Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Legally married but in love with another man who I want to marry but parents are refusing

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Extra-marital affairs

I have been married for about 3 and a half years. I got married at 16. I came to my home country to get married at first I was with it because I thought it was I what I wanted I stayed with him for about 5 months then went back to America and stayed for 2 years through that time I was always hoping to go back to him but after the first yet passed I gave up and I was so depressed because nobody was listening to me. For the whole 2 years I was begging him that I need to go back because I missed him, at the same time he couldn't afford it and wasn't sending me any money. I lost interest in him and at the same time met another guy (which I know was very very wrong) but it just happened.

I loved him so much an he did love me too and we are still in love (which I know is wrong) but I just can't stop it. I know it's real between me and the other guy. Anyways my parents found out and said I need to stop talking to him I tried and couldn't. I didn't have any love for my husband anymore and to this day I still don't. So after another year of being in the US my parents forced me to go back to my husband. They thought it would work out but unfortunately to say it didn't. And now my parents won't listen to me anytime I talk and I'm tired of trying because it hurts so bad.


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5 Responses »

  1. Sister, I dont mean to judge but where did your love go fo your husband? Or did you have any in the first place? You were very young to get married, but that doesnt mean you cant give your husband a fighting chance to keep loving you. Think about how he feels..and please remember that you can always rely on Allah swt for comfort while these crazy things are happening around and inside of you.

  2. Asa sis, getting married so young is not the best for everyone as many don't come into their own until many years into adulthood.parental pressure is not a reason to stay or go.your parents don't live your life you do. I would not let lust be a reason to divorce.if

  3. Ahh sis that is a hard situation to be in, I live from my husband sometimes for years at a time. It is hard, I hate it, I miss him, I get lonely for him, but we have Allah and our faith. It is not just love for my husband or respect for myself or family that I stay on the right path in life, it is respect for Allah and what I know to be true and my destiny. To be fair to your husband, you have not given your marriage a chance, you could not have because you did not live with him past five months of marriage. You "gave up" after one year of marriage gave up on what may I ask? Waiting? for? You said he did not send you any money? does that mean you where stranded living in the streets, with no food, clothing, shelter, where you grew to hate him for not taking care of you? or where you being taken care of? For two years you begged to go back yet you met someone at the same time? As a married woman? Young, old, near or far from your husband, married is married.
    Please do not get me wrong, i agree 16 is young to get married, forced, not forced, which ever the situation, the point is you are married. Are you being abuse, does he beat you rape you humiliate you.? if this is no, then you need to face your life and well frankly deal with what is at hand. You had an emotional affair on your husband and need to get it straight with Allah. You are married and need to come to grips and deal with that. Marriage is not a board game where you can change the pieces if you get board of it. Marriage is a commitment to Allah, to your husband and to yourself. You can not blame your parents for this this is our way of life, this is what we do in our faith, your parents did not make the rules, this is how it has been for many many years before you. I am not trying to be rude or hard on you, but common, you came back gave up on your husband because you could not see him, and he did not send money, and you got bored. I am an American, that just sounds spoiled.

  4. W/Salaam Sister

    Though you did not go details into your story, which can be hard to tackle some points in it correctly. I can see there are different angles in your story, and each angle can have a separate advice if we know much about your story Insha'Allah.

    However, I still can't get why you had to go back to America after your marriage to your husband. And this seems to be the basic point of your problem.

    But for now, you are saying the following:
    """For the whole 2 years I was begging him that I need to go back because I missed him, at the same time he couldn't afford it and wasn't sending me any money."""

    Do you mean he really did not have the money to send you and bring you home, or he had the money but he just did not want to support you at all? If it's the first reason, then I don't see it as a reason why you can lose the interest in your husband. Where is your loyalty to your husband? You need to be loyal and stay with your husband especially in the times of hardship. Because you know he wouldn't leave you behind if he can afford to support you. And if it's the second reason, you still do not have the right to date nor marry this guy. You can only marry him when your husband divorces you, and if he is a good Muslim and your Father approves of your marriage to him.

    Now you are saying:

    """ I lost interest in him and at the same time met another guy (which I know was very very wrong) but it just happened."""

    Thank Allah you know that, it is very very wrong.

    1- Who is this guy you are talking about? Is he a Muslim or the other? I don't think a real Muslim will date you, let alone knowing that you are a married woman.

    2- Did you lost interest in your husband because you met this guy or you just lost interest in him because you wanted to date someone? Be honest with yourself in this.

    3- Do you like this man because of sexual lust or because he has the money that your husband didn't have to support you?

    4- If you married this guy, and then he becomes unfortunate later on and cannot afford to support you with money, or he just traveled for a while and cannot fulfill your sexual need through distance, would you leave him for another guy? Learn to be patient and loyal, and stay with your first husband before it becomes too late, or you will keep on changing guys for the same reason!

    5- Do you know that, the rulings regarding someone committing Zina while in marriage, is to be stoned to death? Be careful before it's too late!

    Finally I suggest you should do the following:

    1-You need to repent and then be close to the Holy Quran and the teachings of the Prophet (s.a.w.s). Increase your knowledge on how to love and be loyal in your marriage. Read Islamic books and know what Allah has for you for being good and loyal to your husband. Read about your roles and rights in marriage including the limitations of Allah and that of your husband on you-you will be guided Insha'Allah.

    2- Listen to your parents and obey them now, because I can only see light and guidance in what they are telling you to do. If your parents are living in America with you, just be close to them a lot, especially at this moment and seek their advices on how to solve your problem. Leave that guy and let your parents know you have left him, and that you are ready to obey them. So since your parents have seen the problem you went through after being far from your husband, I believe they will find a way to help you get to your husband soon, Insha'Allah.

    May Allah ease things for you Sister

    Hope this helps Insha'Allah.

  5. walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

    Does your husband know that you love someone else ?

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