Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I masturbate, then promise not to, then break it again!

oath

Promises

I'm a 15 year old male. My habit of masturbating started at a very young age, at which time I didn't know it was wrong. I continued for years, and eventually it became a habit. Last year, I felt bad and did some searches and got to know it was haraam. Now I try to control myself as much as possible, but after so many years I give in after a few hours. Recently, I made a promise to ALLAH that if I repeated this He should fail me in my academics. I was nervous and wanted his forgiveness; I made this promise while crying.

Now I have 2 questions:

1) Will ALLAH forgive me since I am trying to control it, but it's an old habit,

2) If I ask for forgiveness sincerely, will he still fail me?

I need help SOON...

-QWERTY14

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28 Responses »

  1. Hey dont worry that much yes its haram a bad thing to do but good thing you realized it and stopped but Allah is thd biggest forgiver so dont worry if you sincerely ask for forgiveness He will buf do mot try to broke this promise keep it He will forgive you surely

  2. If I ask for forgiveness sincerely, will he still fail me?

    If you focus on academics as much as you focus on masturbation, you will pass.
    I am sure most men/boys do it. One reason for this is onset of puberty that makes it possible and desirable to masturbate. Don't make yourself sick thinking you are committing a sin. Many scholars approve of masturbation. Ask Allah's help to control it.

    • Many scholars approve of masturbation.????

      Stop misguiding the poster and readers, masturbation is a sin which leads to many a fitnahs , its also detrimental to physical and mental heath.

      • It's an error to say that scholars "approve" of masturbation. However, not all scholars consider it haram. Many say it is makruh. Furthermore, there is no scientific evidence that it is damaging to the health in any way.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Be careful when you say masturbation is a sin or haram (prohibited). For something to be a sin or haram Islamically, it needs a real evidence for that, either by a conclusive proof or by a correct analogy derived from a conclusive proof, fulfilling all conditions of Islamic analogy.

        There is no real proof for the prohibition of masturbation Islamically. However, despite it being mubah (permissible) in and of itself, there is no blame when it is considered makruh (disliked) in some cases, such as when there is a need for the scholars to prevent it from becoming a bad habit, yet that won't reach the level of haram Islamically.

        • Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

          "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7

          Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor.

          "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33.

          This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.

          Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him): Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066.

          The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.
          There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation. Allaah knows what is best and most correct.

          According to Abu Hanifa and Imam malik, masturbation is haram and their proof is strong.

          However according to the Hanbali school, its allowed if one fears he will commit zina. So if you made taqleed to Ahmed ibn hanbal, then you would have no problem with committing it as oppose to zina despite the majority of the schools being against it along with their proof. However, its clear that its an evil act.

          • "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sex - zina). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks (to have sex) beyond that (their wives or what their right hands possess), then those are the transgressors."

            23.5-7

            "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste (i.e. not to commit zina), until Allah enriches them of His bounty."

            24.33.

            Those two ayahs clearly forbid us to commit zina or to have sex outside our marriage or outside what our right hands possess. Touching yourself is not zina.

            "...O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing zina), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

            Bukhari:5066.

            In this hadith the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) taught his Ummah how to diminish sexual power by fasting, and of course that is the best way to protect us from falling into zina.

            However, the hadith in itself did not mention that masturbation is haram, neither did it say that anything other than fasting that could also help us in diminishing our sexual power or protecting us from falling into zina is haram. For example, there are people who claim that some herbals or medications could also help decrease sexual power, and they recommend it for anyone who wants to decrease their sexual desires. If their claim is true, then no unmarried Muslim would be allowed to use such herbals or medications if the meaning of the hadith is that, fasting must be the only way to protect ourselves from zina. But clearly that is not the meaning of the hadith. Its meaning is to show us one of of the best ways of decreasing sexual desires, and the prohibition of any other ways beyond it must be from other Islamic reference beyond this hadith.

            Just as there is an Ayah and hadith that indicate the benefit of honey in curing all sickness, but that does not mean that using other ways (that has not been explicitly mentioned as haram) to cure is haram. So based on this hadith if someone is using masturbation as a mean of protecting themselves from falling into zina, it won't be haram until we find any other clear Islamic reference that prohibits masturbation.

            There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation. Allaah knows what is best and most correct.

            In fact, there are no additional evidences that are stronger than the weakest evidences you listed above here.

            According to Abu Hanifa and Imam malik, masturbation is haram and their proof is strong.

            Again their proof is not stronger than the weakest evidences listed above here. Yet masturbation is not haram according to the principles of Imam Abu Hanifa, it can only reach the level of makruh, nothing more. This is because the Hanafis separate between a haram which has a conclusive proof and the haram which has no conclusive proof (to them, the prohibition of zina is based on a conclusive proof, whereas the prohibition of masturbation is based on a non-conclusive proof). Therefore a makruh to them is equivalent to what would be considered as a lesser haram based on the principles of other scholars of Fiqh, such in the case of masturbation (according to the principles of Imam Malik and Shafi’i masturbation is a haram which is lesser than zina, in other words makruh in the hanafi school of Fiqh).

            However, the Hanafi schools still considered masturbation to be permissible in the following three situations:

            1. if the person is unmarried,

            2. if he or she fears that without masturbation he/she will commit Zina, and

            3. if the masturbation here is, rather than fulfilling a sexual desire, just to release the sexual tension resulting from stimulation.

            Anyway, you may want to watch this video, as Dr. Bilal explains why masturbation can't be considered as haram.

  3. Assalaamualaikum,

    Alhamdulillah for your remorse over your sin and that is a sign of your imaan. You have chosen to reject all modern scientific notions that masturbation is safe, healthy, and all that jazz.

    Now being a 25 y.o.myself, I have been through your stage, and I know just how much your hormones are on an assault. So, i'll tell you, just how exactly you can get rid of the problem and it's going to be a long post, but it will change the way you look at masturbation.

    1. Realize that arousal and horniness are just a product of hormones/endorphins in your blood stream, which are released when your brain dwells on a sexual thought, image or cue. So if you keep dwelling on the idea of sex or a sexual image, you will never stop being horny, and the horniness will increase. But if you turn your mind to something else, the hormones will be removed naturally from your system in a short time (depending on how much is in there). I can be completely clear in 20 minutes from a short burst of hormones caused by a random sexual image. The most I’ve ever needed is overnight.

    2. Understand that abstinence from physical masturbation does make mental control harder, because your sex drive gradually increases over time after ejaculation. The good news is that it doesn’t increase forever. In my experience, after about two weeks it maxes out and it doesn’t get any harder than that. In fact, things get easier, because you gradually get better at handling the increased sex drive.
    peaking personally, cues to sexual desire can be external (seeing women in short shorts, near-naked women on billboards) or internal (memories, random sexual thoughts, random sexual urges). It could be something like hearing the front door close, signalling that you are home alone, or throwing your bag on the bedroom floor after a long day of work, signalling the opportunity to ‘take a break’ (look at pornography or masturbate). Anticipation of potential sexual activity can be a cue.

    So as I understand it, when the mind and body are in a state of sexual arousal, the limbic system is in full swing, which results in the shutting down of the prefrontal cortex, which is that higher part of the brain that makes decisions (Should I look at porn? Is this really a wise thing to do?). Contrary to common thought, sexual temptation is not a battle between the pleasure centre and the rational part of the mind. The rational part is already dead – it’s not even fighting. Is it any wonder that we fail to make the right decision 80% of the time?

    The solution

    The only reliable course of action that I have found is to turn the mind aside from even the most preliminary of sexual cues, the very instant you become aware of them. Remember that sexual cues can be physical, like a caress or accidental stimulation of the genitals, or visual, like a billboard, movie or real-life woman. They can be mental, like recalling a past sexual experience, pornographic image or sexual fantasy. I have found that the mind will often wander, seemingly at random, into thinking about sex a number of times over the course of a normal day. You need to turn away from it, and block out such thoughts immediately. There can be situational cues, like hearing the sound of the front door closing, indicating that you are home alone, or undressing to get into the shower. If there is a habit of masturbating in bed, then getting into bed or waking up in the morning can be a sexual cue. Sexual cues can be almost anything it seems, which means that becoming aware of the full range of potential sexual cues that might trigger sexual desire is important, so that we are not caught unawares.

    Perhaps the most important thing to do is to become sensitive to the feeling of the very initial stages of physical arousal. As I have mentioned, I believe I can sense ‘arousal hormones’ being released into my bloodstream, which I experience as a feeling of warmth mixed with excitement flooding down into the region just above my stomach, a tightening of the chest, similar to feelings of anxiety, sometimes followed by the feeling of muscles loosening or contracting in the groin. The minute I am alert to this sensation, I immediately turn the mind away from whatever is the cause. I block it out, think about something else, and wait for the physical feelings to subside, which they usually do in twenty minutes to an hour.

    Unlike some other hormones (like adrenaline) which are released very quickly and subside in minutes, testosterone is much slower. It increases more gradually, and has a half-life of 2-4 hours. So to remove 97% of a testosterone boost might take around 15 hours.

    Serum testosterone levels are believed to be a significant factor in the strength of sexual drive or libido in males. Higher levels of testosterone increases sexual motivation and sexual desire.

    There will be some days or times when testosterone levels are higher than others. During those times, there may be more physical yearnings and the endocrine response to sexual cues will possibly be more intense and more easily triggered. This means that it will be harder to keep thoughts away from sex. One study shows that on the seventh day of sexual abstinence there is a temporary boost in serum testosterone levels.So expect day seven to be harder than day six. On the plus side, things should return to normal by day eight. Other times when an increase in testosterone might make things harder is after talking to women. Studies have shown that testosterone increases in men who engage in brief conversations with women. This has been borne out in my experience. In addition, testosterone levels can naturally fluctuate widely, between 10-40%. If there are times when you feel more easily aroused, or have physical longings, this may be a time of boosted testosterone. Ride it out, and you should be fine the next day. Or, if this is your sort of thing, take the opportunity to hit the gym. Word on the street is that higher testosterone levels help build muscle.

    If you, at your age manage to put a hold upon your habits at this age, the benefits are enormous. Your testosterone will only be focused towards building your manly features, for eg. your voice, your body development, your strength, muscles, etc.
    In fact, if you workout, just go without masturbating for a week and hit the gym on the 8th day, you will be a beast in there.

    So, if you look at the problem as a mental, scientific activity occuring within your body, it will be much, much more easier to control and live on with.

    Lastly, I am not a doctor nor a student of Medicine, but I have researched a lot over the subject in order to get rid of this problem. I'm just another guy for you, and though I sin, and sin a lot, I could never come to terms with the fact that i will accept masturbation no matter how rarely or frequently I do it, to be a part of my life.

    If you have any more questions, feel free to respond to this post, i'll revert, inshaAllah.

    Cheers.

    • Sa'ad Ahmed: but I have researched a lot over the subject in order to get rid of this problem. I'm just another guy for you, and though I sin, and sin a lot, I could never come to terms with the fact that i will accept masturbation no matter how rarely or frequently I do it, to be a part of my life.

      Has your research helped you control your problem, yes or no? Your statement like " The rational part is already dead – it’s not even fighting. Is it any wonder that we fail to make the right decision 80% of the time?" does not make any sex.

    • If the sexual desire arouse due to the past happenings? Also, now when i talk to my fiance my feelings arouse a lot. I unable to stop them or divert them. Because of this my fiance feelings are also increasing.
      I didn't know that masturbation was makruh or haram in Islam. I just came to know about it. And i want to stop everything.

      Please help
      23 yr unmarried girl

      • So stop. Cut off your contact with your fiance. There is no necessary reason to continue talking to him before marriage, especially since you know that such contact could lead you to sin.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Brother, if we ponder over this hadith "Anyone who cannot marry, should fast"(sahih Bukhari),then it is clear that food heightens our sexual urges and especially certain foods increase bodily heat & libido like meat, fish, spices(chillies,pepper, clove,mustard,ginger and garlic),honey,cow butter, dates, olive & mustard oil etc etc. Masturbation, is a habit forming activity, once you start using it for pleasure, it explodes itself and goes out of control. And then you will not be able to concentrate on your college studies or deen.

    First priority is to quit this sinful habit ( which is detrimental to your mental & physical health in the long run & also harmful to your imaan) by dieting or even fasting, once you have better control after 6 weeks( usual period to break a habit),then you may start eating all those food, but in moderation.

    Also Brother,try cold showers whenever you get the urge to masturbate, it helps to ward off the urges immediately.

    Join MuslimNofap (http://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNoFap/), it's a online community where Muslim boys and men who are trying to quit porn and masturbation habits, share their experiences and much more.

  5. Assalamwalaikum,

    First, I would like to agree that, yes, there are no verses in the Qur'an or any hadith narration that "explicitly" say masturbation is haram. Similarly, we see many "vices" around us today that are not "explicitly" mentioned in the Qur'an or the sahih hadiths to be haram such as smoking, heavily eating junk food, being friends with non-mahram sisters on facebook/etc, and masturbation among the many. It is true that many classical and contemporary scholars (not only scholars of Islam but science too) consider masturbation as haram and unhealthy. Some classical scholars consider it makruh and some consider it permissible in the event that a person fears falling into zina. The scholars that consider it permissible is only to prevent a person from a greater evil which is actual zina.

    I believe in having a wholistic view on any subject matter before forming any judgment. The thing is, one cannot consider a single benefit and consider an act to be permissible. As far as the physical damage to the body caused by masturbation is concerned, there is not a conclusive evidence that can tell masturbation is harmful or not. The research I have personally read on the physical effects of masturbation are not substantial enough to be concluded on. However, in extreme cases, masturbation is known to be a cause of Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Fracture.

    According to today's psychological and neurological based evidences, I certainly find masturbation to be far more damaging than drinking alcohol or even smoking. The consequences of masturbation do not hit in the moment, but slowly build over time. People should be aware, understand, read and see for themselves some of these evidences to know the consequences of masturbation and how abhorrent and devastating impact it can have not only on an individual but families, societies and even nations at large. Masturbation is an addictive and an unhealthy behavior that needs to be addressed. I advise watching few of the many videos on the damage masturbation and pornography can have.

    The following link will briefly make you aware about how pornography addiction works.

    Perhaps needless to say and very obvious but, masturbation is a worldwide phenomenon. The following link shows a video from a Christian man's viewpoint, however the science behind the viewpoint applies to all. (skip the first 3 min. 15 sec. of this video, some garbage song):

    An interesting experiment on pornography by Gary Wilson:

    Basically, my understanding is that masturbation damages your brain (not literally), but in the sense that, it degrades a persons view of what is healthy sex and thereby desensitizes the individual to real emotions and causes a blur in the judgment of a person between pleasure and pain. Masturbation also often involves viewing our dear sisters/brother in faith/humanity in what is definitely haram. Would you enjoy to see your brother or sister being intimate with their spouses?

    I would really like to know, how many of you would consider masturbation and viewing pornography to be a normal behavior after understanding these consequences of masturbation? Would you like to enjoy an illusion, something artificial rather than real?

    • Khiskisay: As far as the physical damage to the body caused by masturbation is concerned, there is not a conclusive evidence that can tell masturbation is harmful or not. .....Basically, my understanding is that masturbation damages your brain (not literally), but in the sense that, it degrades a persons view of what is healthy sex and thereby desensitizes the individual to real emotions and causes a blur in the judgment of a person between pleasure and pain.

      Arabs think a woman should be covered in burqa when she is out of her home and a woman diriving has a chance of being sexually molested because looking at a woman can get brothers go out of control.

      • @SVS
        I am not sure about what Arabs think, and I think it would be stereotypical and assumptive to say that all Arabs are of the same thought about women wearing burqa. Please do not misunderstand me here, I do support and encourage that women wear burqa and niqab as Allah has advised in the Qur'an for women to cover themselves.

        How does a woman driving increase their chance of getting molested? It doesn't make sense! It is highly "probabilistic" and not based on facts, rather whimsical theories. Also, what does women driving have to do with masturbation? I do not see any correlation between the two.

        Regardless of a woman driving or not, I would agree that, looking at non-mahram women could become a fitnah for some brothers and the opposite is true for women. That is why, in Islam, it has be advised for the believers to lower their gaze from the opposite gender and remember Allah.

  6. Assalamualaikum.
    Brother, I have the same experience as you. I'm 20 years old girl.
    I started mastrubating at the young age and it's always continue. I want to stop because I afraid Allah will angry and my future husband will dissappoint.
    I salat everyday, I salat Tawbah and made promise. But I always broke the promise soo many times.
    After mastrubate I felt guilty. It is so hard to control the lust.

    Because I kept breaking the promise, Allah give me a warning, in order to make me to turn to Allah.
    I have panic disorder and anxiety. I can't even go out because I feel afraid.I can't go to school. I always feel afraid. I realized that this is Allah's way to make me turn to Allah. Everytime I want to do that, I remember this feeling and I afraid if Allah will be more angry. So, I always hold back the lust. I often feel hopeless. Then, I think that Allah give me this pain, this feeling to erase my sins. From what I read, every muslim which is sick and always sabr, Allah will forgive him. I think positively why do Allah give me this feeling. I think if I keep doing this, I will be a bad person and maybe it will more easier to do zina later (Naudzubillahi min dzalik).
    Allah knows what is better for us. I will sabr until this feeling completely go.
    So, don't wait until Allah give you a warning. Stop doing that from now on, Brother. I hope you can do that. I hope I never do that too in the future.
    I hope Allah will forgive us.

  7. You need to get help for your anxiety and panic problem. Get some counselling. Some times anxiety problem is related to bad treatment of kids by their fathers.

    I don't think your masturbation has anything to do with your future husband. Sexual desires is one big reason people want to get married

  8. i commit a sin by watching bad stuffs but i then promise to allah not to do it again and after few days passed i did the same thing.then i repeat the procedure again and again.i really want not to do this but i cannot control myself. I know its a very bad habit and i sometimes get control on myself for months but again i do the same thing.I am very disturbed and i thnk ALLAH will not forgive me.i am afraid of ALLAH'S curse and i am afraid that if ALLAH punish me for this in academics and other things what i will do?????? but I don´t masturbate and never have but the day dreams are so strong I just want to punish myself. I feel extremely insulted and embarrased because I know that Allah won't be happy of what I did and the next whole day, I feel extremely bad, as everytime I do it, I repent and promise Allah that I won't do it again. I feel ashamed when I offer my namaz since I cannot avoid thinking of the wrong I committed. But I just can't control myself. Do you know how may I stop myself....
    I don´t want to think about this but I can´t help it.My parents have brought me up well and I have never been involved with boys and don´t wish to but this eating me up inside and I feel dirty and just feel shaitan is misguiding me. I don´t want to be mislead and need advice.PLZ

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Please read the advice already given - there are several questions on this issue, as quite a few brothers and sisters find that shaitan whispers such things. Remember that shaitan cannot command or force you to sin.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

  9. SALAM. .i just wanna ask a question.if a person commits a sin by seeing bad stuffs and then he asks ALLAH for forgiveness and again he does the same thing and repeats the same procedure,and at the end if he really wants ALLAH to forgive him but then he is in a doubt that will ALLAH forgive him if he asks for forgiveness from ALLAH???I just want to control myself and i succeeded in this for months also but then for a day or two i repeat the procedure again but i asks ALLAH for forgiveness but now i am fed up of this thing..i do not commit it regularly but for a day or two in a 1,2,3...months .i am afraid of ALLAH's curse and i think will HE punish me for this in my academics and other things in life.i think HE will not forgive me for what i have done.i dont even think of myself and now i just cant asks ALLAH for forgiveness because i am ashamed and i just cant face ALLAH.i just think of myself as a bad person.please tell me what to do...how should i asks for forgiveness from ALLAH.PLEASE TELL ME....

    • Assalaamualaikam

      It might help to read the articles on this site that explain about tawbah and repentence. Remember that Allah is Most Merciful, and have faith in His love for us.

      You can also search the archived questions for advice about the problems and sins you wish to stop doing, or submit a new post for publication if your questions aren't answered that way.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Zara: I just want to control myself and i succeeded in this for months also but then for a day or two i repeat the procedure again but i asks ALLAH for forgiveness but now i am fed up of this thing..i do not commit it regularly but for a day or two in a 1,2,3...months .i am afraid of ALLAH's curse and i think will HE punish me for this in my academics and other things in life

      Well good to see you are making progress because you do it less often and you are FED UP WITH that thing. If you will keep day dreaming about that stuff, your academics and other life will suffer.

  10. i am not getting ur point about day draming and my academics will suffer....plz elaborate svs...

  11. Zara: I am very disturbed and i thnk ALLAH will not forgive me.i am afraid of ALLAH'S curse and i am afraid that if ALLAH punish me for this in academics and other things what i will do?...... but I don´t masturbate and never have but the day dreams are so strong I just want to punish myself.

    Thoughts about you punishing yourself, Allah not forgiving you and punishing you are disturbing you and keeping you from utilizing your mind to its full potential in acdemics and your relationship with others.

    You are not the only girl who has done this. Try your best to stay away from bad stuff.

    This fantasy thing and watching bad stuff is very common among men/boys.

    Stay focussed on your acdemics.

  12. ok...thanks..i will try my best..

  13. Just few days ago I said to Allah after a prayer that "O Allah, I am doing Tawbah and will never masturbate in my life" and I also went on saying that if I do that once more, He should let me punish severly .And just after yesterday I broke my promise..
    Now I am just too frightened whether Allah will forgive me and hence my question is will Allah forgive me and what do I need to do for compensation? Please Help

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