Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying a converted Muslim girl

Muslim woman praying

I am in love with a girl for 6 years. She is a converted Muslim, but she can live as a Muslim only by marrying me as she is not much settled in life and she can't live without anyone's help. But my parents are not allowing as she belongs to a non-Muslim family.

I can't hurt my old parents, but if I left her, she will be forced to marry a non Muslim and will not be able to lead an Islamic life. I want to marry her. She trusts me so much and is pleading with me to marry her soon, as she is not able to wear hijab and offer salat in fear of her parents.

What should I do? If I marry her my parents wont forgive me. And if I don't marry, I am afraid that Allah won't forgive me for not helping a converted Muslim. I tried my best to convince my parents, but they are concerned about society and not allowing us to marry. I have to take a decision soon as she has been waiting for me for so long. Please help me.

-shafii


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9 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Alaykum Brother

    "Namely, that no bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another;"
    (An-Najm 53:38)

    Don't hurt your parents, Submitt everything to ALLAH, He will decide best for you.

    Don,t forget to perform Istiqhara
    May Allah guide all of us to right path, Ameen!

    • Salam Brother,

      Be a Man! Respect your parents but marriage is an essential part of Muslim life.
      Please ask your local Imam to mediate between your parents and yourself and also find friendly uncles and aunts to help out as well.

      Also your future wife's parents whether it is this girl or someone else will also be a part of your family. Get the girl you want to marry to have her parents have dinners with your parents.

      There are many Muslims who have married other Muslims who embraced Islam. Tell your parents that the Sahaba also embraced Islam just like this girl. She is no different than a non-Muslim.

      Don't be weak. Tell your parents to obey Allah and honor the Sunnah of the Prophet. At the same time, you should also obey Allah and make sure you are not in an unIslamic relationship like having a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship.

      It is clear that you want to marry this girl and your mom and dad will respect your opinion. Keep in mind, one day you will be a parent too. So be respectful.

      If they still don't agree, well you tried your best. But BE A MAN. Don't be afraid of society. Be afraid of Allah. I prefer you get married to this girl ASAP before anymore thought of getting into a haram relationship run through your mind.

      Be steadfast. I say find a good Imam to be a good mediator and also get both parents involved.

  2. Brother, here's the thing with love marriages, inorder to make them happen, the guy has to be VERY, VERY strong.You commited to a girl, who is looking to you to give her security and protection.Not only that, you are also doing a very noble thing by marrying a convert, so she can practise her faith freely.I am not saying you should be rude or show disrespectful behaviour towards your parents or throw temper tantrums.Tell them you love them, and that you will always be a filial and dutiful son and that you would expect this girl to treat them as her own parents after you marry her.But at the same time, make it very clear in a respectful manner, that it's either this girl or no one.Tell them this girl is a woman of good character and faith, and its that what's important, not what society thinks.Once they see the strength of your resolve, they will insha'Allah eventually come around to your way of thinking, and things will work out.The important thing is not to give in.Best of luck, bro!

  3. Dear brother,
    I am really glad to see your post that people like you do exist but also sad that your parents won't agree for this.
    I am a convert muslim living in a non muslim family and can totally feel the pain of the girl, because even I am not able to fully practice my faith and have the same concerns but I dream of having a islamic family and insha Allah that dream will come true.
    Reading your post all I can say is at the end of everything we are only going to be answerable to Allah, not our parents, not our relatives and not our community. Many old muslims in todays world are orthodox muslims, most may even have little knowledge of Islam so they behave like your parents do. SO you need to make them understand and explain the sawabs involved in this kind of marriage, your intention is clear and I am very happy for that girl cause it seems she is lucky to have you.
    Now you should secure her faith by convincing your parents because you are doing nothing wrong and hopefully you are keeping away from the forbidden paths, if so Allah will definetly lead you to all that is best.. You can ask your parents to meet her atleast and speak to her because after all you people have to stay together for whole life not the society so take the correct decision keeping Allah's pleasure in mind
    May Allah guide you 🙂

    • Aslam u alaikum i want to marry a girl who is newly convert in islam if you are intrested than please think about it i am serious about this.... i am born muslim but i never did good things in my life now i want to be a good muslim so please ....

      • Moom, we do not allow matrimonial proposals on this forum or the exchange of private contact info, sorry.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Masha Allah!! Allahu akbar!!
      I wish to marry a convert a Muslim guy, as we all are sinner and seeks forgiveness of Allah. It will help in practicing and strenghtening my own beliefs plus I will lead her to right. I think all ways of forgiveness will go towards Allah.
      Alhumdullilah! My parents are ok with what I decide. Don't think I am proposing you. 🙂
      I just want to learn more about deen peace commitment to Allah and help a convert to learn ways of islam tell us.

  4. As-salamu alaykum brother Shafil,

    Your intentions are insincere or confused in this matter. You keep saying that you want to help this girl, she needs to be able to pray, wear hijab, etc.

    1. Has the girl tried discussing her faith in Islam with her family? Has she tried practicing Islam in her home? She might be able to do it, even if her parents are initially resistant.

    2. Have you tried talking to some of the Imams of the local masjids about the girl? They might be able to find a Muslim family or a female roommate who could take her in, so that she can practice Islam. Or they could speak to her family and try to make peace at her home so that she can practice Islam. Alternatively, they might be able to find her a husband who doesn't mind - or whose family doesn't mind - that she is a convert.

    You're going to say, "How could I let someone else marry her when I love her?" My point exactly. Don't pretend that this is about helping her. We don't normally marry people in order to help them. Instead we help them to find the resources they need.

    If you want to marry the girl because you love her, be honest about it. Tell your parents that you love her and that it's your deepest desire to marry her. Remind them that the Sahabah were converts, and that some of today's greatest Muslim scholars are converts as well. Push hard and let them know you're serious.

    On the other hand, if your desire is truly to help the girl, when separate this from your own personal desires and follow some of my suggestions above.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. If you just want to help her lead an islamic wife but your parents are not willing, find another muslim man who can marry her and help her.

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