Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I tell my husband that I married him during my iddat and gave him an STD?

Salaams to All

A short summary about me. I'm married for 5 years with two kids. We did not face any major issues in our married life-Alhamdulilah. But I've got two deep dark secrets which I've been keeping away from my husband since we married.

upset lonely woman

I've previously posted a question "Is my Nikkah real?" I've come to the conclusion that my nikkah is invalid. I've researched and have realized this. How do I say this t0 my "husband"?

He has no idea that we got married during my iddat period. (I was previously married before him and while I was in iddat I remarried my current husband). He was aware of the fact that I was married and told me that he would wait until my iddat was over. At the time I had no idea that a Nikkah during my iddat would be invalid.

I now face a big problem, how do I let my "husband" know that we are not really married? I'm really scared to tell him. What if he does not want to have a proper nikkah? What do I do then? He might reject me for keeping this from him for so many years. I've realized my mistake. I'm really scared to lose him and to be living in zina.

The second issue I have is - Before him I was previously married to a guy who cheated on me. He then transmitted two sexually transmitted diseases to me. I was not aware of the fact that these STD's were incurable. At the time when I showed signs of the first STD (herpes), I went to see a doctor. He treated me immediately and informed me weeks later after checkups that this disease went away. I was relieved and was happy to re- marry, thinking that the disease was completely cured. After a year passed, the STD showed up again, that's when I did research and found out that this STD is incurable.I was shattered!

I did not tell this to my husband since he has no symptoms. After two years when I fell pregnant I discovered that I have another STD (genital warts).  The virus only showed up while I was pregnant. According to the doctor the virus could remain inactive for many years and you may not even know you have it. My husband has no idea that he also has these STD's. Although he developed warts after me, he does not know what it is. He just gets sick a lot- with the flu recently and he realized that his immune system is weak. But he has no idea of what is really wrong with him.

I feel really bad that this has happened to him and it's all because of me. But how do I say this to him? Should I tell him or should I just keep this away from him? He may never know. I'm just scared if he finds out later, he might think I"ve developed it while being married to him, although I am 100% faithful to him. I blame my previous husband for all these issues I have to deal with now.

- Haniya

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42 Responses »

  1. So :

    1) You did not tell your husband about the STD before nikah.
    2) You are not sure whether you have a valid nikah.
    3) You are not telling your husband why he might be ill.

    Geez what a wonderful women you are ! That is one lucky husband !

    1) Tell him you have a STD from your previous husband.
    2) Tell him he maybe sick because of this and needs a full medical checkup.
    3) Face the consequences that come out of this.
    4) If he decides to continue the marriage make the nikkah again after consulting a imam.

    If you get to 4 thank Allah otherwise be prepared to live alone. I am having a very hard time feeling any sort of sympathy here, this is just bloody RIDICULOUS !!!

    • Glacier, your advice is basically correct, but the way you have presented it is not. Don't you understand that this person is living in confusion and pain? Yes, she has made mistakes, and she needs to make restitution for those mistakes, and face up to the results. It's possible for us to point out her mistakes, and encourage her to do the right thing, without employing sarcasm and mockery.

      I've noticed this trait in all of your comments. Your advice is always sound, but your tone is harsh. You have to ask yourself why you are taking the time to comment. If it's just to show off how much wiser or smarter you are, then there is no benefit. But if your intention is truly to help people, then you need to temper your comments with compassion and gentleness, so that the advice will be heard.

      Wael Editor

      • Wael, it is not my intention to make her feel guilty or to show off. I have seen this scenario play out in real life to one my close friends, I am sorry but this will bring incredible amount of pain to the husband. The worst part is it will never leave him. I apologize if I sound harsh, I'll try not to be.

        Thanks for your post.

        • Thanks for your response. Many of us have experienced parallels to some of the situations described in the questions on this site. The challenge for us is not to take it personally, and to respond with compassion. I know it's not always easy. When I first read this particular post I also had the impulse to write a quick retort; so I decided to let it sit a little bit and not reply right away, until I could reply calmly.


          • Wael I feel that you are a gift from Allah, Mashallah, you are incredible at what you do! You have helped out so many troubled souls, Your advice is always on point! I am truly so thankful for you and the other imcredible editors on this wonderful website. Alhamdolelah, may Allah grant you all happiness and health.

          • confusedarab, thank you so much. I am blessed to be working with an excellent team, Alhamdulillah.

            I hope one day you'll be able to change your name to enlightenedarab.


          • Thank you i hope so too inshallah 🙂

            Yesterday i posted a question about some personal family issues but later i felt anxious that someone i know might somehow stumble across it and work out its me so i removed it. :s i was wondering if i could message an editor privately for advice, i really want to post it publically so that i can read a few different view points but my paranoia isn't allowing me to do so

            Please let me know whether that will be possible

            Thank you very much

          • confusedarab, my suggestion is that you go ahead and post your question publicly, but change some of your relevant details so that no one will recognize you. For example you can change details such as nationality, how many siblings you have, how long you've been married, etc. Things that don't change the nature of the question.


      • As salamu alaykum,

        None of us are free from something like this, can happen to anyone of us at any time, we can trust our innocence but we cannot control others, and our husband or wife can be someone who betray and hurt us in such a deep way like had happened to her with the first husband.

        None of us, as human beings are in a situation where we can judge others, but we can put ourselves in the other´s shoes, .... other thing is that many of us commit many unconscious acts that hurt our close ones, without even knowing it,... I watch my mouth, my ears, my eyes, my hands, my feet and my thoughts closely when something disturbs me, because that is telling me a lot about myself, and even with that I discover myself doing the wrong thing many times.

        The effects of panic on a person can cause two reactions, one is moving too fast and the other one is to become paralized, ... your comment Glazier to Amrista12 has really hurt my heart deeply, maybe you just are too young to understand this is really a hard situation where anybody can fall in. And believe that for sure this woman has been living hell in life going through all this terrible situation, I am sure she is conscious of the depth of the damage, but the good thing here is that she wants to do the right thing now, and that deserves all my support.

        All my unconditional Love and Respect,


    • Glacier

      I did not know about the STD before nikkah. Had I known I would not have even considered marriage. Please re-read my post.

      • Haniya, God is most Compassionate and most Merciful (MOST). The man your married 1st did this to you and your husband. It is very hard to know if you have these diseases. They are hard to test for also. They are treatable and somewhat controlable to give you both a better life.

        I took me 4 years to figure out that my ex-husband had done it to me. Tell your husband that you think that there may be something wrong and that it took a while to come up in your immune system and that you both need to be treated. If he doubts you faithfulness have his family go after your ex husband.

        I will pray for you 🙂

  2. assalam alaikum dear sis
    i totally agree with glacier u have to inform about std
    about is illl health and even about ur nikah
    u convince to consult imam about ur marraige
    and i want to tell u one thing a marraige is a bond which starts with trust and truth so plz tell him the truth
    hez ur husband he has the right to knw everything dont hide it frm him
    if u hide it here in the hereafter he vill cum to knw and remember Allah is watching us everywhere

  3. Mr. or Mrs.Glacier obviously you need a reality check and need to get off of that high horse of yours.

    Who do you think you are?

    Your not Allah and this women came here for ADVICE not your CRITICISM so stop being judgemental.

    And if you read it clearly she did not know that marrying before her iddat is over would make her nikkah invalid, had she known, she would have never done it.

    And she thought her STD was CURED she was not aware that it would reappear, mind you she contracted it when her fist husband CHEATED on her.


    I am no scholar so I cannot tell you if your living in "zina" or not. But I think it would be considered so because the iddat period was not over, my relative is waiting for her iddat to be over as well because a marriage is not valid prior.

    Be honest and take the losses as they come. Make him aware that you did not know and had you known that you would have waited or told him. And just pray and call to Allah for guidance. Inshallah, your husband will try to understand.

    My prayers are with you.

  4. amrista12,

    LOL, read her message, she is just sitting there doing absolutely nothing while her husband is developing warts, flu and what not. This is just downright pathetic, I don't care if she does not want criticism, this woman gave her husband a disease for life. I think it is you who should get off the high horse, do NOT justify her actions and then take Allah's name on it, this is the height of ignorance.

    Her husband is the one paying for this woman's mistakes, the worst thing this cannot be undone, it cannot be fixed, it's the worst of the worst, this will leave a permanent scar on him of STDs. If he decides to divorce no woman will marry him because of her 'mistake', I don't care if she thinks she never know, that's not the husbands fault.. I don't think the husband will understand, would you if someone this did to you? (I am not asking).

    I am not interested in anyone's opinion including yours, just posting my own. What she has done is the worse thing you could do to one's husband. Ugh so many here are quick to jump at men but when a woman goes wrong it is all ears and being understanding, absolute hog-wash, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

    • Glacier; the name seems fitting. The women posted “How do I tell…” this signifies that she is attempting to RIGHT her WRONG. So “absolutely nothing” would not be that accurate now would it? (Rhetorical question, fyi.). She is trying.

      “I don't care if she does not want criticism” dude what is wrong with you the website is called Islamic Answers not Islamic Criticism, if you want to rip people other part, then that’s your choice fine but I will call you out on it.

      I’m not on any horse or pedestal for that matter, Allah is the most merciful and beneficial, this anger or whatever attitude and UNKINDNESS that you are displaying is not called for. I’m level headed and open minded and I trying to listen.

      Reread your response “If he decides to divorce no woman will marry him because of her 'mistake'”, your thinking about ways for him to find someone shiny and new not considering that he can FORGIVE HER. What is that ,what sort of thinking is that?

      “I am not interested in anyone's opinion including yours, just posting my own.” I on the contrary am interested in everyone’s opinions and what is so Islamic about “I am not interested” I’m sure in this website is here too discuss matters and have intellectual conversations, etc. I don’t understand…

      “What she has done is the worse thing you could do to one's husband.” No, its not, she could have had sex with her neighbor and ended up pregnant or be a hidden lesbian heroin addict, etc. It’s not the worst, not to say that it’s good cause it is not, it is a big mess and should not be taken lightly however it wasn’t intentional. She needs to tell the truth. She needs to repent and is seek forgiveness from the depths of her heart, then Allah will recognize that.

      I don’t even know your gender so I have no idea how that’s relevant or why your letting your issues with understanding women hype you up.

      Stay well.

      • You would be singing a different tune if you were the husband. Forgiveness is between her and Allah, the husband still has to pay the consequences, have a nice day Aminah.

    • Glacier

      How do you know what I'm sitting here and doing? You have no idea what it's like to live with something like this. I did not develop these diseases from cheating with somebody. I was perfectly innocent. My ex cheated on me and that's how I developed these STD's.

      I am paying for my ex's mistakes.His mistakes has left a permanent scar on me. Just as how u mentioned that this is not my husbands fault that I did not know. So this is not my fault that my ex cheated on me and passed the STD's on to me.

      I had no intention of ruining somebody elses life. Yes after I found out that my ex cheated on me with a number of women, family and friends advised me to do an AIDS test which I did go ahead and do before my second marriage. This test came back negative. I had no idea that I still had other STD's.

      • What really put me off on your post is this : "But he has no idea of what is really wrong with him." What does this sound like? How can a spouse just not inform the other one why they may be sick? (you don't need to respond to this). I also have a hard time understanding how the doctor who treated you the first time (before your second marriage) never told you that STDs are not curable, I'll take your word that the doctor never did.

        I am sorry your first husband turned out to be a man-who** but he is in the past, you should tell your current husband why he is getting sick otherwise this is just plain deceit. Good luck to you and your husband.

        • Glacier:

          Well that was the reason why I wrote this post to find out if I should tell my husband and how? To you the obvious answer answer would be YES, you should tell him but to me I looked at it in a different way. I thought telling him would have a negative effect on my marriage and maybe even separation. I would'nt want that to happen. We have two beautiful children. That's the reason I did not tell him immediately after finding out for the fear of losing him for something that was not even my fault.

          Look I don't know you, I don't even know the other readers and nobody knows me. I'm not going to come here and lie to all you people about me knowing or not. There would be no point in writing this message if I was lying. How am I going to get my problem solved if I lie? This was the reality of my life.


  5. AsalamuAlaykum

    I actually just want to say well ask who do you fear? does the fear of Allah exist? surely you are aware we all one day will return to the creator? I do not want to say what you have done is wrong, every human makes errors and hides the truth but if we speak the truth where's the error? our Prophet is our best example hee never lied ever. You need to realise the consequences of the hearafter this life is temporary put your trust in Allah speak the truth and inshAllah the truth will set you free and Allah will reward you for the truth with answers to your concerns InshAllah but you cant keep something like this to your self it's not good for your health, im sure your husband will understand inshAllah 🙂

  6. As salamu alaykum,

    Please Haniya go ahead and tell the Truth, it is not going to be easy for none of you, but you owe that to him, to yourself and to your children . Explain everything as you have done to us, whichever his decision will be, he needs to know about his health, this is the first thing. Look for a specialist and do all what they advice to keep both of you as healthy as you can. And having children I would ask the doctor for my children too.

    This trial is really a tough one, because you were unconscious of the magnitude of the problem at the time of marrying, I understand your deep pain, but nothing can be hidden in this life for too long, and now it seems it is your time for bring Light to the darkness you have been in, Alhamdulillah.

    Please Haniya, ask Allah(swt) for Forgiveness, have AstagfirouAllah in your thought as much as you can, study Allah´s names and be the best you can be, for yourself, for your husband, for your children and for Allah(swt) and for all the people that you will meet from now on in your Life.

    I Thank Allah for your courage to look for support and guidence, I know you will take the right decision.

    Trust Allah(swt) beyond any reason, He will make dissapear the fear of the unknown from your Heart.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,


    • I agree fully with Maria's answer. Maria, thank you for being a voice of compassion on this website.

      Wael Editor

    • Maria

      Thanks for your kind advice and guidance. There are not much people that are understanding like you.

      After reading your post, I decided to take the first step last night. I mentioned to him about the STD's. Well to my amazement he does not believe that he has these STD's. Even after explaining to him the reason for getting sick so often and the warts. He gave me other reasons for getting sick, he blamed it on age, his strenous job and his hayfever.
      He says that alot of his family members suffer with warts, So it's just something that runs in his family! He even told me that we have two healty children so it's impossible. I tried my best to convince him but he just doesn't beleive it.

      He told me not to worry about this but I was adamant that he sees a specialist and he promised he will but did'nt seem too keen. I am feeling a bit better. At least I did mention this to him.

      To this day I still ask Allah to forgive me for all that has happened. I still have to mention about the iddat and I'm trying as hard as possible not to delay it any longer.. Make dua for me.

      • Alhamdulillah!

        I have you and your family in my Heart.

        Barak Allah feekum.


      • Haniya, good for you sister. I'm so glad to hear that you have done the right thing and that you were brave enough to tell your husband the truth. I know that was not easy. I suggest that you go ahead and make a medical appointment with him to get checked.

        Now please consider this: you told him the truth about the STDs and it was not as bad as you thought. Allah blessed you in that and softened it for you. Now you must trust Allah again and tell your husband about the issue with the 'iddat. My guess is that he is an understanding man, and he will agree to to the Imam with you and do the nikah properly. You really must do this. Pray to Allah to give you the strength and to guide you to the best words.

        And Maria, thank you to you for supporting Haniya with your compassionate words, and helping her to take this step.

        Wael Editor

  7. I agree with everything Glacier has said.

    1. The woman needs to tell the husband everything.
    2. She needs to prepare for single life as it's hard to see how he will want to carry on with married life with someone who's given him a STD knowing full well she had it and more importantly for the lies.
    3. She should only be married with someone who has the same STD.

    I know it sounds harsh, but STDs need not be passed around so let them keep it between themselves.

    The woman who's posted the question seems lost, but it's only hitting home now, she actually commited a major major sin which is being overlooked. She was actually discussing/seeing another man whilst still officially married, that is the worst thing and we should encourage her to repent for that. Let it be a lesson to us all as well, there is a reason why the iddat period has been designed, both men and women need to acknolwedge and apply themselves correctly during this period.

    • As salamu alaykum, Mr. Fisher,

      Just a few questions if you don´t mind, who is the one between us,human beings, to know the fate of this woman when she talks to her husband ? Who is the one of us that knows this man´s Heart? Do you know if she has already has talked Allah(swt) and she has repented for everything? I answer I don´t know to all of this questions, these are questions between Allah(swt) and them, insha´Allah, and Alhamdulillah, I don´t have that responsibility.

      Have you heard about Forgiveness? Have you heard about Compasion? Only Allah(swt) knows everything,our trials, our fortitudes and weaknesses, all that was, is and will be in our Hearts. Who are we to tell others what their destiny will be, I don´t even know my own, Alhamdulillah.

      And, for certain, I thank you the words " Let it be a lesson to us all as well", at the end, she is going through all of this for us to learn too, insha´Allah

      Allah(swt) knows best.

      All my unconditional respect,


      • Well it seems from her post that she is more worried about losing her husband than repenting for the sin. She didn't do her resarch properly when she was in her iddat, probably because she was infatuated with her current husband.

        But I do not take my comment back, people who carry STDs should keep it to themselves. If her husband should forgive her, and he would be a very good man if he did (I wouldn't) then she can carry on and be happy for the rest of her life.

        I know people are here for advice, but sometimes the advice we seek and the actions we must seem harsh, but it's better in the long run.

        Also any marriage in which the husband or wife hides information from the other, it's a recipe for disaster.

        • Thank you for answering Mr. Fisher.

          Believe me, even being forgiven by him and by herself and mostly by Allah(swt)this is not going to be easy for a while for all the family, as you said, many things going around here. But they have the opportunity to begin from now on, building new foundations for the relationship and their family and that is very important. I choose to believe in people and I do believe they have an opportunity given by Allah(swt)to grow up as muslims, human beings, husband and wife, man and woman, father and mother, may Allah(swt) help all of them in the family to go through all this struggle and learn the lesson, insha´Allah.

          I haven´t seen in this life something like they were happy for the rest of their lifes, only in the children´s tales. Even in the most beautiful lifes, there are always struggles, tough times where all in us is proved and tested, Alhamdulillah, they bring to our life oportunities to flourish as better human beings, to go back to the straight path, to soften our Hearts, to submit to Allah (swt),....

          I have been listening to your words many times, and I respect you because you are a honest man, you express your opinion as straight as you can trying not to damage others, I do respect that.

          And please my intention writing to you was just making you go a bit deeper in your thought as you make to me when you write.

          All my unconditional respect,


    • John Fisher

      " She should only be married with someone who has the same STD" - Should I have made this one of my proposal requirements had I known that I had these STD's??? Obviously family and friends would then find out!!!

      If my husband does decide to leave me, then he will look for somebody else and ruin their life knowingly. I did not do this to him deliberately. I did not even know that I had these things. Like I've mentioned I did visit a doctor.I put my faith into this doctor He informed me that everything was fine with me. He did not explain to me that STD's are incurable. He just said to me that I am fine and everything is cleared. i even mentioned to him that I was getting married again. He did not mention anything about STD's reappearing.

      Furthermore I was not discussing/seeing another man whilst still being officially married to my first husband.

      My first marriage was arranged and I was very young at the time. We were only married for a couple of months when I found out that he was cheating on me a number of times.I then asked him for a divorce. After two weeks of getting my talaak, I met my current husband. I was very depressed after my divorce. i even attempted suicide. In an attempt to save my life my friends suggested that I meet someone else new. They introduced me to my current husband. We were just friends. No physical relationship. My current husband just counseled me and explained to me the value of life and how haraam it is to commit suicide. We used to just speak on the phone and trust me I did not even think about marriage until he proposed to me.

      In our society divorce is considered inappropriate and disgusting. My family repeatedly reminded me that if anyone found out, our family will be degraded. That's the reason we rushed for the wedding. Then again a big mistake, Had I known that that the nikkah would be invalid, i would have waited.

    • John Fisher if you read her post carefully you see she didn’t know of her iddat period and was unaware of the nikaah being invalid. Maybe you need to stop being harsh and judging like you know everything. Brother people come onto this site for advice not to be belittle by you. I read your comments and I think you been unfair to sister’s reply in concern. How do you know what she’s been through no one knows anything and no one is perfect so please next time be careful what you say.

  8. Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe,

    Just quick post and please correct me if I am wrong.

    Isn't it correct that if you are unaware of a certain sin you committed, that you are forgiven by Allah the Almighty because of your ignorance? (referring to her iddat period).

    Isn't it also correct that you are allowed to lie in certain situations if it seems best, not only for yourself, but for the other as well ?

    Just these 2 props for now.

    Um to my dear sister in question, If you find this very hard too tell to your husband ?

    Then I recommend a way to you, turn on your computer/laptop, put this blog on the screen, let him sit and read quietly while you sit behind him/next to him/on the bed, whatever you find pleasing.

    And then I hope that he will be a person who can respond calmly with all the information he just read.

    The reason why I tell you not too leave the room is because, after the posts he will want too say something, it is important that you show respect and hear him out.

    After he has said everything he wanted too, then leave for a hour or two.

    After that bring him some thee/drink, and say whats in your heart, because He will be mentally exhausted right now and he will just want too do ''something''.

    (If you have an abusive husband, I hope this is not the case, with this I mean short-tempered and you know he is quick to hit a person/you, then I don't recommend staying in the same room or letting him read this at least home)

    Extra Note: I am not in anyway trying too Judge you, or saying what can happen.
    With this I am adding a advice too all the advice my dear brothers and sisters. already have given you.

    I just hope everything will turn out the way it is supposed too be, InshAllah.


  9. Salaams

    Thanks to everyone who gave me good advice. I will respond to each one individually.


    • As salamu alaykum Haniya,

      You are a woman of great courage, your Presence in my life is a blessing. Thank you very much for sharing and opening yourself the way you have done.

      All my unconditional Love, Respect and Support,


    • MashAllah, SoebhaanAllah, Alhamdulilah.

      Its great too already have a good sister like Maria, but a brave sister like yourself Haniya Wauw, Props...

      I am pretty sure you can do it, and our dua's InshAllah are with you.

      Look Allah is with you, I wonder why would you be afraid, I wouldn't anymore if I just read how he first reacted on the STD.

      Just be sure to bring it slow and easy, and wauw Maria is an awsome advice giver a true life experiencer!!!

      From my self, I cannot be of much help so I am sorry, but Allah will accept my dua 100% I garauntee you that!! thats the kind of buddies we are :P! ^_^ (InshAllah)

      Salaam Waleikum Waragmatoelah Hibrakatoe, everything will be alright I just know it for sure now, No worries. InshAllah.

  10. Assalaamu alaikum sister Haniya, I am sorry for everything you've gone through. It makes me angry that both you and your husband are suffering for your ex husbands mistakes - but your trails will be an expiation for you both InshaAllah.

    dear sister and I know some people are harsh. Yes you've made mistakes at least in regard to marrying in your iddat, you should have told him all of sooner - but we are human an we do make mistakes - but Allah swt is the Most Merciful and
    @those who have been rude or harsh to the sister - who are we to judge her? If we want Allahs mercy we should treat others with mercy and respect, regardless of what theyve done. Remember how kindly the Prophet SAW spoke to the bedouin who urinated in the masjid? He didnt condemn him.

    Anyway I just wanted to say May Allah reward you for tellin your husband - this was a difficult thing to do, but it was the right thing, whatever the outcome. I pray that Allah swt gives you the strength to tell him about th iddat my dear sister. I pray that you and your husband recover. Keep it between yourselves and get the necessary healthcare. Do you live in a country that offers cervical smear testing - if so, I recommend getting it done (its every 3 years) as stds can increase risk of other diseases especially in women. Basically look after your health etc. Sorry I couldnt be of much help. I hope I havent upset/offended/worried you- it wasnt my intention dear sister - its just if you know something which may help its worth saying. Lov u for Allah's sake

    I pray you and your husband recover InshaAllah and He grants you both( and us all) jannatul firdaws

  11. Salaams
    It is not your fault you are in the situation that you in today its your first husband’s fault for cheating on you and you wouldn’t have contracted the virus this makes me very angry that decent women like you suffers at a hand of a man who been betraying your trust but also showed no respect for you as his wife. Secondly you didn’t know of your iddat period it is not your fault who are we as Muslims to judge you anyone who has should re-think. No one knows what it must be like being cheated on and not being respected as the same time living in the consequences as this man as put you through. My strong advise to you is tell your husband the truth because telling more lies makes it difficult and then trust gets broken. I seriously hope you get through this difficult time and your marriage issues are resolved ameen

  12. Assalamu'alaikum sister

    Be strong sis, and give your husband the opportunity to be there for you. I'm proud of you for telling him about the STD's, you are not to know these things. And its not upon yourself to expect that this would be an issue you are still faced with, my heart sincerely goes out to you.

    As for you iddah, it was not intentional, but the longer you know this the longer your actions become "intentional" so be strong and allow you and your husband to make correct what you were innocently ignorant about. He knows you by now, and I'm sure he knows you are not that type of person. So allow him the opportunity to be a loving husband.If he becomes upset at the begining don't feel discouraged, he's human too, just as you are and the fact that you feel scared to tel him. But once it sets in, I feel certain he'll work together with you. The reason I say that is because of his response to the STD's, cleary you two have a good solid foundation. Because if you didn't he could has easily used that as an opportunity to attack you/put you down but instead he didn't. He did what a loving husband would do, he make 99 excuses 🙂 may Allah swt bless him and bless you, and continue to put love and mercy between you. Lying is painful to anyone in a relationship, but mistakes out of ignorance is not. So don't make the choice to harm this by hiding now that you know. Confess your integrity as you have done now. Allah swt Knows your heart!:) All the best sis!

  13. correction.. that should be 70 excuses ... pardon me:)

  14. As salaam alaykum, Hayina

    Alhamdullia mashaallah, allah has put you through a test that he knew you and your current husband could handle. To me your question posted has been very penatrating, I converted to Islam in 2009, not knowing I had an std from, a previous relationship, I was not responsible enough to have myself checked before my marriage with my husband, untill I showed signs I told him right away, of course he thought the std was life threating and he was very upset, I was ready to accept the punishment of seperation. How ever later that afternoon. He came home and he sat beside me and said whatever it is we will get through it together, Also when we he asked me for my hand in marriage I was going through a divorce and I had not converted to Islam and he explained to me, we would have to wait until my divorce was final. So far alhamdullia, everything is going ok. Still I hate myself for not taking the right steps to protect my husband, he says that it is ok but I don't and often times, I think that allah will not forgive me. But who's to know allah knows all and he is the final judgement. You are very brave and I hope one day inshaallah I will be strong like you and mariam and a few others here.

    As salaam alaykum

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