did so.
The iddah period is like 3 months. So allah knows best, you may wish to count back to how many months or weeks it's been since he declared it fully to you the third time ie separate occasion after taking you back or saying he loved you. And if he kept insisting on saying he wanted to divorce you straight through the first 3 months, then you've divorced him in Islam.
If that has been done, you might still have an issue with the UK, as immigration may have had you on their lists as being still married to the first guy. I'm not sure how you could check that, but you may wish to book an appointment with the solicitors who did your visa application/appeal and ask them if they can inquire about your marriage status with HM Immigration/courts or whatever as well as booking an appointment to the Shariah Council.
And you may inshallah want to watch the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgT3AQdv3pg
Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh
Dear Sisi latifa...make Tawbah to Allah Ta'ala...sincerely Sisi...cry wiz Our Rabb...
Be Sad for wat had happened with the bangla guy...mean divorce...
And for the so called new guy u got married to...ask him for forgiveness for not telling this from the beginning...
I say something to everybody
Before divorce was seldom and muslims were gratefull always...live simple live...but nowadays...Divorce...as if we r changing our clothes...no value of...pfff
everyday i come to this site...i cry...why my muslim Bro and Sisi r facing such difficulties then i realises that Da'wah is not there...actually i dont like to comment on anything coz myself im not perfect but i think did it today coz my Imaan has decreased...have to work on it again insha-Allah...
Take Care all of ya...
bye
Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh