Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I marry now or wait?

wedding flowers

salam alaikum all

I met this muslim guy online about 8 months ago. At first, we just exchanged ideas by email and just a friend  and I didn´t bother about him much as I am a student in university. He is in another state, older than me and he is working, we  started to chat  and I realised that my love towards him grew, we exchanged pictures and know more about each other.

He never ask about boy-girl relationship but he straight to ask about marry. I did my istikharah ( when I started have feeling with him) and I saw  a marriage scene ( white color) and my  teacher ( who I didn´t see for ages and taught me religion in school) and I told him about that but when he asked about who is the man or what, I don´t  see the man and I am so confused with that but I still continue doing my istikharah .

I told my parents about him, at first , they didn´t like it because he is different culture and in another state,  but at last when I asked again, my  mom can accept but my dad said to complete my studies.

wallahi, I  am so confused with my life. He said he can wait until I am finished.

My point is:

1) Should I marry now or wait?( because I have the URGE to marry)

2)Should I continue still in doing istikharah until get clear answer?.

3) I know what I did is wrong- talking with man

4) How to persuade my parents to marry us because I feel that he is good man.


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29 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum Sister Nafisah,

    You are going through something which lot of people have gone through as well.

    Some answers to your questions.

    1) Should I marry now or wait?( because I have the URGE to marry)
    Ans. You have to keep chaste in any case until marriage, either if you marry now or later. You have to remain chatse. Avoid unneccessary contact with this guy or any other guy who is a non mahram.

    2)Should I continue still in doing istikharah until get clear answer?.
    Istikhara is not all times seeing and interpreting dreams. You may ask Allah's guidance by Istikhara as well as while walking, working, sitting, reclining, any time. Make this du'aa to Allah: Yaa rab ! I am needy of whatever good Thou send down for me.

    Clear answer depends on what you think is clear. If you want to see yourself and the guy in a dream getting married. It may happen, it may not happen. If you see that dream, it may come true, it may not come true. Allah alone possesses the knowledge of the Unseen and He alone will make it manifest at the right time which in in your muqaddar.

    Best du'aa is Surah Al Fatiha. Read it with translation, knowing its meaning with your whole heart, Insha Allah, you will see a way ahead from your confusion.

    3) I know what I did is wrong- talking with man
    Yes. Masha Allah sister. You realize it, so none of us can say much. Masha Allah. Now that you realize you did wrong, do tawbah and stop talking immediately without necessity.

    4) How to persuade my parents to marry us because I feel that he is good man.
    Only Allah can put this in their heart. So turn to Him for your needs. You should read to them one ayat of the Qur'an, if you can explain to them its meaning. It is from Surah 49, Hujurat:

    13. O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made `you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware.

    Tell them Islam forbids distinguishing on caste and cultural barriers. Allah says we are born from common parents. From two we have spread in to billions and Allah says that He made us different so that we may know each other and the noblest in the sight of Allah is the person whose conduct is best. Not someone who is Arab or Afghan or Irani or any other or but one who is best in his conduct - meaning - one who fears Allah the most, one who does good to others and is kind and prays to Allah and enjoins the right and forbids the wrong and deals justly and is good in his ways of living life.

    This is also a criteria for you to check in the guy.

    So if you find he has it. Try to convince your parents for marriage with him. If they say NO, then end matters with him by telling him your parents are not agreeing.

    If you follow your desires and not truth, you will go astray, so beware of desires sister, they have beguiled even the wisest of people.

    Secondly, if you want him and only him, then first get a gurantee from him and his parents that they will accept you as his wife. Once you have it. You may tell your parents kindly:

    " Mom, dad, I tried my best to convince you, but I am unable to. I want your blessings and approval to marry him, if you do not give now, I will wait and wait until you bless me and approve of this".

    This is the final stage of convincing and then you have to wait. And waiting is not easy. It has its own set of problems as well. But if you have Sabr, patience, you can wait and it is imporant to see if the guy can wait or he in your absence while waiting would stick somewhere else.

    So read the Qur'an a lot. Repent to Allah much. Thank Allah for guiding you And assess the overall situation for yourself.

    May Allah make it easy. You seem to be really careful and cautious about matters from your question. So it is nice that you shared with us and I hope our advice here helps you.

    Salaam sister Nafisah.

    * * *

    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

  2. As salamu alaykum, sister Nafisah,

    You have received an excellent answer from BrotherMunib, I would like to add the following:

    *****He would wait for you and you have studies to finish and this is the condition your father has stablished to accept your proposal. Sister, once you are married, you can get pregnant, and you will have many other duties that may distract you from your studies, believe me nobody will have the patience your father and your mother have with you related to your studies, enjoy it while you have it.

    To cool down your urge to marry, first of all do tawbah (you have a link on top of the page) because you know you have done wrong, exercising, studying, helping to your family, reading the Quran, doing your salat, praying dua, will give you the opportunity to get closer to Allah, to get in tune to feel Allah´s guidance to know which steps to take and to keep yourself far from sin and become the muslimah you are called to be, insha´Allah.

    *****ISTIKHARA IS NOT ABOUT DREAM INTERPRETATION. Please see the links at the top of this website to read correct and authentic information about Istikhara. Istikhara is about asking Allah sincerely for guidance, then doing the action that feels right in your heart and trusting that Allah will answer your prayer and guide you to the result that is best.

    *****If this is the man you are called to be, won´t be in this Earth anyone that would separate you from him, and this, only Allah(swt) knows it.

    Please be kind and loving to your parents, they want the best for you, if they see your kindness and softness they will only would look fo the best for you, insha´Allah, give them the opportunity to enjoy you and stretch your bonds to them before you married, this will help you to wait and will bring joy to all of your Hearts, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,

    María Editor

  3. Assalamu ailakum nafisa. . . . . . . I feel that he is a very good man and may be a very good husband since he didn't ask you for any relationship, he just went straight to marriage.. . I shall answer your questions in very diplomatic way.. . . Sister nafisa,, as far as islam is concerned relationships (dating) achieved for the sole porpose of deriving pleasure and fantasy is harram.. But relationship for the sole porpose of marriage can be legallised by involving both parents to witness such relationship.. (ie her/ his parents will know abouts the relationship, and both parents will know each other)......... To have a casual (salam-greeting) friend (may be) because he is your neighbour (be it at home or in school, or in class, or in office etc) is not harram., it will only be harram when you fall into unnecessary relationship....... So as far as am concerned, i would'nt say you talking to this man this harram b/c in the begining, you only took him as a friend but he took you as someone he want to marry (and he gradually exposed every thing to you). . . . . . Regarding ur last question, i will advice you to try and see the man physically, talk with him verbally and take him to your parents for introduction. ... .., try to know more about him b4 going further.. I trust ur parents will listen to u, since islam has not given any restriction to marriage from other states or culture why will they restrict u??. . . . As regard ur 1st question, i think it is up to you. If u think u can wait and u know u can control ur "urge", that is ok.., But if u cannot control ur "urge" or ur self, then i will advice u to have the marriage done without wasting time.. .. . Further more, keep on seeking for Allah's guidiance and inshaAllah u will successfull. . . .ALLAH KNOW'S BEST. . . . . . . .Mohd

    • Assalaamu alaykum,

      Sister Maria M, said right about studies. I forgot to mention that part. So yes, good adition to my answer.


      * * *
      Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

  4. What if she is hyper sexual and she cannot control her sexual urge, will you advice her to keep aside the marriage because of her studies??, or do you think she cannot cope with her studies if she is married?? Do you know how they feel when the desire come 'especially those that are hyper sexual'??? Do you know??? Do you want them to keep the marriage aside and go on imagining things (thinky about fantasy)... . . . . LOOK the best answer to give anyone is to allow to judge for them selves., if they think they can control there 'urge' then fine and good...., But if they cant, they better marry and continue there studies... Is not a new thing, it is very common here in my country . . . . . I think you should re-think on this..

    • Assalamu alaykum Brother Muhammad.

      Thank you for sharing your views.

      Sexual urges can come anywhere any time does not matter which country you are in.

      Allah command's all Muslims to keep chaste until marriage. So if you are hyper sexual or not, you are included in the commandment given to all Muslims.

      When sexual thoughts, fantasies ring in the mind, remember Allah and seek refuge in Allah from shaytan. Stand up, do wudu, take up the Qur'an to read and / or pray 2 rakah until the urge goes away.

      Insha Allah this will help.

      Staying idle, alone may lead to Shaytaan's company and such evil thoughts. So hope the prescribed way helps for anyone who wants to be chaste and remember Allah.

      Also Allah says in the Qur'an:

      199. Keep to forgiveness (O Muhammad), and enjoin kindness, and turn away from the ignorant.
      200. And if a slander from the devil wound thee, then seek refuge in Allah. Lo! He is Hearer, Knower.
      201. Lo! those who ward off (evil), when a glamour from the devil troubleth them, they do but remember (Allah's guidance) and behold them seers!
      - Surah Al A'raf.

      Hope this helps.


      * * *

      Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

    • As salamu alaykum, brother Mohd,

      You have given an excellent advice and I deeply appreciate your concerns about hyper sexual urges, you said something that is for sure, true: everyone will judge for themselves if they want to handle their sexual urges or not, or if they want to marry or not, we all may have a different opinion, and all of us will give a different approach depending on our life experience and choices, we all respect that and I believe we all know that, we know she is the one wearing her shoes, we humbly give our opinion as you do, Alhamdulillah.

      Not long ago, a brother, 25 years old shared with us his experience of life and he was honest, he said his parents talked to him about marrying when he was 20 but he delayed it due to his studies, and now he regrets it, and he thinks he would be better married. He is talking through his experience.

      As a woman, I can talk to you through my experience and the experience of many women around me, it is huge the sacrifice a woman has to do if she gets pregnant to be able to finish her career, if she is able to finish it, because in the moment we get pregnant our first priority is our baby, and that it is, and can happen to get pregnant the wedding night , she wouldn´t be the first one, then she should know this, that this hyper sexual urge can take her on her first night to a pregnancy, and she will be not just a married woman that has fulfilled her sexual needs, she will become a mother, not just a wife, she should think with a cold head about all that marrying takes with it.

      She wouldn´t have all the time she has now to study, she will have to attend a husband and a house, she will have to worry about money, food, cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing,......she won´t have mum and dad, giving everything to her or helping her to get her goals.

      Brother, we are human beings and muslims, and if we are not able to control our urges, we should pray Allah(swt) to help us through this trial and BrotherMunib has answered you related to this, Alhamdulillah. We are so complex and at the same time so simple, I believe that people should realize that life is not only about sex, I understand the hormonal urge to be mother or father, because at the end that sexual urge is just that, once you enter the fertile age, your body has a mission to fulfill, but as you said we can choose by ourselves what we want to do and which path we want to take, insha´Allah.

      We have a heavy brain and one of its functions could be to help us to transmute the creative energy of the hyper sexual urge into something different than just having sex, you may discover talents, blessings, gifts in yourself that you ignore because you may never thought about it.

      Thank you very much for making me think deeper.

      Barak Allah Feekum.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

      • Having a baby is more of a blessing than obtaining a degree. You talk as if getting a career is better than becoming a mother. Perhaps we should ask those women out there who are mothers and are educated what they think is more important and if they would advise others to delay.

        I am a man, it's my duty as a man to provide the money for the family and if I'm saying being less wealthy husband and father at a much younger age is better, then I would not be sexist or having double standards if I say the same to the sisters.

        As for the sexual urges, it'd be pretty sad if anyone married just for that. I hope the sister marries because of the companionship and the journey they will go through life with and not for sex.

        • I think as far is muslims are concerned . Sex is a very big part of marriage . We can't have pre-marital sex like other non-muslims . You know the temptations . It is actually very easy to indulge in these sinful activities and get away with it . Hat's off to this sister who wants to get married and have fun the legal way . Many people don't think like that

          To every one , read this article .... this will surely show you something interesting and horrific at the same time ...

        • As salamu alaykum, John,

          We havent had a conversation on this issue, the time has arrived I believe, please don´t suppose what I haven´t said, I talk through experience and I have never compared to have a child with having a degree, what I´ve said is that once you have begun a degree would be easier if you finish it before being mother, do you see what I mean?

          I have met all kind of situations in my life, myself and many friends around me. But at the end, you know what you can advise to rush to marry because you regret not doing at 20, and I would advise her to stop a minute and put on a balance everything, I haven´t said to her to marry or not, what I said I´ve said it because I want her to think, she should be conscious that her life would change, a woman´s life once she gets married change upside down, from being the daughter to be the wife is a huge change, and if you become a mother, I told you before, first priority the baby.

          Then I am just telling her to marry because you have the URGE to marry doesn´t sound to appropiate to marry to me, but maybe the appropiate reason to her or to others, I respect that, I am noone to judge or to tell her or others what to do, I just give my personal opinion and as always brother John with a pinch of salt.

          I do believe that when you have your own daughters insha´Allah, you will think twice before telling them to rush to marry, brother, if your daughter has begun her studies, wouldn´t you like her to finish it, what happens if the husband is not a man like her father and she finds herself in the future with nothing to hold on, would you like that for your daughter, would you be there always to provide for her? insha´Allah, but today we have to care the same for a daughter and a son, I would love to think about the ideal situation where my daughter would find a man that thinks as a straight man and they marry for their life, but I don´t know if this would happen then if she finds a good man she would be a well prepared woman with whom her husband would be able to speak about everything and she will be his support, his companion, his advicer,.....everything for him, and if she doesn´t find a good husband, she will be able to stand in life for her and her children if she finishes alone. I don´t hold the Truth, I just expose my opinion as a mother, as an aunt, as a sister, as a daugther, brother, every person is a whole world inside of themselves and everyone will do as their free will guides them, insha´Allah.

          You want fight again but you need two people to fight, brother you know the way I advice, unless a life is at risk, I like to put everything on the table and open ways to people to think about them, I don´t like to take decisions that concerns to others, I respect too much every single life to interfere in that way in other person´s life, Allah(swt) forbids.

          I am really sorry that the colour of your glasses has taken you to misunderstand my words again and that has given you the hand to accuse me of what I haven´t said, brother is nothing wrong to tell a young person about what she can expect depending on their decisions and to show them that there are many good options that can be taken, there is many colours between white and black.

          You have the tendency to compare two non comparable facts to create disturbances and conflicts, I don´t cope with that, I haven´t done it before, I am not going to do it now.

          It is always nice to listen from you but I am really sorry to be in the heart of your conflicts again. Brother when you don´t want to fight you give such wonderful advices, why do you waste our energy trying to generate conflicts?

          Barak Allah Feekum.

          All my Unconditional Respect,


          • @Maria M

            What I can understand from your answers is that , you want a women to get education so that in near future if anything goes haphazard or turns into total chaos e.g divorce then she would be able to support herself and not in turn depend on the husband if he is abusing her ....

            Am I right to interpret your answer in this manner ?? Please correct me if I am wrong .

          • As salamu alaykum Soul,

            Here is not a question of what I want women to do, you won´t listen to me to put myself on a position where I would exclude other position, because as I said before, I am conscious of the quantity of different colours you can find between the white and the black, and every person for me will be a different person from the other and their situation would be different, if you read my comments during the last months, you will see how I respect every single human being and every single situation as unique, Alhamdulillah.

            I would like to tell you a real case I have lived very close, I know a woman, she almost doesn´t know how to write, she was married 40 years, and she found herself divorced with nothing not even her children could support her, she had to work on anything she found to be able to mantain herself and even help her children, she could do it without studies, I do admire her to the marrow of my bones, he wanted to divorce her wasn´t her fault but she found herself with empty hands. I have seen women with degrees earning lots of money that after a divorce are completely lost and get depressed, want to die and don´t know how to survive. I have seen both extremmes.

            Every person has to decide which will be the best for them, when you are a father or a mother, you would want the best for your children and you will try to advice and give the best you consider to them based on your life experience, you will talk to your spouse and both of you will decide how to focus their life, can happen that you have the opportunity to give them the possibility to study and they may take it or they may not, even on that I see Allah(swt) Hands, not all the children want to study, not all the children want to do what they parents guides them to do,
            but you will try to guide them for the best, and in this case, related to the girl of this posts, it seems that for her father at least is important that the girl finish her studies, to me that shows that this man cares about the future of his daughter in a way that deserves all my respect, he is not asking for anything crazy, it is a reasonable condition, he is not going to get any benefit for her studies, she and her family once she has it, will benefit from it, the first one the husband and with time the children, and Allah(swt) forbids if she gets in trouble, she will have something to hold on , as I told you before, insha´Allah.

            I hope this answer your question, insha´Allah.

            Barak Allah Feekum

            All my Unconditional Respect,


          • Thank you for the clarification Maria M . You seem to have a valid point .

  5. Some people have advised for you to wait, I would like to ask them why should this young lady wait? Is education more important than a deed which is considered half of your imaan? Marriage is 50% of your deen, there are hadith which address this.

    The Prophet urged the Ummah to rush to marriage, so why here and in other posts do people keep coming out with advise which goes against Islam?

    Education is important, but marriage is more important.

    Sister Maria said, she could get pregnant if she marries and that would mean her falling behind in studies. Again I'd like to ask, is there anything better than being blessed with a child? Is getting an education more important than having a child?

    There are many women on this site, you can look in so many threads who complain about not being able to find a good muslim man, here we have a sister who seems to have found someone she is happy with and her family is happy with and we she's being told to hang on?

    Sister I urge you to rush to marriage, as fast as you can, do not delay for anything, not for education, not for financial reasons not for the world around you. Marry now, because who knows what's in store for you.

    People come up with so many excuses (in my opinion), such and such is not financially stable, well guess where there are thousands of young men out there who are not stable and may never be, but guess what, they manage, they cope. Some people are afraid of having children for financial reasons, what an absurd view of thinking because if a child comes along through the blessings of Allah, he will help you find a way to support that child. People find ways, they cut out on other expenditures. I know men who have sold their cars and cycle to work, because that £4k a year is now more useful on their baby.

    Point is, rush to marriage, rush to it and do not delay. For who knows what blessings you may receive.

  6. Assalamu alaykum Brother John,

    Hope you are doing good by the grace of Allah.

    Sister Maria has not done any sin by expressing her view nor has anyone else who have expressed their opinions and given advice.

    She is one of the editors appointed for this site and is a responsible person and does not give advice without thinking. She has already explained in detail to Brother Muhammad about why she gave her views.

    This website is free for everyone to give their views and if they are not going against Islam, you should give your views and move on.

    Request you to make the editors feel good, cheer them up, if they are busy, if we sit and give answers as readers so that the questioners do not remain without answers for long and are given advices on time if the editors are busy. Because whosoever submits questions here is a worried person in most cases and seeks immediate advice. We should try to lessen the load of the editors as each day the number of questions and questioners on the site as are increasing, Alhamdulillaah.

    Allah has not said in the Qur'an marry at this are or that or marry when you are in early teens or late teens or early 20s, marriage is a matte of personal choice and a matter of circumstances that unfold in a person's life.

    You have to understand, be open, have a positive outlook to life. Many women are left by their husbands, then don't you think if they have good education they can support themselves?

    It is absolutely sick psychology to let only men do the studying, gaining knowledge and engaging women in household work without allowing her with the freedom to learn.

    A learned and educated mother can use her skills to bring up children well, can help them in their studies and be well informed of what they do.

    Allah has not put any restriction on a woman's education. Hence we cannot and should not even ask a woman to leave her studies and marry quickly.

    Allah has left the choice on each individual. So let them decide on their own. They asked for an advice, we gave advice what we thought was appropriate, you gave an advice which you thought was appropriate.

    Remember, you are one person but all your five fingers are different, so we may all be Muslims, but may have difference of opinions and none of us has given an opinion which is against Islam.

    I need our youth to open up to discussion. To leave this habit of "not being able to see an advice" which may not match with our thinking. Please be open and allow people to express their views and point out anything which is against Islam. As far as this website goes, it is unique of it's kind and we want to develop a positive atmospehere here, so that readers and questioners feel happy and justified.

    Each person's knowledge, experience, back ground, psychology, learning, education and way of thinking and writing differs and none of us are "same". Hence the opinions given are according to each individual's knowledge and ability which he/ she applies to the best.

    You gave your view, we respect it. Let others give their views and you respect them too.

    Even Allah expresses the unity in diversity sentiment in the Qur'an:

    22. And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. Lo! herein indeed are portents for men of knowledge. - Surah Ar Ruum.

    Islamic outlook is wide, open, huge and has full scope in expressing views and giving opinions based on personal understanding within the limits of Allah and guidelines of Islam.

    So enjoy your time on this website, give good advices to the questioners. Insha Allah, if they like your advice, they will follow yours, if they like someone else's advice they will follow that. If they will pick and choose the best advices from all answers, they will do that.

    So enjoy your time here, give good advices as you do and make this a place of positivity where people woud like to visit again and again and find possible solutions to their problems by the will of Allah.

    May Allah strengthen our bond of Islam and help us be brothers, not just by words, but by actions.


    * * *

    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

  7. I would some what agree with John ,

    I think that missing a opportunity to marry a good muslim man can be very high . Good muslim man are already rare and if you loose them , then you will be one who will be affected .

    As for Maria M answer , that you would get pregnant and not continue studies . I completely disagree with that . There are two options for these women . One , that is they use contraceptives and delay pregnancy as long as they can and enjoy marriage at the same time . Two , get pregnant and still continue studies . Although you may loose 2 or 3 years but you can later make up to it . Communication is the key in this case .

    If you have a will , then you have a way . I have seen couples who married earlier , got education at the same time and are living happily . It all depends on your mind .

    Marriage has a lot of benefits but sadly in our current world , the concept islamic marriage have been infiltrated by western and cultural attributes .

    • As salamu alaykum Soul,

      I said that is a possible option that she may not finish her studies, and if she does it, won´t be as easy as being unmarried, yes I have met all kind of situations more than you mention, and believe me it is not just a question of communication, there are many other factors that are included in the marriage life, sex and communication, is not all that will help you to move on in a healthy marriage.

      I thought about contraceptives, but we think we control when we want our children, and about this issue I have seen the Hand of Allah(swt) always, I know many women to get pregnant using barier methods and contraceptive pills, at the same time, miracles, maybe, the same I have known women that have never used contraceptive and be ten years without descendency, then the breath of life can only be given by Allah(swt) when has to be.

      Thank you very much for your sharing your thoughts.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

  8. @ All readers and writers,

    Assalamu alaykum,

    This website is to give answers to the questioners. Why all this debate on everyone's opinions and their correctness? For what?

    Understand the reason you are here, to give advice to the questioners and just end it at that.

    If anyone says anything false, against Islam, Insha Allah, I would be the first one to oppose it on this website or anywhere else.

    But the sisters and brothers here are giving advice to the questioners for their good. Let them choose any advice they like.

    It is really disturbing to read posts where we are having conflicts without any solid reason, when it is just a matter of giving advice as per every writer's knowledge and experience.

    Even a small kid can write here and even an old man. We have to learn basic manners, very basic manners of being in a company of people and listening to advice. Remember to follow them or not is upon us. Just at least have the behavior to tolerate a different opinion.

    Allah commands us in the Qur'an to learn these manners as Muslims:

    46. And obey Allah and His messenger, and dispute not one with another lest ye falter and your strength depart from you; but be steadfast! Lo! Allah is with the steadfast. - Surah Anfaal.

    53. Tell My bondmen to speak that which is kindlier. Lo! the devil soweth discord among them. Lo! the devil is for man an open foe. - Surah Al Israa.

    So learn from the Book of Allah something He commands for us, something "fard' upon all os us who call ourselves Muslims.

    Allah further reveals the characteristics of those who will be in Hell and one of it is to wade in vain disputes:

    41. Concerning the guilty:
    42. What hath brought you to this Burning?
    43. They will answer: We were not of those who prayed
    44. Nor did we feed the wretched.
    45. We used to wade (in vain dispute) with (all) waders,
    46. And we used to deny the Day of Judgment,
    47. Till the inevitable came unto us.

    So gaurd yourself from Shaytaan O Muslims ! You are the best nation raised up for mankind. Bring in you the qualities of the best nation. Bring in you the qualities of the People of Jannah.

    Let us repent to Allah and end this with some of the most beautiful verses of Surah Furqaan. Verses for our unmarried sister who posed her question, verses for brother John, for Sister Maria, for every writer and reader and for me and all who seek Allah's pardon:

    71. And whosoever repenteth and doeth good, he verily repenteth toward Allah with true repentance.
    72. And those who will not witness vanity, but when they pass near senseless play, pass by with dignity.
    73. And those who, when they are reminded of the revelations of their Lord, fall not deaf and blind thereat.
    74. And who say: Our Lord! Vouchsafe us comfort of our spouses and of our offspring, and make us patterns for (all) those who ward off (evil).
    75. They will be awarded the high place forasmuch as they were steadfast, and they will meet therein with welcome and the word of peace,
    76. Abiding there for ever. Happy is it as abode and station!

    Verse 74, is the most beautiful du'aa for singles, Masha Allah ! I Love the Qur'an. Alhamdulillaah.

    Your brother,

    * * *

    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

    P.S: Masha Allah very soothing answers Sister Maria, very soothing and very much valid points as well. Alhamdulillaah, I know lot of caring fathers out there would agree with your writings, especially those who have seen their daughters in trouble.

    I admire your answers for their all encompassing view points ( from perspective of a woman, sister, mother, daughter). May Allah increase you in Wisdom and Knowledge.

    Salaam to you.

    • Ameen to your duas.



    • My friend (br.munin) i think u are wrong.., no body is debating here.. . . Only trying to understand each others point of view so that everybody will come on common plat form. . . . This site is not only meant for the questioners to benefit from the answers given, even we the answerers benefit from each others point of view. Or don't u experience that?? We (d answerers) are not experts, we are also student learning from each other... . . .john and soul are not too cleared with the opinion of sis maria, and they demand clearity from her of which she tried her utmost and every learned from each other . .. . . Wassalamualaikum

  9. Asalamoalaikum,
    I can understand that at one point a person may find their natural sexual desires which have been dormant for some time to arise and resurface. Yes, we are humans and we cannot deny our biological needs. However, as many have stated earlier, marriage on the sole basis of the "urge" to marry is not correct. Of course, while wanting to marry, one also keeps in perspective their biological need but there are many other reasons for marriage, the most important being companionship.

    As a 20 year old female myself, sister Nafisah4, my father has always encouraged me to acquire my education first and then contemplate marriage. Just like sister Maria has stated, reality is often times not pleasing and sometimes a marriage may not turn out successful. I am by no means hinting at your proposal, but just saying generally. I feel it is very important for both a Male and a Female to acquire proper education and stand up firm on their feet.

    Brother John you are correct, I also personally know of a couple of Muslimah's who got married and then resumed their studies without getting pregnant till they completed their education. However, many parent's fear that the potential spouse at the time of marriage may promise that they will allow their daughter to finish her education, but right after marriage, they turn the tables and deny it. Again, this doesn't happen in all cases but most parents want to "be safe rather than be sorry", therefore they stress on education first, then marriage. This is all due to the fact that they want to protect their child.

    This goes for both a Male or a Female, if you find you cannot control your urges, then busy yourself, spend more time with friends, in hobbies you enjoy, physically tire your body, etc. Most importantly, learn to curb that desire. It's difficult indeed but not impossible. And, if you are financially able, then most definitely marry and be "merry", inshAllah.

    There are 2 perspectives to this issue: 1.) Marry first then complete education or 2.) Education first, then marry. I don't know the age of this Muslimah but if you are young as I, then I think you can spare a couple of more years and then marry. It's all up to you though, both paths are not haram. However, if you do decide to study first, then please bear in mind that you must maintain Islamic guidelines with this man. Do not ever loose your self-respect in his eyes, you are going to be his potential wife so keep as much of a positive and real image infront of him.

    -Helping Sister

    • Assalamu alaykum Helping Sister,

      Your reply is really good and an example for others as to how to write an opinion. Masha Allah.
      Would just like to add that to counter the urges and desire we should turn to the Remeberance of Allah and automatically He will help us keep Sabr and purify our thoughts.

      The point here is of the particular sister only, sister Nafisah, the questioner and what her father said to her and here discussions are going on and on for the whole world.

      Plus, this is what I am trying to say in all my posts: It is for the questioner to assess their own situation and take any step as no one knows our selves and our circumstances better than Allah and next to Him we ourselves.

      Sensible answers really make me happy and the disputes and arguments are really a disturbing sight.

      May Allah make me speak to the point.


      * * *
      Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

    • A thoughtful comment helping sister

    • Brah, this is a goooood advice. Thank You!!! Jazzak Allah Khair!!!

      May Allah bless you, ameen.

  10. Nafisa,

    As someone who married young and was not able to complete their studies, I would like to offer my input to your question. Listen to your father and finish your studies. He has your best interests at heart and as such he is not going to steer you wrong. You have your whole life ahead of you to marry. Your father knows what he is talking about...put your trust in him on this one.

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