Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Masturbating for about 15 years, trying to quit

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Assalamu Alaykum,

I'm a 23 year old Muslimah. I have been masturbating for about 15 years now. It's the most hated thing in my life. I hate it. I hate and ashamed that I'm doing it, and it gives me THE worst feeling afterwards.

I honestly didn't know what it was when I first started doing it, and I could not tell myself when and where I started. But eventually I grew up and realized what it was and that it was haram.

I have been trying to quit for about 7-8 years now. I do it A LOT less often now, but I still do it :'( Sometimes I quit for months then come back, and sometimes, the bad times, I do it 2-3 times a week!

I'm honestly holding myself from writing about this, I JUST DON'T KNOW how to quit. I feel so bad when people tell me how innocent and religious I am. NO ONE knows about this disease that I'm suffering from! Wallahi it comes to me out of nowhere.

Some days I'm so good, and close to Allah SWT, and out of no where I see or read something that makes me feel so weird and disgusting, and I eventually do it. Or worse, I look up kissing or making out scenes online, and then do it. :' ( I'm sorry wallahi I don't watch porn or anything. Astaghferu Allah, and I'm SOOOO not proud of what I'm saying right now, but it feels like I'm a totally different person.

I hear me talking to myself, telling and reminding myself that I for sure will regret it and cry about it, but I keep going till I masturbate! Then it feels like I just woke up, and I'm me again!

It feels just so weird. Wallah I'm not crazy, but I think that my sexual needs are strong. AGAIN wallah I'm not proud, this is why I never talked about it. Even I decided to do so I'm doing it behind a screen, hiding behind a nickname 🙁 I don't know what to do, it makes me feel weird even to get back to Allah SWT because I always go back to that disgusting mistake that's been in my life.

I don't know if my childhood has anything to do with it. I'm not trying to give myself an excuse, because simply there's NOOO excuse for doing such a low thing, and have it as a habit. Unfortunately, I was physically abused and sexually harassed/almost raped as a kid.

I always pray for Allah SWT to help me get married so I would have my needs the halal way, but it hasn't happened yet. Please tell me what to do. I'm even scared of marriage now because what if whoever I get married to ends up figuring out what I did before? Please help me! :'(

-ohsoconfused


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44 Responses »

  1. I have the same problem too. I started when i didnt even know what it was.

    • Sisters,

      Go back to Namaz and make yourself busy in gym and other activities never let yourself free and I hope you will control this thing, even I was doing the same and now about three months I have stopped and reason I do not like and now I am also going to get married so it looks unfair to do this and rest I make myself busy in Namaz and gym and other activities.

  2. Waalaykum Salaam,

    Dear sister be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty, if you are determined. Determination is the first step, make a sincere intention to stop. You need to be aware of the things that cause you to commit this act. You mentioned watching kissing leads to masturbation. So you must make a firm commitment to not look at kissing, sexual images or movies with any sexual content. Avoid anything that will cause you feel a desire to commit the act.

    There are many negative consequences to masturbation, and there is evidence to prove that. But more importantly it is a sin. Salah deters from sinful acts, so make sure you are doing your prayers on time. Do a lot of zikr; remembering Allah often will cause you to feel ashamed to commit such acts. Never feel you are too dirty to turn to Allah, no matter what you have done, you can always repent. Do not lose hope, keep trying. You can beat this. May Allah make things easy for you ameen.

    • exactly.. I would like to add few effective tips that; simply directly unplug machine (in case if its a source), change your position (leave desk or bed) and make some walk or make some conversation with your any family member, etc.

  3. "But more importantly it is a sin."

    It's debated whether it's a sin or not. Although a lot of people say it is, I read something that got me thinking - there's is NO proof in the Qur'an or Hadith that says masturbating is haram. Also, one of the editors - Wael I think his name is, even I read a post from him saying he doesn't think it's haram.

    Personally, I don't even think it's haram. Masturbating to porn is haram - deffo but solely I don't think it is.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum

      Masturbating to porn is haram - deffo but solely I don't think it is.

      Good one, Masha'Allah

      If it leads to commiting anything Haram (like watching porn and etc...) then it's Haram (prohibited) based on the principle of Islamic law that says, "Anything that leads to Haram is Haram"

      But if it only leads to haram thoughts (like thinking of others other than your spouse and etc...), then it's Makrooh (highly disliked), based on the Islamic teachings of Adab that teach us to think good about others.

      However, stopping a Makrooh act is the best thing to do (even if it will be by gradual level), as many of it may lead to Haraam or to decreases of one's Iman, due to the lackness of one's Haya (shyness) for Allah, The One Who sees all what is inside the hearts and minds. "Whether you keep your words secret, or declare them—He is Aware of the inner thoughts. Would He not know, He Who created? He is the Refined, the Expert."(Quran 67: 13-14) "We created the human being, and We know what his soul whispers to him. We are nearer to him than his jugular vein." (Quran 50:16) And the Prophet (s.a.w.s) also said "Be shy of Allah to the highest state of shyness..." (Ahmed, Tirmidhi and others)

      Allah knows best

      • I'm sorry I don't understand. Are you saying that masturbation is not sinful in and of itself, but it is haram only when watching porn and other types of material?

        If that is what you mean, then I don't see how that helps the OP and many others who are suffering to overcome it. It will just lead people to believe masturbation is no big deal, and they will continue doing it. If you do not believe it's haram, then that's your opinion. But it's irresponsible to take it lightly, when it's well known that it has long term negative effects. I apologize if I misunderstood your post.

        • I would actually agree that masturbation is not a big deal as long as it is done only occasionally to relieve sexual frustration until one can marry; and is not accompanied by viewing haram material. I challenge your assertion that it has long-term negative effects. Medical literature indicates the opposite in fact, that it releases endorphins, lowers blood pressure and can be good for the system.

          Yes, some scholars have said it is haram, based only on their interpretation of 23:5-7. I find that to be a strange interpretation, as I cannot see how touching one's own body violates one's chastity. And I am not alone in thinking this way. Scholars such as Ibn Ahmad and Ibn Hazm have ruled masturbation to be permissible at best, or makruh (disliked) at worst. See for example, Masturbation: Comments by the Sahabah.

          I think it's unfortunate that there are so many single Muslims torturing themselves mentally and feeling like utter failures for succumbing to what is essentially a pleasurable act that relieves sexual frustration at least temporarily, until one can marry.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

            The matter appears to be in the gray area. The best idea is to cite the hadith from an-Nabi (s) about how ithm is what wavers in your heart. This probably suffice.

          • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

            The matter appears to be in the gray area.....I think the best thing to do when someone asks whether is is halal or not is to give that hadith on how ithm is what wavers in your heart.

            Then explain that Muslim scholars had different opinions on the matter.

          • " I challenge your assertion that it has long-term negative effects. Medical literature indicates the opposite in fact, that it releases endorphins, lowers blood pressure and can be good for the system."

            Actually, I have found that, although masturbating has never given me any negative effects, NOT masturbating over a certain period of time, e.g. 8 days - 2 weeks, my social anxiety decreases.

            Apart from that, I have to agree with you. Many Muslims say that masturbation gives many negative effects BUT professional doctors and such, say there is NO effects and plus I have never experienced any effects either.

          • Brother Wael I think it is a big deal to take masturbation out of the haram zone if one does not have quality proofs for it.
            How will you respond to sister Ariana's comment in which she quoted the fatwa from Islam QA.

            ..
            Plus masturbation will at minimum require one to fantasize or imagine sexual images/scenes or thoughts that are haram to be viewed.
            How is that justified ?

            Please dont leave this unanswered.
            Jazak Allah.

          • I have already mentioned several scholars, including Imam Ahmad, who did not consider it to be haram; and if you see the article I linked to, many of the Sahabah were of the same opinion. Here is an opinion by Shaykh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi:

            "We are inclined to accept the opinion of Imam Ahmad in a situation in which there is sexual excitation and danger of committing the haram. For example, a young man has gone abroad to study or work, thereby encountering many temptations which he fears he will be unable to resist, may resort to this method of relieving sexual tension provided he does not do it excessively or make it into a habit."

            "Yet better than this is the Prophet's advice to the Muslim youth who is unable to marry, namely, that he seek help through frequent fasting, for fasting nurtures will-power, teaches control of desires, and strengthens the fear of Allah. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said, "O youth, whoever of you is able to marry, let him marry, for it spares one looking at what one should not, or lapsing in adultery. And if he cannot marry, let him observe fasting, for it is a shield against evil." (Reported by Muslim).

            Masturbation is a universally common habit. If it had been forbidden and despicable, Allah and His Messenger would have given a clear prohibition. However, no such prohibition exists. It is not required in Islam to prove that something is halal. Rather, it is required to prove that it is haram. In the absence of such clear proofs, it is allowed. I realize there are varying opinions, but that is mine.

            As for fantasies or mental images, thoughts have never been forbidden in Islam. This is not George Orwell's 1984.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I agree with Wael, masturbation has NO negative effects as far as I'm concerned. Although, I have heard that NOT masturbating over a long period of time brings benefits - when I don't masturbate over a period of time, 8 days - 2 weeks, my social anxiety decreases.

          But I disagree that it is haram, unless you're looking at haram whilst doing it and that it brings negative effects.

          • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Abdullah

            "As for fantasies or mental images, thoughts have never been forbidden in Islam"

            Brother Wael is right. However, I think a personal created image that does not have any reality is better than an image that has a reality.

            In any case, "Allah intends to lighten your burden, for the human being was created weak." (Quran 4: 28)

            Allah knows best.

    • I do not base Islamic rulings according to my own opinions. I would like to see the other scholarly opinion that says it's permissible. Please post it. Many of the scholars say masturbation is haram based on the following evidences. Please read this:

      Praise be to Allaah.

      Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence:

      First from the Qur’aan:

      Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

      "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor.

      "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.

      Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him):

      Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

      There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct.

      Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

      IslamQA

      • AsSalaamu Alaikum Ariana,

        I didn't say what I said based on my own opinion. I said it based on the principles of Shari'a and Adab (Al-Quran, As-Sunnah, Al-Ijma and Al-Qiyas). What is the need of learning the principles of Shari'a and Adab, if we can't use them to understand what is right and what is wrong, especially when the scholars differ in a matter? When the scholars differ in a matter, that is where following the principles in themselves is very important, as long as we stay within the opinions of the scholars, and then choose the most correct or best opinion out of the differing opinions.

        I am aware that Scholars - may Allah be pleased with them - have differed about the matter of masturbation, some of them said it's haram (prohibited), and some of them said it's makrooh (disliked), and some of them said it's mubah (permissable) for the unmarried person who fears he/she may fall for zina (Hanafis), and some of them said it's mubah (permissable) for both the married and non-married person in the state of necessity (Hanbalis).

        However, many of the Scholars seem not to be very clear about the principles behind their opinions. Because I think if they were all very clear, then there won't be any disagreement in the matter at all. For example, it's haram because it involves commiting a haram deed, and it's highly makrooh because it involves haram thoughts, and it's a normal makrooh in itself when it becomes a habit, and it's mubah when it's done occasionally, especially in the state of necessity.

        As to the Ayah (Quran 23: 5-7), it is the most strongest evidence for those who said masturbation is haram, and any other evidence other than it are extremely weaker, yet this Ayah is not a conclusive proof in itself, and therefore can't reach the level to say masturbation in itself is Haram. There are particular things that were being prohibited in the Ayah, and if you compare them to masturbation, you will see how those things are greater than masturbation, and based on another principle of Shari'ah, the prohibition of those things are based on a conclusive proof, and therefore if they are Haram, then anything less than them (which are not above them or on the same level) can't be considered Haram, but will be bewteen Mubah and Makrooh, except when there are other principles (beyond the Ayah) that may lift it from being makrooh or mubah to being Haram.

        "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from having sex with those who are not their right yet). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." (Quran 23:5-7)

        This Ayah clearly forbids having sex outside marriage and outside what your hands posses. And having sex with others other than those mentioned in the Ayah is a sin (Zina).

        Is zina forbidden because of the semen that comes out, or is it forbidden because you are touching what is not yet your right? If it's because of the semen, then penetrating someone without ejaculating would not be considered zina. We easily conclude that zina is haram based on the Ayah, but before we conclude that masturbation is also haram, we must consider the wisdom behind the prohibition of zina, and see if we will find the same thing in masturbation.

        So I see the matter of masturbation in itself to be between a matter of Makrooh and Mubah, and not a matter of Haram, and I see it to be Haram if it is accompanied by viewing haram material. And therefore saying it's Mubah or Makrooh will depend on understanding the reality of masturbation in itself (by knowing the physical/spiritual advantages/disadvantages of masturbation).

        Perhaps those who said it's Haram actually meant it's Makrooh, as it happens sometimes in speech. You may say something is not allowed, but at the same time you didn't mean it is really Haram but you meant Makrooh, and then those who misunderstood you (and didn't follow the principles well) will take it as haram while in reality, you meant it's Makrooh. And it may be that you actually meant it's haram, but your opinion is not the most correct.

        Allah knows best

        • As I have said above, the matter of masturbation seem to be between a matter of a normal makrooh and mubah, and not a matter of a haram or a highly makrooh. However, until we can find evidence to say it's a normal makrooh, it will still remain Mubah essentially.

          In shari'a when there is no correct evidence to say something is haram or makrooh, that thing remains Mubah until when we find any evidence that may lift it to a normal makrooh, or to a highly makrooh, or to haram.

          For example, if the entire professional doctors confirmed that it has side effects, it may be lifted from being Mubah to Makrooh or Haram (by considering the levels of side effects) based on the Shari'a principle, "...and do not throw yourselves with your own hands into ruin..." (Quran 2: 195).

          However if the doctors also differ on the matter and are on the same level like 50/50, then it becomes a highly makrooh, and if some of them say it has side effects and most of them are against it, then it becomes a normal makrooh (if it becomes a habit), and Mubah when it's done occasionally, and when the entire proffesional doctors agree that it has no bad side effects, it will still remain Mubah.

          Allah knows best

        • Waalaykum Salaam brother,

          Thank you for the comprehensive reply. It was interesting to read the other opinions, I learned something new.

          You said, "Because I think if they were all very clear, then there won't be any disagreement in the matter at all".

          Differences of opinion exist on many issues, even on issues that are clear. It's a matter of interpretation.

          I think that the scholars knew what they were saying when they said it's haram. They have their reasons for issuing that ruling. And Allah knows best.

          • I think that the scholars knew what they were saying when they said it's haram. They have their reasons for issuing that ruling.

            I completely agree that this can be true in many issues, and as you can see what I said in the end,

            And it may be that you actually meant it's haram, but your opinion is not the most correct.

            Allah knows best

  4. Sister,are u married?

  5. to get married as soon as possible.. over 90 % have this behavior. most of them don't know it's sin or not. atleast u know it.. and trying to get from that.. what I have to say., keep trying. and pls note my first sentance..

  6. salam sister

    if it helps, may I offer this:

    i think you have connected in your mind feelings of general frustration with masturbation. Plus after a while this has become habit. simply stopping does not get rid of the habit. This is not just about sex but about relief from frustrations, so when you next feel the urge to masturbate- check yourself if it is because you are feeling "that way" or if you are feeling frustrated with someone or something - or life in general and nothing in specific, or/and if it is just because it is a habit.

    this way you can perhaps identify the reason/s why you seem to be doing this so.

    salam

  7. U should get married as soon as possible

  8. Wa alaikum Assalam Sister,

    Hope you are well inn shaa Allah.

    First off, I just want to say that you will find information that will say masturbating is completely haram and other information that will say it is makrooh and then you will have a decision to make in the end. Regardless, it sounds like you are not happy at all from you post especially whe you say that you have feelings hof shame and have the worst feeling.

    So the ultimate question is how can you not feel this way? To change how you feel comes from a solid belief and then acting on that belief. Those two things have to go together--and one is useless without the other.

    What is really sad is that in our Muslim community today all over the world we are not educating our youth on sexual education and risking them learning about this from friends, television and the internet (probably the worst!). Many youth, like yourself, might start engaging in this act without even realizing what it is simply because there was no discussion or acknowledgement about it.

    First, stop getting really down about something you started that you had no clue about--let go of that initial mistake, which ultimately you could have avoided had you known more.

    Second, find something that you are really good at, find worth in, gives you value--be it volunteering, working out, writing...etc and get really busy in that.

    Lastly, and probably the most important, I would suggest you get married. With more and more children being exposed to sexual information in a very sexually-charged world today, I don't think it is wise to remain single if you can/are able to get married. I would also add that I agree with Nardar that you are probably either avoiding something or getting relief from frustration by masturbating--since you started so young, this has become a normal habit for you.

    Realize that you are human and you can change any habit...but GRADUALLY. We don't expect our children to pray and fast as soon as they are born and when we do teach them, it is over a period of time--so you can only do this gradually. So if you begin to change your habit slowly, you don't have to be riddled with guilt and hate yourself.

    I pray that you are well and I hope that you find a loving, caring husband very soon inn shaa Allah!

    **Br. Wael, my posts are still always pending--if you could please check that out for me--JazakAllah**

  9. Asalamualaykum bros and siss,

    Wael and those that say masturbation does not break one's chastity. What about when a girl masturbates and breaks her hymen? is that not breaking her chastity?

    • What is chastity?

      • What about a shallow penetration in a way that didn't break her hymen? Would that be a breaking of her chastity, or would she still be chaste???

        • Assalaamualaikam

          My opinion on the matter would be that sex is sex. Penetrative sex, whether it breaks the hymen or not, is intercourse.

          Chastity is a bigger concept than whether a hymen is intact or not; many women's hymens are broken through non-sexual activities (physical exercise, for health reasons, etc.) and that doesn't make them automatically unchaste. For me, chastity would be defined as ensuring that all sexual contact is within the limits set out in Islam.

          Masturbation is a controversial topic, and there are many strong views held regarding it. I think the most important thing, though, is to treat our brothers and sisters with kindness and respect.

          In this case, the original poster has stated that masturbation is causing her distress, so rather than rehashing the same arguments and opinions (although I must admit, I've not heard anyone asking if shallow penetration would be ok - that's a new one!), maybe we should instead focus on giving her constructive advice on how to resolve the difficulties she is facing?

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

          • Yes exactly. Instead of focusing on advising the OP, people have spent more time trying to prove that their opinion is correct.

            Lets focus on what this website is for .. advice.

          • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister midnightmoon,

            I am very sorry for this, but I think I was misunderstood here. I wasn't actually saying shallow penetration is ok- I was saying the contrary. The real point I was trying to make is the same thing you said about chastity. However, I put it in the form of question because I wanted bigdog000 to reflect on the matter and find the answers to his/her questions. I clearly made this point somewhere above, where I talked about the wisdom behind the prohibition of zina.

            In shari'a the chastity gets broken regardless of whether there was a release of semen or a break of hymen, as long as both parts got closer.

            Sister Ariana, you requested to see opinions of other scholars, and then brother Wael answered you from the Sahabah's perspectives, and then brother Abdullah asked for more, and he said your question (about the fatwa from Islam QA.) should be answered, which I did by explaining why those evidence are weak. If not for brother Abdullah I wasn't actually going to respond nor go into details at all, as I am not even used to talking about such matters publicly.

            However, after you said you have learned something new from what we said, you are now saying we have spent more time trying to prove that our opinions are correct.

            In any case, Jazakillahu Khairan Sister Ariana

        • Assalam alaikum,

          I would like to say that I understood what you meant by your question Br. Issah--that your question was in fact an answer and meant for all of us to think about this--and to be careful to define chastity as only limited to physical element.

          I have also learnt a lot from what you and others have shared here, Alhumdulillah. I believe that this discussion is necessary for the OP to help herself--she can benefit and others too inn shaa Allah.

          Sister Midnightmoon, I agree that there is a chance to get into being off-topic, but I do get the point that Br. Issah was trying to make by his previous comments above--and frankly speaking, I learnt a lot.

          JazakAllah.

  10. I meant no disrespect. I just felt like the discussion was going off topic, and I am also to blame for that. Baarak Allah feekum.

  11. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister (OP), Insha Allah you are well

    I think the first thing you should do is to understand that masturbation in itself is not a sin, as long as it’s not accompanied by viewing any haram materials. If you think of it this way, half of your problem would be solved, insha Allah. Now divide the other half of the problem into two parts.

    -1- The first part is to fight makrooh (the haram thoughts before/during masturbation). Bringing Allah closer to you and feeling as if you are looking at Him right in front of you could help.

    Whenever, the haram thoughts start to approach you, say A’udhu billahi Minash-Shaitaanir-Rajeem, and then recite the following Ayaats: “They hide from the people, but they cannot hide from God. He is with them, as they plot by night with words He does not approve. God comprehends what they do.” (Quran 4:108) “He knows the deceptions of the eyes, and what the hearts conceal.”(Quran 40:19) "We (Allah) created the human being, and We know what his soul whispers to him. We are nearer to him than his jugular vein." (Quran 50:16) "Whether you keep your words secret, or declare them—He is Aware of the inner thoughts. Would He not know, He Who created? He is the Refined, the Expert."(Quran 67: 13-14) and then recite the saying of the Prophet (s.a.w.s), “Be shy of Allah as much as His due”, and again recite the saying of the Prophet (s.a.w.s), “Al-Ihsan is to worship Allah as if you are seeing Him, and if you don’t see Him for real, (believe that) He really sees you.” And then make yourself weep (if you can) while you say “Astaghfirullaha Wa Atubu ilaihi”

    -2- This part is to learn how to give up many of what is permissible (Mubah) for you, for what is better (Allah). At this level you must have ended the haram thoughts. Now you are not going to fight the desire of masturbation as haram, but you are going to fight it as enduring patience in giving up many of the Dunya desires. For example eating food is Mubah for us, right? But we sometimes may want to sacrifices ourselves by not eating too much (by fasting or eating a little).

    Our Salafs used to say, "we are a kind of people who do not eat until we are really hungry, and when we eat we do not allow ourselves to be satisfied too much" (as sometimes eating too much can make you weak or lazy to remember Allah). You may use this way for reducing masturbation. Like you do it when you really feel for it (like don’t create the desire on your own), and then when you do it you don’t overdo it (like don’t spend many hours/all day/whole week doing it).

    You may fast on Mondays and Thursdays, and then exempt these two days from the days you masturbate, and then gradually add another day to the exempted days. Continue this way until you get to the level where you can only masturbate once a week or once a day. At this level, you should always be in the state of enduring patience.“…But if you resort to patience—it is better for the patient. So be patient. Your patience is solely from Allah…”(Quran 16:126-127)

    Note: if it becomes difficult for you sometimes, make yourself feel shy that Allah is right there in front of you and you are not able to endure patience for Him. However, if it overcomes you and then you masturbate, you will not be blamed for it at all, as it was a matter of choice in the first place.

    P.S
    Don’t forget to continue praying to Allah for marriage soon. May Allah ease your pain, and may He get you married soon, Ameen, Ameen, Ameen!!!

    • "Continue this way until you get to the level where you can only masturbate once a week, and then once in that same day of the week."

      • Assalam alaikum.
        Br.Issah plz pardon me for not being able to understanding your thoughts.
        First Br.Wael and you said that viewing haram material with masturbation is a sin while doing it without haram material is not a sin.You conveyed that we are not accountable for an imagining something while masturbating.didnt you ?
        ..
        Then later on you provided tips etc to fight the sexual thoughts.Why did you do it if thoughts themself are not an issue ?
        ..
        Secondly if masturbation is not a sin or haram and is such a natural process ( which I belive is ) then why does one need to be shy from Allah on that or why is it better to burden urself for being patient regarding it ?
        ..
        Thirdly,how can we ignore the understanding of s vast majority of Scholars which deem it haram or makrooh as compared to a minority of Scholars which say nothing is wrong with that ? It's difficult,isnt it ?
        ..
        Lastly it is very confusing for a present day youth practising or non practicing to decide what's right or whats wrong in a state where his desires is eating him up and even scholars are also confused on this.
        ..
        If Br.Issah or any editor of this website can touch all of the forementioned questions then he will be a constant part of my duas insha Allah as this matter is very critical.
        Jazak Allah

        • Assalam alaikum brother,

          I thought I would just share this:

          Narrated Al-Mughira bin Shu'ba (Radi Allah Anhu): The Prophet (sal-allahu- alleihi-wasallam ) said:

          "Allah has forbidden for you:

          (1) to be undutiful to your mothers,
          (2) to bury your daughters alive,
          (3) to not to pay the rights of the others (e.g. charity, etc.) and
          (4) to beg of men (begging).

          And Allah has hated for you

          (1) vain, useless talk, or that you talk too much about others,
          (2) to ask too many questions, (in disputed religious matters) and
          (3) to waste the wealth (by extravagance) ."

          [Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 41, Number 591]

          Also:

          It is reported from Abu Hurayrah that he heard Allaah’s Messenger as saying: Avoid what I forbid you to do and do what I command you to do to the best of your capacity. Surely the people before you went to their doom because they had put too many questions to their prophets and then disagreed about them. (Muslim; this hadith has been narrated on the authority of Ibn Shihab with the same chain of transmitters.)

          Also:

          It is reported from Abu Hurayrah: God’s Messenger gave us a sermon, saying, “O people! Hajj has been made obligatory for you, so perform it.” A man asked: “Every year, O Messenger of God.” He kept silent until the man asked him three times. He then said: “Had I said ‘yes’, it would have become obligatory for you and you would not have been do it.” He then added: “Leave me with what I leave you. Surely the people before you went to their doom because they had put too many questions to their prophets and then disagreed about them. So when I command you something, do it to the best of your ability and when I forbid you something, abstain from it.”

          In Surah Al-Ma'idah [5:101]:

          "O you who have believed, do not ask about things which, if they are shown to you, will distress you. But if you ask about them while the Qur'an is being revealed, they will be shown to you. Allah has pardoned that which is past; and Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing."

          I may be wrong (and please correct me if I am), but I don't think there any contradictions in the above comments--I think in pursuing to be close to Allah, we, to the best of our capacity, enjoin what is good and deter from what is sinful. We shouldn't argue on about this particular matter, from what I understand--because it is far from black and white. Also we run a huge risk in making this black and white because it is by Allah's mercy that He has not made some things crystal clear so that we may do our best, and when we falter, we may be forgiven. I don't think we can expect someone to make a decision for us depending on what our circumstances are and enough has been said about the context within one would resort to masturbation.

          I hope that this helps, inn shaa Allah.

        • Waalaykum Salam,

          Your question reminds me of a hadith which speaks about avoiding doubtful things. When we are doubtful about whether something is halal, then it is better to avoid that thing. Here is the hadith:

          On the authority Abi Ab’dillahi al-Nu’man ibn Basheer (ra) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say:

          “That which is lawful is clear and that which is unlawful is clear and between the two of them are doubtful [or ambiguous] matters about which not many people are knowledgeable. Thus, he who avoids these doubtful matters certainly clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor. But he who falls into the doubtful matters falls into that which is unlawful like the shepherd who pastures around a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Verily every king has a sanctuary and Allah’s sanctuary is His prohibition. In the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be sound, all the body is sound and which, if it be diseased, all the body is diseased. This part of the body is the heart”.

          [Related by al-Bukhari and Muslim]

          Allah knows best.

        • Wa 'Alaikum Salaam brother Abdullah

          Thanks for your humble way of asking this question. If we all behave this way, there won’t be many arguments at all.

          Br.Issah plz pardon me for not being able to understanding your thoughts.

          Br. Abdullah, I understand you. It’s really had to make the points clear when one has to try to combine Shari’a (Islamic laws) and Zuhd (Asceticism of the world and its adornments).

          Zuhd is the highest state of Adab (morality) and it’s one of the easiest ways to reach Ihsan.

          When I said masturbation is Haram, I was talking of it from Shari’a perspective, and then when I said fight it as a makruh, I was talking of it from Adab perspective, and when I said fight many of it in mubah I was talking of it from Zuhd perspective. If we neglect the Zuhd part, it still remains mubah without any harm.

          The scholars who said it’s mubah essentially, are not to be blamed at all. They didn’t find any real proof to say other than mubah. It is the responsibility of those who said it’s makruh/haram to produce clear and correct evidences. No matter what their evidences are if they are not clear or correct, those who said it is mubah are the most correct.

          We are here talking about the scholar’s opinions, while ibn Abbas (r.a) and Ibn Umar (r.a) said it’s mubah? What conveys to you who ibn ‘Abbas and ibn ‘Umar are???

          Ibn ‘Abbas (r.a)???He is one of the best Sahabah (r.a) who are blessed with the knowledge of Fiqh and Quran interpretation (yet he didn’t say any Ayah forbids masturbation, when he was asked). The Prophet (s.a.w.s) prayed for Allah to bless Ibn Abbas with such knowledge, since his childhood.

          As for Ibn Umar (r.a), there is no Sahabi among the Sahabah (r.a) who is better than him in following the Sunnah of the Prophet (s.a.w.s), even in the minor Sunnahs. It even got to a point where Ibn ‘Umar did something strange while on a journey (like he went to walk on the other side of the way), and when he was asked why he did so he said, I once saw the Prophet (s.a.w.s) doing the same when he got to this place, so I did the same. Just look at such a great Sahabi! Do you think he will ever agree to say something is mubah if it is haram???

          One Sahabi’s opinion is enough as long as no one among the other Sahabah (r.a) is against his opinion, let alone two or more Sahabah’s opinions (r.a).

          This topic actually needs a long essay to make everything clear, but this site is clearly not for writing long essays.

          Anyway, I included the Zuhd side for the sister, perhaps it may be useful for someone who is addicted to masturbation and spends all his time on it, while he cannot have much time to focus on his other duties in life.

          As for those saying the Prophet (s.a.w.s) would have preferred masturbation over fasting, their saying is a weak proof. Perhaps he (s.a.w.s) wanted something beyond masturbation that can decrease many of the desires, and not something that will keep many of the desires there while the person makes fool of himself through masturbating a lot. Like Ibn ‘Umar said, “A person who does makes a fool of himself."

          Therefore, fasting is the moderate medicine given to us by the prophet (s.a.w.s), and the greater medicine is marriage, and the lesser medicine is masturbation. If the fasting didn’t stop all the desires it will at least decrease them to some levels, and then you may complete the rest with little masturbation or patience.

          I see that, the matter of masturbation can be discussed in both spiritual and physical level, which can be categorized into three perspectives:

          -1-Shari’a (Quran, Sunnah, opinions of the Sahabahs or scholars of Fiqh)
          -2-Adab/Zuhd (Quran, Sunnah, opinions of the Sahabahs or scholars of Zuhd)
          -3-Opinions of the professional doctors about masturbation (which will be measured by the principles of Shari’a)

          I think through this way, the matter will be very clear, and plus the terms “haram”, “highly makrooh” “normal makruh” and “mubah” will become very clear, as each one will be applied to its own context in an understandable way.

          First Br.Wael and you said that viewing haram material with masturbation is a sin while doing it without haram material is not a sin. You conveyed that we are not accountable for an imagining something while masturbating. didn’t you?
          ..
          Then later on you provided tips etc to fight the sexual thoughts. Why did you do it if thoughts themselves are not an issue?

          The truth is that When someone thinks of good, the person will be rewarded for that thought even if the person didn’t get the chance to put the thought into practice, but if it was a bad thought the person will not be punished for it unless the thought has been putting into practice. Allah says: “Allah does not burden any soul beyond its capacity. To its credit is what it earns, and against it is what it commits…” (Quran 2: 286) Haram thoughts are not part of our earns.

          Ibn ‘Abbas reported that the Prophet (s.a.w.s) said, “Allah has written good deeds and bad deeds, and then He made them clear to us. For whoever thinks of committing a good deed, and then didn’t do it, one good shall be written for him, and if he did it ten good deeds shall be written for him. And whoever thinks of committing a bad deed and then didn’t do it, one good shall be written for him, but if he did it then one bad deed shall be written for him.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

          For example: An Army robber thought of robbing a bank, and had all his complete plans and actions in his head, and he even thought of how he was going to shoot everyone if they try to attack him. But in the end he didn’t go for the operation. This Allah will not punish him for those thoughts, but we will not advise him to continue such thoughts right? We will rather advise him to do Tawbah for those thoughts to clean his heart and mind– For that will make the Shaitan’s temptation weak. “…So fight the allies of the Devil. Surely the strategy of the Devil is weak.” (Quran 4: 76)

          It’s not good to encourage people to think bad, even if they will not be punished for it (if the question was not raised that’s a different thing), we should rather find what is lesser or better for them. We fear that many of the haram thoughts may lead them to commit haram, or to decreases of their iman, due to the lack of shyness for Allah, or due to it being one of the easiest ways for Shaitaan to get them.

          It is easily for Shaitaan to get us through our haram thoughts-it’s a step among the steps of Shaitaan. So why do we need to seek forgiveness of Allah for thinking bad? Because it ruins the efforts of Shaitan, since he has to keep on trying and starting all over again, while we keep on seeking Allah’s forgiveness. Allah says: “O you who believe! Do not follow Satan’s footsteps. Whoever follows Satan’s footsteps—he advocates obscenity and immorality. Were it not for God’s grace towards you, and His mercy, not one of you would have been pure, ever. But God purifies whomever He wills. God is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (Quran 24: 21)
          ..

          Secondly if masturbation is not a sin or haram and is such a natural process (which I believe is ) then why does one need to be shy from Allah on that or why is it better to burden yourself for being patient regarding it?

          Well, the way I will feel shy from Allah on masturbation or burden myself for being patient, is the same way I will feel in a real intercourse in marriage or in many of the Dunya desires. Imagine someone being raised in a way he/she has to run away from haram, makrooh and from many of mubahs, how could such a person fall easily for haram? The prophet (s.a.w.s) and his sahabahs (like Sayyiduna Abu Bakar,Umar, Uthman, Ali, Ibn ‘Umar, Abu Darda’i, Abu Dharr, Shaddad bin Auws, Umair bin Sa’d and etc.) were the leaders of Zuhd.

          However too much of Zuhd (where you neglect the rights of others upon you like a wife and children) becomes a makruh or haram in some cases. So some people prefer to start practicing zuhd at their early young ages before rights of other people/things start becoming upon them. This sister is still young and unmarried yet, it will be for her to decide, as I have said previously that it’s a matter of choice, and that she will not be blamed at all for masturbation.

          The Prophet (s.a.w.s) said, "If Adam's son had a valley full of gold, he would like to have two valleys, for nothing fills his mouth except dust. And Allah forgives him who repents to Him." (Bukhari) You see, this is why we fight many of mubah desires. Instead of dwelling in it we give up many of it, and in doing so we get the little that is needed easily, without being carried away by the temptation’s of Shaitaan.

          Imagine having a gold, it’s mubah right? But what if you are not satisfied with one gold, and then you went on chasing many other gold (which are also mubah for you), what might happen in the end when you are not careful? If it didn’t lead you to stop remembering Allah, it may lead you to be distress and hopeless in life (but only few can do it in a wise way and achieve what is needed, without forgetting Allah). Abu Darda’i (r.a) once said, “Whoever cannot live without Dunya, will never be able to have Dunya”

          So, it’s a natural thing for someone following the Zuhd way to be shy of Allah especially in places where he/she has to be patient for a little Dunya desire.

          In today’s world when many people’s desires for many mubah have leaded them to Haram, I look at myself and say Alhamdulillah, and then am grateful to my beloved parents for everything.

          Had I wanted to talk about higher level of Zuhd, I could have said the sister should masturbate once in a month or once in many months. But I think what I have advised her to do may also decrease her desires little by little (until she gets married insha Allah), and if it didn’t lead to quitting it entirely, it may at least lead to reducing it to once a month or once in months, insha Allah.

          However, if someone can control his/her mubah needs very well, it’s not required for that person to follow the Zuhd way (it’s a choice). There are many ways in the Sunnah towards reaching Allah (and Zuhd is one of the ways). Some people reach Allah by Zuhd, and others reach Him by other ways in the Sunnah. However, the most important thing to know is that all ways in the Sunnah lead to one destination (Allah). “This is a reminder. So whoever wills, let him take a path to his Lord.” (Quran 73: 19)

          ..

          Thirdly,how can we ignore the understanding of s vast majority of Scholars which deem it haram or makrooh as compared to a minority of Scholars which say nothing is wrong with that ? It's difficult, isn’t it ?

          Actually when you look well into the opinions of the scholars who differed in the matter, you will see that they all agree that masturbation can be mubah in some states, but they all have different ways of making it mubah. For example those who said it is haram, agree that the prohibition of masturbation is lesser than zina (which means a highly haram-zina, and a normal haram-masturbation), and that when someone is obligated to choosing between the two (zina or masturbation) in the state of necessity must choose masturbation, base on the precept of Fiqh, “Commit lesser of the two evils”

          Who is not in the state of necessity, as far as sexual desires are concerned???

          Some of those (like Imam AsShawkani) who said it’s mubah, said it’s makruh if it is accompanied by thinking of other than your spouse or other than what your right hand possess (and this means your own images are ok), and some of them said it is mubah without even talking about the thoughts involved during it.

          In combining all the differing opinions, it appears to me that masturbation is mubah in the following states:

          -1- When it’s done without haram thoughts.
          -2- When one is in the state of necessity, especially the unmarried person (regardless of the type of thoughts involved).
          -3- When one must choose between zina and masturbation.
          ..

          Lastly it is very confusing for a present day youth practicing or non practicing to decide what's right or what’s wrong in a state where his desires is eating him up and even scholars are also confused on this.

          We are being trained to replace the scholars when tomorrow comes insha Allah. So (after being thought many of the principles that are needed) we are advised to start practicing today before the scholars perish. When something is not clear we seek more clarification in their presence. We were thought that, people are known by the truth, and the truth is not known by people. And most importantly we were thought of how to abstain from involving our desires while searching for the truth. Alhamdulillah!

          P.S. Many Salams to Sister Saba and Sister Ariana, may Allah reward both of you for the share-Masha Allah. They were very useful to me, Alhamdulillah.

          • Perhaps this part was confusing, but what i meant is this

            "When I said masturbation is Haram (if accompanied by viewing haram materials), I was talking of it from Shari’a perspective, and then when I said fight it as a makruh, I was talking of it from Adab perspective, and when I said fight many of it in mubah I was talking of it from Zuhd perspective. If we neglect the Zuhd part, it still remains mubah without any harm."

          • Lastly it is very confusing for a present day youth practicing or non practicing to decide what's right or what’s wrong in a state where his desires is eating him up and even scholars are also confused on this.

            "We are being trained to replace the scholars when tomorrow comes insha Allah. So (after being taught many of the principles that are needed) we are advised to start practicing today before the scholars perish. When something is not clear we seek more clarification in their presence. We were taught that, people are known by the truth, and the truth is not known by people. And most importantly we were taught of how to abstain from involving our desires while searching for the truth. Alhamdulillah!"

            I aplogize for the english mistakes. I am not an english man, and I am just in the process of perfecting my english. May Allah help me!

            Allah knows best

          • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Abdullah,

            "Lastly it is very confusing for a present day youth practising or non practicing to decide what's right or whats wrong in a state where his desires is eating him up and even scholars are also confused on this."

            There are many cases where the scholars differ on a matter. Although these differences are intended to be a mercy, they can be a source of confusion. Knowledge and the pursuit of knowledge is the only thing that will transform what can be confusing into a clear mercy.

            I understand that what our Brother Issah is saying is that the youths (and truly based on our Islamic heritage of scholarship the expectation should be that they will be the future scholars) should educate themselves so that they can interpret the rulings of the scholars and differentiate between what is right and wrong when the scholars differ or when they are gone.

            Our religion is unlike other religions where the masses do not read and do not have access to knowledge of their own religion and edicts are handed down by one man. Alhamdulillah!

          • Subhan Allah br.Issah.
            May Allah forgive ur sins of the future and of the past.Sins in violation of Haquq Allah and those of Haquq al Ibad.May Allah forgive them all.
            May Allah grant you the best of this dunya and aakhirah.May you be choosen for Al Firdaus.May you be granted abundance and barakah in your rizq.
            Ameen.
            ...
            My heart goes out to thank you dear brother.Your words provided a long awaited responce to this critical issue of the Ummah.Im copying ur responce.Ill save it and read it again to refresh much of what was said.It will help in understanding this issue and share this understanding with others.
            ...
            May Allah make us meet in Al Firdaus where I'll thank you once again.
            It would be great if I could stay in touch with you through mail so that I could benefit more from what you have learnt on this issue and many others but too bad this website doesnt allow sharing personal email ids.
            ...
            Jazakum Allah Khairan Kaseeran.

        • AsSalaamu Alaikum brother Abdullah,

          SubhanAllah Akhi, you really made good duas for me (Jazakallahu Khairan), which made me speechless. However, I think everyone that commented on this forum deserves such duas better than me. I learned a lot from what they wrote, and through that I was able to write what I wrote, especially from Br. Wael (by Allah, he is the source of our unity here), I am always reminded by somethings in his comments, and I really learned so much from him (though he might not know this, but Allah knows) and also from other editors (like Br. Abulbarry-I don't see him now, and I hope he is well insha Allah) and from many other brothers and sisters who comment on this site, Masha Allah Walhamdulillah.

          Please Br. Abdullah, make du'a for everyone, May Allah choose all of us for higher places in Al-Firdaus!!!

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