He Married me for Permanent Recidence and Has Now Forsaken Me
British Residence
Assalam aleykoum..
I would like to ask you some advice ...my husband and i met in 2010 trough facebook. 2 weeks later we decided to get married traditionally i am an EU citizen and he was a asylum-seeker...i was meant to do my master degree but because of his situation we decided to get married officially so he can get his resident ..
I had to leave my college for him...and had to get lot of loan because off this
I loved him and i already had two girls also who loved him dearly... I wasn't working and depended on social welfare ...I supported him for 1 year trough hardship but i thought when he get his residency and start working things will work out...but it didnt...one week after he get his residency he started mistreating me and my kids violently even tough i was pregnant for him ..
He started beating me very often...and didnt want support me or the baby or the kids financialy..he wanted me to pay for all the bills, my loan and so on and he is working...so he left the house and working...over 5 months now he doesn call or visit his child...i see him in city some time but he doesnt even stop to say hi...
I fell like he just used me for papers so he doesn get deported...what can i do ...i want to be a good muslim woman and i dont want create any problem for him becouse if i tell the justice they might take his residency back
help
~ maria41
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Maria,
This man used you plain and simple. I would most definitely contact the authorities and inform them of his actions. Don't feel bad for him because he certainly isn't thinking of you here now is he? He should go back to where he came from. You agreed to marry him, not be some free ticket for him to take advantage of you and toss you and your daughters to the curb. Make the phone call to the authorities or suffer the consequences of doing nothing.
Salam
I agree. Sister, please don't let sympathy overtake you. He does not deserve the behavior you currently show towards him. Inform the authorities and have him deported.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
let me gues british passport. freshies there all like that. I have two brother in law are like that the one came over the other day it wasnt a weak and he was mistreating my sister. needles to say he needs a beating honestly, y your his responsbility to take care off. he is your husband what kind of a man does something like that if you cant even call him a man. they get the visa and then that it they just leave. I agree seriously if he not willing to take care of you tell the authorites. I hate to say this but you pregant with his kids probably a fail safe for him to stay in this country.
belive me sis this is a typical story amongst asain community, they come in and think that it im in jolly old england and that it i cant sit on my butt and live of welfare. and then any money they earn they spend it on themselves or with there mates or send it back home totlay forgetting there duties which was bestowed upon them by ALLAH.
i hate my wife to be working ,but push comes to shovs and she only works temporary till my uni finishes and then i will become main bread winner. and i appreciate it massivley, but I wouldnt let her become the main bread winner any man who does this on a long term scale while he doesnt do anything else i.e house work etc should be MAJORLY ashamed and has no self respect.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT YOU NEED TO READ
but that what it like in the asain community. one word of advice when he realises that you might if you can revoke his visa he will give you the charm and start being nice to you. if he genuine it a different story but dont be fooled give it time and dont give him any defintive answer so he kept on his toes and respect you. SIS this is from an experince worser than yours take my words . I hope you dont end up to divorce becuase you know allah dont like that but decide whats best for you and your kids and tell your family if you have any. and consult an imam for your islamic stance in this situaation.
let me know how it goes
all the best inshallah
Assalmaualikum!
What I feel is that being a good Muslim woman dose not mean that you have to suffer pain and Injustice In fact a Muslim should fight injustice.If you keep silent now, he may divorce you and marry other women from his country . You should report to immigration authorities and also report domestic violence.If you are still confused consult an Islamic scholar for guidance.
Oh Geeze. I'm sorry but I'm imagining the hours and days and months of a human being with a normal brain and normal brain activity going through this, suppressing every human instinct and mental red flag, never thinking ahead at worst case scenarios or protecting herself as she takes this oh so obvious leap into oh so obvious disaster. There isn't even a part of the story here that implicates that she could have had any hope of a normal life. She met him on facebook? and married him two weeks later? Then quit college and went into debt and got pregnant?? give me a break. How about she donate her liver to buy him a new car, and then give him the user name and password to her kids college fund accounts and then maybe kick her kids out of their room so he can have an extra cozy place to watch porn and drink. Sorry but come on, how can anyone give you heart felt advice and expect you to take it seriously? Advice is for someone of sound mind that needs help, otherwise it's just as far fetched that our words will help you as it is that your 'husband' will come back to you with a job and money to support your kids. I'm sorry, but women like you offend me. You obviously have no sense of risk, and the worst thing is that your poor kids are innocent and you've created memories for them and impacted their quality of life with your ill choices. When I chose a husband, I chose a Doctor to make sure he could at least have the potential to provide for my kids. I chose a kind man so there was at least the potential that we would have a stress free marriage. I chose a Muslim man so at least there was some potential that I would have a leader in my house to help me with my deen and inspire me, and so there wouldn't be a rift of religions to teach my daughter when she grew up. (I'm a revert.) You don't plan, you don't care, you throw yourself into the fire with a baby in your belly. This just breaks my heart, and you represent so many other women like you!
I just wanna scream reading posts like this. Shaking you and screaming 'WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?' wouldn't even help you. Poor babies have to grow up with their mother chasing around their father in the streets that she married after two weeks for papers, while she raises them single and poor and they remember him in the house holding them one second, then gone the next. This website made me completely lose faith in the middle eastern culture, and makes me feel sometimes like the burden on the shoulders of Islam to create some sanity out of your peoples completely morally cancerous lifestyle is just too great to bear. It's an impossible battle and I plan on living out my life as a quiet Muslim, praying to Allah in my own home and not saying a word to anyone else about it. I just can't roll my eyes and shake my head in disbelief enough at these kinds of situations followed by of course, what else but you being completely shocked and helpless at your situation crying out for help. How can anyone help you??? smh.
btw... I know not everyone can have a doctor as a husband, but my point was just the desire and potential to provide for a family is important. I didn't want any responses focusing on that as a distraction from my point. ty
my dear sister you must report him he will do worse i've been there don't cover up for him no where in Islam does it approve of what he did to you and your children you do not have to feel bad for the wrong and bad decisions he has made and his unjust thoughts they were his not YOURS he should feel bad about it not you
Find a way to warn him. if he wouldn't listen, report him to the justice.
Show no mercy.
Report to the authorities now.
As he got his citizenship/residence.Make him pay for child support.These men should be treated in the same manner.
Make him suffer.
Sister you must report him! please dont feel sorry for him.Do not support a man like him to stay in this country.He should go back to where he came from.He doesnt deserve anything.Save yourself and your kids before it is too late.
Assalam aleykoum!
thank you very much for the comment ..well i just got a letter from the just about him seeking guardianship for the child..but inshallah i will go to my lawyer tomoro and ask him to write me a letter to bring to the immigration
i will tell them all the details.....his familly already told my family that they dont want anything to do with me they only want their son to see the baby that's all...the only reason i married him i tought he was a good person becouse he prays, does not smock or drink alchol....and he only 2years older then i.. so i was in love with him as my privious marriage was an arranged marriage and same age as my dad...and was married when i was 13 but we divorced 7 years later and i had two girls for him he was also violant ....but this one i choosed him myself
walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.
may Allah make it easy for you.
Report him asap.Women shouldnt let men get away with actions like this and expect them to stay quiet.And do post again after you have reported him so that all of here can be happy for you.If one woman stands for herself she is standing for all the women who are being oppressed