Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married to an unfaithful bisexual man


Dear brothers and sisters

I got married many years ago and was very happy. We have two children now aged 14 and 11.

About 6 years ago I suspected my husband was cheating on me. When I came across his mobile one day I found out he was having sex with men. My world came crashing down . We had two young children , our families are inter related .

It was such a disgusting thing I couldn't tell anyone except for two close friends as I was under so much stress . And I have been silent since because of my children .

Then he promised he wasn't doing it any more and I like a fool believed him until he gave me an STD last year. I wanted to leave him but my kids refused to stay without him.

I am now living with my inlaws as he left his old job to work with them. He goes out 2-3 times a week to enjoy life and I am at home with the kids and his family. I feel angry , depressed to the point I have started to hate him . He has no decent qualities in him that I can respect or like.

However our nikaah is still there . Under the circumstances what are his rights over me? Am I still obliged to live with him as a wife? Or because of this fraud he has lost rights?

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8 Responses »

  1. Salam Sister

    First of all what your husband is doing is out-rightly disgusting!! Islam has no place for homosexuals and Allah has cursed them into hell. You can read about it in the Holy Quraan yourself about Hazrat Lut's nation.

    And qoute:
    'o you move toward males amongst the world’s? And go away what your Lord has created for you as mates (females)? But you are a people disobeying.” – Sura Al shura’a: 166-166

    Secondly he has been unfaithful and he will continue doing so. Being homosexual is like being on drugs. Once you start you cannot stop and then later people start justying it as "love" or how they were born this way.

    I am really sorry that you are married to such a person who has bought shame to your family. None of this is your fault and you have every right to leave him and move on. I understand though, that since you have two lovely kids it seems like a very difficult choice.
    But then again they are children. They have no idea what wrong things their father did and just keeping this man involved in your family life would just bring more harm.

    One option would be to let your husband know what he is doing is completely against the rules of Islam. It is mentioned clearly in the Quraan that being homosexual is WRONG. No buts,ifs or why. It is forbidden.

    Does his parents know what he is upto? I really think you should let them know what their son has turned into. He needs to have therapy and understand his wrong doings. Once you start you cannot stop so he should start as soon as possible before the damage has been done.

    However if his sinning will not stop then he is involved too deep. And staying with him will just bring you more harm. Of course your children want their father but I fear you would go into some serious kind of depression being around this guy.

    My advice:

    1, Start thinking about a divorce. Your partner is a sinner and there is no place for him in heaven if he continues doing so.

    2, Start thinking of being independent. I am sure you are an educated woman! Start finding job opportunities and look for places where you can work and earn.

    3, Let his and your family know about him. The truth is disgusting but why should you suffer because of his wrong doings.

    4, About your children, they are young. I am sure you would be a better parenting figure to them than your husband considering his actions.

    Remember life is very tough. Everything is a test from Allah and no soul is burdened more than he/she can bear. Be strong and get through this phase of life. I am sure you will become and an independent woman and can support your children. You also may find a better man who is pious and kind and follows Islam properly.

    Being still under Nikkah would mean he is still your husband. Being an adulteror will not break your Nikkah unless you ask for a Khula and then divorce. I hope that is clear!!

  2. Take divorce .he is the most disgusting and worst person to live even for the sake of kids ...throw him out

  3. OP: About 6 years ago I suspected my husband was cheating on me. When I came across his mobile one day I found out he was having sex with men. ....... We had two young children , our families are inter related .

    HIV epidemic has frequently been linked to gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men. By having sex with your husband you are risking AIDS infection. I don't think your children are safe with your husband living with you

    You need to find a way to explain to your kids what your husband is doing and also explain them how illegal sex can make one very sick. You need to leave your husband.

  4. Dear Liaa86,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. May Allah swt make it easy for you, ameen.

    My advice is to leave your husband. Seek divorce. And Alhamdulillah your kids are old enough to do most things by themselves but at the same time not old enough to make correct judgement in life. When you leave your husband please take your kids with you. Your kids needs to be raised in.correct environment. Don't let your kids be influenced by your husband's immoral way of life.

    And practise Islam with best of your ability. And in shaa Allah ensure your kids know Islam too. Learn to know who exactly Allah swt is and what He Almighty expects from His slaves in this life. Don't let go of your five pillars of islam - very important.

    Best wishes,
    - Me

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    While your husband may not be able to control who he finds sexually attractive, he can control what he does about it. He made a commitment to be your husband - fulfilling this requires him to be able to control his sexual urges, just as everyone else in a monogamous marriage has to do. Infidelity damages trust, erodes a person's character, places people's health and wellbeing at risk... there's simply no place for it in Islamic life.

    You could try speaking with your husband again, if you want to try to salvage this marriage. Explain to him that you are aware he's still being unfaithful and that he's putting your health at risk. Make it clear to him that things need to change and set out clear measures for these - e.g.: No more cheating; staying home more instead of going out; looking for a place of your own (if you want this); time spent doing things as a couple and as a family unit of you two and your children; you having time to go see your friends and have a life outside of the house as well; him getting a full sexual health checkup and showing you the results. Make it clear that your requirements are non-negotiable and that you're prepared to get a divorce if he continues to put you at risk and disrespect you like this. Then it's up to him whether he is willing to do what he needs to do to rebuild your relationship... and if he doesn't do it, you can walk away knowing that you tried your hardest.

    You mention that your children refused to leave without him - do you know why they made that decision? If they still feel that way, it might help to have a conversation with them about the importance of honesty, faithfulness, and working together in a marriage to build a family. That way they can inshaAllah know that this isn't a case of you being mean to their father or being prejudiced against him because of his sexuality (if they know about this - in which case I'd have grave concerns about what he's teaching them - children shouldn't be hearing about their parents' sex lives!).

    Before making any final decisions, I'd recommend praying istikhara (we have several articles available on how to do this).

    Midnightmoon editor

  6. An Homosexual can be crazy to start sleeping with his own children and then the children also grow up to become homosexuals...audhubiLlah!

    • There is a big difference between homosexuality and child molestation. Of course they are both major sins, but just because someone is homosexual does not mean he is attracted to children.

      • Actually, often times they are related.
        Ever heard of John Wayne Gacy? There's many more I can name, he's just the most notorious.

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