Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying someone he met online, how to proceed?

internet, secret marriage, wedding

AS guys.

I have a question. I have a brother who likes a sister and her profile on a Muslim matrimonial website. This sister is from Brazil and is a revert. I imagine there are not too many Muslims in Brazil.

My brother Skyped her, and she seems legit and genuine in her pursuit of a Muslim man.

How would one proceed with this? What are the trust and security issues? And most importantly does anyone have or know someone who has experience with these things?

My brother is Pakistani-American (Pakistani parents but born and raised in America). His parents are fine with the situation, considering he uses caution and common sense.


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6 Responses »

  1. Walekumsalam

    It is becoming a popular trend to get married using Internet. But we must remember that online thing is far away from reality. Here you see/meet people through their photographs, texts and it’s true that people post their best photos, their best words which they edit too to make it sound better.

    It’s a bitter fact as well that many Muslims( as well non muslim in disguise of Muslim) boys/girls today are using Muslim or other matrimonial site to pass their time or to flirt with the opposite gender. For some of such people, matrimonial site has become a dating site in a new way. in such situation, many genuine and sensitive people become victim of such people.

    I have been a victim of the same. My sister had put my details (no photo only basic derails) on a matrimonial site and a guy contacted me through emails only. We communicated through emails talking about interest, general life, day to day things, hobbies, about Islam, expectation from life and life partner etc- all in general way. after sometimes, I said yes to him and I kept my family informed/involved in it. Even this guy has told me that he has kept his family informed about me/my family. This guy who was from some other country, promised to visit my country to meet my family along with his family to take things further. I had not fallen in love with him but I sort of liked him and I was happy to get married to him as he 'seemed' to be genuine and good practicising Muslim. I ‘trusted’ him somewhere. But then I didn’t hear from him for some time, I waited for his communication but in vain. Then I had to send him a mail asking about it all. he merely reverted back with plain sentence that he is engaged to someone else, he did not provide any reason for his not taking this matter ahead nor he informed from his side, he was not even sorry about it. You can imagine the insult I would have felt and how embarrassing it was for me when I had involved my family in it! I did ‘tauba’ from internet matrimony and closed my account.

    So my example suggests that it becomes quite hard to confirm the genuineness of the other person. You would hurt/fool youself if you just go by ‘feeling’ ‘trust’ ‘guts’ ‘seems’ things. In online things, we often fail to see the flaws and faults of the other person.

    Having said that, please do not think that I am doubting this girl in question too, my point is your brother should be careful about this, he should give some times to it, he and his family should ensure about the girl’s background and family. Her level of interest in Islam and religious practice should also be ascertained. I have heard that some people in the name of marriage actually aim for US citizenship. Things need to be carefully seen especially if you intend to marry a revert. May be she is really a genuine person but such bitter reality makes thing doubtful. As you said “she seems legit and genuine in her pursuit of a Muslim man”. This “SEEMS” thing need to be confirmed and reconfirmed. Remember once got married, there wont be any way back to undo or correct things. Marriage is a lifetime commitment for both the parties. Please ensure each and everything about that girl before taking any further steps.

    I wish your brother all good luck.

    Your Sister

  2. asalamu alaikum,

    if you think she is genuine and want to proceed, ask the revert sister if she is willing to meet the family. ask your family to fly out to brazil and meet her and her family/relative. although I doubt you will meet her parents since in most cases when the child becomes a Muslims parents cut ties etc..

    by visiting her and talking to her you will know a lot more than behind the screen. my advice is don't rush into it..

    ma salama

  3. Walaykum assalaam wa rahmtullahi wa barakhtuh,

    Sister, like others mentioned i would suggest your family and your brother to see her in person and then take the final call. Virtual world is quite different than the real world. Your brother might have known quite a bit but online is online you know.

    Being Pakistani and marrying into an European culture shouldn't be an issue as we come from one nation that is 'Muslims'. But it all depends how your family has been raised and how easy you mingle with other cultures. It is good to marry in different cultures, but you should honest with yourself that if you can really be okay if you have your spouse from different culture. I have been told by elders who got married from different cultures especially into European, it is not easy and one should not marry as you will be confused how to lead if you are stuck with your cultural values or want your spouse to adapt your culture.

    All the best to your brother.

    • I totally disagree with you brother. Culture doesnt matter at all. I am from iran ,born in Germany and my husband is bangladeshi born in the UK. So we have two different cultures. But it does not matter at all as what really matters is islam. If we have an arguement or disagree with something about our cultures then we only need to look what islam says about it!If it isnt agains the teachings of islam then we both agree with it and if it is we both disagree with it because we both believe in the same book!!!So the whole cultural thing is nonsense.What really matters is religion, as long as both are muslims there shouldnt be a problem.

      • I agree with you sister. But i think you missed to read one of my above sentences
        "..But it all depends how your family has been raised and how easy you mingle with other cultures. "

        I completely agree with you sister. But for few it is not possible because of the way they have been raised. Marriage would be in danger because of this. That is the reason i asked this sister how they have been brought up and if her brother can really compromise like how you guys are doing.

  4. Assalamu alaykum,
    i met my husband 5years ago on a Muslim matrimonial website, we were both 21years old. I lived in Germany and he is from the UK (British Bangladeshi). We only talked through msn for one year(without webcam). After 4month of knowing eachother we decided that we want to get married, so 8month later we met for the first time 🙂 Both of our families were happy for us even tho his family didnt meet me but they trusted his choice so the second time when he came to Germany we did our nikah alhamdulillah 😀 The most important thing to look in a person is the character and if the person is practising islam. So if this girls has a good charachter and loves Allah then tell your brother to do istikhara. Thats what we did as well and alhamdulillah it came out positive!
    I dont think anyone of us can tell if she can be trusted or not , only your brother can tell as he is talking to her. Most of the time if you talk to a person about different topics , religion etc you will get to know the person better , the way she thinks, her personality,character and values! If they are fine and you see this person loves and fears Allah then he just should do istikhara and ask Allah!

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