Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying a non-muslim man who is only converting to marry

Salam everyone,

I work online with a company for last 5 years. I talk to one non Muslim man from the company who Now badly want to marry me.

We never met in real life and I never appreciate talking any thing what is haram for a Muslim. Although the man is Christian but he is one great soul and never he crossed his limits. He likes me to the core and coz he is such a humble and kind person, working together he made me like him too and really consider to think about marriage. We seriously feel connection between us that appear to be some sign from God to me.

When I was little and think about marriage I always wanted to marry in some inter culture where everything is culture.. new people..and I remember when I first visited makkah... I stand in front of kaba and prayed that I can marry a person in cross culture but sure i prayed it with a mind of a man from Muslim country with all Muslims.. And being little I read somewhere if you could revert one person to islam you will be awarded with jannah. ( I'm not sure if it's true.. But that time I think it is) and I often pray that I could be a reason for someone to accept Islam.

I just didn't knew these 2 prayers will Combine into one and that some man million miles away will stay connected to me and like me and want to marry me and want to do everything what it takes, even converting to islam. He talk to his family about it and as they dont firmly practice chirst, so they didnt had any issue and told him to do what ever it is needed to do as long you love that girl...although I told him a million times that my family might not accept you as you're so far and that you are not a born muslim. But he never want to give up and always says that if we still talking after years's the destiny that decide that we will come together.

Now the problem I have is that he is only converting for me. He says it that he only want to do it so we can marry. I often told him that you have to do it only if your heart accepts that God is one. If it wont comes from your heart and you still do it its not called "being muslim" i tell him your heart needs to believe in God and what He teaches us through Prophet Muhammad and Quran is the right path.

But he can not understand all that and say he want to do it and will convert with heart but can not control his heart to think all that. And he don't want to lie about it at all.

I did much research and hear different Islamic scholars talking about it and some says that we are no one to judge others faith..If a person says the Kalima Tayaba and convert to Islam amongst eye witnesses, he is called Muslim and only he is answerable to God about his deen, we are no one to judge and a muslim should encourage him to come to islam even with no heart initially coz you dont know what Allah have decided for him. Maybe after that first step Allah plan to seed Islam in his heart over time.

I'm really much confused about it coz I don't want to marry him at all if he is not a Muslim even if I like him much as human being and as a responsible husband in future... I'll never want to do this sin. But I don't know even if it's a sin. So If it's not a sin I don't want to break his heart coz he is also a human being even not Muslim, he already wants to marry me for 5 years.

Please guide me in this regard..If I should marry a man who is converting to Islam just to marry me and I very well know that Islam haven't touched his soul yet. Will this kind of marriage be valid ??


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2 Responses »

  1. "He says it that he only wants to do it so we can marry"

    he himself has stated that he is only converting to Islam so he can marry you. I'm sorry, but he is not a Muslim, he should be converting to Islam because he believes in Allah, believes in Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and believes in Quran.

    "O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them. But give the disbelievers what they have spent. And there is no blame upon you if you marry them when you have given them their due compensation. And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent. That is the judgment of Allah; He judges between you. And Allah is Knowing and Wise."

    (Quran 60:10)

    This verse shows that you have to judge/examine him. See if he prays, fasts, eats and drinks halal etc if he acts and behaves like a Muslim.

    then yes, you can marry him but you need to tell your parents ASAP because as you stated "my family might not accept you as you're so far and that you are not a born Muslim" or else you both might get hurt.

    if he is not a Muslim and is pretending to be one just to marry you then he is not a true Muslim and in this case, you need to stop talking to him.

    I will keep you in my prayer.

  2. Well, Muslim men marry Atheist women and fake Muslimas all the time with a good conscience, so why shouldn't you do the same? I guess if you want to be like them, it should not bother you why this man converts to Islam. The important thing is that he does it.

    However, I'd advice you to not pursue anything with this man until he can say he wants to convert to Islam because he genuinely believes in Allah. It's not something you can push or force, so...give him some space to work out what his beliefs are.

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