Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married without her parents consent!

Allah Tests who He Loves


I do not know whether you can help me in this matter or not. I got married in a mosque to my wife without her parents consent. Both of us tried to make her family understand that we both love each other and they should accept but the only reason why they were against the marriage was because I was of a different background. They did not have a valid reason for us not to get married.

Our nikkah was done by the imam of a UK mosque with two witnesses present, we told her parents that we got married in a mosque. After hearing this they told her to come back saying we agree with the wedding but we would have to have a marriage ceremony as otherwise they wouldn't be able to show their faces in the community. She went to see her mother after a month into our marriage as she was quite ill. They said that the groom have to write down £30000 and spend over £15000 on a wedding, I did not have that kind of money at that time so I told them that they would have to wait but I politely asked her to come back.

She came back after two weeks of staying at her mums. Three days ago she went back to her house as they blackmailed her again using her mothers illness and they have brainwashed her to think that the marriage is void without a Wali, I have lost contact with her since that day and I have not heard from her. I have spoken to her brother and he said they will get her married to someone else without getting a divorce from her husband. In their eyes I am not her husband as they have not accepted our marriage.

Recently I have done a lot of research on this topic according to hanafi fiqh the marriage is valid. I have also read that if the parents or the guardian have no valid reason to why she should not get married to the Groom then they are no longer capable of being a wali.

I would be grateful if you could kindly help me in this matter as its effecting my health due to the stress caused by this.




My previous Post!


i am in a very difficult situation at the moment, My girl friend has been taken back home by her brother forcefully as he did not want her to get married to me due to the fact that i am a pakistani and she is a bengali. it has been over a month now since they Left england. she use to phone me everyday and we were in contact but i lost contact with her a week ago. she advised me to contact the police if i do not hear from her. it has been over a week now since i last spoke to her, i have no contact with her at the moment and i am worried about her safety.
her brother might force her to get married back home. she said she will kill herself but will not get married to anyone her brother have already hit her numerous times and she sent me pictures of bruises on her body that was caused by her brother hitting and punching her.
i am not sure if the police could help me in this situaution as she is not here.

she is in bangladesh right now and i have no contact with her whatsoever i think her brother have taken the phone off her and locked her in the house.

as i have no contact with her so i am not sure when she is going to come back or if they are coming back and me contacting the authorities might cause more problems for her.
we are both madly in love with each other and did not want to go against her family hence the reason why we did not get married but as soon as she comes back we are going to get married with or without her parents blessings:

NOTE: her mother have no problem with us getting married it is her brother as he is the main head of the family, her dad passed away when she was only 12 years old.

Thanks for reading


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2 Responses »

  1. Wa alaikum salaam my brother, wow, i was in a similar position to you, but the girl i wanted to marry etc. was of the same background etc.

    First of all, you are in a seriously difficult position now, i can both understand and feel the strain you are in. You need to, as of right now, make sure the girl is secure and safe, regardless of your connection with her etc. this could mean asking her brother, contacting the british embassy, just make sure she is safe and is not being forced into marriage in bangladesh. You need to, as someone who cares and loves her, regardless of whether you will be with her, you need to ensure she is safe. Do that as soon as you feel that there is risk to her health or person, there are many organisations which will help you in the UK and which have branches in the subcontinent, but you need to act NOW.

    Secondly, i took a step back when my situation happened and accepted it as it is, and ultimately didnt push for it mainly because of the consequent turmoil that would occur, physically and emotionally on both individuals. I only pray that Allah keeps you and her safe, happy and allows you to fulfil your wishes, but please be prepared, and prepare yourself for other problems and issues to occur within your marriage, if you can insha Allah manage to get this girl back.

    Within the hanafi fiqh yes, you can get married without a wali, but there is still a huge emphasis on a wali as without the acceptance of the family/parents a marriage is riddled with problems. This ruling ultimately is for hanafis aswell, when you accept a ruling of a madhab you have to accept the madhab you cant jump around.

    The other madhabs require a wali present, i understand you are in and on an emotional rollercoaster, but you have to deal with deen seriously, please do not jump around looking for rulings which support your what you want.

    Brother, i seriously honestly, from personal experience feel for you, even though my experience didnt go as far as yours has, i honestly believe from your account i have learnt a lot about my own. May Allah protect you and her, guide you and her, and make things easy for both of you. First of all sort this situation out, she is at risk and in danger of many things, including black magic to separate you and her, please contact the police and begin searching and attempting to atleast make contact to make sure she is okay, create safe words and danger words so you will know if she is danger, without her having to tell you explicitly.

    When it comes to the wedding, dont worry about it, insha Allah you can raise 15,000 in a period of time, so just be patient on that side, but right now, your main concern has to be her wellbeing, regardless if you stay with her or not.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      I agree that in this situation, the first priority needs to be her safety. I'd advise you to contact the British embassy and the government's forced marriage unit (visit InshaAllah they should be able to help ensure that she is safe.

      May Allah protect and comfort her, and may He guide both of you to what is best for you in this life and the next.

      Midnightmoon editor

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