Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married but ex keeps contacting me

Muslim woman in hijab

Salam Alakom

I just wanted advice on if i did right thing or not.

My ex and i  broke up 8 years ago as he wast sure if he was ready for marriage. I moved on and meet my now husband. We got married 4 years ago and over the years my ex will wish my happy birthday or eid etc but we haven't really been in contact.

A month ago i gave birth to my daughter and my ex contacted me wishing me congratulations. I thank him and we started messaging and catching up with each other.

However i felt my old feelings coming back and i started to question if i had made the right decision to marry my husband. I messaged him and told him i couldn't be friends with him as its inappropriate and was confusing me and my emotions. He said that's fine and that he would never contact me or speak to me again. We haven't spoken since.

He is someone i really respect and i would love to have been friends with him and i feel like i should controlled my emotions better but i am scared that if i hadn't cut him off it might ruin things with my husband. I guess i just need confirmation that i did the right thing because i have been feeling a lot of regret for cutting him off.

flowerchild

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11 Responses »

  1. Bismillah
    This was the best thing you could have done, its a test from Allah!
    Good luck 🙂

  2. You did the best to best thing ever you have done in your life. You are no more , you have husband , you have daughter and you have to make yourself role model for your daughter and as well as for your husband as he could qout you in front of your daughter that you are the best wife and best mother.

  3. ur decision to cut off connection is appropriate. 100 percent correct. if u could not it would ruin ur present one. and try to be more strong in controlling emotion. Allah is with u.

  4. Assalamu Alaikum Sister,

    Your ex is contacting you because obviously he still likes you. You explained the reason why you didn't marry him. However, you still enjoy hearing from him. Regardless of what your feelings are, men and women, especially exes, cannot be simple friends. It's never "simple," because of the history between the two of you, as well as the fact that men just simply aren't wired that way. Men do not like being friends with women, so that arrangement can never work. Being friends with him will be disrespecting him and your husband. So, my advice is not to talk to him anymore. Obviously, it's your decision to make, but making a decision to stay in contact with him would not be fair to him.

    When you decided to be with your husband, your ex became your past and should remain in your past. After all, you chose him instead of your ex, so keeping your ex strung along as friends would be selfish on your part and is no benefit to neither your husband nor your ex. I hope it works out well.

  5. You are married and your husband and child comes before anything. Why did you even open the door to him to be friends? That's weakness and that is always what saitan will take advantages off. Delete him from system and move on.

    • Salam sister.
      Ignore this chap it seems he clearly has not read your post properly.
      I do commend you for cutting off contact with you ex,mashallah!
      Don't give him a chance to come back in, I've seen a marriage break because of an ex jus wanting to be "friends"
      Stay strong sister!

    • Sister
      Why you even keep contact with him ? .These haraam and illegal things looks exciting and give pleasure for brief period and after than it will screw your happiness and put you in darkness .Cut all contacts with him .

  6. Wa Alaikkum Salaam wrwb
    its better to cut ties completely with ex as Islam prohibits & if Islam prohibits its only for the sake of our goodness and life,,,if u will continue & wont control yourself,,, then I am sure in next few months u will post her something that u have transgressed and again in few months u will sure post u have made something near to ZINA then again in few yrs u will post u have committed it & ur husband came to know and ur life & ur child life is danger ,,,,

    May Allaah subhaanWa Ta'la save u & our bro/sis from such things Aameen
    please cut him at the first & lead ur life which Allaah subhaanWa Ta'la has blessed u with sister Aameen

  7. Salamualaikum sister

    Have no doubts whatsoever you did the absolute right thing.
    I believe many of us go through similar instances and I can honestly say that there is no way of avoiding feelings which in turn will negatively affect the spousal relationship.
    Cut off ties and keep it that way, good decision.

    Regards

  8. Thank you all for your advice and support. Im the original poster. It's nice to know that I did the right thing. I feel so silly to have had to ask this question. I posted this at the beginning of the year and it has taken months to be published. My head was a mess as my husband and I were going through a difficult time in our marriage. Since I posted this in Feb months ago, I have had time to reflect and I feel that cutting off all contact has helped me close that chapter of my life. I now focus on my husband and daughter and the blessings they are in my life. I also realise that my behaviour was disrespectful to my husband and I would hate it if the roles were reversed. My ex has contacted me over the years but I have never closed the door in his face because I hoped that one day we could be friends. I still care about him and wish him all the best but have realised that it's inappropriate to try to be friends and that it will never be possible. And I guess by cutting him off I had to morn the loss of ever having him as a friend but in reality I have realised that he will never be a true friends md it is for the best. I have made my self invisible on all forms of social media to him and if he some how manages to contact me I will not respond. That door is closed. Thank you all for your advice. May Allah bless you all and fill your days with happiness.

  9. May Allah bless you and your family.

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