Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying an Eastern European Muslim Girl

Two Bosnian Muslim women walking in Sarajevo.

Two Bosnian Muslim women walking in Sarajevo.

Assalamualikum

Dear Brothers and Sisters of Islam I am rk008 who is 32 years of age and going to be 33 in two months time. I work at a retail store and I am also a part time actor and here is my story.

Someone at my workplace got married to a Muslim girl from Turkey. He showed us the picture and to my amazement she was a good looking girl with long black hair, fair pale skin and a good figure. After he came back from his honeymoon he knew that I was a single man who has been waiting for the right woman to come into my life and he said that why don't I get a Muslim woman from a Eastern European country?

This got me thinking that for 33 years I have never I repeat never has slept with any woman on this earth. It just goes to show that my Faith is strong and true and I have always stuck by it. Ever since my granddad (my mum's father) passed away a year ago it left me a huge hole in my heart as I blamed myself for not giving him the chance to see my childern and living his final days by looking after them and seeing them with his own eyes. But in my mind and my heart I always think of him as a great man who did so much for the community and for his family.

Now I have been reading the news and other people's stories about these good looking women who are dedicated to their fatih and to their family, it even states that they are not like western women who live independent lives and marry men for money. It says that they are loyal, true to their word and they have been brought up in a respectable way and be happy with the man who they would share their whole life with.

But my main concern is can they be trusted? If these tales are true about these beautiful women then I would like to pursue my search for one but if not then it looks like I will have to wait a little longer for the right person to come.

Can you please help me as I want to know for the right reasons that what I am about to do will change my life forever.

- rk008

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51 Responses »

  1. Ha ha. I am laughing not because I think your situation is funny, but because we guys are all alike. I have had exactly the same thoughts as you. I mean really, why not? Why not go to Eastern Europe and find a beautiful young Muslim wife who is religious and faithful and would be happy to be taken out of poverty and given opportunities in the West?

    Well, actually I can't think of any reason why not. And I think I just might do it, Insha'Allah. In fact I was browsing through a matrimonial website, and there are some Eastern European countries like Bulgaria, Russia and Ukraine that have large Muslim populations. The women are lovely ma-sha-Allah and though most of them do not wear hijab, some do. And of course there's Bosnia, Kosovo, Albania and Turkey, which are majority Muslim countries. And then there are the Central Asian republics of Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan. These women are hard workers, and they are patient people used to struggle. (There's Azerbaijan as well, but they are mostly Shi'ah and I am not).

    I'll talk about the downside in a moment, but first I want to commend you brother for maintaining your purity during all this time. That's really wonderful ma-sha-Allah. And now it's time to fulfill your life and your deen and find a wife.

    As far as getting a wife from Eastern Europe or some other country, here are some points to consider and be cautious about:

    1. The Muslim populations of countries like Russia, Ukraine, the Baltic republics, the Central Asian republics, Bulgaria, Albania, Kosovo, Bosnia, etc, lived for decades under strict communist rule. Religion was banned. Many of the Muslims gave up their faith and assimilated into communist society. Now that these countries are free again, Islam is making a comeback. But you might still find that many women from these nations do not pray, do not wear hijab and are not Islamically educated. Of course you will find some who practice Islam, but maybe not the majority. Turkey of course was never communist, but Turkey has been an officially secular nation for almost a century. Rural people in Turkey are still quite religious, but the urban populations tend to be very secular.

    2. You say you want a woman who doesn't marry for money, but the fact is that any woman from these countries who marries you is going to expect a better life materially than she can find in her own country. Otherwise why would she agree to marry a foreigner and leave her home and family? She's doing it so that she can live better, and maybe send money home to her family. So don't expect such a woman to marry you if you are poor.

    3. Women in these countries often lack opportunities to advance themselves. So don't be surprised if you bring such a woman to the West and she wants to get an education, work, maybe start a business... if you think she's going to be happy staying at home and being completely dependent on you, think again. She could have done that in her own country.

    4. You say you want a beautiful woman. First of all a beautiful woman can be a pain. A beautiful woman knows she is beautiful, and she knows the effect her beauty has on men. As a result you might feel some insecurity about her leaving you. You might feel jealousy. Or she might be able to manipulate you to do things that you would not normally do. Secondly, to a woman who is poor but beautiful, her beauty is a commodity that she can use to find the best possible husband. If you are rich then you might be in luck, but if you're not rich then I suggest looking for a woman who is attractive to you but less than beautiful. Don't try to find Miss Turkey. Find a woman who is on your own level, and focus more on her personality and imaan than her looks.

    5. There is the matter of language. If you marry a woman who speaks Russian, Turkish, Bulgarian, or Bosnian (or some other language), how will you communicate with her? It's not easy, not being able to talk to your wife.

    6. Don't marry someone who you have corresponded with a few times and chatted with on the phone. Go the country where the woman lives. Meet her family. Spend time with her in her home, with her family. See how she interacts with her parents and other family members. Is she polite and kind with them? Discuss with her the important issues of marriage. Make sure your views and hopes for the future are compatible. Talk to her about Islam. Does she speak about Allah? Is she sincerely interested in practicing Islam?

    May Allah grant you a good wife who will be the apple of your eye and a comfort to your heart.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • salaam alaykum,

      yes brother i agree with you, i am turkish female, living in the uk, but turkish people are very strict when it comes to giving their 'daughter' to a foriegner! even if he is practising muslim but yet again they wouldnt mind giving their daughter to a turkish guy even he is 'not' a practising muslim! Look at that, inshallah this will change. As i am inshallah still for 2years trying to persuade my family to marry the person i want which he is not turkish. Inshallah Allah swt knows the best.

      If it was a turkish or any woman living in the same country as you then there wouldnt be any difficulties, but if in their own country then language and such can be a problem.

      My duas will be with you, inshallah you will find you future wife - half of your deen. Amin

      Wa alaykum salaam

      • Im not turkish but i have very close turkish friends in.belgium.. and indeed many girls wanted to accept proposal from arab guys. But its really hard for them some of them didnt even dare to talk about this to the parents knowing their answer in advance. een sohae turkish guys had hard time to have the non turkish girl accepted.

      • Sister Kilic,
        I agree with you that Turkish parents are very strict. They stand firmly by their culture. One of my Turkish friend married someone outside her Turkish community and her parents disowned her! She is not happy in her marriage because she really tried her HARDEST to get her parents blessing but never got it. She seems happy with her husband though, but not her marriage. It has come to a point that even if her parents decides to accept and give their blessing towards her marriage now, she won't accept it because my friend says that when she needed her parents support and help the most they never gave, so why should she accept their support in future. Fairly stubborn and anguish relationship. I pray that your one works out happily, inshaAllah.

        However, I also got a kurdish friend. MashaAllah, all her sisters EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL, including herself, and subhanAllah, without much headache her parents agreed to marry one of the sister with a Muslim Indian brother.

        And yes, I find Turkish and Kurdish sisters are very beautiful. I think everyone is blessed with some sort of beauty 🙂

        • Parveen,

          I am a good educated and practicing muslim man living in USA. Is it possible for you to find out if your kurdish friends may be interested in marrying me. I can provide more details if you wish.

          • Thareq, we do not allow our forum to be used for matchmaking purposes. Use a matrimonial service like Zawaj.com, Muslima.com, etc.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • masha allah
        sister you said well
        reza

      • good thinking dear me also looking for you type of religious girl

  2. Asalaam alaikum,

    To add three points to the above advice:

    You'll find that many of these women will speak several languages, but not necessarily English. German and Dutch are often more frequently found among E.E. women from former Soviet blocs. You will also find that how they wear hijab is different from a sister in other places. They may only cover their hair while allowing their neck to be exposed. This is more of a cultural influence, though and she may not be aware of it. This happens in other places in Africa, and is apparently happening with some Latin American revert women who have adopted the hair covering in light of how older, pious Christian elders cover their hair. Again, it's more of a cultural influence, so keep this in mind.

    Second is that you should consider spending at least a month in her country in order to ascertain her character, level of Imam and if you two will be compatible. Perhaps you can take a leave from work or do this over the summer, if possible.

    Lastly, please don't rule out a good Muslim bride from places like Iraq, Lebanon or Palestine who may be a refugee in the camps there. These Muslimahs tend to have a stronger grasp on their religion because aid the persecution they have faced, generally speaking. Of course, there are many good Muslimahs available in Malaysia and the surrounding areas.

    May Allah (swt) grant you the best of women.

  3. Salaam brother,

    May Allah (swt) make you successful in finding a righteous pious spouse who will give you happiness in this life and the next. Ameen.
    I also want to commend you for MashaAllah avoiding zina - Allah has truly blessed you Alhumdulilah it is extremely rare for a brother in their 30s to be pure when living in such a sex-crazed culture.

    I just want to give you a few things to think about from a sisters perspective. First of all, don't blame yourself for not giving kids for your family. This matter is in Allah's hands and provided you are taking the steps to look for a spouse and working on self development then you are doing everything you can - the rest is up to Allah.

    I agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong in looking for a European sister for marriage. But do be aware of the cultural differences and make sure you are both compatible. Yes they may be a bit quieter and less 'westernised' then sisters from the West - but if you've been brought up in the West, it is not always a good thing. These differences could go either way - be positive or be negative. So if you do decide to go abroad make sure you take the time assess this. Also be aware that the 'cultural shock' can be a bit much for some sisters from the East. I've known a few sisters who've become very Westernised despite coming from such countries.

    Whatever you decide don't let a woman's beauty blind you into making rash or incorrect decisions. Keep your eyes open to signs etc. And keep an open mind. I know a sister who lived in Syria and married an Pakistani British man - and now she speaks English well MashaAllah and runs Halakas. She is truly inspiriational - and this is proof it can work. The brother actually married her for her deen primarily.

    "Now I have been reading the news and other people's stories about these good looking women who are dedicated to their fatih and to their family, it even states that they are not like western women who live independent lives and marry men for money. It says that they are loyal, true to their word and they have been brought up in a respectable way and be happy with the man who they would share their whole life with.

    I find the stereotypes concerning though:

    "Women who are dedicated to their faith and to their family"
    Western women who live independent lives and marry men for money.

    I know many so called 'Western women' who are good practising Muslimahs and are dedicated to their faith and family. They are beautiful, they cover and they are what you would call 'family girls.' So it is not always true that 'western girls' marry men for money etc. Yes they may expect more than a poor girl but please do not fall prey to such stereotypes. False expectations can set you up for dissappointment.

    In my day to day life most of the western Muslim guys I've come across have been to be brutally honest - the sort of guys who don't care about religion. They have girlfriends or go out drinking/clubbing or go out for Shisha. They tend to be loud and immature too. When (some of them) talk about wanting a wife - she has to be an angel who is ravishingly beautiful, super obedient and has not been within 40 feet of a guy in her life. Double standards!

    On the other end of the scale the practicing brothers I see in day to day life tend to be very strict and harsh. You often see them lecturing people. Some of them you would call the haraam police. It's haraam to do this. They tend to isolate themselves from the non-Muslims too. I find them kinda scary and unfriendly to be honest. Honestly that is 100% my own experience- and not just my own - I know many many sisters who have also complained about this.

    So from this I could conclude that 'Western guys' are simply playboys who dont take the deen seriously. Is that a fair stereotype to make? Or that they are overly strict and oppressive to women? That is not fair either. I can that is my experience but every person is different. It is such stereotypes that cause problems in the community and it is one of the reasons why so many are struggling to find a good spouse.

    So please judge a person as an individual -and give people a chance whether it is someone from the East or the West. Not all Eastern women are hardworking and faithful and not all Western women are selfish gold diggas!

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Of course I forgot to add that I have met a few lovely brothers in my day to day life who did seem nice and practising without being super strict. May Allah forgive me for my mistakes.

      • i want to find european countries girl for marriage can you help me ...?

        • Assalaamualaikam

          This is an advice website, not a marriage or matrimonial site. If you wish to marry, I'd suggest speaking with your family, or asking at your local mosque whether they have an introductions service.

          When looking for a spouse, we should look for someone who is practising and of good character.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Dear Sara
      Thankyou for your advice as I really appreciate it, the reason is why i'm I finding it very difficult to marry a westernised girl is that the husband of the family has to be the breadwinner and not the wife. This is what my father has been saying to me all this time and he quotes ' women will not come to you if you have a full time position within my workplace' which I cannot get now cause of the ex-employees who have worked there for a number of years, most of my muslim brothers and sisters are leaving my workplace to persue other goals and if I do leave then I have no choice but to sign up for JSA now does he not realise that times are tough now these days the unemployment level here in the North West of England has risen to a critical point. Its more like a dog-eat-dog world out there and people will do anything to find work and yes we should all feel sorry for these people for which I understand, blame it all on the goverment for not getting England out of the relagation zone.

      So this is why I have other oppertunities as I'm studying to be a drama teacher or an actor and then once i recieve my spotlight liciense then mashallha i will be happy and fullfill my dean to Allah by thanking him for keeping me on the right track.

      • I do get what you mean in some sense, especially about the lack of jobs in the UK. I've been there and it's tough. Just remember though to look at the individual sister rather than the group. The fact a sister works does not make her the breadwinner necessarily. Unfortunately these days unless the husband makes a lot of money the wife also has to work 🙁 thanks to soaring prices.

        But again it 100% your choice, I just want to correct this myth that many brothers have about sisters.

        Also about acting I used to be into it when I was in my early teens - but I didn't go for spotlight in the end because of my mums concerns of what the path to acting would involve. Even though I was never put in a difficult situation I am glad she prevented me Alhumdulilah. I have a friend who is a hijabi but pretty liberal - she got into acting and in the first session she was expected to engage in silly games with co-actors which involved close contact with non-mahram males. She stood her ground and refused and was mocked. But there was a lot of pressure. She says she still loves acting but is unwilling to compromise and feels that sex has taken over. So be aware of this when going into acting - ask Allah to protect you brother you did not avoid zina because of your strong faith. You avoided zina because Allah protected you.

        Anyway just wanted you to be aware of that - it certainly shocked me! Like most things if used in a halal and positive way it can be good but it requires immense strength to avoid sin.

        Sara
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Sara,

          Brother you did not avoid zina because of your strong faith. You avoided zina because Allah protected you.

          That is such an important point. Sometime Shaytan whispers in our ears, telling us how wonderful we are, appealing to our vanity. We must realize it is actually Him guiding and protecting us. Alhumdulillah.

          American Muslim
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Dear Sara

          Thankyou for advice and I know that acting has been my life long dream
          and I understand of what goes on within the industry. Do not worry I would not
          be forced into a disrespectful situation or to be acting out any silly games
          cause I am well aware of that. It has been hard cause I never had the courage to
          tell my parents but when the time came i plucked up the courage to tell
          them.

          They thought i was a dreamer but now when I showed them my Spotlight profile
          (yes I am Spotlight Registered) they were surprised to see that I was not
          lying. In the end I can support them and hopfully they will see of all the trials
          and tribulations that I had to face during the course of my life, in the end
          i just want to live a happy life and show them the love and respect they deserve

  4. Assalam.

    I am really impressed by brother Wael's extensive research regarding EE women, MashaAllah. Everything he said is so true. Professor X had great points as well.
    I am from Tajikistan (former Soviet Union country) myself and speak Farsi and Russian fluently.

    I would like to point out that women from these countries do not have enough knowledge of their Deen, and unfortunately understanding of Islam most of the time mixed with culture and traditions. However as brother Wael said things are changing, more and more people are turning to true Islam now, Alhamdullilah. Another thing is these women tend to marry within their nationality/ community/ region; however there are a lot of exceptions as well.

    May Allah (SWT) bless your search and gift you beautiful and pious wife. Amen.

    • Darya, do you live in Tajikistan? I have read that in some of the Central Asian republics, women have a hard time finding a man for marriage because so many of the young men have gone to work in Russia.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Alsalamo alaikom wa rahmato ALLAH wa barakatoh

      I am really proud of you all, I am facing the same problem with Wael, am from Jerusalem originally but never been to the holy land and I lived in Jordan al my life, now I am in Abu Dhabi since 7 years working as a regional logistics manager for a contracting company (normal job dont think of titles) lol

      nevertheless I have tried approaching women with my parents in their houses (the traditional method) but no chance, either they dont know what they want or they have someone else in mind but they dont want to tell their family in order not to be brutally punished or sometimes I do refuse for somethings which are a red line for me

      I am not picky but I cannot mix anymore with females from my part of the word, I cannot generalize for sure but the majority I met (about 12 families on a course of 7 months) had the same strange mind set.

      I thought of marrying an EE Muslim lady but actually not only for the reason that they are good and beautiful and their deen is very original not like other places but actually I dealt in my work and life experiences even with some Christian EE ladies and muslim EE ladies and had always the same feeling that they are sweet and they do not have these fake dreams or craziness of middle eastern ladies (with all respect to middle eastern ladies)

      Please advise me since i will be back to Abu DHabi in 20 days and i wish to travel within the next 5 days to sarajevo if things go allright IN SHA'A ALLAH (SWT) .

      is there a specific way tof ind a muslim lady for marriage in Sarajevo like a known person or Imam of Masjed or any group whihc has offices or houses specially for assisting in this noble reason? or shall I go to Turkey and where in Turkey?

      I love Turkish people so much I have studied in the Northern Turkish Part of Cyprus and I do speak Turkish a but until now, but cannot understand that much when someone speacks to me but i can ask about prices and negotitate even and ask about directions 🙂

      please advise me brothers and sisters I have not time and am sick of trying am 33 and single since birth

      Your brother Ali Hassan Abdelhaq

      • Assalamu Alaikum brother Ali,

        I know that its too late to send this reply.. anyways,i believe you would reply if you happen to see this.

        I am also working in abudhabi and now in the same situation as you were and seriously looking for a EE muslimah.I would like to know about your trip to Sarajevo and whether you were successful or any other advice in the matter.Expecting your reply.Thanks and regards..
        S Mohamed

  5. Salam brother Wael.

    I have been living in the USA for the past 6 years; however do my best to visit Tajikistan every year, Alhamdullilah.

    Yes, what you have read is true, however the shortage of men is one of the many problems which affects the institution of marriage in Central Asia.
    (For instance, approximately 2 million of people migrated to Russia from Tajikistan , about 70% of them are men. (Population of Tajikistan is approx. 7.5 million (2011)).

    Other problems are- illegitimate divorces, abandoned wives and children, betrayal etc…

  6. Darya

    is there any way to go to Tajikistan and find a good muslim lady for marriage?

    please assist you are a native person

    which cities are best to find what am looking for in your country?

    • What is the difference between tajiks and tajikistanis? I have a friend who is full tajik but not tajikistani.

      • Tajik is an ethnicity, a race. Tajikistan is a country. The people of Tajikistan are Tajiks, but not all Tajiks live within the border of Tajikistan. They can be found in many neighboring countries as well.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalam brother Ali Abdulhaq.

      People in Tajikistan usually are very cautious when it comes to marrying foreigners. For instance, when proposals for their daughters are coming they (parents) acquire as much information as possible about prospective spouse (from his neighbors, from friends and relatives, his co-workers etc), so it may be bit challenging since you are coming from different country. As we all know spouse should be chosen based on his deen and character, so how are you going to prove them that you have great qualities of a Muslim man and that their daughter will be happy and safe with you if they can’t get information about you from anywhere? (Something to think about- you don’t have to answer this here)

      Good pious women can be found in any part of the world for that matter if only Allah (SWT) Wills, however if you are asking about Tajikistan specifically I would suggest cities like Khujand or Dushanbe.
      I would suggest you to visit Universities, especially Foreign Language Schools (girls who study there know English and/or German, Russian, Farsi). Meet with professors, explain your situation, request information and do your own research as well if you find someone you really like.
      I would also suggest you to look for non-for -profit organizations. We have several American, European non for profit organizations; they usually hire intelligent young professionals who speak English fluently.

      Best wishes to you and may Allah SWT make your search fruitful.

    • This video is about Tajikistan (nature, culture, people etc ) , it is in Russian , however has English transcripts.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6eXiQAyrno&feature=related

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        It's very interesting how this posts keeps on resurfacing. It's definitely a sign of the times, I suppose.

        Anyhow, to establish a "background" for consideration by the parents, one of the easiest ways is to have an alim who knows the brother in his city to get in contact with a peer in the woman's area.

  7. It all comes down to faith, right? No one knows us as well as Allah does. Opinion is clueless. That's not a virtue. The fact is we won't know til we step out and communicate. I'm a single Muslim too looking for a good Muslim. We can only seek to stay true to Allah and find a good Muslim (of opposite sex). It's that simple. Insha'Allah. And may Allah keep us safe in Islam.

    Assalamu alaykum.

  8. Parveen I'm a Muslim ( Kurdish girl) from Dallas tX I'm very superise that a Kurdish parents let there daugther marry a Indian man because we alllll know each other from all
    Around the world I'm really happy about that I think as long as he/ she is a Muslim they should say yes to marriage.

    • Dear Mislimgirl,

      It is v. nice to hear that u kurdish are still intact with Islam/bonding is great.
      we hear that kurds in Iraq,sham and turky are racist againt other muslim brothers.
      The kurds are really a v.strong ethnicity coz they desends to the Zulqarnain (Cyrus the Great) and later to Sultan Salahuddin ayoubi. The Khurasan lashkar in support of Mehdi will be comrising these clans.

    • hello muslimgirl
      you point seems very clear to me
      best of luck

  9. Salaam,

    I got a bad experience with an east europ woman. She broke my family up and did everything just for money.She even made a kid with my husband. The kid only talks her lingo and she only tells him about catholic faith.I do not have any respect for people like that.

  10. Assalam O Alykum

    I want to point out that in our religion Islam there are no bounds of color, cast, culture and traditions. Islam is a complete religion which respects these things for marriage. But these are not so hard and fast to follow their compatibility before marriage. As muslims are to follow their religion Islam from heart and enter into it fully. And when they try to enter into it fully, they are always compatible.

    Thanks
    Regards
    Muzaffar Mahmood

  11. Why dont you come to INDONESIA? there is a lot of muslim girls wearing HIJAB. They practice ISLAM too. Usually they are islamically educated. And, they are so beautiful!

  12. Aslamu alykom brothers and sister

    Allow me to share that I am having the same dream as couple of brothers over here and I would like to mention that I am impressed with Brother Wael's advice pointed out on june 4, 2012 .

    my duaas for all of u brothers and sisters that ALLAAH swt grat u all what u wish for and more

    Ameen

  13. Well it seems to be a very common wish between Muslim guys all over the world including myself as well , its even one of the biggest reasons that I'm going to relocate outside Egypt in order to find a better work and an E.E wife. I would be thankful if someone led me to the way i should take in order to achieve this dream.

  14. Salaam to All my Friends and Muslim Youth. I would give an advise to my friend rk008 to find the girl from his own country because the situation in these countries are not satisfied in Islamic perspective. Yes Islam is coming back but your requirements for Imaan is high so you should search the woman from your own country otherwise if u would not able to spend ur life then matter may reach to Talaaq. Which is very disliked by Allah.Anyhow every person has his own choice. I also want to marry a Turkish or EE girl but being this thinking I give up that idea.

  15. i want to marry bosnian woman, age 30 year +.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      This is not a matrimonal website, and we do not facilitate the exchange of private contact details between contributors. If you wish to get married, please approach the matter in an Islamically appropriate way, involving your family and hers, and avoiding private communications.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  16. I am Muhammad (remainder of comment deleted by editor)

    • Salaams brother,

      This is not a matrimonial site. It is an advice giving website. If you are looking to marry, join zawaj.com or a similar matrimonial site.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. salam alikom
    im yassine
    i hop all of u have great life thanks u lol

  18. Assalamualaikum,

    This is indeed a good forum to have information and ideas about different kind of views.

  19. hi iam jamaludheen from indian

  20. I thought I would share my input, as I'm an Eastern European (Albanian-Russian) Muslim.

    Well, the concern for religious and cultural differences is mutual: Us Europeans feel the exact same worry about Middle Eastern, Asian and African cultures, and the way Middle Easterns, Asians and Africans practice Islam. Most East European and Caucasian families are very hesitant to allow their daughters to marry men from the East and from Africa. Parents are worried that the foreign husbands will make their daughters assimilate into foreign cultures and norms...ones that aren't necessarily that woman friendly, or way too different from our own. Like in Pakistani and Indian culture, women are often expected to live with their husband's whole family and serve them like maids. Polygamy is socially accepted. Islam is often interpreted in a much stricter way by Middle Easterns, Asians and Africans than it is by Europeans and Caucasians, too. These are just some of the practices that are uncommon for Europeans and Caucasians.

    Also, as someone with pale skin, green eyes and blonde hair, I often feel like Muslim men with a darker complexion have treated me like I'm an alien. A lot of darker-skinned men seem to only be interested in European women, because they have some kind of fetish for our light complexion. Which is just another thing - on top of the before-mentioned - that puts a lot of women like myself off of the idea of marrying an Arab, Pakistani, Afghan, Indian, etc. It's like we're nothing more than objects that can produce and birth pale-skinned children for these men. I understand that pale skin is sort of idolized in parts of the world, and it's super sad that that's the case...actually, it's more infuriating than sad. I'm infuriated on behalf of pale-skinned women as well as dark-skinned women. Some of you men on this site have written that you actually want a European woman, but somehow choose to "settle" for someone of your own culture, who might have darker skin. How offensive is that?! If I was a dark-skinned woman, and my husband told me he only married me out of convenience and practicality, but he in fact would have preferred a woman that's the total opposite of what I am...I'd feel so devastated. Oh, and I'd ask for a divorce, lol.

    My point with all of this is that it's fine to have preferences. I have my own, too. But people should be really careful about not fetishizing others of certain colours and races. When a person becomes nothing but a sheet of skin, that's when you look past all of the things that actually matter: Are you compatible with the person? Do you view Islam in the same way? Do you have common goals and ambitions for the future? Do you want the same things in life?

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