I married a revert but parents want me to divorce her.
Assalamu alaikum. I am muslim guy buy I married non muslim girl after she accepted the Islam.
Alhamdulillah, she´s living in Islam now, but my family members do not like this marriage they ask me to divorce but wallahi I don´t like to divorce. But I can't say anything to my parents. What can _I do ?
And I have one daughter.
Please, which side I have to take. Parents or wife and child?
Give me a answer and help to me...........
Zarook
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As salamu alaykum, Zarook,
You have a wife and a child, which is the reason that have so much weight to abandone them? You have responsibilities towards them as husband and father, marriage isn´t a game where you take me and you leave me when you feel like it or others feel like it.
Why are you so worried about your parent´s decision now? Didn´t you ask them before the marriage and before having any kind of contact with your wife? What has changed so much now?
I cannot make the decision for you and I don´t want to, you have a family of yourself already, stand for your family, you are grown up man that have taken his own decisions in life. Gain the respect of your parents and your own family acting in a straight way, insha´Allah.
Pray to Allah(swt) to ask him for guidance, may Allah(swt) guide all of us to the Straight Path, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Why you can't say anything to your parents? Of course you can talk with them, and carry out a conversation in respectful manner.
Especially in a matter like divorce, it is not fair that parents say something and you just follow it. You can kindly ask them to explain why they are asking you to divorce your wife. Allah has given you the right to marry the girl you like, and you have married a Muslim girl. You are in a halal relationship, and Allah has blessed you with a child. I see no Islamic excuses here that your parents can come up with. The factors that are probably distressing them are their own ego and cultural/social reasons.
I do not know why, but I have seen that many parents simply cannot accept if their son marry according to his own choice. I am not a parent, so I do not know what goes in their mind. But I have seen that such incident hurts them. Even if the son marries the most righteous, most beautiful, and most educated girl in the world, if the girl is not exactly mom's choice, the mom can still easily find faults with her daughter in law. I have read the biography of the Messenger of Allah, and also biographies of some of his noble companions. Marriage at that time was not complicated like it has been made today, especially by parents. I am yet to read an incident where the mom of a companion searched and looked at 1000 girls before deciding the girl that her son would marry. The process was not like this at all. It was opposite. The companions themselves used to look for girls they would marry. And Messenger of Allah used to advise them to look at the girls before marriage to find out if they are minimally compatible physically.
I am not against arranged marriage. I in fact like this system, as it prevents bothers and sisters from falling into fitnah in the process of finding their soul mates on their own. What bothers me is the intention of our parents. Do our parents really intend to see their children living a happy life, or do they just want to make sure that their ego does not get defeated by their children? I believe they they want both. That is why they can only accept their daughter in law through an arranged marriage. If their son marries on his own choice, and his marriage thrives, they can't become happy, and I can't fathom any other reason except a hurt ego, which not only cause them to despise their daughter in law, it also make them pressurize their son to divorce his wife and consequently break down an Islamic family.
The other reason, face saving before culture/society, is not at Islamic reason either.
When I read problems like the one you have posted, I get charged up. But brother, please make sure that you also do not get charged up like me and behave badly with your parents. Take this situation as a trial from Allah and try to come out as a winner.
I can't make a decision for you, but stand by your wife and daughter and also be extremely good towards your parents. That would be a win win situation.
Bring your daughter to your mom and simply ask her, "Mom, do you want my daughter to grow up in a broken family? Do you want her live detached from her father or her mother? Do you want an innocent child to take the burden of a petty difference between us?"
If she say that she doesn't care about your daughter, then you can be sure that it is an ego struggle and nothing else. If she comes with face saving before society rubbish, kindly explain to her that such claims have no basis in Islam, and thus such excuses can't be considered to divorce your wife.
I hope you make the correct decision.
Assalam-Alekum,
I think Sister Maria's questions are valid. In this particular situation your parents are asking you to do something totally wrong. I think you should ask them what is their reason to ask you for this. If they cannot provide you any islamic ground and I am almost sure they won't be. Most of the time such requirements stem from cultural motives than religious. After all they are asking you to do something which is allowed from Allah but its the most disliked thing among allowed thing. And the motive is really really wrong.
You should ask them what will they do if(God Forbid) one of their own daughter i.e. your sister is divorced and comes back to your parents with a child. And her only fault was she is a born muslim or perhaps her in-laws didn't like her.
Brother, life of a muslim husband is not simple. His whole life is spent between juggling the demands from his parents and wife and her family. Of course as a good muslim you cannot sever relations with your parents and also cannot put your wife in a misery, just because your parents want you to do so. Believe me even if your wife was not a revert there will have been other demands from your parents. God forbid if you divorce your revert wife, where will their demands stop? What if your parents find some fault with your next wife what will you do then, divorce her?
I think you should talk to them and ask them to put themselves in your wife's situation. And then think what is fair and what is not. Its important for you to understand this and stand up. You are a muslim man, stand up for your wife if your parents are doing something wrong to her. And stand up for your parents if your wife is doing something wrong. Its juggling but yes to be a good husband and good son every muslim man has to do.
Also, I think parents must be respected. But if my parents ask me to do something wrong to someone. Then i think I should try to put some sense in my parents that they are wrong. And I respectfully think that your parents are wrong in this case.
May Allah help us all.
regards,
zarook please grow up man parents or wife and kid? are you kidding me! in islam it has been stated something to the effect that obey your parents but when they tell you to do haraam you shouldnt obey.to divorce your wife without a valid reason is a huge sin brother and you will be dealt with.
Why didn’t you think before you married her I mean you knew she wasn’t a Muslim. So why marry her and then have a kid and then your parents asking her for a divorce tawba tawba astagfilliah. Brother it is your life and you created a life a daughter don’t you just once in your life want to stand with your wife and daughter as a husband in your own right. Yes we must obey our parents but at the end of the day this is all wrong and your parents are committing a sin by doing this to your wife and daughter. I personally think your parents don’t have the right intentions for you and if they did they wouldn’t ask you to do such a terrible sin you haven’t given a reason to why. Do you realise how lucky you are, I hope you do realise and re think what you doing because it is your marriage not there’s and you will make a mistake as your wife don’t deserve this just because your parents demand this maybe you should take full responsibility for your own happiness. Ask your parents how you would feel if someone ask this to my daughter when she gets married, maybe then they will think of the consequences too. w/salaams
asalamualaikum.
pls donot leave your wife and daughter now.I am a girl who acceptd islam and got married to a muslim boy at a mosque.But now when his parents came to know about it they r refusing to accept me and said this is all drama.Now he is in same situation as to listen to his parents or not.I can clearly understand what your wife will be goin through now.its always best to keep parents happy but is it by doing unjustice.How is it justice for her.how will she live after u leave her.I pray to allah for guidance and to help me out from this heartbreaking pain.Kindly advise me too regarding this.
ayisha
Walaykum as salam sister ayisha,
Please log in and ask your question as a separate post this way we all will be able to help you, insha´Allah. You and your husband should ask them for forgiveness for marrying secretly from them, you should see their pain for being ignored in such an important issue as the wedding of a son or a daughter is, did your parents know it?
This struggles will lead you to get closer to Allah(swt) learn all you have to learn sister, ask Allah(swt) for guidance. Barak Allah Feekum.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with Aiysha. A revert leave everything behind. So the Muslim husband mean a lot to her (except for a the women who thinks they are very strong and independent and to whom divorce is easy). We, the by born muslims got to give enough mental and other types of support to reverts. Moreover, a religious and educated revert muslima woman has a much higher place to Allah than a by born transitional muslima woman who does not even realize why is she a muslima and follow rituals as part of culture. But the revert muslima lives for Allah after proper understanding
salam walikum dear brothers and sisters
i am a muslim man who met a american christian girl at work and starting to fall into haram wit her my parents found out and told me this is a HUGE sin i felt it in my heart that it was also but needed a wakening. they told me to leave here or make it halal so i talk to her about islam and she accepted it. and we were nikha. after nikha we fell astray from islam and into dunya but praise be to allah we have found our way we are praying daily, making to jummah giving up all alchole learning islam studys more and more she is dressing more and more modest but my parents are telling me she is fake and to divorce her she will change back to her ways and raise me not muslim kids i dont belive this in my heart. they want nothing to do with me or her and have ties with me fincially they are pulling from me. when i ask them why they say they know they have the feeling, she is not good and in a way i feel they want me to be safe and marry one of my race and raised muslim to be safe for my feature. im staying with my dission and strong for allah has given me power in my heart
Bilal, thank you for sharing your experience. Alhamdulillah that Allah guided you both to the deen. Stay with your wife and do not consider divorcing her. Insha'Allah your parents' hearts will soften in time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
as salam walikum brother
thank you for responding may Allah give you blessing It has been anthor month and we are even stronger int he deen mashallah we are taking classes and listening to shelks that are recommded on internet to learn more on what is halal and haram also we are following the quran and the sunnah, but unfortuniatly my parents have gotten more angry they say i have 10 days to leave her our they will disowen me even my brothers and sisters have told that none talk to me. I have no one but allah it is getting really hard for me i feel that i have been abanded but i feel if leave my wife i will have done injustice and we will both be in danger of going astray. my parents say that im not falling Allahs command by not obeying them, they send me papers and papers of islamic saying and Quran to follow there orders. i respect them i talk very nice and well i would do anything to help them or make them pleased but i cant do this