Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can’t stop myself from masturbation during menstruation

guilt regret female

Guilt.

ASLAM O ALAIKUM,

I am a 27 year old girl, and recently I began my masters in computer sciences.

I have had the bad habit of reading and watching lusty stuff on the internet for the last 5 years. Each time I read a story and masterbate, after it I realize that this is a sin and I will not repeat it again. But after some days I repeat it.

I have started offering prayers regularly and recite Quraan paak, and I have controlled my habit a lot, but now I am facing another issue.

When I have periods, I cannot control myself from masterbating because my mind tells me "at this time you are already impure so you can do it". Now tell me how to reduce it, because on normal days I can control myself by reminding myself that I have to offer prayer so I should not do this act, but during periods I cannot control myself...and due to my studies I cannot reduce my computer usage, so please help me....please.

-abeha


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26 Responses »

  1. First of all Im sorry your going through this battle. It is normal for women to have heightenef sexual urges during their period due to hormonal changes in the body. Its not the behavior that should be your focus...instead you should look at what triggers you to masterbate...whatever ungodly materials rather it is tv..porn...magazines whatever insights those lustful thoughts should be irradicated first....and of coarse pray...the more we pray the more God givez us power to overcome our fleshly desires.

    • mazAssalamualikum sister, I'm sorry that youare having this kind of problem, this is usually called whisper , when the shaytaan whispers and tells you to. do.bad things and sins . First of all whenevr you feel bad recite Aoozubillah Himnashshaituwan nirajeem and secondly pray 2 nafil of mamas and have fear of Allah hope.this helps

  2. abeeha ,, are you from glasgow !??

  3. Sister,I am sure you'll get good Islamic advice from the editors and other brothers & sisters on this forum. I want to give you some practical tips which might help you, Insha'Allah.

    A man is literally what he thinks about, his character being the complete sum of his thoughts. A particular train of thoughts persistent in, be it good or bad cannot fail to produce a result in the character and circumstances.

    A good or fairly ok character person does not suddenly fall into sins of the flesh by stress of any external force, but by the lustful thoughts he/she has been fostering for long in the heart and falls for them when the opportunity presented itself, to engage in sinful activities.

    We are being exposed to fifth and temptations all around, particularly in non-Muslim countries,it's not easy for both men & women to control themselves,but the thing to remember is "You can’t stop birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.”

    What you should do:

    1) Immediately stop reading and watching lusty stuff on the internet which you have been doing for the last 5 years, watching such nasty things is a open invitation for Shaitan to cause mischief in your life & encourage you towards major sins.
    2)No Computers/TV/Internet Access at NIGHT. When Night falls, our desires are loose. If you can't control yourself, don't go on any media device at night time. Best bet, Just stay away.
    3) Control your thoughts, don't allow lusty thoughts to permeate your mind, purify your thinking,I suggest reading hadith books might help to purify your thought process, Insha'Allah ( Riyad-us-Saliheen by Imam An-Nawawi vol 1&2, its a compilation of authentic hadiths with commentary, one of the best hadith books I have read).

    4) Whenever you feel you are not in control & close to the tipping point, remember 'DOSE'- Do something else.

    5) Masturbation changes the chemical balance of our brain, thats why our brain craves for it each time, but staying away from it for atleast 2 months, stabilises the chemicals and the cravings go away.

    7)You can try doing Yoga and Yoga breathing exercises to relieve stress and anxiety.

    8)Lastly,sister, you are already 27 yrs old and it's the right time to marry, studies can continue after marriage with your future husbands permission.

    • Because she needs permission to continue HER studies.. ahah what a joke...

      • Totally agree. You don't need anyone's permission to pursue education and obtain your degree. I had nothing wrong with the reply post until that final line, which then jaded my view of the post. This is old school thinking and not okay. We should promoting women's education, not thwarting it...what if she got pregnant on her wedding night? Her studies could be delayed longer because of her desire to raise her child all the while attempting to fulfill her duties as a wife. I can't see the man stepping up to the plate 100% to change most of the diapers and handle the baby's feedings at all hours of the night so Mom can get her rest for her final exam the next day. Smh...these are the reasons why ppl around the world look down on our faith, comments like that that limit a woman's thirst for knowledge and consequent growth. It's hard to defend your faith sometimes when ppl like this still exist, telling we women that we need "permission" to learn. I'm no pro at Islamic knowledge and I'm certainly not free from sin but I try to follow what I can when I can and have my belief in the religion. Gosh I could keep going but I'll stop. Super peeved.

  4. Dear Abeha ,

    I can understand your situation as I too belong to computer field and while browsing chances of reading or viewing lusty stuff are higher . I thought mainly this issue is with males and females some how don't get much involved but it seems it is having effect on both the gender ..You can remember Allah during menstruation too and keep making dua with full concentration.

    Point number 1 :

    Best solution is to have your system or laptop in a common place of the home so that you will not go further when you come across such sites ..Try to void accessing your system from your private room ..

    Point number 2:

    Better make lot of friends and get involved socially ..Get involved with some good company and divert your mind ...

    Point 3

    If you are having strong sex desire and difficult to control please start looking for right boy for the marriage .
    Why to control the desire if you can get married to some one and enjoy this phase .

    Allah hafiz

    • You wrote:

      "I thought mainly this issue is with males and females some how don't get much involved but it seems it is having effect on both the gender"

      I am not sure what you meant by females don't get much involved, but if you think that females do not have desires/urges, this is false.

      • Saba ,

        I think ratio of women watching nasty stuff is less compare to men .Also as per some surveys men masturbate more compare to women . Men desire more compare to women .

        But , everything depends on individual ..

        Best solution is to get married but there is catch here in this case . If you are addicted to these online nasty stuff where you see perfectly shaped actors engaged in the sexual act with unlimited fantasies then it will be difficult for you to get that satisfaction from your normal looking husband ..
        Real life is different and nasty online stuff takes you to some unlimited fantasies and pleasure which doesn't exist in the real word..There are many cases where people are still watching these stuff despite getting married as they derive more pleasure from Porn ...
        I will suggest you to first get out of habit by various means ..Once you are out of it completely then get married ...

        I hope things will be fine for you ....

        • Assalam alaikum Cool,

          You misunderstood and though you offered advice, I wasn't sharing my personal problems with you.

          I do not think it is wise of you to think (and probably quite naive) that only men are affected by their desires or that women somehow do not have urges. It is normal for women to experience these feelings that the OP is feeling. What should change, however, is how she deals with those feelings.

          • Walaikum assalam ,

            Ok . I noted your point that women too might get addicted to this which is true but I was talking about numbers ..Definitely there will be sexual desire on both the sides .
            If you take one example :
            A man accepting request for sex from a unknown woman is higher compare to woman who will take a lot of time to get in to such act with stranger ...

            If you analyze the real life events you will find more men having this issue compare to women so that was point ...

            Anyway ,we can leave it here as focus for her should be to come out of this habit .
            Life is quite complex nowadays ...

            Allah hafiz

          • Assalam alaikum Br. (I assume),

            Numbers don't mean everything. And I don't see any statistical study that you have provided.

            Allah has told both men and women to lower their gaze--not just men. Men are attracted to women and vice versa. Granted their natures are different - that probably accounts for HOW they approach intimacy, not neceassarily HOW MUCH they desire it.

      • Assalamolaikum ,

        Yes this is Br here ..

        I think it is not required but still sharing this statistics

        http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/02/19/pornography-statistics/

        It says " Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females."

        Also ,below link says women watching Porn is increasing .

        http://www.covenanteyes.com/2008/05/08/not-just-a-mans-problem-women-and-porn-addiction/

        I guess it is the result of western propaganda where women should go hand in hand with males ..
        Like how women smokers ,drinkers have increased in recent past so similarly porn watchers increasing among women .

        I guess coming generations will be having very few people with good moral values and it will be very challenging ....

        AH...

        • Walaikum assalam Br,

          I just wanted to let you know that when it comes to numbers they are not all that true and especially if you consider the fact that when all there life's they have been told that sexual acts or having sexual desire is not laddie like or sex is bad for girls. SO when it comes to sex women are diffidently not as comfortable as men are seeing as we just recently have been told it is natural to crave sex in a halal matter. Also woman do not like being judge or looked down upon especially if they can prevent it. That is just the point i wanted to make 😀

          Warmest regards your sister in Islam.

  5. Salaams,

    Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn, in shaa Allah.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Salam Sister,
    You can block specific sites from your computer by going into the settings. I would suggest doing this and choosing a difficult password that you will not be able to remember. Then when you feel such cravings, go read something beneficial instead or get up and perform another activity.

  7. Walaikumusalam warehmatullah e wabarakatuhu!

    Read very very carefully,
    You'r already trapped. You are between two thoughts. One is good and one is bad. The good part is that you knew it is a sin. The bad part is that you have already developed a psyche of repeating it again and again. No issues it is very simple to quit it. I'll give you plenty of options to select, read the following options,

    1. Marry if you can, if you are already married even then no issues,just see the other options below.

    2. Masturbation, is a mechanism. Once you activate it. It becomes like a triggering mechanism. It repeats itself in a timely manner. And when it starts to explode itself, it provokes thoughts deep in your mind through defensive mechanism (in your case it is like "at this time you are already impure so you can do it"), and through whispers of the devil (cursed). See, this is how it works. The remedy is possible. The time you feel that you have high sexual urge don't see porn. Just simply read a book, or play a video game, or chat with a Muslimah friend at that time, or interact with your mom. Don't make boy friends at that moment because you are already fighting yourself. It will kill you. And your faith for sure. Allaah Forbade. Amen! This has a high probability that it will work out to help you quitting this habit a lot. More options are as follows, read below.

    3. Reciting and reading the Qur'an with full understanding is really important. Once you engage yourself in it insha'Allaah the door of your heart will open and the light of faith will enter into your heart. Amen! Once that happen you will feel complete and eventually you will quit this habit automatically. You will start hating it. [This option will take time to develop]

    4. If you are feeling extreme loneliness and anxiety. Then it has a plus point as well as a negative point. Plus point is that it will teach you to be strong and make you to remember Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) a lot. The negative point is the obvious one. The one is masturbation. The other points are feeling low in energy and self esteem because you lack interaction with the people. (Psychological point of view)

    Whatever, is the case. Increase your plus points for yourself.

    5. This is the most important point you need to consider. Remember, YOU CAME IN THIS WORLD ALONE. AND YOU WILL GO FROM THIS WORLD ALONE. IN BETWEEN THE LIFE AND DEATH YOU HAVE MOMENTS. IT CONTAINS THE PIECES OF YOUR BREATH. IT CONTAINS THE FOOD YOU EAT. AND SO MANY THINGS THAT I AM UNABLE TO MENTION HERE. AND EVERY SINGLE ACTION YOU DO. PEOPLE WILL REMAIN PEOPLE. YOU WILL REMAIN YOU. YOURSELF IS YOURSELF. SO, EVERY ACTION YOU DO WILL SUFFICE FOR YOU ON THE JUDGEMENT DAY INSHA'ALLAAH AND YOU WILL GO TO JANNAAH BY THE WILL OF ALLAAH. AMEN

    6. So, cheer up. And whenever you feel the need of sexual desire to fulfill. Don't do things which will ignite your desire more. Like watching porn. (I will not quote the Qur'an here). Simply, look yourself into the mirror for 10 minutes and do this in the day time, whenever you feel the sexual urge and read point no.5 and think about it. Don't do it in the night time because our last Prophet and the last Messenger Muhammad (sal lal laho elahe wasallam) prohibited to looking at the mirror in night. I will again not quote the supporting hadith here.

    7. Once you do point no. 6. Insha'Allaah you will be able to differentiate between "YOURSELF" and the "PEOPLE" around you. Once you "FEEL" the difference between "YOURSELF" and "PEOPLE", you will realize that the only thing matters the most is "YOU". Insha'Allaah! Amen

    8. If any of the points above don't work for you ina lil lahe waina elahe rajeoun then do this,
    "masturbation connects you with yourself? Correct!". (Psychologically speaking)
    "In itself masturbation is a bad habit?" Correct!
    "Why to masturbate?" To release the depressive thought patterns of your mind (psychologically speaking) Correct!
    "Is masturbation permitted in Islam?" Big room to debate. Corrrect! Don't go too deep searching for topics of masturbation.

    Then what to do?
    Release your depression of mind through exercise. Through busying your self with good habits. That's it.

    Once you do that your problem is solved. Insha'Allaah! Amen!

    Buy a game that you can play on the TV. Or XBox. Things like that. Include your mom in it, if you don't have friends or a husband. Make your mom your best friend. Focus on your study more. And this is how things will work out insha'Allaah. That is the only remedy. And please don't leave praying 5 times a day. Otherwise, you will be destroyed mentally. And become a partner with the devil unknowingly.

    Do as above what I said and things will work out for you insha'Allaah. And I hope you do fasting in Ramadan as well.

    LET THE LIGHT OF FAITH RISE IN YOUR HEART. DO FASTING IN RAMADAN CAUSE IT IS MANDATORY.

    A secret: "THE BIGGEST BLESSING IN YOUR LIFE AFTER FAITH AND BELIEF IS THE REMEMBRANCE OF ALLAAH (SUBHANAHU WA TA'ALA)".(NEVER FORGET THIS) And to remember Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) you need to be clean at all time. So,these are pretty simple rules to follow. Get yourself addicted to following these rules, as said above. Simple resolution.

    Allaah Knows the Best.

  8. It is normal for you to feel this way during your period or ovulation.

    It sounds like you have a healthy normal sex drive. We are all born with it. When you suppress it, it is no longer healthy. If you feel guilty about masturbating, then you have to find another way to release your sexual energy. The good news is that once you are in menopause these feelings won't bother you. In the meantime, have you thought about looking for a man to marry? That would be the healthiest outlet, but I know that it is difficult if you are studying full-tine and living in a non Muslim country. Remember too that once you are over 30 it will be much more difficult to marry amongst Muslims unless you are open to immigration.

    • Precious Star: That would be the healthiest outlet, but I know that it is difficult if you are studying full-tine and living in a non Muslim country.

      Living in a Western country (a non-Muslim) can be advantage too. A girl can find a professional match (doctor, engineer) from back home by marrying some one who wants to settle abroad. If there are single women in UK there must be single men too. Single men may be more because many men come for studies abroad

  9. do not stay at your bedroom alone. takE a walk. at your break time or listen ISLAMIC LECTURES
    Masturbation is not only sin but also has guilty feeling and depression..

  10. Does it make any side effects while I m doing mastrubation during period time? And as well I m doing ever serval day mastrubation. Does it make any effect

    • Maria, the problem with masturbating so often is that it will interfere with your prayers and 'ibaadah. You need to try to restrain yourself and at least reduce the frequency, so that you can fulfill your duties as a Muslim, and not be going around in a state of impurity all the time.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I don't understand why something that is a biological urge would be thought of as your fault. Sometimes I have been in so much menstrual pain there wasn't relief until I masturbated. I did not even enjoy it! It was something like am itch to scratch. I felt relief from the period pain afterwards. I didn't even want to do it but my body hurt.

      I don't understand why I should suffer and writhe around in period pain. This is the only time of the month I do it because it hurts so much.

      Without this "urge" we wouldn't be here. Children would not be born. Yes, it can be sinful but it's not always a sin just like babies aren't a sin.

      If masturbation keeps people faithful then isn't that a better alternative than divorce?

  11. As Salam alykum.
    I'm also facing the same problem abeha is facing. Just wanted to ask whether I'm expected to perform two ghusl or one?
    Jazakumullahu for the answers, it tearea helped.

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