Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Masturbation, self-harm, childhood abuse and bereavement…

Dark flower, needs life,

Aslam u aleikum

my story begin when i was a child my father died and our family was stranded. i am the eldest one and i feel guilty and i think i am the reason of his death but reality is that i am not.

i started thinking this way because when i was at the age of 10 i was abused by my neighbour. i think i am guilty for that. i should have told my mom but i didnt have guts for that at that time of my life.

i realised that may be ALLAH is angry from me about that and he knew me so he took him away from me and at that time i always wanted to kill myself and started self harm.

slowly things turn i went to school collage and started a normal life but after entering my university life i again felt shame and i was scared of men as i am not a talkative person. i stayed reserved and slowly my grades started to fall then i heard of a site that was for help and i said to myself lets take this chance. there i made few friends and 2 of them wanted sex chat. i was afraid but i thought maybe this would help me but all happened so fast that started to masturbate and now i read it is not allowed in islam and i feel so bad on this as i know everyone think i am innocent person i like to help others but all these thought made me feel so bad and raised selfhatred to myself.

i am a self harmer too. sadly i do selfharm alot but after i started masturbation i didnt selfharm but now i think selfharm and depression was better than this addiction and i feel guilty that i betrayed my future husband and the question is that will i get a good husband and what will he do if knew that? and i got into this addiction in 2 years. i feel so bad about it, i think ALLAH will never forgive me.

i think i am the horrible person in this world. i know i am still a virgin is sex chat alike to have sex in real?

all these things are in my mind and all i want to end this pain and i can only see one way out which is suicide but i dont want to do that but it seems no choice for me. i dont wanted this addiction. i didnt wanted my father to die. i didnt wanted my mom to feel shame on the day of judgment. what will they face because of me? my father and mother are pious person i dont deserve to be their daughter please help me.

depressed girl

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12 Responses »

  1. Salam.... Pls hold on. Dont think about suicide. After hardship comes ease. Im sorry for everything bad that happened in your life.
    I dont know about the ruling on female masturbation, however i can assure you that Allah forgives all sins. Just repent and never do that again. Your husband will embrace you and accept you

    Holy prophet s.a.w has guided us that if we want to get rid of anxiety and sadness, we must recite Astaghfar and durood sharif ( salawat ala nabi ) in abundance. pls start doing that, along with all the prayers ofcourse

  2. masturbation is common phenomena amongst those who are unmarried and at a young age, and you will grow out of it. I think many children go through child molestation growing up, by servants, unckles, neighbors etc.
    You realize that you have committed sins unintentionally, but you have gained experience and matured., Therefore you need to forgive yourself and move on, instead of thinking negative things like suicide.

    • Brother i want to move on and i am trying to forgive myself but nothing is working its like a black hole which is sucking me

      • In the name of almighty allahu azzawajal. .most merciful and most beneficient ...
        may allahu azzawajal with his rahma...bless and protect u . And give you blessed guidance. .allahumma ameen...

        i was in a similar situation ...infact worst than this... but i don want to explain in details.. but with the rahma from rabbul arshil aleem i was able to get out of frustration and anxiety..not only that i was able to motivate my self to forget and pursue my dreams...with indomitable spirit .alhamdulillah ...

        The tip is humble submission infront of allah in sajda with firm belief and recite lailaha illallha ..bring the meaning in ur mind ...he s our creator and he knows our weakness.. beg to him ..beg to him to please protect you from any ..any thoight or action which displeases him...

        Then humbly ask him to take away all the whims and desires which he has made haraam from your thoughts and actions

        .. keep on ask him... also ask his forgiveness

        Take wudhu and turn infront of qibla.. and say isthighfar....

        pls realise the trick of satan who is giving you this despair ..making you feel that you are worthless.. do touba constantly...

        may allahu azzawajal bless and protect u and all of us from all difficulties and may bless us with ease and happiness. . Ask for it.. allah tabraktha watha alla is arhamu rahimeen. ..but never ever loose hope. ..all that happened is past... its over... alhamdulillah u survived.. now its time to bring new colors in life.. never ever think abt harming you tat will be making our true enemy accursed satan winning. .

        • Brother Muhammad, I wish you had those kind words to say to me. I feel deep pain, unhappiness and loneliness all the time. I count the days when Allah will take me out of this life. This life is too long too hard and too lonely.

  3. Wallaykum Asalam depressedgirl,

    First of all, I am very sorry that you are feeling so depressed and anxious...Inshallah, things will get better for you very soon. I will make a special dua for you tonight. Also, you have received some very compassionate and quality words here by xoxaos and ali, Alhamdulillah. That makes me very happy.

    You are not guilty for your neighbor abusing you at the age of's not your fault. You are fairly aware already, alhamdullilah, that you are not guilty of your father's's not your fault. Everyone has an appointed time for death, set by Allah. May Allah bless you with seeing your father in Jannah. If these are the reasons you started your self-hatred and self-harm, you can relax in knowing that Allah knows all and I believe he loves you very much.

    I think that if these compulsive thoughts persist and you are not able to find a way forward towards your dreams, you should start to see a therapist. A therapist will help you to differentiate between reality and these other thoughts. If you are still in University, they have counselors at school. You deserve to be helped by every way possible that is within your not-too-far reach.

    Please give yourself a big hug sister and be the best you can be! There is no one else like you! I think your future husband will be very lucky to have you as his wife.


    • Brother it has been long time i cannot forgive myself nor i will and i am for sure Allah hates me more than myself but i appreciate your words

  4. What addiction?

  5. salaam,
    i have self-harmed and continue to struggle with it. unfortuantely bc of these sins i've committed (hurting myself) shaytan is doing bad things to me -- u know how shaytaan gets closer to people who are far away from Allah(swt).

    basically im getting waswasa. everytime i bump into something, bite my cheek, etc...i get a waswasa that im doing it to hurt myself. but i am not self-harming. these thoughts are getting out of control and giving me severe anxiety.

    this sounds stupid but i will purposely suck in my cheeks against my teeth and it gets pretty uncomfortable and kind of hurts, but i know that doesnt count as self-harm. anyways i get thoughts like "you're doing this to harm yourself" and its really scaring me...

    please somebody help i need to get rid of these thoughts!!!!

    • anonymous, I strongly recommend you see a counselor or therapist who you can talk to on a regular basis.

      Wael Editor

    • salam brother i know what you are feeling hope you get better and if ever needed a person to speak about your problems i will always be there to listen

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