Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying in other caste – parents are against it

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive

i have a very important question concerning my life which i want to tell u in detail firstly so that u can suggest me correctly!
i'm 24 years old

i'm head on heels in love with a guy from my school he loves more than i do, we both wanted to get married to each other .. so the guy sent me the proposal in a halal manner through his parents but my parents rejected the proposal saying they boy is not setelled and also the boy belongs to some other caste
the boy is very hard working and also have his own properties to survive (alhmdullilah)

i'm a sunni muslim where as he is a mehdavi
inspite caste difference he is xactly the same as i'm ..
hafiz ul qurran and a practising muslim with no biddah nd shirk practices at all
we stay in the same place so our cultural practices are also exactly the same
i dont find any differences at all

on the other hand my family dont even pray salah everyday.. i would love to marry a guy close to islam coz even i'm a practising muslimah..

8 years of convincing my parents now..
they made my life worst than ever..
i have no fone no meeting frnds and relatives
*they stopped me from praying salah and qurran just because they are afraid that i may make dua for the guy(#lame)
i alwayz have to protest to pray and to read qurran

my mom nd sister have thrashed me soo hard that i started to bleed one day
my mom wanted to burn me alive nd burn herslf she dont care if i died haram

i gave a thot after all these tragedy to leave him
my family also tried looking for proposals 45 proposals yet but none are settling ..
my family is looking for a rich guy with a huge salary so that they can answer people with proud that they have good son-in-law

but my love for him is never ending i cnt express the pain i go through every day...
nd he always ther to support me... he is my strenth to survive
i simply wanna go and get married to him nd have a peaceful life..
m sure he will take care of like no other..
i love my parents alot even after all this, they keep abusing me, beating me, cursing me
for their sake i had sabar all this while i kept making dua in my favor.. but life is goin too harsh day by day...

i dont think its right to keep him in mind and get married to some one else..
i may not be able to give that person the rights and love he deserve
m soo confussed what to do my parents nd family are making it soo dam difficult for me to take up a decision...

except my famly all my relatives including my aunt's my grandmother nd my grandfather want me to get married to him but they dont have guts to speak up to my parents..
they gave a try but my parents didnt move even an inch..!

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8 Responses »

  1. Assalamulaikum,

    I dont understand how can someone have such family. On the contrary, here we are searching for a better muslim guy and we cannot find it. A better muslim is very important than a settled guy however Allah will give him provision. I cannot really understand why parents make their child's life so difficult. Nothing can stop you from praying. When there is nothing you can do then you have to pray. pray every minute make dua for what you want and make dua to Allah to take you the person who will keep you happy, In sha Allah nothing greater than prayers and till the prayers are accepted keep rejecting other proposals thats all I can suggest sister. Sometimes parents knw thing we don't so you may have to consider their point of view also so just do isthikhara as well if you are confused in between your and your parents decisions,

    May Allah guide them and you to the right Path. Ameen!!!

  2. Considering your parents live by Hindu traditions and abuse you, I'd say you don't need their approval to marry a decent Muslim man of your choice. I would advice you to go ahead and marry the man you love, and choose someone else than your abusive father to be your guardian at your wedding. There's no reason why you shouldn't live a happy and normal life with a husband just because your parents have some weird and invalid objections to the man you want to be with.

  3. FIRSTLY you can't marry,his belief is completely different how could you even think of it Mehdavis have no proper aqidah they just blindly follw their caste.Your parents are completely right.

  4. Assalaamualaikum

    If your family are treating you in this way and threatening your safety, then in my opinion your first priority should be to get to safety. If you have a relative or a close friend you can trust, ask them for help in finding somewhere where you will be safe from the people threatening and hurting you. If you feel you can't trust anyone close to you, there are charitable organisations that can inshaAllah help you - local organisations often put their contact details in educationaal establishments, doctors' surgeries, etc.

    Marriage is a big step, so it's important to make the right choice, and it can be difficult to make the right choice when you're in an unsafe situation such as the one it sounds like you're in. So, I'd hold off on making a decision until you are in a safe place and have the input of a wali on whom you can rely to act in your best interests. Your wali should be your closest male Muslim relative, but if they are acting on the basis of un-Islamic biases, then it is your right to identify an alternative - either your closest practising Muslim male relative who will act based on Islam, or an Imam. You and your wali can then consider this boy's proposal.

    When you say he is Mehdavi, do you mean he is a practising follower of the Mehdavi sect, or that his ancestry is considered to be from that sect but he himself is a practising Sunni Muslim? The Mehdavi sect follow beliefs and practices which are widely considerd to be outwith the bounds of Islam, and many scholars have concluded that they therefore cannot be considered permissible for a Muslim woman to marry. But, if he himself does not practise these things and is instead practising within the limits of Islam, then he should not be prohibited from marriage to a practising Muslimah simply because of his heritage.

    While you are deciding what to do, make sure that your interactions with this man are within appropriate Islamic limits, and you may wish to pray istikhara to guide you through this difficult time. We have published several articles on this subject which inshaAllah you may find helpful.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. Here i can see alot of people are encouraging this girl,the question is really she is going to marry a guy whose believe is completely different,regarding safety she is mature she knows what to do her parents are doing right,love doesn't mean that you will marry any guy whose believe is different.

    • Assalaamualaikum

      How can it be right for any parent to beat their child until they bleed and threaten to burn them alive?

      That isn't good parenting or trying to protect your child; it's abuse.

      Midnightmoon editor

  6. I think you can't marry Mehdi .Their beliefs are totally out of islamic faith .
    Many islamic scholars have desfribed them out of islam .

    How come you are having 8 years of haraam relationship with non mehrem man ? You don't bother about halaal and haraam ?

    Your parents are wrong to beat you and you are also wrong to have this haraam relationship and to choose a out of faith boy .

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