Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry a boy who is younger than me

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

Assalamualikum wa rehmatuAllah hi wabarkatu,

My age is 19 years and the boy I love is 15 years old actually he loved me first since 3 years and now I have realized that I am also in love with him. now we both want to get married but we know that our parents wont allow us. he says if its possible he will take me away from my family and marry me and I trust him he will do it. please do help me as soon as possible and yes one more thing i wanted to add is that my mother wants me to get married as soon as possible but i dont know what to do.

Anum Khan.

 

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23 Responses »

  1. Assalam u alaikum wr wb & walikum salam wr wb.

    Sister he is too young 15 years old is not mature at least for boys.

    I think you both should wait a while because he is too young.

    ALLAHU ALAM

    • 15 is too young ?

      ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas got married when he was 11 years old, and he had a child. Hence it was said that that there was only thirteen years between him and his son ‘Abd-Allaah.
      _________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • Did you get married when you were 11? Or would you marry your 11 year old son or daughter off?

        • @Asim

          Assalamualaikum..

          Did you get married when you were 11? - No i dint.

          Or would you marry your 11 year old son or daughter off? - let me have a daughter/son first 🙂

          _________________
          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

          • Bro Abdullah,

            Salam....why don't you answer the question in a hypothetical manner? Would you really allow your (future) 11 year child get married? And stating that you're not married or don't have kids yet is not the answer here. If you're gonna talk the talk, then you better walk the walk, ya know what I mean?

            Wa alaykoum as salam

        • @Asim, Lisa -

          @Lisa - walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.

          If I have in future a son or a daughter who would be of 11 years old inshaAllah.

          At this point this is what i can think off..

          firstly, inshaAllah I will take the advice of a scholar/scholars about the matter, whether it will be right to get him/her married at that age.

          if it is fine for him/her to get married, then inshaAllah i will get my 11 year old son/daughter married.

          May Allah make me follow his commands.
          Allahu mastan.

          if its allowed in the sharia of Islam who am I or you to say no to it.
          _________________
          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • Is it ok to compare a boy of 15 years in 2013 in this society ?

        • @Saraa - what is better..

          a 15 year old boy getting into a haraam relationship or a 15 year old boy getting married in 2013 in this society.

          _________________
          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

          • @ Br Abdullah

            The better things to do for 15 years old is to finish his school, get to College (if unable to get a College degree, then learn some skills- carpentry, farming, driving etc ), get a stable job which would help support his future family and THEN think about getting married.
            In order to avoid haram, he needs to lower his gaze, guard his modesty and fast!!!
            Just for your reference, according to studies ".. A young woman reaches full maturity, in terms of brain development, between 21 and 22 years of age. A young man does not reach full maturity, in terms of brain development, until nearly 30 years of age.”
            http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Boys_Girls/

            Salam.

          • It depends on something called 'Urf (customs). I was told that my great grand parents married when they were 8 and 9 or something. If anyone marries in this age today, their parents are going to be looked at as evil people.

            When Amr ibn al Aas Radiyallahu Anhu married at 11 and had a child at 13 he was mature enough and a MAN who could produce a child and take care of it (and this child was Abdullah bin Amr bin al Aas Radiyallahu Anhu). Can anyone say that every 13 year old boy has reached puberty and can have a child?

            If a person is mature enough at 15, then none can stop the marriage. But in today's society, 15 is considered a child. And this kid in the OP's case seems immature, and Allah Knows Best.

            Abu Abdul Bari
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salaams sister,
    If the man is mature then 4years difference doesn't matter as generally men appear older in my experience. However as the comment above advises the 'boy' is too young yet. You yourself refer to him as a boy- speak to your mother and tell her you wish to marry in a few years - wait at least until he is 18 or 20 even? Until then why don't you both concentrate on your studies or work how you will support yourself in the future. Leave the rest to Allah (swt).

    Hope this helps - concentrating on studies might make your mum back off in terms of pushing u to marry soon
    Take care

  3. Hope this helps sister

  4. Asaalamualaikum,

    Sister, you are yourself too young and can mistake infatuation for love. And this boy is talking of taking you away from family. Is he serious? I mean a kid going to school and learning how to walk in life wants to take you away from your family and marry you?

    I will be wrong to say you are not allowed to marry him, because I will be wrong. We have examples from Sahaabah who married at the age of 11, I guess and had a child at the age of 13. But I do not advise this because the society we live in today is corrupted and we may fall into the fitan very easily. Infatuation may seem like love and you may suffer for the 'one mistake' you did by marrying a certain person.

    For this reason, please wait until he is mature enough or let this idea alone.

    If your parents want to get you married as soon as possible, do not agree to it until you are convinced about the man and have performed Salatul Istikhaarah concerning him.

    I am sure you will like a person other than him more than you like him. Your 'love' maynot be love but a passing feeling that everybody of your age has.

    Please do not make any silly decision without consulting your parents and taking their approval. And do not let your parents down.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

    my sister you should know that,

    Firstly,
    it is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her walee (guardian).

    Prophet Muhammed (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.”
    Narrated by Ahmad (24417)

    Secondly,

    you both should fear Allah.
    do not fall into the traps of the shaitan.
    do not build a relationship with him outside marriage.

    If he is really wants to marry you then let him come through proper doors and ask your father.

    why is he acting like a looser by telling that he wants to take you away from your family and marry you.
    Does he not have the courage to speak with your father. ?

    Did you think about your parents what will they go through if you did something stupid like that?
    In future if you have a daughter and some looser takes her away. How would you feel. ?

    Respect yourself. Do not do something stupid. You can ruin your life if you don't be wise now!

    you need to be patient and wise.
    Marriage is not a joke.
    Think well whether he is the right person for you?
    See how is his religiously committed and character. Do not compromise these two things.

    If you are deciding to marry him then do istikhara. Speak to your parents.
    _________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  6. Assalaamualaikam

    As has already been said, the permission of your wali is required for nikah.

    Another consideration is that in some countries it is actually illegal to marry or have a sexual relationship with someone of 15, and you could potentially be putting yourself at risk of being charged with a criminal offence.

    If you are both serious about marriage, he can approach your parents with a proposal, although it might be best for him to consider waiting until he is of legal age in your country. In the meantime, I urge you to observe Islamic limits and avoid haraam interactions.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  7. He is way Way too young to be thinking about marriage right now.
    He's at the age where he thinks he's in love but its just a big crush...it will fade. He has got a lot of growing up to do yet...you both might think you are right for eachother now but you both have a lot of growing up to do...you will probably be two very different ppl in a few years time. So much can change at the age both of you are at. He's telling you he will take you away etc...that just shows how immature he is...no man would ever suggest that. That's something only a kid would say in desperation..

    Your mum might be desperate for you to get married...but desperation isn't good. Ppl can end up making the wrong decisions when desperate.

    Think before you take any big steps.
    Think before you do or say anything.
    Talk to your mum.
    Do istakhara
    Have sabbar
    Have faith in God.

    Anyway, Hope you make the right decision.

    M

    Brother Abdullah: Its spelt LOSER. . not Looser.

    • @MK - Assalamualaikum.

      thanks for the correction my bro 🙂

      jazakAllah khair.

      _________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  8. Maybe wait till hes 18. Hia family ur family cn build close ties e.g. you sendibg them foood ...n he sending you guys fr examples...patience is a virtue..

    Your parents aint your enemys thy cn be won over...u cn mybe gt engaged through thm first

  9. Maybe he can start with first informing his parents n stoop being a scary cat if he really wants to marrey you

  10. Oh my God...

    Look...sister...it sounds to me like you and this adolescent teenage boy are delusional beyond limits, and you need to quit watching Bollywood movies where you probably get your bad ideas from. Let's just for a minute imagine that you run away with this boy to get married...where will you stay? Who will buy you food? Who will give you a house to live in? Clothes? Who will provide for your children? A 15 year old child can give you that and do all of that for you? In my country, 15 year olds aren't even allowed to buy cigarettes, let alone vote, buy property, have jobs that pays above minimum wages...this is like the worst idea ever, to run away with this guy.

    He's definitely still just a kid, and an immature one at it, too, since he makes such a horrible suggestion to you, to run away. A mature man would never deal with proposing marriage in such distasteful and, thoughtless and disrespectful manner. A mature man would do the right thing and approach your father and gain his permission - and if he does not give it to him, he respects his decision and backs off.

    You, yourself, is still a teenager and you sound even less immature than the 15 year old. Why are you even in contact with him? You're not supposed to mingle with boys and men, islamically speaking. You need to focus on creating a stable future for yourself and tell this boy to contact your father in a few years, if he's serious about you and still wants you to be his wife in that time. That's the other issue. You're 15 and 19 - most likely, what you prioritize and want at this age, you definitely do not want when you're 25.

    The fact that you know that your parents won't approve...why would you then continue having relations with this guy? Don't you believe that your parents want what's best for you? Don't you think you owe your parents the respect to not sneak behind their back, doing things you know they would not like you to do? And lastly...where's YOUR respect for yourself? Don't you think you deserve something more and better than living in hiding and fear? Don't you think you deserve to get married in a way where people celebrate your union, instead of having to run away from it?

    Please leave this guy alone and make something of your life. I don't believe you're in love, you're just living in a fairytale where you think you're in love, and your partner-in-crime, the 15 year old boy, is helping you to remain in that fairytale. You need to wake up and live in reality.

  11. Brother Abdullah:

    Female. Not Male......and you're welcome.

  12. Assalamu Alaikum,

    Sister, do you want a husband or do you want a kid to babysit? He is a kid!

    Listen to your mama not the kiddo.

    Kindly,

    Reader

  13. Assalam'alaykum,

    So this boy fell in love with you since he was 12 years old ? And now you wish to run away with a 15 year old boy ? Run where exactly ? Do you really plan to go with him to a Islamic center or court and tell them you will marry this 15 year old boy ? Maybe in some countries, they will think you are a kidnapper and its also illegal in some to marry an underage child. In mid-east and sub-continent they'll think you have issues.

    All I say is listen to the advises of bro Abu Abdul Bari, sis Midnightmoon, sis Adina, sis MK and 'reader'.

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